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Sarma

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Everything posted by Sarma

  1. Day 16 - Panic and anxiety First of all, I want to wish you all a happy new year. I hope you all quit gaming and achieving your biggest dreams in life. It's been 16 days already, crazy. The past few days have been kind of a blurr to be honest with you. I was lacking sleep everyday and went through the last week like a zombie. That's the main reason I wasn't posting anything. So for the sake of clarity I'm just gonna talk about the past 2-3 days. So I smoke cigarettes, and have been smoking for over a month now. I smoke a pack or a pack and 1/2 per day. I used to smoke waaay before, but i quit because i got sick of it. I'm starting to get sick of it again and i think it's time to quit for good. To be honest I just do it out of habit, not even for the fun of it no more. Recently I noticed I started to give me anxiety, and not the kind of tolerable anxiety. Last night I went to a friends house to celebrate the New Year. It wasn't anything special, and I'd like if i went to a club instead. I'm getting really tired of my friend group. There's a few people I vibe with, but for the most part that group is pretty boring and uninteresting. Sadly I'm an introvert and it's hard for me to interact with people I don't know. But, I must, and i will meet new people in the coming weeks. While I was there I had an anxiety attack, so I took a lorazepam (same as xanax). Things calmed down and I managed to survive the night. I'd say my biggest success that night was posting an instagram picture for the first time, hahahahaha. Yeah, sad i know. Nontheless I count that as an achievement. I wish you all a wonderful rest of the day and a wonderful 2020 !
  2. Day 8 - Sleep, movies and social life I don't have much to talk about. The past couple of days I've just been sleeping. Work has been so draining and the lack of sleep doesn't help either. I've become kind of a fanatic for james bond films. I'm gonna watch them as much as possible. I want to hang out with friends more. But since I live far away from the city and work near my town, It's hard to see them even for half an hour. Maybe it's just withdrawal symptoms. I guess my body is adjusting to living in reality. Have a wonderful day guys !
  3. Day 6 - Things were relatively ok today I spent my time today listening to music, watching james bond movies and going out with friends. I had an anxiety attack about my fears for my health. I talked it over the phone with one of my best friends. He cheered up a bit and said we should hang out later that night. A couple more friends came and I had a fun time, just being out of the house. What helped a lot with my anxiety was watching james bond. I'm quite interested in male to female relations and those movies give me a great view as to how to treat a women. I also took some xanax and that helped a lot as well. My fear is not the illness itself, but what I will lose. I want to live life to the fullest but my fears are scaring me too much. I am building confidence a bit everyday, and i know shit's gonna be better soon. Goals: Work on social interactions as much as possible, especially with females Study to apply for university Get a job as a copywriter Learn something new everyday. Have a wonderful day!
  4. @Vidar All my life in have payed special attention to my health. I always strive to eat healthy, exercise, reduce stress, etc. What I do have a problem with is overthinking too much, hence wjy i got psychosis now. I agree, gaming feels like it reduces my psychosis symptoms. But I'm sure I can find a more healthier habit than gaming, to manage my psychosis. I feel like also gaming is one of the reasons i have psychosis in the first place. I don't know, only time will tell. Gl with your progress, you seem to be making slow but steady progress to a better life.
  5. Day 5 - Tired of being shy, psychiatrist diagnosis First off, I'll start with what happened yesterday My doctor diagnosed me with psychosis, but it's not what you think. I don't have all the symptoms. Currently I only have disorganized thinking. I'm kind of sad about it, but also relieved. I finally know what's going on inside my head. I was prescribed some some medicine, which i need to drink everynight. Yesterday and today I haven't felt a change taking it. But I hope to see a difference in the near future. I'm fine with having psychosis. I just fear it won't turn into something worse. My doctor fears this happening, hence she gave me the medicine. Did I cause myself this? Was this avoidable? Am i just incapable of growing as a person? Am i just forever stuck in my head? I simply just don't have an answer anymore. Fuck man. Anyways, let's go to the next topic. I'm trying to grow socially as my main goal. Although i see slight improvement from time to time, I still don't think im trying enough. I don't know what's with that. I don' t know how to try? Everything just seems so draining to focus on and do. Can I just go one day, and feel like I actually made an improvement on my life. Aaah, Why am I like this, why is this life thing so hard for me. Is this just a withdrawal symptom, am i overthinking this? What do you guys think about this, please let me know your thoughts As always have a wonderful day!
