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NEW INTERVIEW: Porn is destroying a generation... one erection at a time! w/ Gabe Deem

Sarma

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About Sarma

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  • Birthday 08/02/2000

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  1. Day 11 - Really fucking sad I don't want to do copywritting anymore. I just can't find the energy to do it. I just want to go to university. Get a degree and fuck all of this. I fucked up. I should've went to university the first time. Now I'm going to waste a whole year doing nothing,fucking around. Fucking great man. I have no goal now. All I have is work everyday, without purpose. Just nothing. I hate my decisions, I fucked up. I'm sorry to my family, friends and you guys here. I've let you all down again. Sorry for giving up. I guess I'll always be a failure. Sorry Mom, Dad, brother, sister, and other close family. Sorry Andrej, Raseta, Mina, Zeljko... letdown. I'm grateful for what I have now. And I'll never complain about not having something ever again. Because you can lose it all in a moment. Sorry, again. See you tomorrow forum. Have a wonderful day everyone. Savor every moment.
  2. Day 8 - Relaxing Ok, my mental breakdown has subsided ever since my last post. I've just been chilling. Trying to avoid stress as much as possible. I feel a lot more rational now and ready for new fights. For the past couple of days I've been thinking of going to university next year. I think I'm gonna do it. It's not a definitive thought yet, but we will see. About my relationship with my girlfriend. I don't know where it's going. I don't know if it'll last, and frankly I don't care. If it works, it works. Gonna make a to-do list for tomorrow. Gonna work out, work on my copywritting, hang out with friends/girlfriend. I'm starting a new job on monday and I'm hoping that'll give me some much needed stability. Shit has been so hectic the past week, I just need something stable. I've been watching gaming streams today and yesterday. I don't think it matters too much. I have a goal of quitting games and that's going to come over time. I can't instantly stop doing everything gaming related. It was the only way of life I knew. Like with porn, I'm probably gonna keep watching videos, until at some point I lose interest. Overall looking at it now, I'm excited for what's to come. I feel refreshed and ready for it. I'll make a to-do list for tomorrow and gonna go to sleep. I'll write more tomorrow. Have a wonderful day! Bye!
  3. Day 6 - Sad, sad, sad I hate my job. My relationships are failing. I hate life. Give me some xanax and just put me in eternal sleep. I don't want to be productive. I don't want to do anything. I just want freedom and peace of mind. I don't want anything else. No emotions. No stress. No love. No happiness. All I want is nothing. What if I died today? Would anyone care long enough to remember me? Would anyone stop to remember me 10 years from now, if i died? I doubt it. Because I wouldn't be a good enough memory. I'm worthless. Why can't I form a lasting relationship with someone? Why is everything so shitty. Why did shit go good for me 3 weeks ago, to just all come crashing down again. Why can't there be something consistent. I have so many people that I think care about me, yet I feel like the loneliest person on the planet. Am I this worthless? Was I ever worth it to begin with? I bleached my hair. I'm fucking orange now. Probably gonna dye it pink soon. I don't care. I want everyone to see how big of a freak I am. "Oh look at that idiot, faggot with pink hair". Yeah that's exactly what I want. I want my friends to hate me. I want them to not want to see me ever again. I want to be completely alone, mentally and physically. Just no more feelings. No more nothing. Probably gonna take some pills and go to sleep now. Gonna spend tomorrow drinking all day. I'm gonna buy me some whiskey and wine, plus cigars. Coupled with some sad, nostalgic music, the perfect formula for a "life is shit day". Then when saturday rolls around, I'm gonna go back to my shitty life, my shitty job, and just gonna be anxious as fuck. "I got a feeling that im not gonna be here for next yearSo lets laugh a little before im goneI've been dreaming of this shit for awhile nowGot me high nowShe dont love me but shes singing my songOh noI dont feel much painGot a knife in my back and a bullet in my brainI'm clinically insaneWalking home alone I see faces in the rain" I hope I die soon. Because, I don't know how to kill myself. I'm gonna start taking antidepressants in the next couple of days. Fuck this shitty shit. Have a nice fucking day. Bye.
  4. Day 5 - Life is life 20191009_235749[1] (online-audio-converter.com).ogg
  5. Day 3 - Day to day life, and overthinking At the bottom theres an audio file Day 3.ogg
  6. Day 2 - ANXIETY Today has been so hard. So much emotion. I'm overthinking everything. My girlfriend was joking today, that we shouldn't see each other ever again(lacks context). I took it personally and now I think we are breaking up. FUCK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD. Took two benzodiazepines today. And still feel anxious as fuck. I just want to zone out do something, play video gams. I can't, I feel so much emotion right now and I cant take it. Get me out of this rut. I want to live life. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I need to work, i need to exercise, i want to kiss my girlfriend. FUCK, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING OF THAT. WHY IS THIS DAY SO HARD. WHY AM I SO EMOTIONAL. Just fucking shut my brain down. I cannot listen to it anymore. https://youtu.be/XKQa1vx-oNY https://youtu.be/lO00yy8iCAY Have a nice day.
