codepants 79 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Hello world, 10 days in and apparently it's time to start journaling. Why I'm Quitting I'm sure it's common to question whether one is actually "addicted" to games. That's where I am right now... sort of a "let's try and see" phase. I've had anxiety and depression since I was 12 or 13, around the same time my parents separated, which was just after my dad became physically abusive. Before we moved my dad was gone during the week so my relationship with him wasn't problematic aside from being nonexistent. After we moved, the shit hit the fan. I hadn't identified it until recently but video games were definitely an escape. I don't think it's a coincidence that before the move I would play only periodically (as far as I can remember, though I do have a distinct memory of fighting with my mom over whether I could go to bed with my Gameboy when I was maybe 7) and after the move I played near daily, often for the entire day. I have a lot of memories of forgoing chores to play. Most of my interaction with friends was playing video games. I dropped sports, eventually all sports. I never had trouble making friends or getting dates; on the other hand, I wasn't a social butterfly or chick magnet. I think that's what kept me from realizing it might be a problem. And to be fair, when one has abusive parents there is an element of just needing to survive. If video games keep you from getting physically beaten by your dad then okay, seems like a good reason to play. But my dad isn't in my life anymore, I cut him out a few years ago. And my anxiety and depression are still around. I have been in therapy on and off since 13, and have tried various diets and exercise regiments to no permanent effect. I do recall a few-week period last fall (2019) where I was on top of the world, and I attribute that to going to karate 3-4 times a week and spin class 1-2 times a week. Unfortunately, that's not currently possible because of COVID. That's been the hardest part about all of this, but more on that later. Anyway, I suppose video gaming has always been there as a sort of escape. My relationship with it comes and goes but aside from vacations and two periods in my life where I was living on my bicycle, it hasn't been absent from my life for more than a few weeks at time. So I want to see what happens if I live "normal" life without video games for a while. We'll start with three months. Part of me definitely hopes I can re-introduce it at some point, but we'll see I guess. There's a lot of things I want to do with my life that I haven't done. Sometimes I ask myself if I live a long life, then what will I regret on my deathbed. And I don't know if I'd regret saying I spent all of it playing video games or not. I don't enjoy anything else right now. But if quitting means hedonic adaptation will cause me to enjoy other things, then maybe I should quit and see what happens. So that's what I'm doing. What "Quitting" Means I do not play games with IRL friends more than once a week (sometimes not more than once a month) and then not more than five hours a session. So, I'm still allowing myself to play games with IRL friends, for now. For instance, my best friend from college and I sometimes play a game one night every other week for 2-3 hours while we catch up. We usually play different games than I was addicted to and I consider this more about catching up than playing games. I plan to be mindful of whether playing these games starts to feel "addictive;" i.e. if it's something I "crave" doing and do mindlessly I will stop. I am sure that these friends would support me if I said I wanted to be doing something else while catching up. I don't count playing a board game on Tabletop Simulator as playing a video game. Especially during COVID that seems particularly restrictive, since the only person I can play IRL board games with is my partner with whom I live. Habits I'd like to have instead (COVID Friendly) Play accordion Play ukulele Go for bike rides Mindfulness/yoga/stretching Get better at slalom rollerblading Cook more Habits I'd like to have instead (Post-COVID) Some sort of martial art (whatever's available near me; I have moved since karate) Lyrical hip-hop Acroyoga To-do List Organize my tools and spare parts Organize the other things I own (ex. current artwork sitting on the floor) Study for the NCE, get licensed Complete my list of sewing projects Complete the Command Center (a work project allowing others to adjust a software system I built without needing to contact me to do so) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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