  6. @DaBest Thank you so much. Only now do I realize how much i've changed in the past few months.
  7. Day 1 - Feeling stronger than ever Hello again, I'm back. Although i relapsed I wouldn't say my life was shitty during it. While gaming I managed to go to work consistently, go to the gym and go clubbing on the weekends. The reason I'm getting back on the grind is because I relapsed to porn as well. Before, I was on a 5 month streak(I know crazy). A week ago I was feeling pretty bad about myself and thought, hey why not watch porn. Idiot. So, anyways I've started to think negatively about myself again. I've fallen into a great depression. To be honest with you, I forgot how shitty this feels. My life has been going so well before that. I just can't let myself feel this way anymore. So, I'm back on the grind again. I'm doing this mainly bcs of porn addiction. But gaming is a close second. Porn, because it makes me feel bad about myself. Gaming, because I can spend my time much more productively and can accomplish sooooo much if I quit. Let me tell you guys about my social life. Damn, I've never felt this social ever. I've been going out consistently on the weekends, mainly to clubs. And IM ENJOYING IT. My friends always put me in a good mood and if there's some good music playing, i feel even better. What's happening with girls? Nothing much yet. I've been feeling so confident lately with my friends, I wouldn't be surprised If i start pulling girls soon. Oh yeah, remember that copywriting course I went to? I finished it (*self aplause*). I'm super happy I managed to finish it and I started to look for jobs online. What I Improved on the past 2 months: -social skills -confidence -positive thinking -consistency -not ovethinking -physically healthy So, how was I such an idiot to relapse when everything is blooming around me? I don't know, once a dumb fuck, always a dumb fuck. As always I'll try to write everyday here. How are your detoxes going lads? Please write, I'd like to see what's new. As always, have a wonderful day!
  8. Day 11 - Really fucking sad I don't want to do copywritting anymore. I just can't find the energy to do it. I just want to go to university. Get a degree and fuck all of this. I fucked up. I should've went to university the first time. Now I'm going to waste a whole year doing nothing,fucking around. Fucking great man. I have no goal now. All I have is work everyday, without purpose. Just nothing. I hate my decisions, I fucked up. I'm sorry to my family, friends and you guys here. I've let you all down again. Sorry for giving up. I guess I'll always be a failure. Sorry Mom, Dad, brother, sister, and other close family. Sorry Andrej, Raseta, Mina, Zeljko... letdown. I'm grateful for what I have now. And I'll never complain about not having something ever again. Because you can lose it all in a moment. Sorry, again. See you tomorrow forum. Have a wonderful day everyone. Savor every moment.
  9. Day 8 - Relaxing Ok, my mental breakdown has subsided ever since my last post. I've just been chilling. Trying to avoid stress as much as possible. I feel a lot more rational now and ready for new fights. For the past couple of days I've been thinking of going to university next year. I think I'm gonna do it. It's not a definitive thought yet, but we will see. About my relationship with my girlfriend. I don't know where it's going. I don't know if it'll last, and frankly I don't care. If it works, it works. Gonna make a to-do list for tomorrow. Gonna work out, work on my copywritting, hang out with friends/girlfriend. I'm starting a new job on monday and I'm hoping that'll give me some much needed stability. Shit has been so hectic the past week, I just need something stable. I've been watching gaming streams today and yesterday. I don't think it matters too much. I have a goal of quitting games and that's going to come over time. I can't instantly stop doing everything gaming related. It was the only way of life I knew. Like with porn, I'm probably gonna keep watching videos, until at some point I lose interest. Overall looking at it now, I'm excited for what's to come. I feel refreshed and ready for it. I'll make a to-do list for tomorrow and gonna go to sleep. I'll write more tomorrow. Have a wonderful day! Bye!
