[NSFW] Marquess' journal (Cute emo girls inside!)

[Mad Pharmacist]

Yea, some of the worst choices is when you have too much people that needs help and you can help only a few of them.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Marquess]

Women and men can't be friends unless under very special circumstances. It's not something you should base your decisions on or something you should pursue as a man.

Edited August 7, 2016 by Marquess

[Mad Pharmacist]

I agree with you, I think that the only circumstance when man and woman can be a friend is when they're not attracted to each other. They're just ugly to each other to be honest.

[Cam Adair]

I live with a really hot single girl right now. 

[Marquess]

You can have a relationship that is friendly, but if you attempt to create an actual, functioning friendship, two things are likely to happen:

1. One of you will fall in love with the other. (Often the guy.)

2. It's going to be an uneven relationship where one cares a lot more; I wouldn't call that a friendship.

There are exceptions to this as always. Maybe the guy is gay and girl in a happy relationship, etc. But two single people of opposite sex being friends? That's a time bomb.

Edited July 19, 2016 by Marquess

[Marquess]

I live with a really hot single girl right now. 

I assume you bed every girl you appear with in a video tbh :x.

[Cam Adair]

I live with a really hot single girl right now. 

I assume you bed every girl you appear with in a video tbh :x.

[Mad Pharmacist]

You can have a relationship that is friendly, but if you attempt to create an actual, functioning friendship, well. Two things are likely to happen:

1. One of you will fall in love with the other. (Often the guy.)

2. It's going to be an uneven relationship where one cares a lot more; I wouldn't call that a friendship.

There are exceptions to this as always. Maybe the guy is gay and girl in a happy relationship, etc. But two single people of opposite sex being friends? That's a time bomb.

No more reputation points, so I have to write: I agree. (+1 )

The principle is that man and woman friendship doesn't work.

But when there's a principle, there are always exceptions. Like you mentioned, especially because relationship after lifelong friendship are not so satysfying.

[Marquess]

I’m near the end of my 10 day fast; I’m breaking it on Thursday, and all I can think about right now is food. It’s going to be awesome.

Having this little energy is an interesting experience as it seems to be making me less inclined to deal with unimportant activities. Social networks seem, for the most part, redundant (I’m still using Cold Turkey; it’s the best), and I really am just focusing on getting my daily 1000 words together even though I can barely write on anything of much relevance right now.

I’m also trying to finish a HMTL/CSS course on Codecademy, but the progress is slow because, again, no real energy.  Fasting for that long effectively put me in a very deep ketosis, so the mood is a lot more stable, and I also seem to be significantly more creative. Lots of ideas, including more or less every aspect of my upcoming website (as long as I don’t fuck up). It won’t be anything spectacular — just a personal blog on a few predetermined topics that are both interesting to me and socially relevant. I’ve been on the internet long enough to have a few channels through which to promote it, so I should start with at least some kind of readership.

We’ll see; I writing still has a long way to go, but I think writing a thousand words first thing in the morning (or, heh, when I wake up as my biorhythm is, again, messed up) should get me far enough to be better than most. I’m also slowly moving away from writing in 100% correct English in terms of punctuation, so we’ll see where that goes. It’s all very small deviations because I feel bad every time I use a comma where I shouldn’t :P. 

Probably the important part: I’ve finally, without a doubt, determined that my near-inability to learn anything (as in having huge problems with studying for more than 10 minutes) is based in my depression. Focus problems, irritability, literal cursing at the screen when any kind of a problem appears, no matter how much I tell myself I’m just wasting my already limited energy that way, becoming devastated after I struggle with something for too long, which can be as much as 5 minutes — it’s textbook depression.

What I don’t understand is why it took me 18 years to understand that. I mean, I’ve known I’m depressed for years, at least on some level, but the issue was that I had this idea that I somehow don’t deserve the status of a depressed person, and that I just need to try harder, stop being lazy. Does that make sense to any of you? Did anyone else have the same experience?

I’m starting to think that how I feel when I’m at least decently buzzed and playing WoW is actually normal — how normal people feel a lot of the time. It sounds bizarre to me; however, I am running out of explanations for my continuous struggle with just everything.  (I’m aware that depression is not my fault, but it is my responsibility since I’m the person who cares about it the most and also the only person who can do something about it.) 

I somewhat enjoy writing and talking to people online, people who may perhaps become friends one day, maybe, but the only thing that’s close to getting high with anything is music: Japanese happy hardcore for some reason.

Just listen to this. How is it possible not to feel happy while blasting this? This will literally make you love life. I’m also one of those monstrous people who listen to nightcore without irony and aren’t 12 years old. My apologies to the universe. 

To think I listened to progressive metal when I was a teenager. Awh :3.

This is the dankest version of "don't thread of me" pic, lol.

Edited July 19, 2016 by Marquess

[Marquess]

I wonder if anyone's even reading this. The views counter seems to go up and the post/views ratio is very good in comparison to other journals, but that's probably because other journals get more comments. I'm not going to start making list posts about what I ate for lunch though.

