Cam Adair Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 The Fountainhead quote for the day:“Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us.” “But I don’t think of you.”I was so close to reading that book when I was 20. Always curious how it would have shaped me differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) The Fountainhead quote for the day:“Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us.” “But I don’t think of you.”I was so close to reading that book when I was 20. Always curious how it would have shaped me differently.I heard various people saying how specific books shaped them in some way. I never experienced that with any book ... at least not that I know of.I'm at about 55% right now, and I can't say I fully understand the characters or the entire message of the novel. I mean, I understand a fair bit, and I think it's fantastic; I just haven't formed an opinion I could share and discuss.My self image's been so devastatingly poor for such a long time, so I feel it's the right book for me right now. Edited June 19, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitaru Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 >Ayn Rant amiriteREACHING WEIMAR DEGENERACY LEVELS(Character also heavily intended for increased liberalism and PC) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) (I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.) Edited June 20, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitaru Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 This. This are the debates of the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) Managed to extend NEET bux for 4 months at least. I'm always nervous, but they don't really care at all. Consultants aren't paid depending on how many of their clients find jobs; they just need to deal with them in a determined manner. I imagine this would work a lot differently in a private welfare agency. I'm not complaining right now.Actually got a slight sunburn from walking in the sun for probably more than two hours. That's enough D vitamin for a month. Alas, it's nearly unbearable for me to spend the entire day behind the screen now; I actually went to another walk just before. Passed a group of teenagers (FUCKING TEENAGERS) sitting at a bench with their shitty mopeds, and I was back to high school again -- anxiety and all. But why, they are kids. God, but then I went past them and checked them out because don't look at me, you shitty kid, I'm gonna look at you instead, and that was it. Apart that a few seconds later, some guy said "this guy is like Jesus".Probably because I was tired and walked really slowly & was really just taking the time to look at the environment. I'd have, perhaps, almost preferred if they called me a faggot or something because this is almost something I've been going for lately. It's going to happen eventually, and I'll consider it a success.Kids, actual small kids that seem to be running around all the time these days -- I live in a cluster of apartment buildings that includes a kindergarden -- are saying hello to me for no discernible reason, lol.I said "discernible" because Rand uses it all the time, and how will I remember what it means if I don't actively use it myself. "Obvious" or "clear" would've been more suitable tbh.Also, do native speakers actually say "cluster of apartment buildings"? Is it awkward? ANSWER ME PLSZ. I KNOW YOU HAVE APARTMENT BUILDINGS IN AMERICALAND don't pretendI haven't realized at the time I saved it, but this picture is very @Hitaru: Edited June 21, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) actually nvm Edited June 21, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) I now finally (kind of) understand how "2.5D" graphics engines in games like Doom and Duke Nukem 3D worked. Basically, from a technical standpoint, these games took place on 2D maps and then drew the "3D" environment depending on where the player was facing and what was in his field of vision.On top of that, they employed a variety of tricks to make the illusion of 3D more believable, so things like jumping and climbing staircases were possible. Some later games even stacked one 2D map on top of another. But from tech standpoint, the player was always just a dot on one 2D map or another. There were no actual polygons involved.I considered playing Duke for a bit, but I never enjoyed such games. I actually tend to panic; the only action-oriented game I can play well is WoW PVP. And I'm obviously not playing that.That said, I believe I'd be able to play some Duke Nukem without much consequence. But at the same time I don't even want to bother with installing the thing since I'd probably also need a DOS Box or something, and then something wouldn't work properly, and It'd take an hour to even get it running with my luck when it comes to these things.I still think I may try it out someday for the old times sake, but I first need to play Life is Strange, which has been sitting on my drive for months now. (Or not. I may have deleted it; I'm not sure.)I mean; the very reason I think these games would be safe for me is because I don't really want to bother with installing them since I have, even at this point, or especially at this point, better things to do.Also, John Carmack, a person who played a key role in development of the above described graphics engine tech, is now working on VR and, I think, collaborating with Facebook.Both VR and FB are basically hellshitspawn of fucksatan.Much consequence vs many consequences. People say both, but I think the latter is more correct. Whatever "more correct" even means in this case. Edited June 22, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Btw, 30 days in two days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitaru Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 actually nvmYou can never guess. Here's a haiku:Summertimeall things Hanakomost wapanese 30 days woo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 actually nvmYou can never guess. Here's a haiku:Summertimeall things Hanakomost wapanese 30 days woo! HOW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Pharmacist Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 I don't think age is determinant of who we are.How old are we depends on our mind. We can be old during our twenties, because we're grumpy and lazy and we can be elderly and young, because we stay positive (just like protons )What do you think about it?Greetings, Mad Pharmacist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) When you start telling yourself how young you feel despite your age, you're no longer young.I've never been 30 before, so I have nothing to compare it to. I don't know how it's supposed to feel like, and I also don't know how other 30 year olds feel. I can only make a more or less informed guess.Apart from that, it's a biological fact that your brain changes as you age; it's easier to learn new things in your 20s, and it's also easier to be creative. I'm 30, and I don't expect the next few years to be overly different in that regard, but the fact is that I've probably wasted some of my peak years in certain terms. I don't know. I'll never know.I can look at two of my peers, Justine Tunney and Paul Joseph Watson, and how they've lived their lives so far; how they've spent their 20s. I actually planned to include them in a post I wanted to make about 5 people I look up to, but I scrapped it at the end; it was a little too painful. Either way, I've managed to repair myself to a degree at which I feel close to my early 20s. I'll never get those years back, yet I can still look at what my peers have achieved and take it as a source of motivation.I think about this every day. And I fantasize about how different everything could be. Of course, I can always say that this is how things supposed to be, that it was just a necessary part of my path, and that it wasn't all that bad after all (it wasn't). Then I look at amazing lives all those people have and still can't get rid of feeling that I don't deserve any of it -- even though I obviously do.In 3 hours I'm hitting 30 days. How should I celebrate. Edited June 23, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Pharmacist Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Congratulations on your 30 days! (They've already hit, right? )So, it looks like I'm no longer young. Even though I'm during college.I though that I'll never get old . