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dirac
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Another day -> failure ! gamed for 6 hours

Today was nice. I felt really good again, even went to the gym and had a great workout. I also went for a walk with my girlfriend for an hour in the sun it was really nice. Overall a great day so to speak.

But I also planned to do quite some stuff for uni which I wanted to do at home. But at the moment I cant work from home. Im just too hooked on gaming at the moment. Tomorrow I will start the no gaming again. The last week went so well for me. I felt good and was super productive and since I started gaming again it didnt go so well for me....

I mean I am enjoying it, I played because I wanted to play but It looks like its not working. Im becoming lazy and unproductive again.

So tomorrow no gaming !

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Day 1 -> success / Day 2 -> failure! gamed for about 6 hours

At the moment I am really struggling with gaming. But mostly because I dont really want to stop I just kinda want to stop. Im still able to do my uni stuff and go to sports but as soon as I am home I basically just dont leave the computer anymore. 

Im mostly struggling with finding alternatives to gaming. Other than netflix or youtube. Sport is not really and alternative because I am not doing it at home, I cant do it everyday and its also not very relaxing. So far I always tried to replace gaming with something productive but of course that cant work because then it doesnt fulfill my needs anymore. I mean there is a reason why I game at night and not read uni stuff.

Both days were pretty cool though.

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15 minutes ago, dirac said:

At the moment I am really struggling with gaming. But mostly because I dont really want to stop I just kinda want to stop. Im still able to do my uni stuff and go to sports but as soon as I am home I basically just dont leave the computer anymore. 

I invite you for a reflection:

When I decided I would quit gaming it wasn't because games were "ruining" my life. I was able to do university stuff. I was able to go to the gym (even though I skipped it many times because of gaming). I had friends that I hung out with. For sure, games were a bad way to deal with other problems in my life, but looking at my life at the time someone could say that it was "on track".

But the thing is: looking a little deeper, I can see now dozens of harms that gaming too much brought into my life. I'm not a very social person. In fact, I have a lot of self esteem problems when it comes to socializing. It screwed up my posture. I stopped reading, which is a thing I love to do. Learning how to headshot a pixel in a screen as fast as possible didn't give me any skill that I'm proud of. More than that, the time invested in gaming didn't allow me to learn some things that I wanted to learn, like playing the guitar. And the list goes on and on.

But the bigger thing I realized was that I didn't want to spend any more time of my life doing the same meaninless thing over and over again. Looking back at my steam account and seeing that I spent almost an entire year of my life playing one game makes me sick (I am 26, so one year is 3,85% of my ENTIRE LIFE). What is even worse: you don't even remember this time that you spent gaming. For me that's the biggest motivation I have for staying away from games, I want to do new stuff, have different experiences.

That's just a reflection, good luck @dirac!

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Day 1 -> success!

@WhatAboutToday?

Thanks for your reply, it actually really helped me to not game today. I read it last night in bed and it got me thinking. I also realised that even if I am just watching netflix instead of gaming in the beginning it is still better than gaming. I will try my best from now on to stay away from gaming even if I still just waste my time completely.

Yesterday I played for 6 hours without barely moving around or getting up from the chair and very poor posture. Today I had neckpain basically the entire day. Stuff like this is the reason why gaming is such a bad thing because it really destroys you on multiple fronts. I socialise less, my health is in poor condition , my uni career is not nearly going as good as it could, I often skipped going to the gym because of it, it makes me feel bad emotionally.... the list goes on and on.

Today was a great day because I didnt game. I am very happy that I managed to stay off of it.

I will take this no gaming serious as fuck now!

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4 hours ago, dirac said:

Thanks for your reply, it actually really helped me to not game today. I read it last night in bed and it got me thinking.

That literally put a smile in my face. Glad to hear that!

Good luck in this journey!

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@WhatAboutToday? thank you ! If you are interested in how it goes you can come again some time 🙂

Day 2 -> success!

Today was really great. It was sunday which is my uni free day. I spent the entire day with my girlfriend, we had a really nice breakfast and then we went to the gym together. After that we had lunch/dinner, talked for a while and then watched a movie.

Nothing special happened but it was really wholesome. Having a day like this once a week is so good!

