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Sarma

Farewell.

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Day 1

Hello again everyone.

Since I'm doing this again for the last time, I though I might start a new journal.

I'm giving myself this only and last shot. I need to quit video games for the next year, so until january 29th 2021. If I'm not game free for the next year I'm going back and never trying again.

I feel like giving myself an ultimatum is the only way the detox will actually work. So here we go again.

Also, If anyone is interested, I'd like to have an accountability partner. Anyone who is interested, please, please leave a comment bellow :) .

I'm reading up on respawn again, and I will apply every single step outlined there. 

Gaming and porn has severely impacted my mental health. I feel like im going insane, it needs to go away for good. 

I'm currently jobless, looking for a job as a copywriter. I plan on going to a bussiness school here in Belgrade. I'm gonna start studying today. 

My social life has been stable, I can safely say. I see my friends as much as I can. But no girlfriends, since my ex.

I really do hope this is my last detox and that It will work. 

I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys and I'm looking forward to an accountability partner.

Have a wonderful day!

 

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First of all welcome again. Good that you are ready to tackle it again. But let me tell you that I am worried about the way, how you are tackling it. I think, you create enourmous pressure to yourself my making this your last shot. I have never seen this work. Never! Why? Because, I think that you are now like a heavily overweight person that refuses to eat candy and talks to herself: NO CANDY NO CANDY NO CANDY... This is not working. Over time, it will create a lot of tension that will only become stronger and stronger. The only thing that will give you release, is gaming. So what is the alternative?  The most important thing is the process. Instead of being a gamer desperately trying to not play, you have to become a non gamer. You have to change your identity. Not the number of days and results are important, but what happens right now. I know that almost everyone here is counting the number of days of not gaming, but I don't think that this is necessary.

So what is it that a non gamer does? He is obviously not playing games. Maybe he goes out a lot or does some sport I don't know. You can do, whatever you want. Find new activities, with which you can fill the time, you now have, because you are not gaming. Whatever you like. Eventually, you should also delete steam, twitch, and basically everything gaming related. If you are a non gamer, you don't need it anymore. If you still refuse to do this than you are still a gamer. 

To become a non gamer, you need to prove it to yourself with your own behaviour. For me it worked to focused on studying like crazy. Also diet and sports have become so important for me that two weeks before I decided to quit gaming for good, I almost completely forgot to game at all, because I was to busy. So maybe make your studying a new passion. Turn into a hard worker, a die hard learner and focus on your career. Maybe start working out and get ripped. Become a work ethic beast. You will forget about gaming. It has no value in your life anymore.

If you want to learn more about the idea of identity based habits, here is a good article I would say: https://lifehacker.com/stick-to-your-goals-this-year-by-using-identity-based-h-5973583

But please don't use this ultimatum, where you put this enourmous pressure on yourself. You will set yourself up for failure!

 

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Day 19 

Just wanted to say I'm still going strong. Been so busy I haven't had time to write here. I got a job, I'm studying for school and I'm seeing my friends when i get the time. 

I hope you're all doing well! 

Have a wonderfull day! 

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Hi Sarma,

Try to be calm and ask yourself what strategies you have in place? Find an activity, go out of the house, work out, do sports, do something new, anything! And also... it is just a craving, in time it will surely pass. I wish you the best of luck! 

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My farewell.

I've failed. The cravings were too intense, I was at work and had no way to blow out steam. My mind just went haywire. As I said in my ultimatum, this is my last try. I'm sad this had to end unsucessfully. I tried, I really did. But I just can't force myself to do something that isn't working anymore. I've had a wonderful time on this journey with you guys, but everything comes to an end. I've had many ups and downs on this road, I'd say I came out a better person. I've learned a lot, and can't thank @Cam Adair and the rest of game quitters enough. I hope you understand why I'm giving up. This way of life just isn't good for my mental health, and it needs to stop. Am I making the wrong choice. Probably. But, that doesn't matter now, I'm making this choice now, I quit. 

So what am I gonna do now? 

I plan on getting a PS4, and finally achieving my dream of playing video games my PC couldn't handle. I'm looking for adventure, a chance to learn and much much more.

I'm gonna go to work everyday, study for school and in my free time play video games.

And that's it, that's all I want.

One more thing. @Cam Adair can you please delete my account?

I wish you all the best of luck on your jorneys.

Farewell. Forever.

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Understandable, but still: I find no word. I guess sad is not enough to express what I am feeling.

Now that I have read this, I would not even see the point in giving up.

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F. Nongamer down.

@Alexanderle I see your point now, at last. I struggle because I am still a gamer, although, on the leash, lol. I literally plan on making content out of my fav game footage, if I don`t kick the habit completely.  It compromises the detox itself then! Seems that even after 60 days in total,  I haven`t decided to quit but to postpone my "glottony". Is this really a situation where one of us (past-myself and me-wanna-be) must die? 

