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Captain_Pilz

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Everything posted by Captain_Pilz

  1. Day 23: I finally made it! Even though, I watched YouTube in the morning, I got work done at last! What was good today?: I am very lucky. As soon as I start so many things become immersive. I got back on track, learned for my Physics class and also worked out. Yesterday, I also had some fun with my friends after not hearing from them for a long time. The greatest thing might be that I managed to take action and get out of my head! What was bad?: First and foremost, I had a rough start in the morning. But as for the rest of the day, I have no complaints. What will
  2. Day 22: I am journaling a little earlier today. Yesterday was bad, probably the worst day in a long time. That also translated into bad sleep. What was good today?: I had a realisation. In three weeks, 22 Days to be exact my exams start. One is in the first week then two in the second one and in roughly over a month I am finished. However, apart from a little bit of Physics, I didn't do anything. Two scenarios: I continue as I did and fail my exams which makes everything a lot harder than it already is. Or I work hard right now, harder than ever did before and push through my c
  3. Day 21: @Alexanderle, thank you for your amazing support. Today was better slightly, not much at all, but at least a little bit. What was good?: In the morning, I finally managed to act well. I took a walk in the afternoon and I spent more time with my parents. What was bad?: Somehow, I managed to avoid all of the work I could have done and didn't even work out. That was disappointing. What would make tomorrow great?: My surroundings are really messy right now. I have to remove distractions and start working finally. My phone has to be downstairs and not in
  4. Day 20: It appears to me that I just wasted another two days of my life to various different things, including YouTube and Porn. I have now changed my router settings and made them very inaccessible to give myself only set hours on the Internet. Fact is that the Internet is THE biggest distraction in my life and I want that to change. Also, @Alexanderle, you are right. I am at day 20 and I will keep going. I promise. What was good today?: My father and I managed to repair the controller of my XBox which means that I am going to be able to sell it in the near future. I am lo
  5. 😭 Day 0: How did we get here? Over the last few days, I have started watching YouTube again, I spend too much time on porn and even played a video game for 30 minutes. Everything seemed OK but things didn't work out as I expected them to. The reason I had this mini-relapse is actually quite simple. There are habits that I find easy to do (playing the drums, my morning routine, working out), the ones that require a little bit of effort not to procrastinate on (mainly studying for Physics), and the ones that are just super hard to do. Those ones are currently related to the other subje
  6. Day 16: What was good today?: I made an interesting experiment in the morning. My chronotype is the lark chronotype which means I respond to light very quickly. Therefore, I left my shutters open over night and voila, I woke up at 6:30 am without an issue. That's a better way not to snooze than using a ton of willpower. Then, I managed to execute my morning routine once again. After a lot of unproductive time, I managed to pull myself out of it and work out. What was bad?: I definitely procrastinated in the morning and eventually started watching gaming videos. That continu
  7. Day 15: The movie was great. However, I will try to go to bed sooner today. What was good today?: I am keeping my morning routine up for another day! At least I am consistent in some things. My parents and I payed my grandparents a short visit today since it's eastern. I was also able to phone a few relatives and text a few friends. Also, I did a lot of drumming today and it starts to be fun again after the first few times were quite frustrating. What was bad?: The visit to my grandparents also broke up my original plan to study early. This made it difficult for me to
  8. Day 14: This journal is written in a hurry so it's not very detailed. I will watch Inglorious Bastards with my parents in a minute. What was good today?: A lot of things, though not everything, went right. In the morning, I stood up earlier than usual. I just couldn't sleep anymore. I started studying for my English class, which I procrastinated on for a long time, I worked out again and I spent some time with my parents. Furthermore, I finally started practising the drums again and had much fun. What was bad?: I didn't quite start working as I wanted to. After my morn
  9. Day 13: Finally! The first improvements! What was good today? I didn't watch any YouTube today, even though I had cravings. In the afternoon, I managed to study well, I played the drums and I called my grandmother who is always excited about me calling. Furthermore, I texted some friends and worked out for the first time in five months. Currently, I am even working towards selling my XBox which is my last resort to play games. What was bad? My morning was still really wasted. I also watched porn even though I know it doesn't make any sense. Over the day, I noticed a l
  10. Welcome to the forum from my side, too. What Alexanderle said is very right. Just quitting gaming won't get you anywhere. I also think you are at the right place here. You seem to go through severe withdrawal symptoms, probably more severe than I ever experienced and it's understandable that you feel overwhelmed as you've just found out. This means that I will hold back with tips for the moment as I am far from being an expert. Still, it's great that you take responsibility for yourself and your loved ones by quitting games and that you have professional help. I am convinced you will make it.
  11. Day 12: Right now, as I'm writing this post, I've spent the last 3 hours trying to figure out a solution for my phone. I forgot a passcode which I need to make crucial changes but resetting this stuff on Apple is so annoying. The only way left to go is to do a full reset but the backup won't finish its last two millimeters. What was good today?: To be honest, there was not much. I didn't manage to accomplish any part of my main objectives. In the morning, I watched YouTube and in the afternoon I still wasted massive amounts of time. Still, I made a little progress. I am current
  12. Day 11: (I do the numbers for the sake of structuring my journal. I have not intention of going back at all.) I just reread yesterdays post and I am glad I was so honest. There is a lot of truth to it. Moreover, my actions don't align with who I want to be or who I really am. That's the reason I feel so frustrated and tense. As I write this right now, I feel the exact same way. What was good today? There is not much actually but there is still one aspect. I took an assessment about one and a half weeks ago to get a better idea of what my values are. This is a professional psych
  13. Wow, that's powerful and you nailed it! Evaluation needs to depend on where you aspire to be in life, on what is right for you. It doesn't matter how many days you are in because if it works it works and you should double down on it. Keep going. You have done enough introspection to know why you should quit porn and act differently. You have realised that watching porn doesn't align with who you are deep inside.