Oh and by the way I didnt talk about sugar anymore in my last posts. So the intense sugar craving went away after about 7-10 days. By now I dont have any "need" for sweet stuff anymore. Sometimes after a meal I wouldnt mind a dessert but the cravings are completely gone. I feel pretty good healthwise so far and the neck pain is also gone.

A couple of days ago I bought like a huge calendar that displays the entire year at once with a little space for every day. I started writing down certain things on that calender like how I felt on a scale from 1-10, how productive I was, if I did sport and my no gaming streak. So far I feel like this was a great idea. For instance I often feel like I remember how I felt much worse than it actually was and being able to look at the week/day and see the number I gave it really helps. I also feel much better to be honest when I rate how I feel on a scale from 1-10 because sometimes I whine a lot about how I feel but when I have to put it on a scale from 1-10 I realise that I am basically at a 6-7 which is pretty solid I think.

And its also nice to see how much sport I have done so far this year, this might sometimes give me the push I need!

This week I really want to make sure I stay game free. I also want to do sport 4 times and want to be really productive for uni. But I think forcing myself to study for a certain amount of time everyday ends up being more stressful than motivating so I will focus more on actually achieving stuff!

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Day 3 -> success!

Today was really good. I went to uni , went to my lectures was productive for more than hour before them so I did uni stuff for 6 hours today which is pretty solid. Then I went to the gym and had a really amazing workout. I actually enjoy working out more and more. I cant wait to work out again on wednesday!

Today I also had an interesting realisation. I believe one of the reasons why I havent been as motivated and energetic and happy this semester is because I am not very good at anything. Because of my back problems I havent been to my martial arts club in a while and that is something that always makes me feel really good about myself. Because I love doing it and I am good at it. Being good at stuff makes you feel confident also in other situations. One more thing I am really good at is theoretical physics. Which is also something I dont have this semester. Iam stuck with my last two courses of the bachelor and they are both computer science. They are interesting and I enjoy them but I am just not very good at them ( so far ). So all the things that gave me confidence, that I was really good at last semester are gone. And I believe this is one reason for why I just dont feel as awesome and motivated this semester.

My idea how to tackle this is the following:

I will put more work into my two computer science courses atleast for the last 3 weeks of the semester and then to prepare for the exam. So I will become good at that!

I will also from now on make sure that I always attend one course per semester that I know I will enjoy and be good at.

And I will continue to go to the gym and do my bodyweight training because I am starting to get good at that too.

And if I am lucky I might be able to do martial arts again quite soon!

The no gaming is quite difficult for me at the moment. I am just struggling to find stuff to do in the evening. I feel like reading is too much work, netflix is kind of boring and youtube is pretty much the same as mindless browsing to me right now. But I will stay strong!

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Day 4 -> failure ! Gamed for 3 hours

So today I failed. I slept really bad last night, woke up like 10 times. I was really done and tired the whole day, and when I went to uni to study with a friend we were both super unmotivated and I just couldnt concentrate very well because I was so tired. So I just went home after lunch and played games. Then my girlfriend came by and the rest of the day was really nice.

I do have to say it was still a pretty good day but I am starting to get a little pissed at myself because of how unproductive I have been this semester.

Still motivated for the no game though, gonna get right back at it

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Day 1 , Day 2 , Day 3 -> success !

I didnt manage to post because I was super busy and also wasnt home on thursday. 

But its going really well. I managed to stay game free for 3 days now, mostly because there wasnt really anytime to game.

I feel like I am also getting better in terms of my motivation for uni and my gaming cravings. On wednesday I actually gamed quite a bit but I did more uni stuff than I actually wanted to which I see as a huge win.

I actually called my dad who lives in a city close to mine and we made a deal that he will take my computer next saturday and not bring it back until the exams are over. This will be the ultimate opportunity for me to stay game free. Until then I will see if I game or not, but then stuff is getting serious.

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Day 4 -> failure ! gamed for 3 hours

So today was sunday which is my non uni day that I usually spend with my girlfriend. It was a nice day but my girlfriend was gone for about 3 hours today which I used to game.

