Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

d.manuk's journal


d.manuk
 Share

Recommended Posts

Latest art piece:

 

I'm happy with the anatomy in this drawing as well as the line art I did for it.

I wanted to practice mixing darker skin tones for the BLM movement happening. I usually just use beige out of the tube.

I think the takeaway is that I can mix darker skin tones, but I need to practice shading clothing more.

Empathy Dance.jpg

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today, I did my laundry which I had been putting off for over a month. 😬

I also cleaned my whole apartment. For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm getting back on track. I'm someone that really values a clean and minimal living environment, so finally getting around to doing it is really good for my mental health. I've been channeling a lot of energy into creating art and catching up on work at the detriment to other things. I still have a bunch of tasks to catch up on like installing a new shower head and installing curtain hooks, just a lot of small chores and things to experiment with. But I'm on the right track. I haven't watched any TV shows or anime or read any WEBTOONs since the start of Coronavirus. I've just been reading a lot of Reddit, watching YouTube videos and chatting on Discord. But I should try to get back into those soon, I remember them bringing me a lot of joy. 

Edited by Shine Magical
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, Shine Magical said:

Today, I did my laundry which I had been putting off for over a month. 😬

I also cleaned my whole apartment. For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm getting back on track. I'm someone that really values a clean and minimal living environment, so finally getting around to doing it is really good for my mental health. I've been channeling a lot of energy into creating art and catching up on work at the detriment to other things. I still have a bunch of tasks to catch up on like installing a new shower head and installing curtain hooks, just a lot of small chores and things to experiment with. But I'm on the right track. I haven't watched any TV shows or anime or read any WEBTOONs since the start of Coronavirus. I've just been reading a lot of Reddit, watching YouTube videos and chatting on Discord. But I should try to get back into those soon, I remember them bringing me a lot of joy. 

Good job on the laundry. I'm doing mine today before I move to my new apartment. I used to avoid household tasks until I said I'd give myself 30 minutes to do chores and then see how many I could get done. That slowly got me over the fear of stress that I had and I ended up appreciating the responsibility. 

I like your art progressions. I think it's something that makes you happier so I'd keep with it. I'm doing the same thing with my art. I support you getting back into cartoons and anime, but I'm biased lol. I only really use discord for my art community and getting advice for art. If I talk too much on there it reminds me of my old clan discord. 

How are you enjoying Massachusetts? I'm about 45 minutes from Boston and like it here a lot aside from traffic. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@BooksandTrees I like that I live a 10 minute walk from a hiking trail. Malden is also very quiet compared to NYC and I find it relaxing.

 

I wish I had a car and could afford to buy a house. I haven’t had much of a chance to interact with people but a lot in the Boston area seem to be very unhealthy, eating a lot of junk food and drinking beer seems to be very common here which I can’t relate to. I think in NYC it was a lot easier to find people interested in healthy eating and hippy types of people.

Edited by Shine Magical
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Turns out there hasn't been any new anime since April.

lol

Japan's society is so outdated technology-wise in a lot of ways, it's not surprising that they can't handle working from home.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, Shine Magical said:

@BooksandTrees I like that I live a 10 minute walk from a hiking trail. Malden is also very quiet compared to NYC and I find it relaxing.

 

I wish I had a car and could afford to buy a house. I haven’t had much of a chance to interact with people but a lot in the Boston area seem to be very unhealthy, eating a lot of junk food and drinking beer seems to be very common here which I can’t relate to. I think in NYC it was a lot easier to find people interested in healthy eating and hippy types of people.

Boston can be more abrasive, rowdy, and the people here are obsessed with the craft beer movement. I used to like it, but I never drank more than 1 beer per week after 2015 and I think I've drank 5 beers since last June. 

I think you'd enjoy my area. I'm south of lowell,  definitely not in lowell and don't recommend lowell. But there are so many trails, art studios, quaint towns like Concord with the hippie types you'd like. If you get a chance,  I think you should research and spend time in the Northampton area. It's got the city feel, but has multiple art colleges and galleries as well as yoga studios, theaters, amazing restaurants, and tons of trails that lead to the berkshires. 

If you want any advice just reach out to me in a pm and I'd be happy to help. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A couple days ago someone liked one of my older posts in my journal, and I saw this video on the same page. I remember really liking this yoga flow so I did it today. It was my first "real" workout I've done in months. It felt good to do. I'm going to repeat it again later in the week. After a few months dedicated to making myself feel better, I'm now ready to get back to making myself better.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’ve been listening to audio books by Russell Brand about how he recovered from addiction and his version of the 12 step program, which still involves submitting to a higher being. Initially, I don’t agree with this approach but he also said that it’s likely you won’t but have to trust the process. I still don’t trust it but I’m going to listen to the entire books to see if I can learn something.

