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Everything posted by Streuselsturm

  1. I noticed the same effect for me with single player RPG games... There were times where I could binge a game for a week or so and then *poof* from one day to the other all the motivation and lust for that game was just gone. I hardly ever finished a game... in my life, same goes for books and even movies and series to some extend. Even if they were super exiting I still don't know why that is so. Still I doubt moderation is in any way possible for me at this point of my life. I still procrastinate important tasks way too much. At least programming turned out to be something fun and scratching that "game itch" for some odd reason
  2. Poland is definitely worth a visit and sadly often gets overlooked when people visit europe. No offense but the whole "Paris London and one obligatory italian city" tour many tourists do when they visit us here is kinda sad really But enough off topic I absolutely love your "gratefull" list. There is a lot of energy in beeing thankfull! I once red a great article about thankfullness in a blog I follow (sadly in german only) and I already notice some of the effects Thankfull people are aware of what they have and less likely to get depressed and frustrated. Thankfull people are able to plan more effectively and Thankfull people are more patient. So keep doing this "ritual" of writing what you are greatfull for Ring its great!
  3. Hello Florian good to have you with us here. A few tipps for the beginning. Make sure to set yourself goals you can achive realisticly and in the given time so that you actually see some progress. I dont know about your workout routine but workout everyday sounds pretty hard for me - if you mean going to the gym.( I would even go so far and say its not healthy to go there everyday since the body needs a day or so to recover from time to time) My next advice would be to make these goals more clear and trackable. "to get more self-esteem" for example sounds nice but what does it actually mean? What do you want to do to GAIN this new self-esteem? Are there any ideas in your head? Because otherwise in a week or so you will look at your goals and feel very indifferent because its hard to really tell if you made any progress... and a gamers brain wants that feeling of progresion you want to see that you improved. I fell for that trap in the beginning! I gave myself way to "open" goals and way to many. After I started to formulate much more focused and clear goals it got a lot better. Sorry if I went a litte overboard in my post! If its too much just tell me
  4. Hey Ring short question: What do you mean when you write "failed" behind your list? Like you failed to do it?
  5. TL dr: I tried out space engine and I am not sure if it's considered to be harmfull or harmless. I love space... I loved it before it quitted and I still love it today. Everytime I think about the problems that I can not change in this world (war, suffering, corruption, evil humans doing evil human things, destruction of our world) I just remember how unbelievably huge the universe is and it fills me with this odd feeling of calm and consolation. One of the games I loved to play during my days was one where I would fly a spaceship. Yes.. I know escaping reality But I also really loved the idea of exploring the universe. Watching planets and suns. Diving through the rings. Shooting stuff was never the "fun" part for me. When I quitted gaming I of course quitted this game too. And I am on my 103 day of being clean. I don't want to change that. Still this urge to get back into space is strong in me. I watched a ton of videos about it mostly scientific stuff also some TedX talks about colonising Mars you name it. I can read wikipedia articles about planets all day. I am very sad about being part of the generation that was “too late to discover anything new and too early to explore the stars” Yes earth is beautiful and worth exploring too but it's not where my passion lies. Now I discovered the simulation space engine and I decided to carefully try it out. When I fired it up for the first time i felt very VERY indifferent. The main menu looks very gamey there is even the "player" option. After trying it out I am still not sure... The good thing is it's very scientific and I can explore the universe to my heart's content without limits. And there is no gamey interaction. No highscores no game rules. No enemys to shoot at no credits to gain. But at its core it still has this game feeling... and I sometimes worry if I do waste my time flying through space… Instead of doing something more productive. My father suggested to me that I should by a telescope if I want to see space... But telescopes are expensive... And there is hardly a day with no cloudy sky where I live. We just married and I am the only one earning money in our relationship. My wife and me want to fly to indonesia again soon and visit much of asia. So in other words money is kind of a hot topic at the moment. but maybe I am just trying to find excuses. I will end this very random post with asking what you guys think about it. Do you consider space engine harmfull? Or is it a tool just like google maps/earth? I will not post a link to space engine because I don't want to trigger anyone here (google it if you want it's easy to find). However I will leave you with a very beautiful piece of ambient music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AveCENBgybQ
  6. Half way there and things are looking good! Keep going Kiki maybe if you want to you can post some of the designs for the boardgame on the forum? I am super curious
  7. - Behaviors I would like to change Lazy. Forgetful. Lack of Attention. These were changing very quickly when I started my detox. Around 2 weeks in me (and my surroundings) immediately noticed the difference.