The gaming experience itself was really bad. First I wanted to play some warcraft 3 custom games but people kept leaving in every game which just made me furious after a while. Then I decided to play a round of dota 2 which usually doesnt have leavers because you get punished for it. But half of my team were complete assholes. They just complained and threw out report threats and stuff. Today showed me again why the online game community is considered so horrible. There are just so many horrible people among online gamers. 

I feel like in online games you get away with a lot of stuff that would never happen in reality. 

Later I went to the gym and had a really nice workout. 

One or two days ago I kind of had a big realisation. For this entire semester I struggled with motivation for uni which was so strange because I am usually super motivated and excited about it. But then I realised that this semester I only have computer science courses. No physics at all because I only need to do those 2 computer science courses to finish my bachelor. And to be honest computer science is kind of cool but I just dont enjoy it nearly as much as phyics. So I realised its not that surprising that I am not super motivated because I just dont enjoy what I am doing right now as much as I used to.

But well I have to finish those two courses and then in the masters I will have a lot of physics again. I cant even wait for that to happen.

On the first of february I will start studying for my computer science exams. My computer will be gone by then and I will study as hard as possible to make sure I am done with computer science and can finally do physics again!

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  • 2 months later...

Well well it has been quite some time since my last post.

I spent the time from the first of february till the sixth of march studying for my exams. I actually convinced my dad to pick up my computer so I could focus more on my exams. For the studying I used my laptop which isnt good enough to run dota which is my main weakness. I did play quite some age of mythology though, an old rts that I still enjoy. I never went crazy on it and played mostly after studying. 

The exams went well and I finally finished all my bachelors exams. Now I just have to write the thesis which I started about 10 days ago.

The main reasons why I stopped posting here was because I didnt consider gaming that much of a problem anymore, as my computer was gone.

But since I got my computer back and this whole quarantine stuff started I fell right back into gaming. In the beginning I didnt mind but by now I its starting to really bother me.

I feel like I am wasting this quarantine so to speak. I will probably never have more time to read / do sports / cook / study or to just do all the stuff I never have time for and I waste it with gaming.

University starts monday next week the 20th. By then I will stop gaming completely. Until then I will allow myself to play with a friend of mine only mostly because he also doesnt have that much time and its probably gonna stop in the next couple of days because by then we will have finished the game. 

I want to come out of this quarantine as a better person. I wanna be smarter, stronger, fitter, healthier than before.

I want to develope routines and habits that will last, I want to learn new skills and be better than ever.

The next couple of days I will use to figure out the what and hows.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Again it has been a while.

The last weeks went kind of well, I was productive most of the time but I struggled with playing dota too much.

Last sunday I decided I will never play dota again because of how it makes me feel and how much time I waste on it without gaining anything in return.

This time is the first time I actually involved my girlfriend in it. I told her how bad dota makes me feel and how I struggle to deal. She says she will fully support me in quitting and help me however I need it. This is great of course and it also makes the whole thing more serious.

Im not quitting gaming all together, just the addictive online games. I never struggled with singleplayer stuff or playing a coop game with a bro. But it will be highly reduced. My plan right now is to only play with my bro twice a week and not at all alone.

I am writing my bachelor thesis right now and I also take two courses. I want to make the best out of the time at the moment.

I want to come out of this quarantine as a different person and I will take steps to do so. Of course I want to ace my thesis and courses but I also want to grow on a more personal level.

During this quarantine I want to:

-Quit online games for good

-become healthier and fitter than ever before

-reach a weight of 90kg

-get my finances in order

-develope a meditation habbit

-develope a reading habbit

-get more into robotics

I know its a little much but I dont know how long this quarantine shit is gonna last and I am not planning to do it all at once. I just want to make sure I dont get bored again at some point and pick up dota again.

I will try to post daily again and to use this as my journal.

 

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Tell me what is the concept of this dota? if it is a particular type of strategy, can you channel it into a sport? Say, physical fitness is like an upgrade system and by monitoring weight, healthy food intake, various stretching exercises: you are getting the chance to enter an amateur league in your favourite sport.