  7. Day 1 - Back on track, thoughts and goals Talked with a friend last night about how annoyed i was. Felt pretty relaxed after the talk. And I've been in a good mood all day today. Now that I think about it, I think the relapse had to happen. I had to figure out exactly why and for how long I was quitting games. I know now, and I'm quitting forever. I have nothing left to learn in video games. I'm closing this chapter for good. Now that I got that out of the way, I want to make everyday a new opportunity to learn. Another problem I have is that I tend to mindlessly browse the internet when I have some spare time. So yeah that's an addiction on its own. I'm gonna plan everyday again from now on (stopped planning for weeks). I'm not going to pressure myself to be productive every single moment. But I will set atleast 3 goals to do everyday. Whether that be reading a few pages of a book, learning/writting copy, social skills or whatever other skill. I have people I care about and they care about me. Having a girlfriend has been an eye opening experience. I have someone to care about, and thus I care for my friends and family more as well. I finally feel emotion that was lacking from my life for the longest time. Today I went to my second class of copywritting. I feel really happy after it. I never knew how much power words can have over a person. I also got a lot of commendations from my class mates. Today's events really raised my confidence levels, and I'm thinking more positive. My self-worth is better. What I really want to start is writting gratitude. I want to train my brain to think in a positive way. And I hope I can do that with gratitude. Today is the 102nd day without porn. It feels insane that I made it this far. My confidence has sky rocketted, i don't feel as shy no more, I feel more emotion (more human). The world just overall feels more liveable. I'm out of my comfort zone and It feels amazing! Wherever you are in life, it's never late to start. There's a whole different world out there ready to be explored. And i recommend you start exploring sooner than later. The only thing we don't have an abundance of is time. Time can never be retrieved, so use it wisely to live the best life possible. Enjoy your life people. And as always, Have a wonderful day!
  8. Day 0 - Fucking video games Relapsed again a couple of days ago. I felt stressed out. Everyone left for university on October 1st and i've been feeling bad about it ever since. I FEEL EVEN MORE ANXIOUS THAT I WAS NOT PLAYING FUCK MAN. Fuck video games. I have a beautiful girlifriend, I'm learning a useful skill and my life has been better than ever before. WHY DO I CARE IF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING TO UNIVERSITY. I DON'T WANT THAT SHIT. WHY DO I LET MY EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF ME. I quit porn. I haven't had cravings for it in a while. Why are video games so hard for me? The only time I get a craving is when I'm stressed out. I just want to fucking zone out and not think about anything. From now on, im going to write journals everyday again. I'm gonna get this shit out of my system. I'll have a healthier way of dealing with stress. I'm done feeling like a child and throwing tantrums, because of fucking video games. I want to live life. Unhindered by this bullshit. I hate my fucking brain. Fucking get this shit out of your head. From now on everyday you wake up, you have one goal: Be a better person than yesterday. Read, learn, improve social skills. Whatever the fuck it is, just be productive. Fuck video games, it's worse than weed and you should quit it. You're life will improve forever. Fuck fuck fuck. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU CAN DO THIS AND BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE. YOU'RE NOT ANXIOUS. YOU'RE STRONG AND WILL BECOME AN AMAZING PERSON ONE DAY. Fuck you video games you ruined my fucking life. And now I'm gonna take it back. FARE FUCKING WELL.