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 30 days. For this unprecedented occasion, I have prepared a short speech. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) nvm Edited June 24, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitaru Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 nvmRenouncing our Lord and Savior? Ara, ara~~Actually I don't know or I don't recall your stance on this topic and my light-hearted satire could've been offensive. Not my intention. Not in an unfriendly way I meeeaan...Ah, today this guys were completely euphoric. Nothing like the joy of the innocent to brighten up your day...! But Europe collapsing or whatever is no real deal compared to the fact you reached 30 days mate. I'm not your parents or anything but I'm honestly proud of you sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 But Europe collapsing or whatever is no real deal compared to the fact you reached 30 days mate. I'm not your parents or anything but I'm honestly proud of you sir.Me too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 25, 2016 Author Share Posted June 25, 2016 nvmRenouncing our Lord and Savior? Ara, ara~~Actually I don't know or I don't recall your stance on this topic and my light-hearted satire could've been offensive. Not my intention. Not in an unfriendly way I meeeaan...Ah, today this guys were completely euphoric. Nothing like the joy of the innocent to brighten up your day...! But Europe collapsing or whatever is no real deal compared to the fact you reached 30 days mate. I'm not your parents or anything but I'm honestly proud of you sir.I love Christ-chan. It's only with her help that we can save Europe from the religion of urine. And by religion of urine I mean Islam.Don't know whether I feel proud. It's more that I haven't been ready to quit before, and now I am. It's still only the first month; I'm not even remotely out of the woods yet, but the changes are already massive. I can't even exactly tell what's happening; it's like some not clearly defined elements of my inner workings are sliding back into place whatever that place is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 25, 2016 Author Share Posted June 25, 2016 But Europe collapsing or whatever is no real deal compared to the fact you reached 30 days mate. I'm not your parents or anything but I'm honestly proud of you sir.Me too!Thanks, boss.I'll continue to keep track of days, but I'm probably not doing the entire dramatic "Day xyz: random title" thing again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 25, 2016 Author Share Posted June 25, 2016 (edited) Congratulations on your 30 days! (They've already hit, right? )So, it looks like I'm no longer young. Even though I'm during college.I though that I'll never get old .Thank you ^^.Well, you are allowed a passing thought about it every once in a while, ok? What I had in mind was more like people who make a deal out of it; a 45 year old who would often proclaim how he actually feels like 25.That said, 30 is at the extreme end of what can be considered young for sure. I wouldn't say that's always a negative though. I try not to feel too terrible about my 20s since I know I had (and still do) a good amount of issues to work through. Looking back, there actually were people in my life who did give me proper advice, but I just wasn't ready to hear it. My parents weren't one of those people, yet I can't blame them for it; they've always done the very best with what they knew. And I was a difficult kid to deal with.The main problem with my parents is that, to a large extent, they see all my failures as a direct attack on them. In their minds, I'm lazy and think I'm better than everyone else in the world, and my failures are morally deplorable because they cause them pain, which covers everything worth discussing.The second problem is that they react with rage every time I'm honest with them. I e-mailed my mother perhaps a month ago and spoke very openly; she hasn't replied yet. I imagine she was outraged and had the entire family telling her how right she is, and what a selfish and terrible person I am.The main advice my father gave me was basically work hard. That was it, and perhaps it would be enough for someone else, especially since they did everything they could to make me work hard and support me, but I just needed more.High school didn't work for me because I can only study by myself (most textbooks are crap because they're written by professors who make sure their jobs remain necessary), and I had no idea what to do with my life anyway so why bother. Add to that mood & anxiety problems and having different interests than most of my peers, and what can you even expect.I'm not trying to exclude the notion of personal responsibility, but that's a lengthy topic for another time. Edited June 25, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 25, 2016 Author Share Posted June 25, 2016 But I really need to start playing bass as soon as possible. I have some musical background on keyboards, and I've been wanting to play bass for so many years now. You know you need to do it when you spend so much time listening to bass covers and getting excited over rudimentary bass lines like this one.I don't even like Bon Jovi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 MASSIVE MOOD SWINGS TYPICALLY FEELING EXTREMELY LOW DURING EVENINGS OH GOD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marquess Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) I need to have a meltdown soon, and this is the first time in my entire life that I'm acutely aware of it. Looking back, it's something that's been happening since I was 16 in one way or another. I don't know why, but every once a while I get an urge to do away with everything. To destroy something, to tear it all down. Mostly relationships I have with people ... either individuals or entire groups. Or just deleting a social profile. Or, idk, quit school and start something different. A new environment. Where the exact same thing appears in time.I just can't hold it together long term.I'm afraid I'm not even remotely done; it's now that all the shit that's been masked by my obsession with WoW is becoming too apparent. Again.I'm extremely unhappy, angry, and almost unable to relax.And please, I know what I'll do; I know what I must do. Don't give me any fucking advice. Edited June 26, 2016 by Marchosias Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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