If you manage to do that, you will be so pumped and excited by real life activities that there will no longer be a dilemma of whether you should play

Edited by Amphibian220
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@Amphibian220 the concept of dota is similar to most of the "modern" online games. Into the same category I would push in league of legends, Overwatch, Fortnite and many more. Those games are all different in how you play them (strategy,shooters,rpgs....)  but they are all the same in the following way:

- You play "a round" of the game. you cant finish it because they are all multiplayer only

-"a round" is usually between 20 and 60 minutes

-you play with players against other players

- horrible communities with very toxic people

- every round has highs and lows which leads to the two biggest problems:

1) you get an insane endorphin rush when you play well and win

2) you feel bad and empty if you lose

The whole concept of playing a quick round and then another and another and so on is horrible. You are always chasing the one game that was so super awesome because you played so well. Sometimes you just lose 4 times in a row and feel empty because you still didnt get the "high" that you want.

 

So I hope this made my problem with dota a little more clear. Of course this is just my point of view and I am sure others might disagree. 

 

Apart from that my day was nice, I did most of what I wanted to do, I was kind of productive for uni but I also realised that I find it very hard to do uni stuff after working out in the afternoon. I will try to do my workouts from now on either later in the evening or first thing in the morning. I didnt game so far but I will play half an hour of a "non threatening" singleplayer game now. After that I will meditate and then go to bed:)

 

 

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So the last days were kind of horrible. I dont know what has been going on lately but its really not going well for me. I am struggling so hard in basically every area of my life right now and it just sucks. Maybe the whole quarantine thing hits me more than I know but something has to change. Iam way behind on my thesis. I am way behind on my courses. Its not going well sportwise. I am failing to stay off gaming. I cant keep my room cloom, cooking is annoying me so much, I am getting takeout all the time. Basically everything is a drag for me.

And this needs to change as soon as possible. I feel like I really lost my edge. One mistake I made is that I put exercise over uni stuff which is a bit stupid for me. I mean of course working out is good and it makes you feel better but I am a physics student before anything else and I dont want to have a job later connected to sport. I want to be a scientist and work on artificial intelligence or robotics or something else. And I wont get a decent job that I enjoy if I just work for a couple of hours everyday on stuff.

I am working a lot with another student during my thesis and hes taking twice as many courses as I do and still manages to always be ahead of me in the thesis even though I would say we are about equally smart. He just has such an insane work ethic and doesnt spend time on gaming that much. I also feel like all this gaming drains so much of my energy.

The main problem I have right now is that my best friend and I are playing together and I really enjoy that but I dont feel like I can stop gaming without fully staying away from it. But I also dont want to tell my bro that I stop gaming for good now.

Im also starting to get really depressed about how I underperfom at uni at the moment. I used to be a really good student but at the moment I am struggling with everything and I get angry really quickly when I fail to solve problems.

I dont really know what to do or how to procede but I swear this week I will do more than I ever did before. I feel like I really need to proof to myself that I can achieve something. That I can be good at something. That I am disciplined enough to do what has to be done. None of this "no uni stuff after 6pm" bullshit. Im getting 26 years old next week and I have nothing to show for in my life. Im sick and tired of being a lazy, gaming piece of shit.

Wish me luck

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The past two days went really well. I didnt game for a second and I also talked to my bro and told him that I am taking a week off from gaming and he was totally supportive. 

I have been thinking a lot about hobbies and how I spent my time in the last todays and I felt like splitting up my time into many different things makes my time ultimately less meaningful. This sounds a bit harsh but in the end I stand by it. If I spend my time on gaming, sport, my girlfriend, uni, netflix, reading, youtube, cooking, buying groceries I end up not progressing in any field. And thats why I decided to be more economical in my time use and focus on two or three things in my life where I want to make actual progress. 

For me this means spending less time on sports, cooking, netflix and gaming because I feel like those things eat the most time and give me the least in return. With less time I dont mean no time at all, I will still be doing sport but only 3 or maximum 4 times a week and not for 2 hours but for like 45-60 minutes at a time. And I wont stop cooking and start eating takeout everyday but instead I want to make easy meals with low preparation time that are still healthy. 

I want my focus to be on uni and reading and also my relationship. Those priorities might change at some point but I want to make sure I dont regret spending too much time on stuff that neither makes me super happy nor pays off in any other way later on.

Tomorrow I am gonna continue this week and stay strong !

