d.manuk's journal

[d.manuk]

I plan on playing the New World MMO when it comes out. I’m looking forward to playing it but am not going to discuss it much since this is Gamequitters. As long as I’m not wasting my life playing League of Legends or having sex because I’m bored, I’ll feel like I’m winning at life. I doubt I’ll have a toxic relationship with this game, I’ll probably play for a while until I get bored in the same way I did with Maplestory 2 a few years ago.

 

I got the first round of shots in my neck of Kybella, and it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. It feels strange but I have a feeling like I’ll like the results by the end. I also got the consultation and have my first round of laser scar removal in 2 weeks, which I am very excited for. I’m thinking that I’ll continue working on myself and avoid dating/hooking up at a minimum until the Kybella treatments are over (3 months minimum), or until the laser scar removal is over with (approximately 6-9 months). 

 

After my health scare a few weeks ago, I’ve deleted all of the romance related apps on my phone and haven’t felt like I’m missing out on anything yet. As I look into the future, I’m going to type out a “real” dating app bio here below, and then I’ll spend time softening and deleting most of it so that I don’t sound so unpleasant. Just reading through it once, I sound so high maintenance, but I suppose that I am in reality. I don’t sound particularly likeable, I’ll probably just keep all of the positive sounds parts. 

 

Hi, I’m David.

 

I grew up in NYC for the first 30 years of my life. I had a lot of unique and interesting experiences there, but ultimately left because it’s not the type of environment I thrive in. I want to own a house in a quieter suburb with a nice private backyard with lots of trees and plants. I really like my privacy and part of the reason why I left NYC was because I disliked having strangers look at me: walking down the street, and even when I’m walking around inside my apartment on the 20th floor people could easily see me unless I had the blinds closed.

 

I’m a very sensitive person. I’m usually really happy and like to smile, though when I get upset I get very upset. I don’t have a snowflake personality, but I’m sensitive in almost every other way. I have a hard time watching horror movies or awkward comedy like The Office. I usually have to pause a show a lot if it's an awkward comedy or if things get too exciting. I don’t like sarcasm or dry humor. When I get nervous, I feel a lot of butterflies in my stomach. I’m introverted and although I like socializing 1 on 1 with people I’m really close to, I dislike meeting new people and talking in groups. I feel really connected to my close friends. I’m a minimalist because I don’t like cleaning, and because less visual clutter is more relaxing to me. I can’t be in the sun for too long because I have sensitive skin. I also have a restricted diet because a lot of food gives me acne. I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs. 

 

I like masculine men. Feminine men make me uncomfortable. Politically, I’m moderate-conservative though I’m not really hung up on political labels. I don’t like Ru Paul’s drag race. 

 

I’m a Scorpio and although I don’t care too much about astrology, the typical Scorpio characteristics are extremely accurate for me. 

 

I don’t like pets, especially dogs. I’m not going to date someone with a dog, and I find them annoying, needy, and unintelligent. I do love animals and enjoy mostly looking at them. I don’t want children.

 

I’m not close with my parents and don’t have a tight knit family dynamic. I’m only really close to my grandma. I have no siblings. 

 

I’m naked as much as possible, especially in the summer. I like to be comfortable. 

 

How much money you earn isn’t that important to me. I don’t enjoy eating tasting menus in 3 Michelin starred restaurants, and I don’t want to travel much anymore. I’ve experienced enough of that and realized it wasn’t really what I liked. I understand that this isn’t exactly a relatable paragraph to most people. 

 

My love language is touch. I like holding hands a lot and I want you to grab my butt haha. 

 

I like to weightlift, I hike and paint, I love watching TikTok videos, I like comedies and silly feel good movies. I love to watch anime but don’t like talking about it. I like to play online video games. I eat a lot of beef and lamb. 

 

Let’s do an activity for a date, rather than just meeting and talking.
 

