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About Marquess

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  1. Thank you all for the positive comments, it means more than you might think :p. I'm overjoyed by every bit of support I can get, especially since virtually every trans person I know of in my country is politically incompatible with me - they're mostly on the far left while I'm a right wing libertarian, and one's political views will usually affect how they act in their personal, everyday lives as well. There are exceptions to this, but overall, I'm somewhat fucked when it comes to building a support system for being trans IRL. The best I can hope for is a few male friends who genuine
  2. Be proud of me when I get on HRT, come out socially to everyone IRL, and pass consistently. A pile of car parts isn't the same as a car: we can perhaps look at it and say, yeah, this sure looks like it could be a car, but it'd be ridiculous to claim that it equals an actual, functional car. Being trans is like that. At the same time, I've already been through so many stages with regards to it (most of them predominantly negative) that it feels amazing to be at the point where I'm starting to feel some benefits. Coming out to a few people IRL, using female pronouns in some situations, buyi
  3. Oh wow, so it has been a while :p. LIFE UPDATE & stats: - Sober for almost 15 months now - Keto for 1 month & been paleo with intermittent fasting for several months before - Lost over 10 kg - I hate working out, so I don't, but I enjoy long likes, so I do that. - Still unemployed, but that's about to change as well in the following weeks or, worst case, months. I entered a program that basically gives you a status of a person that's harder to employ (considering I haven't worked for 4 years now). It consists of a lot of meetings, evaluations, and also be
  4. My god. Three things. 1. Yesterday, after a session with my psychologist, I was so stressed out that - I cycle both ways - I, after driving at the side of a busy, road, crossed the said road without looking. I simply turned the wheel, made a sudden, 90 degree turn, and only realized what I'm doing after being nearly run over by a car. And luckily, they weren't driving that fast & were able to stop before hitting me, but ... that road is also a bus line. I could've been a bus. Or even a small truck. Or any kind of a car driving at a higher speed. I may have scratched the car a bit, but they
  5. Somewhere in the middle I talked about them trying to rip me from my bedroom for no apparent reason causing injuries. Thats why I don't want to go back to them, I was hoping to get a job and restart my studies as a means of using the university counselling service or pay a private counsellor, at the moment I am just waiting for a reply from my tutors to see if I can restart it which would give me a routine over the day and I can plan work hours and activities around that. Wait times for the mental health services on the NHS are awful anyway, 3- 6months+ to get anywhere because unfortunately i
  6. Oh wow, congratulations on the baby. I have a 1 year old niece, and she's amazing - it has really changed my perspective on having children. It's something I'd most definitely consider in a few years (if I still have a functioning set of testicles by then - but you freeze your sperm before you start transitioning anyway). And with regards to my mental problems, you're not wrong in stating that I do have them, but you also need to understand they're more apparent here, in my journal, where I write about them openly and often in some kind of emotional state. If we were to meet in real life, I'd
  7. Read the first post and the last page of your journal so far, and I was about to say that you should get some counseling as well since people don't isolate themselves for no reason. In my case, I lived online for a year and a half with only occasional excursions outside. I have an idea about what you're going through, so it's really important that you get the best possible support system you can get. Gamequitters is great, but the emphasis has to be in meatspace.
  8. My biggest problem right now is stress related to learning new skills. Learning anything is torture for me. I'm trying to build a website, an online bookstore, right now, and it just becomes unbearable in about an hour. I'm ashamed to admit that I've even bought a website builder (Divi), and I'm still having problems ... things that should be easy and obvious always tend to present a crippling issue to me. I'm starting to think that there's no "hidden potential" for me to "unlock". That this is simply how I am and will be until I cease living. That perhaps the best I can do with my life is wor
  9. Right, but the thing is he's been talking about all these things extensively in his past videos, and he's drinking again anyway. It's not uncommon for addicts to maintain occasional use for weeks or even months once they relapse, but they always end up in the same place. With regards to drinking (and I'm aware of the parallels with gaming), it's not as bad as you seem to imply. After 10 months, which is still considered early sobriety, drinking definitely isn't something I have to deal with every day. I'm not haunted by thoughts of getting wasted, and I don't have to fight them off every eveni
  10. I wanted to make a new thread to continue there, and the reason for me not doing so is that I'm still gaming on occasion. It's not such a huge part of my life as it used to be, but I'm not going to try and sell you the idea of moderate gaming. It's just where I am right now. This reminds me of a youtuber that we mentioned in this thread. A youtuber named "bignoknow" that's best known for his "1 year of sobriety" video. And hey, I'm over 10 months sober myself, but the thing about bignoknow is that he's been drinking again for probably more than a year at this point. He continues making videos,
  11. Yeah it is kind of a relapse to spend time here again and even writing some stuff But it feels good to write with you guys and this time and I am not really bound to do anything. I just write stuff if I feel like doing and my little journal increased the accountability for my betterment. I'm basically a gamequitter in moderation. Sounds like you did big steps in therapy. Keep at it. I know that it isn't trivial to stick to it for such a long time and fight through such issues. I used to know how to delete these quote frames, lol. Anyway, so are you still counting the time since you've sto