Edited by Xgamer
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@Sarma,

You can call me an asshole for this post, but I'm going to post it anyways. I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings but serves more of an encouraging post. My intent is not to insult you, especially in an emotional moment like this.

I don't think you want to keep gaming and watching porn. Read all of your previous posts. You're miserable and severely impacted by gaming and porn addictions. It's causing you misery. I think you're just giving up because this is too difficult for you in your mind.

It's not, though.

I won't force you to stay on this website or quit gaming. That's not my right in life. But it is your right. It's your right to give yourself a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. I think you're giving up. You posted 4 times on this thread in just over 1 month, sometimes taking over 2 weeks between posts. I didn't bother reading your other journals, but in this journal you made no self discoveries. I don't see you breaking down the reasons why you game, what is keeping you from quitting games, why you like games, why you hate games, etc.

Your first post was an ultimatum saying you're either gonna quit cold turkey or give up forever. You're setting yourself up to fail and giving yourself an excuse to give up on this website. You're trying to remove all self-accountability by saying that. If you fail and relapse, which your addiction will want you to do, then you don't have to worry about changing your life anymore. You can continue to be depressed, miserable, lonely, and anything else you complained about.

Your ultimatum also says something. You desperately need help. You're trying to get people to help you by making a huge deal about quitting this website and deleting your account.

Do you interact with other users in this forum to seek their guidance in quitting video games? Do you see a therapist to work with them on discovering why you play video games as a stress relief? Do you work on issues in life that are causing you to feel the need to ESCAPE from stress? Do you speak to friends about this? Does your family know you're STRUGGLING?

I just think it's blatantly obvious that you need more assistance in quitting games. It's painted in your words. 

Don't ask for an accountability partner. That's lazy. Seek a therapist, stay on the forums, and contribute to this community. Even if you relapse, share your experience here so we can learn from you and you can learn from us. I tried quitting games from 2008 to 2018 and it wasn't until I committed to posting on these forums that I was able to quit. My life has improved so much in the past 500 days because of it. My mind is free. I'm less depressed than ever. I'm still addicted to porn, but I no longer feel the need to play games. That mental pull in my mind is gone. I'm free. 

We can't do it alone.

Before you quit gaming I would like you to read how I have managed to quit gaming for over 500 days so far and still going. This isn't to brag. Bragging about sobriety is pathetic. I'm sharing this with you because your current diary has no responses in it besides your most recent ones responding to you giving up. I'm offering to help you discuss your problems on this diary with no transparency much like I do in my diary. Give us a chance to help you more. I didn't read your last diary or this one. But reach out to us if you need it. 

Take a day or night to think things over and then re-read your posts on this diary. It will be obvious that you don't want to play video games or watch porn anymore.

How I Quit Video Games 500+ Days

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 Eh.  I say don't sweat it brother.   Life is short, and you never know when it's over.  Enjoy it.  Really.  Quitting games isn't the go to solution for everybody.  You've been on this site for almost four years, so you know the deal.  Quitting severs ties with your distractions, but it's what  you do once the distractions are away.  Sometimes though, you need those distractions around otherwise you'd end up like, you know, insane! 😂😂  So what I'm trying to say is, you need balance.  Your growth in life and gaming is like a yin and yang.  Gaming keeps you grounded from what I see.  But don't let that darkness consume you like before though.  I'm sure you know by now.

However, I do agree with @BooksandTrees though in the sense that you set yourself up for failure creating this ultimatum.  What I do want to add on is that, quitting games should be something that you ease into.  Not when you fuck up in life and try to find a quick fix solution.  Sort out your internal issues instead, play occasionally to alleviate the stress that comes with it, and eventually when your ready, come back to the part of yourself that wants to quit gaming.  Make friends with that self, and decide what to do from then.  And I only say this, because your life seems to be going okay.  So take care, alright?

And if you can, come visit again, so we can catch up. But don't be so hard on yourself if things go bad though . Life is like that.  😊

So with that said, have a good life.

Edited by Weaksaucebro
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Relapse isn’t a crime man. 

When I studied at school, I really liked the Serb contingent. Their english was really good and many english students mistook them for Americans (accent). They were interesting to talk to. They had more energy and interest in you than the other nationalities. Always wanted to see your country cause it strikes me as a very special place.

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In case @Sarma comes back, I would really like to stay on his journey. But we sometimes also have to understand that maybe one is not ready for the big change of quitting games and that there is not enough momentum yet. I had one attempt to quit gaming, when I was 19 and I failed horribly. Maybe I fail horribly with this attempt as well. Who knows. But one thing I know for sure based on my experiences: It is never to late to change and their is not something as the "last final try". You can always try again. Even if you start with something entirely else, like getting your social life straight first, fixing your diet or solve your family problems. Whatever it is. You can also change.

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Sometimes you have to go back to go forward. Plenty of addicts go back to using for a couple of years before they remember why they quit in the first place. Addiction is progressive though... when you go back to gaming it'll most likely be worse than it ever was.

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