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I think it's tough because we want to be very successful, well balanced, good at things, have energy, not be addicted to gaming, socialize, date, have a family, do sports, exercise, etc. etc. It takes so long to build this balance and I can't stress to you enough to be patient. It took me over a year to find 3d modeling as a hobby and I only like doing it 2-3 days per week. I can't do my exercises or sports like I used to so it's hard. It's just feeling comfortable and recognizing joy from other activities. You could tell your friend and brother that you don't want to game as much or you can tell them you're excited to try something new. This could lead you to finding a new activity with them.

Be creative, be patient, and be yourself. Just don't beat yourself up. I did that too much and I've felt the repercussions of it big time the past month. Not worth it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

@BooksandTrees I totally agree with you. I mean there is a saying that it takes about 60 days to build a habit and sometimes people try to build too many at once in an urge to get their live together and in the end just fail. Patience really is the key I guess. 

So the last week I suffered from an annoying headache which I managed to get rid of on the weekend by foam rolling and stretching a lot. Because of that my last week was really unproductive and not that nice overall. I didnt perform well at uni, didnt do any sports and just played a lot of games. I still find it super hard to spend my time when I am sick. But well now I am healthy again and I started this week really well.

I was really productive today and tomorrow a friend is coming over and we will keep each other company while writing our theses. I will try to approach this week a little more relaxed in my mind because I do feel like that the beating yourself up mentality hasnt been that successful for me. 

I set my goals for the week and put them next to my desk so I can see them everyday. So far its going well. 

I also found a new way of dealing with gaming. I decided to completely cut gaming alone. I will from now on only game with friends and that is also limited. I am using an app called habitica which is one of those gamify your live apps and it has a system where you earn gold whenever you complete one of your tasks,habits,hobbies. And the gold you can use to buy equipment for your character or for self made "rewards". I decided to put gaming with a friend as a reward for a price that enables me to game like 2-3 times a week for about 1-2 hours each. If I will stick to it I would be very happy with that. 

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Dirac, how about trying the inverse?

You impose a moratorium and stay away from video games completely, write down each day what you have completed and how it is bringing you closer to your great goals. Come clean man!

This will also power your mental state down a little and this will be very good. When your mind is not intense, the rate at which your energy is expended goes down, your mind gains clarity, you are suddenly able to keep the tempo up.

Books mentioned something crucial- video games over-stimulate your mind and make it difficult for you to focus over longer periods of time.

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  • 1 month later...

Today something happened which made me feel very bad. The last weeks I was kind of slacking off. I gamed and watched netflix a lot because I didnt have that much stuff to do. I planned everything pretty well and was productive during most of the semester so the last weeks were kind of relaxed. This friday I was supposed to hand in two projects about machine learning. The first won (i thougt) went really well, the second one not so well but I thougt I would manage. Then today someone showed me that my first project was completely wrong and I had to do it all over which is almost impossible till friday. Then I realised my second project is also going very bad and is not gonna be done in time. So I did something I never have before which might not seem like a big deal to many people but to me its a huge deal, big enough to shatter my self confidence. I dropped out of the course because I didnt want to risk getting a horrible grade. 

This was just the last drop needed to really do me in. I finished my bachelor thesis yesterday and it turned out to be really good but I felt like I have gotten way to much help because I didnt invest the necessary time myself. I also didnt understand as much as I wanted to. I also had another project that I wanted to do really well even though it wasnt graded. I ended up procrastinating and gaming all the time so I ended up doing the bare minimum for the project, even though it was really cool and I was so excited about it.

I also went to the gym last week and did my first leg workout since corona. And I used like less than half my weight I previously used and I was saw for days.

All this stuff just made me realize that I am wasting my life with all that nonsense gaming and youtube shit. I just hate it so much. I just dont want to suck at everything I do anymore. I want to be good at things and I want to enjoy my life. Right now its half past twelve and I am super tired but i really needed to write it all out. Ive become a lazy slob that cant motivate himself to wash his clothes nor to do more than the bare minimum for his "career" or health. Since I can remember I always wanted more for myself than just being average. I wanted to be stronger, smarter and more successful than average. But all Im doing is being more lazy than average. But I am sick of it. I will use this momentum now to get back on track and get my shit together. Tomorrow I am gonna workout and give it my all. Tomorrow I will study hard the entire day. I wont eat shit. I wont game. Enough of this nonsense I am taking my life back.