  9. Day 4 - Crazyyyyy Barely slept last night, thinking about her. I spent like 2 hours rolling around in bed eyes wide open. Anyways, eventually i got up early, went and bought breakfast. She was coming over for the day. She ended up being late, and I just couldn't do anything. I was pacing left, right just waiting for her to come. I know I said we're taking it slow, but things moved quick today. We had an amazing time. Sadly she couldn't stay all day, because of my prior commitments. It's been 4 hours, I'm still stuck thinking about her. It's crazy. Like that's basically it for today. HER. I'm trying to be productive here, but I can't stop thinking about her, holy fuck. Feels amazing. So yeah, things are moving quickly. You can say that we're in a relationship now. Gonna try and be more productive tomorrow. Gonna do some exercise, kick boxing and gonna apply for a job. And hopefully see her lol. Copywritting course on saturday, can't waaaait. When it comes to my thoughts and emotions, they're mostly positive. I have sometimes when I conceptualize negative out comes, but I quickly dismiss them. Gaming and porn cravings? Not at all, I'm pretty sure. Everything seems so worth the effort these past few days. I'm still having doubts about myself. Although, I'm going head strong into the brick wall, and I don't think it can stop me. I'm excited for life! It feels like all this effort of quitting games, porn and other new habits is worth it now. If you're thinking of starting a detox and are uncertain, just know that there's definitely something better on the other side. Maybe you don't see it now, but you won't know until you try. I'd like to share the following tweet from @AJA_Cortes: “I’m 20 and I’m Depressed, what do I do bro?” Do the following -start physically training -WORK. Any job. So long as you get paid -Get outside in the sun every day and read -and don’t buy into your own defeatism and sadness that modern life tells you isn’t your fault I'm not gonna tell you depression doesn't exist, but these habits really do make a difference. I've applied all of them and signifact change happened. No, it did not happen immediately, but after a month or two you really do see changes. The most important thing is not to blame others for your sadness. Yes, sometimes it isn't your fault. But nobody will help you except yourself. So, blame yourself for everything. Be a better man/woman. Improve yourself and you will see the world improve around you. Another thing. Certainty kills any productiveness in a human. I've experienced that first hand. Only when I finished highschool, when I stopped being certain in my future did I make change. I know uncertainty is scary. But, that's what makes life interesting. Pursue this feeling, you will not be dissapointed. DO NOT GO WITH THE FLOW. You won't be thinking about anything, you'll be a slave to your habits, and your life will be stale. Challenge yourself. Whether that be physically, academically, socially or any other way. Your life will instantly become more interesting. Listen to some good music. People don't talk about this much. Music has a huge influence on our day to day mood. I used to listen to a lot of sad music. I listened to whatever sad shit I got my hands on. When I started making changes I also decided to listen to different music. Honestly a lot of the time, good music kept me going through the day. Recently I've been listening to Frank Sinatra, Swae Lee(king of flows), Travis Scott(king of energy) and Post Malone(very wide variety of music). Try it, listen to some mood uplifting music. I bet you'll feel better. Make a to-do list. I know this might seem stupid to a lot of you. But to-do lists are used by a lot of functioning adults. Whether that be through memory, making lists or whatever sorts, to-do lists will keep you calm and ready for tasks everyday. Eat healthy. Since I started working, I've been eating a lot of fruit. I was lacking it in my diet, and it was very much needed. Whenever I eat a fruit I feel my energy sky rocketting. Check your diet. What do you lack? Or don't need in your diet? Super easy way to increase your mood. Hope you enjoyed the read. I hope I helped you in making a change for better. Have a wonderful day everyone!! Never give up.
  10. Day 3 - It went well Me and this girl had a great time. We both like each other, someone just had to break the ice. Eventually I gathered enough courage to say that I like her, and she likes me too. Shit was sooo much easier after that. It turns out that it's good that I'm taking it slow. She says men are usually attacking(fast) on her. She really liked that I was taking it slow. She said she doesn't want to fuck up this like her previous relationship. So we're going slow. And honestly I feel more at ease that way. She's coming over in the morning to watch a movie. Can't wait. I feel amazing. I'd write everything I like about her, but that would probably be too much, haha. Overall I'm crazy about her. 80 days without porn I cannot believe I've made it to 80 days. This is probably the worst drug, and I'm glad I've come this far. My mentality has improved a lot since NoFap. I've become so much productive and I hope to continue on that path in the coming months. Copywritting course starts on Saturday! Can't wait. I hope to learn things that will help me get through life easier. I'm jobless!! I got fired. Well, not fired. There just isn't anymore work for me there. So, I'm gonna chill today and tomorrow I'll go and find a new job. On the book I've been reading: I understand human psychology better. I feel more confident around people and just understand them better. I try and read 10 pages everyday. I don't exactly remember everything I read so I'm probably gonna go through it again. But what really interests me, I'm sure to remember it. Going on morning runs when I can. Running is the best drug. It's like coffee, but better. I also try and go kickboxing whenever I can. It's an amazing stress reliever. And I do home gym exercices with my brother in law, from time to time. Currently not much deep thoughts to talk about, just sticking to my habits. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY EVERYONE !!!!!❤️
  11. Thank you so much @Lea. I'm super happy you're enjoying my posts. I try to post everything i think about here. I do believe in God. I started having faith again since I went on the detox. I'm gonna see the girl again tonight. I want to make things right this time. Wish me luck! Anxiety is very hard. But honestly I'm enjoying it. The discomfort is forcing me to make change. And so far I welcome it. I'll be sure to post more often in the coming days. Hopefully I'll read some of your posts as well. Good luck with the detox, anxiety or whatever other reason you're here!