 

I am interested in doing some shadow work though. I haven’t reflected on painful memories in a while, excluding my breakup. 
 

I’ve been working on a new painting and it has the potential to be the best one I’ve made so far. I hope I don’t mess it up. Digital art is a lot easier in that sense, but it feels less special and interesting to me (even as a viewer rather than the artist creating it).

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’ve decided to stop trying to be a streamer. I need to work on my self confidence, and improve the way I look. I also plan to do a bunch of anatomy studies rather than doing complete works of art so I can improve faster.

I’m trying a new skincare routine and I am hopeful I’ve found the first moisturizer of my life which doesn’t break me out.

I tried to replace thermal paste inside my laptop and ended up damaging the motherboard I think and need to have the whole thing repaired, lol. I regret trying to fix something like this on my own. 😢

I’ve made some strides towards completing chores that have been in progress for months now... I’m closing in on the finish line and that’s exciting.

I’ve started to do some shadow work. 

I really need to start doing bodyweight exercises, my body feels really weak. I want the gym to open soon.

Still trying to get rid of the gnats in my apartment, but I think they may be coming in from the outside. I’m going to try spraying pesticides around my windows.


I’ve been in a funk lately due to the hysteria happening online around the BLM riots and defunding the police movement, and my friends’ reactions to them. I want to find some conservative or moderate friends... I’m not sure how to do that though. Perhaps at my gym. It would be refreshing over the far-left liberals I’ve been surrounded by my entire life. I’ve almost stopped communicating with my existing friends and that’s been tough.  

Edited by Shine Magical
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/27/2020 at 10:31 AM, Shine Magical said:

I tried to replace thermal paste inside my laptop and ended up damaging the motherboard I think and need to have the whole thing repaired, lol. I regret trying to fix something like this on my own. 😢

Oh no!! What happened? I don't know how to fix mine if ever! 😬

On 6/27/2020 at 10:31 AM, Shine Magical said:

I really need to start doing bodyweight exercises, my body feels really weak. I want the gym to open soon.

How about home workout while gym is still closed? Hehe! I just started doing mine three weeks ago. 😄

On 6/27/2020 at 10:31 AM, Shine Magical said:

It would be refreshing over the far-left liberals I’ve been surrounded by my entire life. I’ve almost stopped communicating with my existing friends and that’s been tough.  

Haha!! Indeed it would be very refreshing! It's okay, true friends will truly stay no matter what even if you didn't talk to each other for a long time. 😁

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/26/2020 at 10:31 PM, Shine Magical said:

I’ve been in a funk lately due to the hysteria happening online around the BLM riots and defunding the police movement, and my friends’ reactions to them. I want to find some conservative or moderate friends... I’m not sure how to do that though. Perhaps at my gym. It would be refreshing over the far-left liberals I’ve been surrounded by my entire life. I’ve almost stopped communicating with my existing friends and that’s been tough.

I agree with you. I support equality, but I also know after working 12 hours a day the last thing I want to think or talk about is social injustice and stuff that's out of my control. I'd rather just have an easy conversation with someone who's interested in me and wants to talk about art, tv shows, music, food, or just dumb crap that is funny like a video or something. That's one reason i deleted social media 2 years ago. 

I think we all need a degree of separation from society and it's really nice to stay in my house and not have to hear, read, or see stuff I don't want to hear after a long day.

I feel the same way with exercising. I was very active with rock climbing and I haven't really exercised in 3 months now. I feel so weak and lethargic, especially with the heat and humidity we've had in Mass the past few weeks. Holy shit.

I'm gonna start trail walking in the mornings on rail trails before work and stuff just to get the blood flowing and start my day off right. Maybe that's something you could do? There's a nice rail trail near Arlington you could try. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hooked up with someone new for the first time in a while. I realized at that time that my motivation to exercise stems from trying to be as high up in the social hierarchy as I can. 


These feelings hit me strongly after hanging out with someone for the first time in a long time. It was interesting (and natural). Physical contact with other human beings is important since we're social creatures.


I watched a very cool stream yesterday of a girl dancing and I danced along for about 40 minutes and it was a good workout. I think I have the motivation to work out more often now.

Edited by Shine Magical
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My skin has been improving a LOT. I’ve incorporated a lot of oatmeal into my skincare routine and it seems to be working really well. I look a lot better than I did 2 weeks ago.

I’m really excited, but I’m also trying not to get too excited. Everytime my skin clears up and I start to get confident it gets fucked up for weeks and I get extremely depressed. I have a lot of anxiety around this.