I listen to music a lot. I like techno and heavy metalcore. I think K Pop and heavy metal are more similar than you’d expect.
I like fantasy and fiction, though not sci do because I don’t like guns, I like magic.

I eat really healthy, I haven’t eaten any kind of desert or deep fried food in over 10 years.

Edited August 8, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

I decided to re-follow my ex on Instagram.

I no longer feel grossed out when I think of him, instead I feel amused that we dated for 6 years. I think this means that I’ve finished the grieving process  of our relationship.

Interestingly despite this action of mine, I still don’t really want to talk to him. I guess I just want him in my pocket as part of my past instead of ignoring his existence.

Edited August 8, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

Whew, I just finished cleaning my entire apartment... I've been meaning to do it for weeks now but have felt low energy/unmotivated. Well the time felt right and I listened to a podcast while cleaning. I also went grocery shopping this morning, yesterday I worked for a lot of the day to catch up for next week. ☺️
 

 

[d.manuk]

I actually think writing and updating the bio describing myself is helpful because it frames the way I think about myself. 
It’s clear I have a lot of negative opinions about certain aspects of myself, and I think working through that and writing an accurate description of myself that I like will help me present myself more confidently to others.

[d.manuk]

I have a deep well of anger that I can draw from. It’s a well that is usually covered; I’m usually happy and when something goes wrong I don’t get too mad. However, the tension from getting mad gets stored in my body, it’s not easy to hold back a lion. I do my best to reduce it, but I think it’s too deep to ever go away. My childhood and life experiences haven’t always been the best. The phrase “I hate everyone” is a little extreme and not really how I feel, but isn’t as untrue as I wish it would be. I think I could kill someone without feeling too bad about it. The way I’ve been trying to take water out of the well is through exercise and getting regular massages and to keep myself as happy as possible. 

Edited August 14, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

I’m going to try nofap for 2 months and I’m already a bit over a week in. To be honest it’s not hard at all, I’ve been really low on sexual energy for a while now and I’m doing this to try to repair myself. I get erections at night while I sleep but not during the day. I was having a lot of sex and masterbating just because I was bored, not because I was horny.

I learned that you can deep condition your eyebrows, armpits, pubes and I tried it and I think it makes me look a little bit better so I’m happy with that. I bought some cologne samples and some new deodorants and I’m going to play around with that a little bit.

I had such a good gym week last week, I did 4 really intense days and I’m proud. I have my first laser scar removal appointment on Thursday and I’m happy to start the process.

Edited August 17, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

After about two weeks, I stopped doing nofap because it was causing my stomach to hurt a lot.
I feel a lot better now.
I think it made me skin look really good though, so I'll continue "nofapping" but probably only do it in 1 or 2 week intervals.

[d.manuk]

My largest plant got a spider mite infestation and I threw it out. It's possible that the others are infested and just aren't as far gone yet so I'm going to give them all showers tonight which is annoying because they're all large plants and hard to handle.

 

I have 3 plants left. I think this could have been prevented if I took a bit better care of it, but I don't like taking care of anything other than myself (and maybe a little bit my significant other).

 

I'm kind of tempted to throw out all of my plants lol

But I like how they look

 

I think as time has passed, I've been cutting down on my hobbies significantly, lasering my focus onto a few.

My body and appearance is my top hobby

I'm even getting kind of bored with painting

Edited August 23, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

Actually 2 other plants were infested. So now I only have one left, and it's one that I grew from a complete baby tiny stem.
It's funny because this plant is a complete attention whore and likes to push other plants out of it's way. It's a weed and very hardy. Lol. I guess the queen got what she wanted!
#lastonestanding

[d.manuk]

I threw out all the plants and cleaned all the containers to prepare to sell them.

 

This is now a plant free home 🥰

[d.manuk]

Somehow I feel like getting rid of these plants was important, I've wanted to do it for a while but felt like I couldn't, it feel like a pipe was unplugged and I'm being pretty productive now.