  10. Day 6 - Sad, sad, sad I hate my job. My relationships are failing. I hate life. Give me some xanax and just put me in eternal sleep. I don't want to be productive. I don't want to do anything. I just want freedom and peace of mind. I don't want anything else. No emotions. No stress. No love. No happiness. All I want is nothing. What if I died today? Would anyone care long enough to remember me? Would anyone stop to remember me 10 years from now, if i died? I doubt it. Because I wouldn't be a good enough memory. I'm worthless. Why can't I form a lasting relationship with someone? Why is everything so shitty. Why did shit go good for me 3 weeks ago, to just all come crashing down again. Why can't there be something consistent. I have so many people that I think care about me, yet I feel like the loneliest person on the planet. Am I this worthless? Was I ever worth it to begin with? I bleached my hair. I'm fucking orange now. Probably gonna dye it pink soon. I don't care. I want everyone to see how big of a freak I am. "Oh look at that idiot, faggot with pink hair". Yeah that's exactly what I want. I want my friends to hate me. I want them to not want to see me ever again. I want to be completely alone, mentally and physically. Just no more feelings. No more nothing. Probably gonna take some pills and go to sleep now. Gonna spend tomorrow drinking all day. I'm gonna buy me some whiskey and wine, plus cigars. Coupled with some sad, nostalgic music, the perfect formula for a "life is shit day". Then when saturday rolls around, I'm gonna go back to my shitty life, my shitty job, and just gonna be anxious as fuck. "I got a feeling that im not gonna be here for next yearSo lets laugh a little before im goneI've been dreaming of this shit for awhile nowGot me high nowShe dont love me but shes singing my songOh noI dont feel much painGot a knife in my back and a bullet in my brainI'm clinically insaneWalking home alone I see faces in the rain" I hope I die soon. Because, I don't know how to kill myself. I'm gonna start taking antidepressants in the next couple of days. Fuck this shitty shit. Have a nice fucking day. Bye.
  11. Day 5 - Life is life 20191009_235749[1] (online-audio-converter.com).ogg
  12. Day 3 - Day to day life, and overthinking At the bottom theres an audio file Day 3.ogg
  13. Day 2 - ANXIETY Today has been so hard. So much emotion. I'm overthinking everything. My girlfriend was joking today, that we shouldn't see each other ever again(lacks context). I took it personally and now I think we are breaking up. FUCK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD. Took two benzodiazepines today. And still feel anxious as fuck. I just want to zone out do something, play video gams. I can't, I feel so much emotion right now and I cant take it. Get me out of this rut. I want to live life. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I need to work, i need to exercise, i want to kiss my girlfriend. FUCK, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING OF THAT. WHY IS THIS DAY SO HARD. WHY AM I SO EMOTIONAL. Just fucking shut my brain down. I cannot listen to it anymore. https://youtu.be/XKQa1vx-oNY https://youtu.be/lO00yy8iCAY Have a nice day.
  14. Day 1 - Back on track, thoughts and goals Talked with a friend last night about how annoyed i was. Felt pretty relaxed after the talk. And I've been in a good mood all day today. Now that I think about it, I think the relapse had to happen. I had to figure out exactly why and for how long I was quitting games. I know now, and I'm quitting forever. I have nothing left to learn in video games. I'm closing this chapter for good. Now that I got that out of the way, I want to make everyday a new opportunity to learn. Another problem I have is that I tend to mindlessly browse the internet when I have some spare time. So yeah that's an addiction on its own. I'm gonna plan everyday again from now on (stopped planning for weeks). I'm not going to pressure myself to be productive every single moment. But I will set atleast 3 goals to do everyday. Whether that be reading a few pages of a book, learning/writting copy, social skills or whatever other skill. I have people I care about and they care about me. Having a girlfriend has been an eye opening experience. I have someone to care about, and thus I care for my friends and family more as well. I finally feel emotion that was lacking from my life for the longest time. Today I went to my second class of copywritting. I feel really happy after it. I never knew how much power words can have over a person. I also got a lot of commendations from my class mates. Today's events really raised my confidence levels, and I'm thinking more positive. My self-worth is better. What I really want to start is writting gratitude. I want to train my brain to think in a positive way. And I hope I can do that with gratitude. Today is the 102nd day without porn. It feels insane that I made it this far. My confidence has sky rocketted, i don't feel as shy no more, I feel more emotion (more human). The world just overall feels more liveable. I'm out of my comfort zone and It feels amazing! Wherever you are in life, it's never late to start. There's a whole different world out there ready to be explored. And i recommend you start exploring sooner than later. The only thing we don't have an abundance of is time. Time can never be retrieved, so use it wisely to live the best life possible. Enjoy your life people. And as always, Have a wonderful day!
