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Octsober

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About Octsober

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  1. I've been paying close attention to my current situation. Do I like games? Sure, sometimes. Do I need to play them? No, not really. My current reasoning for gaming is to escape from my current situation: I'll likely be out of a job by the end of the year due to downsizing within the company. I've been failing to run my business well. I feel as if I'm in no position to date, meaning I'm not really as independent now (living at home, but I pay rent). I'm really trying to do better in regards to why I come here. I really don't want to come here and complain. Complaining isn't productive. In a way, it's a sort of self therapy. I would be seeing my counselor but as I don't have insurance they accept and the cost to do so isn't feasible this is unfortunately not an option. I did a bit of a four year assessment this morning. I feel as if I've maybe walked two steps from where I was four years ago and that's really disappointing. This realization has helped me really understand why I've thrown myself back into gaming. The big reasoning being: Connection. Fortunately I still meditate daily and work our three days a week as I've done so for 61 weeks now. I've scanned this entire thread a few times and I notice one difference when I stopped the first time. This was before I started my business and I can remember the difference in ease during this time. I guess with any difficult journey there's some pit falls along the way. Just trying to simplify my life right now. -Oct
  2. Hey, I just wanted to say that I've failed in quitting. I went back and played some game for a few hours to log off and feel terrible. There's a fair amount of unknowns in my life right now, so it's hard to see what's going right. I've been under a lot of pressure while under this recent hiatus. Now I'm looking at what my next step is. Though I wish you all the best on your journey. I'll still check in here and there. -Oct.
  3. Day 19, Two days away from day 21 - a good point in breaking any habit. I must admit, I've been more depressed than usual as of lately. I take this as literally removing any form of dopamine producing activity (well more or less gaming). I've been assessing my current life and have been meaning on taking more extreme measures this year. I'm going to try and get into computer networking, as the pay is good and I've always had a general interest. On top of this i'm seriously considering why I own a business. I'm by all means not motivated by having one as I'm at heart, a creative. I'm going to give my next project the proper attention then whatever happens happens and I'm going to cut back on spending within the company as it's done nothing these last four years but be a money sink. Now for the bad news. I was speaking with a friend who said a large group of friends are going to play World of Warcraft Classic come July. At first I said to this friend that was a terrible Idea, but then I began to feel all the community and good times that were had in the past (obv strong nostalgia pulls). I'm now highly considering going down this route, fully aware that I'll likely lose 6 months to two years of time in doing so. However, even as I write this I'm doing so with as much mindfulness as possible. I absolutely do not want to fall into bad habits again, but at the same time I'm absolutely tired of being alone and unable to re-energize off of games. I currently do not have a purpose that I can achieve within my current situation, nor do I have any indication on what steps to take and or where to go. I'm not trying to justify this behavior. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I'm going to meditate over this for the new few months until the day comes. Until then I'll choose on what I'll do. But until then I won't game. -Oct
  4. Day 16, Still going strong. Gets a little easier every day. Not much of an update aside. (oh right, avengers was good! Sparked a lot of creative energy!) -Oct
  5. @Cam Adair Wow, really nice touch with the Alert navigation. Super helpful!
  6. Well I wouldn't say never acceptable. It's more like changing habits like picking weeds in a sense. I understand where you're coming from, but happiness for me at this time is fleeting. It's more about fulfillment, in a way to deal with the hardships of my personal struggle. I will however, try and see what I can do in regards of negotiating with my professionalism. Though this in itself, even thinking about it, makes me a bit anxious haha. I also agree with you in opening up with close family and friends, but unfortunately where I live it's a very competitive environment / culture. I'm surrounded by many combative folk, mostly mentally, though it's extra taxing for me now given my current position. Also being 'sensitive' doesn't help.... Honestly, really digging into my current situation, I believe my relationship with games pales in comparison to this immense loneliness I've been experiencing, though it's likely a by-product. I have no active solutions in place that would allow for me to connect organically with others. Being intense at times certainly doesn't help. I've been trying to reach out to others via my industry (board games), but it would appear a slow process. But still, day 12 and no games. Going to be interesting what this week is going to look like. Why do I feel like the villain in someone else's story. -Oct.
  7. I host my site on another platform, so if I were to use their store feature, it would run me $20 (taxes excluded) so about $240+ /year. I totally agree with you that I need to adjust the website, but there's no real reason to do so at this moment. I wouldn't say I'm 100% but I have a sense of direction for sure. Time will tell. What kind of game you talkin?