  14. It's been 10 days since I last played video games. I didn't have any cravings and that seems to continue. Different habits have taken gaming's place. It is super hard for me not to watch YouTube or Netflix at any given moment. Even though I gave in to some of those cravings, I still managed to do some important stuff. Currently, I am moving away from the thought of building habits and all the science that comes with it but I try to find a different perspective. I took a walk in nature today. It is super relaxing and gives me room to think. I reckon that the problems I have are not just p
  15. First of all, thank you @Alexanderle for your continuous great advice. I have been going through a rough time lately, despite the fact that I have never been so disconnected from gaming since I started it. Somehow, I notice that YouTube on my phone and TV-shows start replacing that escape. The more time passes by the more my brain gets fogged and I forget what my actual aim is. For instance, today, I watched Avatar the whole day, ate a whole lot of unhealthy food, even though I know I want to become much healthier, and disregarded my duties and my relationships. Also, that my parents are
  16. I struggle doing this every day. Honestly. My morning routine is getting more and more solid and I am surprised how much more energy I have through the cold showers and the meditation, and also how well I am doing in my martial arts forms. I even took a walk afterwards. Getting to work afterwards is a struggle though. The studying I have to do is kind of fascinating but also very tiresome. The fact that I do four subjects at a time does not improve that. As I emphasised before: Getting to work after the morning routine must be my number one priority. However, today I self-sabotaged again.
  17. My daily journal seems to become an every-two-days-journal. This habit is so crucial, I gotta keep it up! Daily! Nevertheless, I am glad to say that I made some progress. My morning routine got much more valuable since I started cold showering. And even though I slept in today, I was faster than ever before. My struggle now is to make the transition to working after that and this is the part that didn't work out so well today and yesterday. I spend a whole lot of time on YouTube and even though I got some inspiration, the rest of the days was the definition of inefficient. Apart from this
  18. Pew. The time from Friday to Monday has been rough. I watched gaming videos and the whole first season of Avatar and an abundance of porn. This left me with my focus all over the place, quite touchy towards my parents and also with crappy energy levels. I did not feel as powerless as this morning for a long time. Also, I've noticed that the sitting around all day and not having an exercise routine at all leaves me in a weaker place every week. I am naturally quite skinny but I have reached another low since I was in quite a good condition last summer. On the contrary, today was awesome.
  19. Yesterday, in the afternoon, I conducted a little self-experiment. I intentionally relapsed, downloaded Minecraft and gamed, and documented my emotional state. It took seven hours (although it did not feel that long) and in the end, I not only uninstalled the game but deleted my Mojang account. I will never be able play this game again! Here is what I found: I am surprised how well this reflects my relapses. The best thing is: I know exactly what is going on inside me and what will happen if I act upon my cravings in the future. I would also like your opinion. Do your relapses play out
  20. Awesome to see you back in the game. Every failure is a step closer to you goal. But beware: If you fail, fail quickly! Yes, I agree. You can be happy if you don't let your cravings control you. When you quit you are like: "I will never do this again!" The next morning cravings start. I have been through this several times. It is important to create something that reminds you how the process of a relapse looks like emotionally.
  21. I had an amazing day yesterday. I tested myself on a complete exam for four hours and twenty minutes straight. Couldn't be more proud. I played the drums for the first time in about a week and I did some chores. Most prominently, I wanted to take a test in the evening. Just download a game and play, set a timer and answer a set of questions every fifteen minutes. This way, I originally wanted to document the process of going through a relapse, intentionally. Now, listen to this: I failed to relapse!😂 I f***ing failed to relapse! Fate disabled sounds, I was not able to get them working and I ju
  22. All right, I literally beat myself up yesterday evening. Looking back, the post reflects my emotional state very well. It feels like angels and devils are talking to me at the same time. I want to game but I know it is probably going to be lethal in this crucial phase. I am writing this right before I start to work on my Physics stuff. I will be doing the most direct practice available which is writing an actual exam. Never did this before. I have discovered @James Good's journal today. Due to people being very active there I really found a lot of fascinating stuff. Identity based
  23. I want to realize my dreams. And I know I am capable of doing so. So why do I keep failing? It feels like I simply forget what I said when I have the opportunity. @Victor James: You are so right. Today, I watched YouTube videos again. For the whole day! Why do I keep do this? It's mental! But how can I not give myself the opportunity to indulge in that? I feel like not matter how strict I am, it will always come back. I guess it is just the learning process. I need to keep on. Now! No YouTube! No YouTube, at all. But it feels so wrong! Maybe I shouldn't go hard quitting on this. But
  24. Let me be honest. Because I have not been completely honest with you and myself. I have quit gaming once again even though I still have cravings to go back, which is normal. So far so good. Now, over the last few days, I found myself watching a whole abundance of martial arts videos, more specifically the development traditional martial arts have. I did not study at all, except once for one hour. I have further uncovered a tendency of mine that I never shared with anyone: I live in my head. I have dreams. Having dreams is great if you realize them. However, I have another kind o
  25. At least, I managed to do some work today. It was difficult to concentrate and somehow I got out of my workflow and started browsing the Internet again. Currently, I try to get an idea where this comes from. For the time being I will just have to do my best. Also, I just noticed that I stopped tracking my tasks over the day since I relapsed. This and the journal is hopefully going to give me a direction. The latest episode of the Game Quitters Podcast left me thinking. For the next few days, I might try to do this before I get to work as James suggested. I am really experimentative right