  15. Day 0 - Fucking video games Relapsed again a couple of days ago. I felt stressed out. Everyone left for university on October 1st and i've been feeling bad about it ever since. I FEEL EVEN MORE ANXIOUS THAT I WAS NOT PLAYING FUCK MAN. Fuck video games. I have a beautiful girlifriend, I'm learning a useful skill and my life has been better than ever before. WHY DO I CARE IF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING TO UNIVERSITY. I DON'T WANT THAT SHIT. WHY DO I LET MY EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF ME. I quit porn. I haven't had cravings for it in a while. Why are video games so hard for me? The only time I get a craving is when I'm stressed out. I just want to fucking zone out and not think about anything. From now on, im going to write journals everyday again. I'm gonna get this shit out of my system. I'll have a healthier way of dealing with stress. I'm done feeling like a child and throwing tantrums, because of fucking video games. I want to live life. Unhindered by this bullshit. I hate my fucking brain. Fucking get this shit out of your head. From now on everyday you wake up, you have one goal: Be a better person than yesterday. Read, learn, improve social skills. Whatever the fuck it is, just be productive. Fuck video games, it's worse than weed and you should quit it. You're life will improve forever. Fuck fuck fuck. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. YOU CAN DO THIS AND BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE. YOU'RE NOT ANXIOUS. YOU'RE STRONG AND WILL BECOME AN AMAZING PERSON ONE DAY. Fuck you video games you ruined my fucking life. And now I'm gonna take it back. FARE FUCKING WELL.
  16. Day 4 - Crazyyyyy Barely slept last night, thinking about her. I spent like 2 hours rolling around in bed eyes wide open. Anyways, eventually i got up early, went and bought breakfast. She was coming over for the day. She ended up being late, and I just couldn't do anything. I was pacing left, right just waiting for her to come. I know I said we're taking it slow, but things moved quick today. We had an amazing time. Sadly she couldn't stay all day, because of my prior commitments. It's been 4 hours, I'm still stuck thinking about her. It's crazy. Like that's basically it for today. HER. I'm trying to be productive here, but I can't stop thinking about her, holy fuck. Feels amazing. So yeah, things are moving quickly. You can say that we're in a relationship now. Gonna try and be more productive tomorrow. Gonna do some exercise, kick boxing and gonna apply for a job. And hopefully see her lol. Copywritting course on saturday, can't waaaait. When it comes to my thoughts and emotions, they're mostly positive. I have sometimes when I conceptualize negative out comes, but I quickly dismiss them. Gaming and porn cravings? Not at all, I'm pretty sure. Everything seems so worth the effort these past few days. I'm still having doubts about myself. Although, I'm going head strong into the brick wall, and I don't think it can stop me. I'm excited for life! It feels like all this effort of quitting games, porn and other new habits is worth it now. If you're thinking of starting a detox and are uncertain, just know that there's definitely something better on the other side. Maybe you don't see it now, but you won't know until you try. I'd like to share the following tweet from @AJA_Cortes: “I’m 20 and I’m Depressed, what do I do bro?” Do the following -start physically training -WORK. Any job. So long as you get paid -Get outside in the sun every day and read -and don’t buy into your own defeatism and sadness that modern life tells you isn’t your fault I'm not gonna tell you depression doesn't exist, but these habits really do make a difference. I've applied all of them and signifact change happened. No, it did not happen immediately, but after a month or two you really do see changes. The most important thing is not to blame others for your sadness. Yes, sometimes it isn't your fault. But nobody will help you except yourself. So, blame yourself for everything. Be a better man/woman. Improve yourself and you will see the world improve around you. Another thing. Certainty kills any productiveness in a human. I've experienced