  8. @AssellusPrimus Thanks for your input! I've absolutely had a counselor in the past, but the only downside is that I don't have insurance (USA)... So getting help in this way isn't cost effective. It is not that I can't weather this hardship now, but it's only a matter of time before it becomes harder to do so. Although this isn't the worst. I've actually been doing well. A lot of the self-development people I listen too via youtube generalize suffering as a way to necessary growth. Given my current predicament, I can see how this makes sense 🙂
  9. Thanks for the feedback here @JustTom. It's def helps when someone on the outside provides some guidance looking in. Believe it or not, I actively do most of these things you've suggested. Most people outside of the event I go to, can't be bothered with my products yet, as I'm technically a nobody. And I don't say this to discredit myself, its more of an honest, no one has done business with me as much just yet. Being social has been my Achilles heel. I'm naturally not motivated by getting out on social media. But as a business owner, I've been getting more and move comfortable doing so. I do very much agree with growing rather than selling (predominately). Hey now! Don't hate my google form Q_Q. You would be surprised how much overhead an online store runs when no one buys from it. 🙂
  10. Day 9, I've been looking to further understand the root cause of why I had gamed the way I have in the past. From my understanding, this kind of addiction is due to the lack of connection. Removing games has made this realization more prevalent. My current mood is that of deep loneliness that cascades upon further feelings of despair. How can I best shape my future? What can I do in the immediate to better my success? I often deal with a lot of this 'catch-up' pressure. Whereas I feel I've been sedated by games for so long, the steps I need to take now seems bewildering. This and exiling myself from others has made a sense of heavy burden upon myself, which is mostly due to my perfectionism. While gaming, goals were often easy to achieve. Now, without these simple guidelines to follow, I've been navigating a sort of chaos. Although I suspect this feeling will improve in time, I find it hard to find a substitute for this pick-me-up that was gaming at this time. What can someone do when they feel both their mental and physical deteriorate? The most logical thing is to seek medical attention, but as I'm from the states and without insurance, this is not applicable. I find it uniquely funny. Living in the US has this 'survival of the fittest' vibe. But what actually determines the extent of fit. I'm likely rambling at this point, mostly because I feel unwell. Ambushed from multiple angles, although I still won't game. But hey, if you've read this I wish you the best on your path. -Oct.
  11. Decent money? Not yet, but I hope to think so one day. I like to think it's growing, but it's doing so slowly, as I do pretty much all the work. Ah, this is likely because there's a google docs order forum there. It didn't make much sense just yet to set up an internal store. Day 6, Been working more on my projects as of late, but I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness. Perhaps it has caught up with me, as I would often bury myself in games as a way of hiding from or accepting the illusion of socialization through gaming online. I've been trying to play-test my current card game I've been developing since 2017. I'm at the point where I need others to play it to really get it where I would like it to be. This currently hasn't been happening as much as I would like, which has been weighing down on me mentally. You see, I make a terrible living at my current job, which I'll probably lose at the end of the year (if not sooner) due to internal company adjustments. I like to think of my company as my way out. That I can do something that makes sense to me and make a decent living. I guess the reality is that I've been doing this since 2015 and don't have very much to show for. I do just about all of it myself and I think it's starting to catch up to me. Although, I can't say I'll stop. Just today, I was trying to test with a family member of mine. Prior to sitting down, they were complaining about their experience in an online game. This attitude ultimately bled over to the session, as the gameplay is a little unstable in certain respects. I literally had no patience for this type of behavior and ended our session. They went back to playing their online game. Being outside of playing games makes it really hard not to judge the people that do play games when that act irrationally, complain, or just get angry. It's really not fun being around these people. I want to be around people that are energizing! Kinda a bad day, but I guess it could be worse. -Oct
  12. @JustTom Ironically enough, I run a small company making board games. Sorry for the late reply! Haven't seen your reply.
  13. Hey Tachi! Appreciate the warm welcome! You know it's funny that you've mentioned the lack of connection. That's exactly the same roadblock I had dealt with when I last quit in 2018. I was so hungry for social connection, but it just wasn't happening which ultimately let me back into gaming. Of course this was a terrible idea for obvious reasons. Now, I'm trying to figure out solutions to this problem. I'm gearing up on becoming more active within the communities I'm apart of. Aside from that perhaps I can get out a little more. Maybe the library even. We'll see what happens. -Oct
  14. Quick update, I've actually, just like that have stopped gaming again. Been focusing more on my business and over all other, more productive things. If I've had to say how long it's been, I believe this is day 4. I've uninstalled every game on my PC and have placed systems out of view. Just trying to stay on track.
  15. Wow - this is an incredible visual. I think I can slightly recall a similar feeling when I stopped last year for 110 days. I totally understand this feeling. I had recently bought a few games on my switch with excitement, but this is actually poetic. The expectations of (some) games (certainly while addicted) often doesn't match the reality of the actual product (imo). Games can be flashy and exciting. It's no surprise that we get caught up in this high. I must say, you're making me want to sell my switch. Keep on the path and you will reap many rewards.
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