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Xgamer

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Everything posted by Xgamer

  1. Oh, I feel you. Maybe it is because you removed something significant to yourself without giving in return. I would feel heartbroken in that case. How about a new hobby? So you would do something different yet engaging instead of sitting and brooding.
  2. Oh, guys, I am back. 35h in 2 days and I am deleting my steam account xD. I am glad that happened now I feel more aware of what @BooksandTrees was talking about. Closing the chapter. So, from now on, I`ll write about what I liked and disliked about gaming and I`ll try to convert it to real life rather than brooding how sad I am that I don`t play video games anymore. @Talby and @Alexanderle, I see you. I`ll reply in a bit. Just a quick check in. day 0 (take 3)
  3. @Talby I got cold feet. Really thinking of playing tonight. I realised that I don`tlike my job. Or did I? Was it me being under the weather?
  4. I have an issue with sleeping at night. I simply can`t When do I sleep then? While commuting. Btw, check out this pearl of jazz.
  5. @Firewithin89 Don`t tell me u haven`t passed the vibe check, fam. I can also imagine ur vexation that you learn how to aim, strafe, all kinds of little gimmicks and then you drop it all. Like, pubg is pretty much skill-based game, so you must be frustrated about ditching all those hours of training
  6. Xgamer

    Farewell.