 

Since my laptop is broken and my skin is clearing up, I’ve been having a lot of sex instead... 😅

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I read through the last few pages of my journal. I noticed that when I was talking about why I left my relationship, I didn’t mention the most important reasons: a lack of trust and poor communication. 

 

I’ve decided to stop doing art for a few weeks because I feel burnt out. I’m going to focus on work, skincare, fitness, and sex in the meantime.

F64AC033-CB26-4788-BD76-087F2CDC4B11.jpeg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Today was the first time my new job made me cry. I guess it’s a good sign it hasn’t happened sooner since I’ve worked here 6 months (my old job made me cry 4 days in).
It still doesn’t feel good though. Everyone at my work is stressed right now because of a big deadline at the end of the week, including me.

I got low-key threatened to be fired and/or get a bad review from someone I work with if I don’t do a good job/change my behavior.


Luckily they aren’t my direct boss and they didn’t say it too seriously (they were discussing their thoughts) but I also need to impress them too. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Shine Magical said:

Luckily they aren’t my direct boss and they didn’t say it too seriously (they were discussing their thoughts) but I also need to impress them too. 

As long as you're doing your task on time and excellently, you've got no problem! 😄 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

49 minutes ago, Shine Magical said:

Today was the first time my new job made me cry. I guess it’s a good sign it hasn’t happened sooner since I’ve worked here 6 months (my old job made me cry 4 days in).
It still doesn’t feel good though. Everyone at my work is stressed right now because of a big deadline at the end of the week, including me.

I got low-key threatened to be fired and/or get a bad review from someone I work with if I don’t do a good job/change my behavior.


Luckily they aren’t my direct boss and they didn’t say it too seriously (they were discussing their thoughts) but I also need to impress them too. 

Just make sure you're constantly checking in with your direct project manager on how your progress is going and just give them updates on what you've been working on. If you reach a point where you've completed a task, ask for a new task immediately, etc. 

I don't know what you do, but I find a lot of quiet engineers in my office don't give me or any other managers status updates and I have to keep checking in on them relentlessly because they're so quiet. Instead of asking questions they just try to do things on their own. That's good to an extent, but it's not a good idea to try and solve everything especially if you have expert resources around you. 

If it's a lack of communication then the quarantine can make it look like people are slacking. I encourage people talk to their direct supervisors at least 2 or 3 times a day. Not full phone calls, just little check ins to let them know how far I've gotten on a calculation or plan design, etc. I expect the same from people helping me. I know a certain task takes the average engineer 8 hours so when they give it to me in 16 and it looks terrible and they haven't asked me any questions I get the assumption they were slacking off.

I guess what I'm saying is keep checking in with your direct manager so you're constantly on the same page. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got 5 hours of sleep and broke a glass this morning because I was so stressed.

However I decided to tell my manager about the situation and he told me not to worry and that what happened wasn’t appropriate so I’m glad I told him.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had sex maybe 5 times since March. I often go through very low periods where I have little interest to do it.

I often felt confined within my old relationship because I felt I had to have sex with my partner at a minimum once every week or two, and I would have preferred not to do it at all for months on end sometimes.

Having sexual freedom feels good, although it's not without its drawbacks.

I think it could be tied to how I feel about my skin and my self-confidence which is linked to how much acne I have.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dealing with a bit of acne which is making me 😣

 

I completed this art piece which I’m proud of.

 

I went to the gym again yesterday and I’m not too far off from where I left off a few months ago it seems so that’s promising.

 
I wanted to fix my sleep schedule today but I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep and woke up at 9am. I’ll try again tomorrow 😅

9ADAC6D9-C3BC-464B-80C6-28AB2FB47853.jpeg

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m going through a confusing time in my life.

I looked back at my old Instagram stories and felt a lot of nostalgia.

I used to feel financially taken care of, lived in luxury, and had developed a close group of friends, and I chose to leave all of that for something better.
The Instagram stories only show the good parts, but I now live in a very different city. I think I want to move somewhere even more rural, so I’m not sure what my future will look like. I haven’t met anyone yet here that I like, although I haven’t had the chance to meet many people lately. 
I’m sure I’ll feel differently tomorrow.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m pretty sure I’m a conservative/Republican after researching a decent amount and becoming more informed about Thomas Sowell’s research. 
Lately there’s not much to do except work and listen to podcasts while I draw.

I’ve been making a good recovery at the gym, I feel like I have a lot of energy lately. Maybe it’s because I’ve decided not to hide from my political views/world outlook? That sounds too poetic to be true but who knows, maybe that denial of self expression blocked some kind of chakra point within myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • d.manuk changed the title to d.manuk's journal

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share