[d.manuk]

I’m a happy homebody, and a minimalist that prefers simplicity. I’m sensitive and feel really close to my friends because I’m selective with who I connect with.

I have a naughty sense of humor. I grew up in NYC for the first 30 years of my life.

I like to weightlift, go on nature walks, and make art. I’ll listen to anything with a heavy beat - techno, house, rap, metalcore, k pop... I eat a lot of grilled beef and lamb.

Being gay is a very small part of my life & into guys that are the same. I’m sober, but not because I have any issues.

I want to own a house in a quieter suburb with a nice private backyard with lots of trees and plants.

[d.manuk]

I gained 2lb of muscle, gained 5 pounds total, and decreased my bodyfat percentage by 0.5% in 2 months since I started the personal training sessions

I want to try harder and see if I can get 3lbs of muscle in the next 2 months

[d.manuk]

"Too blessed to be stressed"
I heard this saying today for this first time and I like it hahaha

[d.manuk]

I don't think I'm going to be ready to socialize and date until Summer 2023 if I'm being honest.

[d.manuk]

[d.manuk]

I had a meeting with the owner of my gym today to review my 2.5 months of progress in their personal training program. I go the mandatory 3 days a week, and have been doing an optional 4th workout day on my own.

I gained 3.3lbs of lean muscle in 75 days, or about ~1.3 lbs of lean muscle per month. My body fat percentage has stayed about the same, hovering in the 16% area. (Results being tracked through inbody tests). I've been gaining weight and am at 5'10 and 180lbs now, but I've been relatively happy with how my body has looked, especially in the past week.

I've been feeling more muscular. I thought gaining about 1lb of muscle per month was good progress.

However, he said that I should be doing more and recommended adding in an additional optional option workout day and including some cardio on the optional workout days too.

I felt really defeated when he said that. I thought I had been doing well, and he said it was good but seemed kind of disappointed by my progress. I think he was expecting something closer to 2lbs lean muscle per month. I also felt a bit overwhelmed by his recommendation because 5 days at the gym seems like a lot, but it just goes to show how much work is required to get a good physique. I'm going to follow his recommendation but I honestly feel a bit sad. I already feel like my life revolves around the gym, but now that feeling is going to increase even more. I hope I don't get burned out.

[d.manuk]

There's a really friendly girl in my gym classes that I've been making an effort to befriend because she's a friendly extrovert that was initially very nice to me and spoke to me first.

Today she chatted me up again and I made an effort to continue the conversation, I had previously added her on Instagram to signal I wanted to be her friend, and after class she asked if I wanted to hang out for a bit and get tea after class and I said definitely. It turns out she lives very close to the gym (which also means close to me). We have enough overlap in our interests that I think we could be friends if we put in the effort.

We walked around the neighborhood and I went up into her apartment and met her roommates and her guinea pig. We exchanged numbers and will probably hang out again in the upcoming weeks.
 

I'm happy that it seems like we might become friends. We have the same big interests: classes at my little gym, plants, arts and crafts.

She could be my first real friend here in Boston! I honestly was expecting to have to put in more work and time to find a friend, aka 2023. To have it happen this naturally has definitely lifted my mood a bit. 🙂

 

Edited September 15, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

A lot has happened in the past few days.

 

Thursday:

I worked out for 2.5 hours because I knew I wasn't going to work out Fri or Sat. It was a really good session. Right after I finished, my new friend texted me inviting me to a yoga class in an hour. I went even though I had already worked out a lot, and I managed pretty well. I sweat a lot.