  8. Welcome to the community As many others have said there is a lot of information about your problem in the forums. You may also want to watch cams videos where he tackles most if not all of the typical quitting issues Last but not least if you can spare some bucks " respawn" cams book is a very good tool for those who want to quit and need some better guidance. Heck I still read it after my 90 days
  9. I know some people that feel sick each time they're trying to read in any bus, train, tram etc. For me that's weird but it may happen for you too! How about audiobook? This might be the solution for your issue. Greetings, Mad Pharmacist I have the same problem when sitting in a bus I cant read. But I am kinda glad because that keeps me from checking my phone all the time. Audiobooks are great but I dont know how well they work for learning to draw
  10. These are all excellent points! I just want to add one! Take your time for breaks and if possible use the breaks to move your body or even better get outside for some fresh air. There are certain limitations to our brain and it can only focus for so long. Taking a break (no cellphone ) will help regenerate that learning energy. For me I try to do a short break every 25 - 40 minutes and a longer break every 2 hours or so.
  11. Ashley the fact alone that you are ABLE to see your problems is a great start. And in my book, "failing" twice yet still coming back admitting it and asking for advice is the trait of a determined strong willed person Admitting failure takes a ton of willpower to yourself and to others. Do not give up! You ARE making progress even if it may not seem that way. Cam also relapsed pretty hardcore and yet look what he was able to build. Time is the key. Take your time - realize that this is a process that needs time and that we all have our own pace! Keep fighting
  12. Thank you for all the kinf words. I expanded my detox until the end of the year and will celebrate again once I got there And yea the pic is really cool made my day
  13. Words of wisdom! I fell for the same trap during my detox and instead of feeling like I achieved something I started to get really frustrated since I was focusing too much on the negative side. What helped me was tackling each goal in baby steps setting me up for easy succes and just enjoy every evening with the feeling of "one more day where I was strong" Oh yes and welcome to the community
  14. Wow... what a journey. I am still far away from getting my life straight but DAMN does it feel good to have the reminder pop up in your calendar telling you "If you didn't play any video games until now you DID IT - How do you feel?" I felt like a champion for the rest of the schooltime Most of my experiences I already wrote them in my 71 days post. But it got better these last days. I participating in a scholarship for becoming a trainer for nursing (dunno the english words) and I noticed that I can focus a lot better in class. Still I do daydream but it's not as bad as it used to be and I actually look forward to do my homework for the first time in my life + I definitely plan to not do them on the last day before the deadline. Oh my accountabel partner drew this really REALLY awesome picture for me thank you SO much you absolutely rock
  15. Welcome Raelana to the community 9 days done already thats great!
  16. I think every case is special and all in all you are the person who knows yourself the best. If the gaming experience is more of a social thing and the fun stems from that angle I personaly would say give it a try. However I am not you . Luckily my wife is only playing Candy crush and even that hardly. (God I hate that game so much :D). Did you ask her about this matter too?
  17. Welcome Nancy I wish you all the best on your journey! You already have the skills and potential for a great life - and by stopping to watch streams and such you did another important step in getting it ! PS The more I read about Leage of Legends the happier I am that I never even tried it out. That game must be an absolute killer.
  18. Oh my Day 25 already! Thats great! I showed my wife your drawings and she was seriously amazed. If its ok I will show them to my mother too (she is an art teacher) Keep going Kiki! And congrats on the praising you totaly deserve it!
  19. The pics are all beautifull and I mean it. I know as the drawer you have a very subjectiv point of view and being self critical is an important skill but I really cant stresss enough that you should be proud of yourself and of the creative work you do! This was time you invested into something time you would have otherwise wasted on videogames or browsing it was your time and you used it for something good. Take it easy kiki, I knok there is a ton of stuff for you on the horizont and I know that taking a job later is hard but opportunity is always there. Heck my father never finished his studies and yet build a company pretty much by his own. Try to go easy on yourself!