  12. Day 0/0 - There's not enough time Time to move on. Today I realised that there's not enough time to do everything you want in life. I know I said I was going back to gaming, but to be honest I haven't had the time to really play that much. I had work, chores, relationship issues. There's not enough time. There never will be enough time. That's why you need to choose what to dedicate your energy to. I don't want that to be gaming at all. I've experienced enough of that life style. If I commit my time to gaming I just won't have time to enjoy other qualities of life. That's why I choose a different lifestyle. I'm pretty sure if things could be the same as they were we would all play games still. In a perfect world where I had achieved everything I expect of myself, I would game. Maybe that's an option in the distant future, I don't know. But, it's time to move on for real, because there is no time left. I cannot play games, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'm severely lacking in relationships and just overall knowing thy self. And I know I need to develop these skills as soon as possible. This is weird, but. I'm not interested in gaming anymore. I'd much rather spend my time developing social skills, reading books, working out, studying. Before the relapse, I was doing these actions forcefully. But now I realise how much I actually want and enjoy these activities. I'm probably gonna sob up, listen to some sad music and just remember some memories. I need some closure. This relapse was needed, for me to realise what is important to me. I think I know what that is and I'm happy I'm closing this chapter of my life on a good note. Fucking so mad at myself. So unbelieveably pissed off. Remember that girl I talked about like 2 weeks ago? I threw a party on saturday and she was there. I wanted something to happen that night. But, I was so stupid. I was so nervous that I was gonna see her, that I took some anxiety medication. And I didn't stop there. I drank like 2 or 3 beers and was like a fucking zombie the rest of the night. It didn't help either that I was sleepless from work. So instead of having a nice evening with this girl, I was like a fucking zombie and couldn't even speak to her correctly. I couldn't make a move. The anxiety medication made me too relaxed. So, we spend this whole fucking night hanging out both waiting on something to happen. It was some of the most awkward shit I've done/experienced in life. You know what's the worst part? After everyone left she stayed there ALONE WITH ME. FUCK ME. I'M SO RETARDED. sfj;dal;sdfjjldks;aftoijawrg;aelkj;agdfoioaeijwtljkgfdas I'll remember that night forever and will forever cringe at it fuck ME. Anyways, hope I didn't fuck it up completely. I'll ask her out in a couple of days. ;idofhs;oiweht;hkajgkjhaergkahjeraghjkragkrjh; goodnight.
  13. Day 3 with gaming - quite simple Went to bed late last night. Barely got enough sleep. Went to work. When I got home I slept for like 3 hours and went straight to my kickbox training. Ironically I had no time to game, lmao. I'm chilling right now. Trying to complete my to-do list before bed. Which includes this journal. Sadly I don't have time to read my book or to study blogging. Just want to go to sleep. At the very least I can write here. Basically I haven't become an uncontrollable gaming addict yet, if you're worried, lol. I'll update you guys tomorrow, there's some interesting stuff to talk about. Thank you all for reading. It means a lot to me. Special thanks to @Lea, read like 6 of my posts in a row, hope you're enjoying them Lea. I wish you peace of mind and a wonderful day!
  14. DAY 2 WITH GAMING - Making to-do lists To-do lists have really simplified my days. Everything doesn't seem like a mess. I can plan my gaming habits in appropriate times. Don't feel much different about gaming, just fitting it into my habits. I have been taking some anxiety medication the past couple of days. I realized that I'm actually under constant anxiety. Not gaming related specifically, but just about life overall. I realized how much better I feel. I feel normal on medication. It's weird. You can become so comfortable with pain that it feels normal :(. My doctor says I have serious problems, that constantly cause me anxiety. She says it's mostly tied to me not having a connection with my father. Low self-worth because of it and all other problems that come with it. I guess that's why I let go of my detox. I realised that this problem I have is much bigger than what I thought. I don't know. Maybe she'll tell me to quit games one day. We'll see. I'll take the pills. I'm accepting it. If it will help me feel normal I'll take it for as long as my doctor would like. Tired of constant issues. Time to change, real change. Don't take me gaming as a reason to game as well. If you have a doctor, discuss it with him/her. Doctors understand our psyche better than you think. Don't let a petty problem turn into something bigger. Take care of your health If you're interested if I quit NoFap as well, no I didn't. I'm sticking with my opinion of it being unhealthy for the mind. Going 75 days strong with it. Feel good about it. I want you all to have peace of mind. Have a wonderful day!
  15. DAY 69 - Relapse I relapsed yesterday. I haven't played much, like 2 hours. Everything else is going normal. Just I added gaming back. Feels pretty weird. I'm gonna keep writting here, but I'll count days with gaming So. DAY 1 WITH GAMING I don't have much to say except, I don't know right now. I'll keep you guys updated with my thoughts in the next few days. I'm probably gonna go detox again, but for now my mind is keeping me at it.
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