    F. Nongamer down. @Alexanderle I see your point now, at last. I struggle because I am still a gamer, although, on the leash, lol. I literally plan on making content out of my fav game footage, if I don`t kick the habit completely. It compromises the detox itself then! Seems that even after 60 days in total, I haven`t decided to quit but to postpone my "glottony". Is this really a situation where one of us (past-myself and me-wanna-be) must die?
  7. I think if I ever return to gaming, I`ll start my YouTube channel and be as inventive as possible, so I have at least a little output and significance
  8. You call 2-4 hours a day a big chunk of a day? Brother, I believe you had received a wake up call earlier than I did! 😄
  9. @Talby, thank you. I know your post is worth more than a simple gratitude, but that is all I am capable of yet. day24 I learnt some english idioms.
  10. 03.03 day 23 I have decided to finish detox come hell or high water. And if until then I don`t kick the habit, I`ll play guilt-free. However, I should not watch videos where my game is featured
  11. @erik2.0 nice to meet you too, I am Sam https://www.youtube.com/user/billwurtz - cool guy Day was messed up, not even trying to fix it or improve it just going to hit the sack otherwise i ll be watching videos all night again terrible day22
  12. @BooksandTrees, @Alexanderle, thank you! I have little time to post anything but today was exciting.Ill elaborate later. day21 @ElectroNugget, I was thinking whether you could advise me some beginner JS books.
  13. @BooksandTrees, @Alexanderle, thank you! I have little time to post anything but today was exciting.Ill elaborate later. day21
  14. Those questions About life goal and what I want from it. I still can`t answer that All that crosses my mind is a bunch of stock phrases. Can`t help it. I have been mulling over the idea of starting gamedev. Like, this game, the one after which I quit? The concept is brilliant, but the dev is too blind to see it! But isn`t it a deceit just to... Feels like a friendzone :D I can`t have it, but I want to be around Like, I am fond of IT. And design. And plot-making. Why don`t I just take a shot?
  15. Thank you, @Alexanderle, @Amphibian220 for sticking around, really I know my behaviour is to be frowned upon. We all have to cope with difficulties and be assertive with what we want @Alexanderle,how did you manage to view my post even though I had edited it? Anyway, if there was anything that I genuinely wanted to appreciate that it would be your support right here. It takes a good amount of time to come with such a thought-provoking, heart-warming reply. I appreciate it. And yeah, dbd sucks big time. T-bagging, trolls and perpetual suffering. I think I will start to log daily from now on because my craving is bigger than ever. I just want to see whether I can last this week. I plead guilty to checking out what was up with my fav game. It all was going downhill, really. Remember I mentioned that hardly ever 50 people played it at best times and there was only one populated server? Well, the host of the server is resigning because he is sick and tired of toxicity within the game. People there just moved to another server, without rules, that 100% indicates that this is a no-no for me, if I don`t want to scream and get butthurt each time I play. So, yeah, day 20? 70 more to go.
  16. @alexanderle Well, because it was fun. Instant gratification, you know
  17. Sounds like you are frustrated at yourself. Well, put to extremes anything that one can love, then everything is just a composition of something else. A book is a combination of letters, a song is about its notes and a person is made from atoms. It`s about the set of feelings we experience with something. Anyway, how is it going
  18. Day17? I feel rather listless Those three days I have been persuading myself to make a step in my day performance. It led to nothing but frustration, really. Let me elaborate Lying in bed, knowing that from early morning I am going to wake up and go through my humdrum routine, just to return wound up late in the evening to catch my breath. First of all, I have been ruminating on why I didn`t become anxious nor depressed when I had dropped my morning exercise habit. Or my habit of waking up early! Or that I don`t do parkour anymore, although I fancy it. I feel guilty to admit it, but I feel fine without all of these things, however, once precious and inseparable. And once I had to quit gaming a hefty burden of grief struck me like a lightning. Why do I care about gaming so much? No shit, I was slaughtering this lamb of my time like crazy with video games, although I have spent much time doing sport, being active, coding, playing guitar. I dropped it like it was nothing and I felt nothing, utterly nothing. What I`m trying to say is that I feel regret about not doing unproductive things, not the opposite. Once, while on my way back home, I have come to a conclusion that if I was given the chance to live my childhood again I would hardly alter it! The only difference would be that I `d choose a certain amount of games from the start and get good at them! What is wrong with me? What do I care about insignificant?
  19. @Alexanderle, I have chosen to become a more sensible person around 60 days before, but I still cannot get over the feeling of great loss. That I want to play and that I can`t, otherwise it would lead to a disaster. I know I sound like a crybaby! People suffer from much more serious and intricate predicaments, I`ve heard of it. But you can notice that I do not come here daily, because this is my resort, the second I can feel craving spoiling my mood. But all of this is not an answer to a simple question: What do I want to be? Where do I want to end up?
  20. day 14? I am still mad about only one game and you know why? Because I made it interesting to me! Let me introduce you to the world of 9y/o raw game with a population of somewhat 100 people. It`s called Sub Rosa, a funny game where you are meant to do business, but it usually turns out to be a constant shootout. That takes place in a plain boring city (a lot of glass boxes across the map)... not a city, exactly, but a ghost town. Everything is supposed to be held in 80`s, America. Tons of black humour, toxicity, however, repulsive and repugnant, are fun. Fun if the only thing in your day isn`t playing this game 24h! If it is so abysmal, what is its appeal? Well, I tried to be unique there, so I, instead of earrape tracks, I played 80`s hits or new orlean`s jazz to kinda fit in the atmosphere! Moreover, you can drive cars there with manual transmission, and prior to that I had passed my driving test and got my driving license! Moreover, you can have a battle of wits with other adult players, because they would not stop picking on me for my accent, so I really enjoyed those bickerings with them! I remember watching stand-up shows or roast ones to learn how to fight back in English (it was a struggle for me back then). Not to talk about marvelous in-game situations where people actually are dealing with each other! I enjoyed pulling dozens of shenanigans at those dumbbells gaining huge profit! To sum-up: my affection for jazz and my in-game performances, the self-made atmosphere of 80`s in America (I have conducted a research to make it live up to the truth), non-stop quipping, my drive for driving, and entrepreneurial escapades... GOD DAMN, I miss all of this. Like, since I`d moved I had a lot of benefits: independence, taste of mature life, work, relationship... but it hit me hard to say this, but I feel that I am getting the short end of the stick. It won`t stop popping up in my head. Now I clearly see that going back to hardcore gaming in Sub Rosa is not an option. There is no way back, honestly. I can never return to the point where I was leisurely, carelessly playing all day long - I have responsibilities, duties, expectations. The only question is... Where will it end to hurt? Because I am not in my greatest shape now.