  20. I am glad you made this discovery. Fears can be absolutely crippeling but even worse in my eyes is the feeling of fighting against something you cant win. Having this relevation you just had is one more important step! I also have fears and axieties. From what I learned many fears are different and there are different ways to deal with them. How did you make this breakthrough? Was it like a showerthought? Or did you eventually get there by writing your feelings down? Did someone inspire you?
  21. Thank you so much for these kind words! You made my weekend Robert. It's funnymy dentist (who extracted 2 wisdom teeth) told me actually the same like that one doctor you met (first doctor to ever tell me that) I am in my body and not hers. I have to suffer the consequenzes but I can also make the decisions... I will head to bed now and think about that. Looking forward to hear from you again
  22. From what I understand the "organic" issues are gone but the damage to the psyche is done. He feels like he missed a lot out in his life and was hold back all the time. Sometimes freedom can be frustrating since even a personal crisis can be part of your identity (Küchenpychologe hier :P)
  23. It is an absolute eye opener and pleasure to read your journal Robert. I also have often be told to be a hypersensible person and still to this day I have no idea why my body often behaves weird... why I often have this feeling of getting sick like a flu and then from one moment to the other it's gone. Why my right arm sometimes gets all weak and fuzzy, or my left foot hurts in a very strange way for some time when I wear certain shoes. Why I am sometimes unable to focus or feel dizzy. (the list goes on) Like you I suffered and still do to some extend of from this feeling of, I must be crazy it is me I am just a mentally weak hypersensible p**y. After the third neurologist told me that it's "all in your head" I just told myself that I have to accept this fact... Sometimes when my wife asked me why I was so focused on gaming I told her because I want to be distracted because deep down in my heart I was so incredibly pissed off at me and myself, at my weird body which just couldn't be "normal" like all the others out there. And like you I actually wanted to have something at some point just to have a freaking explanation. Now today after I changed a lot of things in my life it has become much better. But this wierd feeling is still there. I was scared shitless the last three years when my weird symptoms first started I unfortunately told a friend about this and he said "Oh maybe you have MS" Even more stupidly I researched MS in the internet... you get the idea I was absolutely certain I got MS or something even worse. It took me me a lot of doctors + 3 MRIs + and a liquor analysis (beautifull experience highly recommend that /s) to get to the point where I was starting to accept that I could actually NOT be THAT sick. But the stress stayed... it did its damage, I don't know why but still now my nervous system seems to be out of whack when I am stressed. Every time the weather changes I get a headache, when I am stressed I do mind blowing stupid things, under pressure I talk like a maniac and so on. And don't even start me on my bladder when I need my body to behave (the wedding was a nightmare because of that) And every time I told people about this I had this feeling that I was just getting on everybody's nerves, that while not saying it openly people were thinking "just pull yourself together man" All the time "gaming" was my way of "relaxation". In the game world I was "normal" like many others on equal footing if you can say that. But actually it brought new stress into my life stealth stress. Now after being clean for almost 80 days some ( not all) of my symptoms have somewhat improved. I am still not 100% sure since there are phases where my body behaves normal and then BANG from one day to the other its back. But you noticed the reduced stress! Stay strong my friend. Keep writing when you feel like it! It really feels good to read your journal. And sorry for hijacking it
  24. Hey Kiki, the dreaming about playing games is absolutely normal, I have those too. Itsa little strange when you realise inside your dream that you are doing something wrong and feel bad just to wake up and be reliefed. Take it with some humor if possible everythin g is possible in dreams - its the dreams and visons you have for your future that count, My personal advice - dont watch youtube or anime the last hour before you go to sleep. It messes with the sleep cycle and I think healthy sleep is very important for you especially since you often work into the night... http://www.businessinsider.de/dont-check-your-smartphone-before-bed-2016-3?r=US&IR=T I try to do some very easy exercises before I go sleeping like really very simple breathing or just relaxing techniques. Its also a good idea to go through the day and just take a minute to think about what you have achived and want to achive in the future. (remember to be proud of not gaming every day)