that first hand. Only when I finished highschool, when I stopped being certain in my future did I make change. I know uncertainty is scary. But, that's what makes life interesting. Pursue this feeling, you will not be dissapointed. DO NOT GO WITH THE FLOW. You won't be thinking about anything, you'll be a slave to your habits, and your life will be stale. Challenge yourself. Whether that be physically, academically, socially or any other way. Your life will instantly become more interesting. Listen to some good music. People don't talk about this much. Music has a huge influence on our day to day mood. I used to listen to a lot of sad music. I listened to whatever sad shit I got my hands on. When I started making changes I also decided to listen to different music. Honestly a lot of the time, good music kept me going through the day. Recently I've been listening to Frank Sinatra, Swae Lee(king of flows), Travis Scott(king of energy) and Post Malone(very wide variety of music). Try it, listen to some mood uplifting music. I bet you'll feel better. Make a to-do list. I know this might seem stupid to a lot of you. But to-do lists are used by a lot of functioning adults. Whether that be through memory, making lists or whatever sorts, to-do lists will keep you calm and ready for tasks everyday. Eat healthy. Since I started working, I've been eating a lot of fruit. I was lacking it in my diet, and it was very much needed. Whenever I eat a fruit I feel my energy sky rocketting. Check your diet. What do you lack? Or don't need in your diet? Super easy way to increase your mood. Hope you enjoyed the read. I hope I helped you in making a change for better. Have a wonderful day everyone!! Never give up.
  17. Day 3 - It went well Me and this girl had a great time. We both like each other, someone just had to break the ice. Eventually I gathered enough courage to say that I like her, and she likes me too. Shit was sooo much easier after that. It turns out that it's good that I'm taking it slow. She says men are usually attacking(fast) on her. She really liked that I was taking it slow. She said she doesn't want to fuck up this like her previous relationship. So we're going slow. And honestly I feel more at ease that way. She's coming over in the morning to watch a movie. Can't wait. I feel amazing. I'd write everything I like about her, but that would probably be too much, haha. Overall I'm crazy about her. 80 days without porn I cannot believe I've made it to 80 days. This is probably the worst drug, and I'm glad I've come this far. My mentality has improved a lot since NoFap. I've become so much productive and I hope to continue on that path in the coming months. Copywritting course starts on Saturday! Can't wait. I hope to learn things that will help me get through life easier. I'm jobless!! I got fired. Well, not fired. There just isn't anymore work for me there. So, I'm gonna chill today and tomorrow I'll go and find a new job. On the book I've been reading: I understand human psychology better. I feel more confident around people and just understand them better. I try and read 10 pages everyday. I don't exactly remember everything I read so I'm probably gonna go through it again. But what really interests me, I'm sure to remember it. Going on morning runs when I can. Running is the best drug. It's like coffee, but better. I also try and go kickboxing whenever I can. It's an amazing stress reliever. And I do home gym exercices with my brother in law, from time to time. Currently not much deep thoughts to talk about, just sticking to my habits. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY EVERYONE !!!!!❤️
  18. Thank you so much @Lea. I'm super happy you're enjoying my posts. I try to post everything i think about here. I do believe in God. I started having faith again since I went on the detox. I'm gonna see the girl again tonight. I want to make things right this time. Wish me luck! Anxiety is very hard. But honestly I'm enjoying it. The discomfort is forcing me to make change. And so far I welcome it. I'll be sure to post more often in the coming days. Hopefully I'll read some of your posts as well. Good luck with the detox, anxiety or whatever other reason you're here!
