codepants 79 Posted December 20, 2020 Author Share Posted December 20, 2020 Well, I broke up with lady friend. I'd like to say it was a long time coming but... I did want it to work out. I wanted to build something with her. I wanted to point to a relationship and say, "I stuck it out. We worked it out. Things got better." I won't say I wanted a happily ever after, because I don't believe those are real, but... I wanted a secure attachment. I wanted this relationship to be different. And now I'm living with my ex during a pandemic. Fml. I mean, I think we can be civil. I know I can be. I think she can be. She has lived with an ex before. I like living here. I'm grateful for my friends that have supported me through this and have continued to be supportive. I texted a few people right away and my bestie called literally within seconds. And made me smile. There's a part of me that feels like I should be crying but... I'm not that sad. Maybe I'm not sad because I don't think I'm losing something, because you can't lose something you didn't have. Mostly I feel lighter. There's some residual heaviness, like breaking through a wall and needing to clean up the broken bits, but... mostly it feels like I've broken through. I'm tempted to put a platitude here but I hate platitudes. I don't know what happens next. And that's terrifying but also kind of exciting. I get to be me again. I'm free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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