If you're reading this journal, please take 5 seconds and tell me so in this Strawpoll.

Edited July 20, 2016 by Marquess

[Cam Adair]

I read it! 

[Marquess]

I can't adjust my posts, and I also can't make myself read most of the journals. I'll adjust and continue making very short posts here; that's the most reasonable approach.

[WorkInProgress]

Hey now that I am at work and have some Internet I am back reading this Can't speek from personal experience but depression seems like a logical conclusion to these symptoms. How was it to break your fast?

[Marquess]

I don't follow any gamer channels but one about DOS gaming because I'm consistent like that. However, people in my Twitter network do, and this is what popped up on my feed. I think Pokemon GO should be purged out of existence and its creators trialed for crimes against humanity, but this is brilliant:

[Marquess]

Hey now that I am at work and have some Internet I am back reading this Can't speek from personal experience but depression seems like a logical conclusion to these symptoms. How was it to break your fast?

Breaking the fast was awesome. The tastes, man, so intense. ITS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE TRIPLE RAINBOW

[lilX]

I don't follow any gamer channels but one about DOS gaming because I'm consistent like that. However, people in my Twitter network do, and this is what popped up on my feed. I think Pokemon GO should be purged out of existence and its creators trialed for crimes against humanity, but this is brilliant:

Nice! 

[Reno F]

I don't follow any gamer channels but one about DOS gaming because I'm consistent like that.

LOL!

[Marquess]

Meh, I want to play WoW so, so bad. But I also want to reach at least 60 days, so I can at least say I managed that. Today would have been two months since my last drink except I got wasted yesterday and had the badly needed meltdown on Twitter.

I dare not check it now; I'll block it for a week or something. Last thing I remember was people posting screenshots of my bio as if it were some kind of a secret, lol. Then I obsessively listened to some song for 30 minutes and fainted.

The good part is that, outside of the Twitter thing, I remained friendly with everyone and had a couple of good convos. So I think it's still safe to say I'm happier now than I was two months ago.

Edited July 22, 2016 by Marquess

[Marquess]

It's done; I've banned myself from both Twitter and FB for a week using Cold Turkey. I know there's a way to disable it, but I refuse to look it up because what do I have left of I make Cold Turkey meaningless.

Apart from that, my broken mouse saved me from reinstalling once again. This is seriously fucking great.

[Cam Adair]

Hang in there brother.

[Octsober]

It's done; I've banned myself from both Twitter and FB for a week using Cold Turkey. I know there's a way to disable it, but I refuse to look it up because what do I have left of I make Cold Turkey meaningless.

Apart from that, my broken mouse saved me from reinstalling once again. This is seriously fucking great.

The meaningful things in life are rarely ever easy. 
The longer you don't play the easier it gets. 
It's all habits. 

[Marquess]

It's done; I've banned myself from both Twitter and FB for a week using Cold Turkey. I know there's a way to disable it, but I refuse to look it up because what do I have left of I make Cold Turkey meaningless.

Apart from that, my broken mouse saved me from reinstalling once again. This is seriously fucking great.

The meaningful things in life are rarely ever easy. 
The longer you don't play the easier it gets. 
It's all habits. 

I don't disagree with this, but what's also important is to enjoy the process. If you don't, you really are bound to fail sooner or later. I enjoy a lot of what I'm doing right now; however, I need to do something about the meltdown part. I don't know what yet. Any ideas?

[Marquess]

Nvm, I know what to do about that part as well.

60 days tomorrow btw.

[Marquess]

v

Edited July 25, 2016 by Marquess

[Marquess]

Day 61, somehow.

Also 300 posts and a new rank. Only 500 to custom rank, awh.

But anyway, I want to write up a more detailed analysis of the most recent meltdown, but I need to say: it was far, far less terrible than anything I can remember with any reliance. It almost reminds of me days where I could still get drunk, have fun, and think nothing of it the next day, next week, or an entire month. Casual drinking will never be an option for me (even if that were possible, getting wasted still directly opposes my goals so why bother), and I still have to say this felt kind of like having beers in my early 20s.

I don't feel nearly as terrible as I normally do. I drank less, too. Also, the Twitter meltdown thing ... It may be safe to assume that it wasn't really that bad and that I'm the only person still thinking about it. Even so, I don't intend to touch social networks for a good while.

I feel absolutely no need to get wasted again and, surprisingly enough, my feelings towards WoW remain the same. It's starting to feel less like trying to resist some uncontrollable beast and more like just moving away from it.

This is unexpected, and it doesn't feel all that deserved, but it's there. And of course I have absolutely no doubt that if I were to reinstall right now and buy a huge supply of beer, I'd be back to my old state in a week or less.

Though, just moving away from that disgusting place feels amazing.

 

Edited July 25, 2016 by Marquess