  19. Day 0/0 - There's not enough time Time to move on. Today I realised that there's not enough time to do everything you want in life. I know I said I was going back to gaming, but to be honest I haven't had the time to really play that much. I had work, chores, relationship issues. There's not enough time. There never will be enough time. That's why you need to choose what to dedicate your energy to. I don't want that to be gaming at all. I've experienced enough of that life style. If I commit my time to gaming I just won't have time to enjoy other qualities of life. That's why I choose a different lifestyle. I'm pretty sure if things could be the same as they were we would all play games still. In a perfect world where I had achieved everything I expect of myself, I would game. Maybe that's an option in the distant future, I don't know. But, it's time to move on for real, because there is no time left. I cannot play games, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'm severely lacking in relationships and just overall knowing thy self. And I know I need to develop these skills as soon as possible. This is weird, but. I'm not interested in gaming anymore. I'd much rather spend my time developing social skills, reading books, working out, studying. Before the relapse, I was doing these actions forcefully. But now I realise how much I actually want and enjoy these activities. I'm probably gonna sob up, listen to some sad music and just remember some memories. I need some closure. This relapse was needed, for me to realise what is important to me. I think I know what that is and I'm happy I'm closing this chapter of my life on a good note. Fucking so mad at myself. So unbelieveably pissed off. Remember that girl I talked about like 2 weeks ago? I threw a party on saturday and she was there. I wanted something to happen that night. But, I was so stupid. I was so nervous that I was gonna see her, that I took some anxiety medication. And I didn't stop there. I drank like 2 or 3 beers and was like a fucking zombie the rest of the night. It didn't help either that I was sleepless from work. So instead of having a nice evening with this girl, I was like a fucking zombie and couldn't even speak to her correctly. I couldn't make a move. The anxiety medication made me too relaxed. So, we spend this whole fucking night hanging out both waiting on something to happen. It was some of the most awkward shit I've done/experienced in life. You know what's the worst part? After everyone left she stayed there ALONE WITH ME. FUCK ME. I'M SO RETARDED. sfj;dal;sdfjjldks;aftoijawrg;aelkj;agdfoioaeijwtljkgfdas I'll remember that night forever and will forever cringe at it fuck ME. Anyways, hope I didn't fuck it up completely. I'll ask her out in a couple of days. ;idofhs;oiweht;hkajgkjhaergkahjeraghjkragkrjh; goodnight.
  20. Day 3 with gaming - quite simple Went to bed late last night. Barely got enough sleep. Went to work. When I got home I slept for like 3 hours and went straight to my kickbox training. Ironically I had no time to game, lmao. I'm chilling right now. Trying to complete my to-do list before bed. Which includes this journal. Sadly I don't have time to read my book or to study blogging. Just want to go to sleep. At the very least I can write here. Basically I haven't become an uncontrollable gaming addict yet, if you're worried, lol. I'll update you guys tomorrow, there's some interesting stuff to talk about. Thank you all for reading. It means a lot to me. Special thanks to @Lea, read like 6 of my posts in a row, hope you're enjoying them Lea. I wish you peace of mind and a wonderful day!
  21. DAY 2 WITH GAMING - Making to-do lists To-do lists have really simplified my days. Everything doesn't seem like a mess. I can plan my gaming habits in appropriate times. Don't feel much different about gaming, just fitting it into my habits. I have been taking some anxiety medication the past couple of days. I realized that I'm actually under constant anxiety. Not gaming related specifically, but just about life overall. I realized how much better I feel. I feel normal on medication. It's weird. You can become so comfortable with pain that it feels normal :(. My doctor says I have serious problems, that constantly cause me anxiety. She says it's mostly tied to me not having a connection with my father. Low self-worth because of it and all other problems that come with it. I guess that's why I let go of my detox. I realised that this problem I have is much bigger than what I thought. I don't know. Maybe she'll tell me to quit games one day. We'll see. I'll take the pills. I'm accepting it. If it will help me feel normal I'll take it for as long as my doctor would like. Tired of constant issues. Time to change, real change. Don't take me gaming as a reason to game as well. If you have a doctor, discuss it with him/her. Doctors understand our psyche better than you think. Don't let a petty problem turn into something bigger. Take care of your health If you're interested if I quit NoFap as well, no I didn't. I'm sticking with my opinion of it being unhealthy for the mind. Going 75 days strong with it. Feel good about it. I want you all to have peace of mind. Have a wonderful day!