 

Friday:
The day of the Beartooth concert! I took a train to Worcester. The commuter train is pretty gross and ghetto. I didn't like it. It made me really want a car.
I checked into the hotel and went to the concert venue. It started off pretty well, but right before the main act got on stage I realized my phone was missing from my backpack. I got pretty bummed out immediately. Thoughts like "I'm going to need to spend $1k on a new phone UGH" ran through my head the whole time the best part of the concert was happening. It was hard to fully enjoy the band's performance but I tried my best to make the best of it. I was at 75% instead of 100%, which was a shame because I spent a good amount of money traveling to another city, booking a hotel, etc for this 1 show. At the end of the night, my phone was in the lost and found so my emotions swang back wildly into the positive. It was an emotional roller coaster of a night.

 

Today:

Since I had to check out of the hotel I had sex with 2 random guys this morning. I hadn't hooked up in a few months. I thought it was a decent experience for what it was. 1 was this hot college kid with a big eggplant. It kind of made me feel bad that I can't get guys like that as easily in my hometown because it's a bit further outside the city and not as accessible for people. It's not easy for socializing and stuff but I'm priced out of Boston. My scars from laser scar removal seem to start to be fading a little which is making me optimistic for what they'll look a year from now. I still want to grow out my hair more. I decided that I want to buy a condo instead of a home, because I don't need a lot of space and I'm not sure I want a yard anymore because I don't like taking care of things and plants seem to get sick and diseases easily and need maintenance and stuff.

 

My new goal is to buy a condo in a minimalist building that doesn't have a fitness center/etc because I wouldn't use that stuff anyway. This is close to a gym I really like. That I can afford the monthly payments + have a car too.

Right now with my lifestyle I can only afford to rent alone, but I will look into condos a bit more next year when my lease is up.

Edited September 19, 2021 by d.manuk

[d.manuk]

I went back in for a 2nd round of Kybella injections into my chin.

I was told that I'd likely need 3 total. The before and after pictures after the first round didn't seem to have much of an effect. Hopefully with this second round I'll see more of a change.

 

My work is starting to get busy so I've been a little stressed.

The weather is cooling down which makes me anxious because it means winter is coming.

 

I'm at least ready with most of my clothes for winter.

[d.manuk]

I believe I have mild rosacea as well as mild IBS or some other sort of stomach issue, which is why my body responds best to a low sugar, low fiber, and low fat diet.

 

I found a new moisturizer that works for my skin and I’m so happy, because it is more hydrating than the previous one and I think I look a lot better because of it because it’s cold and dry weather now. 
 

I’ve been growing out my hair and it looks cute, I think it will look really good in a few months. 

 

I had a weird rash on my body for a month now, it’s mostly gone away now but still have a little bit of it and I’m still worried it might come back.

Edited November 17, 2021 by d.manuk

[Marius]

Have you been to a doctor with those problems?

[d.manuk]

I’m starting to get in one of those moods where I hate everybody. 
 

Is it because I hate myself at the moment?

[GameQuitter2021]

your posts are inspiring! 

[d.manuk]

I met up with the hottest guy I've ever had sex with in my life yesterday. The sex was extremely good: he's muscular, hung, tall, and he lasts a very long time in bed just like me. We went 5 rounds and he slept over at my house which I never let people do. He thinks I'm extremely good in bed too (I am 😀) and we will be meeting up again. I already want him to be my boyfriend. However, this is stupid of me to want since I don't know him that well and he might not even want to be in a monogamous relationship. I was able to meet him because I was slightly persistent in messaging him, which is something I normally don't do but I went along with it because he seemed to like my pics and responded to my messages. The reason why we met though is because of the right timing where I was in his neighborhood at 1am. Now that we've met up once though we want to meet up more on a regular basis. I'm not confident this guy would want to be in a relationship, but we'll see. I’m probably just another guy that’s convenient for him and good enough to satisfy a need. Why would he go for me? I'd be really happy if he showed initiative for something deeper, but I can't have hope that will happen because I need to guard my heart against disappointment in a difference in expectations. I think he just wants to be friends with benefits but I guess I do have hope that he'll fall in love with my sensitive and happy personality. I need to remember to play it cool though. Too much too soon is cringe and weird!

Edited December 6, 2021 by d.manuk