  22. DAY 69 - Relapse I relapsed yesterday. I haven't played much, like 2 hours. Everything else is going normal. Just I added gaming back. Feels pretty weird. I'm gonna keep writting here, but I'll count days with gaming So. DAY 1 WITH GAMING I don't have much to say except, I don't know right now. I'll keep you guys updated with my thoughts in the next few days. I'm probably gonna go detox again, but for now my mind is keeping me at it.
  23. Day 65 - Wonderful day Went for a morning run. Felt good all day. Later I watched the new doc about travis scott. Quite interesting. I recommend you to watch it even if you're not a Travis Scott fan. I wanted to do some blogging work today, but the site I'm learning from is down for some reason. At work I had a blast with these 2 new guys. Really vibed with them. I even invited them to a party I'm making next week. Super happy I'm meeting new people. I didn't know how much my world would expand after quitting games. I'm loving it. I don't want to be sad anymore. I dont have time to be. The book I've been reading, 'How to win friends and influence people', has been mind opening. Learned a lot of things about social interactions. I'm cherishing every moment I have. I have a vision, and hopefully I'll make it happen by New Year. Live life to the fullest NOW guys, save yourself from pain and sadness. Have a wonderful day!
  24. Day 64 - Sleep This week has been really tough sleep wise. I couldn't go to work today, needed some extra sleep. Ended up sleeping from 1pm-7pm. And I'm still sleepy. I did do my obligations mostly. I barely dragged myself to the psychiatrist. I did the test and I should be getting results the next time I go. I also informed them that I didn't sleep enough so they will take that into consideration. The whole day today has been a complete blur. I'm just writting the journal to fullfil my obligations. I don't know how I'm going to manage my time in the future. I have kickbox every monday wednesday and friday at 8 pm. There is no way I can get enough sleep each night If I'm working the morning shift. There's no way I'm gonna stop kickboxing though. One solution might be to work the night shift. I can manage it. But it's really unhealthy, maybe even more than getting less sleep. I think I'm gonna go with how it is right now. Atleast for a month. People are saying there should be different kickboxing plans starting september. So, I might actually get training at 4 pm for an example instead of 8 pm. Nothing much else to say. Just been sticking to my habits as much as I can. Trying to learn something everyday. Have a wonderful day guys !
  25. Day 62 - Super productive I had a mix up with my psychiatrist appointment. I'm actually going on thursday, so yeah cancelled work for nothing :(. That didn't stop me from having a very productive day. In the morning I got myself to go for a run. I don't know how. It was amazing, my mood was great for the rest of the day. Pretty much did everything I planned. Bought a new purse, worked on some blogging, went out with friends and read 20 pages of a book. Reading has really empowered me I think. I woke up today excited to learn something new. I guess that's what gave me the energy to run in the morning. I've gotten to know myself better today. Atleast socially. Finally accepting that I'm an introvert. I'll face it. I hate small talk and I hate talking to bland personalities. Those two things bring no benefit to me. I'm now just like, if you're uninteresting don't waste my time. Let me fullfil my social needs and be done with it. Finally got to work on my blogging. I might be opening up a blog soon on wordpress. Or I'll just continue here along with my daily journals. Whatever the case It should be much more interesting than what I post here. I've started to like the idea of blogging. I was sceptical, but it has some nice benefits. I checked out this TED talk "Start with why" today. Most of you probably have seen it. It inspired me to ask myself better questions and to give better answers. Now I know what my path is and I feel more comfortable on it. He also has a book of the same name, which I will read after finishing my current book. I'll update you guys on the blog next time. For now, goodnight! Have a great day!
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