Ps. I already uninstalled steam :)

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Dirac, welcome back. I was reading your entries a few months back.

I want to ask you, what was the reason to start gaming a little from not gaming at all? Can you remember the internal dialogue and emotions that settled this decision?

I hope you will take away an important lesson from this setback and experience a great comeback.

Edit: Have you found a competitive sport that can act as a replacement? Competitive sport can be an escape, a means to socialize, progress, challenge and feel good about yourself.

I’m currently working on my back and my exercise routine has gotten many time better.

Edited by Amphibian220
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@Amphibian220 Hey Amphibian, glad to see that you read my posts! 

Yes I can definitely tell you my thougt process because it is almost always the same. At first I am feeling great because of the game. I get much more done I feel better and spend my time on things that I actualy care about. But after a short while I get an urge to play again. In the beginning I can just resist it but if I have been off gaming for a while Im telling myself that I am totally in control now and if I game a little nothing will happen, I mean I can just stop right? And I did so well the past weeks I deserve a little gaming time right? And then I start to tell myself its ok if I just play once a week. But then once a week becomes twice a week and so on. 

One other thougt process that I have always appears after a bigger project or an exam period. I dont game during the exams or the project to be more focussed and to not waste time. But as soon as the exam period is over I feel like I "deserve" to game now because I did well or whatever.

In the end it comes down to the fact that I stop gaming because Im falling behind on stuff but as soon as I feel in control again I start to game again. 

It is actually a good idea from you to ask that question. I tend not to reflect a lot about my gaming behaviour.

I am doing quite a lot of sport. And I agree it is a very good substitute in a way. But the thing is with sport I can only do it once a day a couple of days per week. The problem for me would be what I do after sports then. But I am figuring it out at the moment. Iam starting to read again and just watch documentaries about interesting topics. Even though I am cutting down on media in general.

 

Today was pretty great I have to say. I set myself a lot of goals and achieved all of them. I was really commited and focussed. I will keep this up for tomorrow. I already wrote down what I am gonna do it and I will go hard! And of course I didnt game today!

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One thing that helped me once I realized it was that it's extremely difficult for me to focus on not gaming, but if I instead focus on doing other things I never think about gaming at all.

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@Dirac, your attitude towards gaming is not definite from your post. You are “on the fence” so to say.

I totally agree with Ceponatia’s statement, focusing on staying away from something will create a bigger issue of this “forbidden fruit”. Rather, focus on the new thing that you would love to have and it requires effort and commitment. I don’t understand why you cannot do sport everyday, you can channel all your free time towards it. 

A couple of months back my SO took a picture of me on her smart phone and said “Look how much you are stooping, like an old man” Up until then, my workout was a boring thing that didn’t stir up many feelings in me. That picture angered me. I got onto youtube and watches the first video on fixing my back. The guy there had a build that typically got me to think “Yeah there are guys who look amazing” only this time I was thinking “ I want it like that and I will work everyday for it”

I now do 2 reps of 15 pullups on the tourniquet and 2 reps of 15 on double parallel bars, plus other stuff. I look better, but there is a lot to do still. Whenever I’m doing work, Im thinking of a way to get out to that workout area near my home, I constantly think about it. My progression got one person self conscious when he noticed the change in my shoulders.

I don’t have to battle desires cause I totally give in to my desires to work out. Sometimes it is scary cause I get hurt, but I have a doctor to support me.

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Yeah I think that is good point from you guys. I mean what better way would there be to quit gaming than to find something you just enjoy more! Right now I am in my exam period but I will start thinking about and looking for stuff to do in my free time that I can be passionate about.

The thing with sport is that I am doing it whenever I can but I tend to do long workouts with heavy weights and wrestling and I often have to take a day off because I have to recover. Maybe this will improve over time and I can workout more frequently. But I have always been very passionate about that.

I already set myself two projects for the time after my exams so this will be a very good time to see if this can be better than gaming for me.

 

Today was really good, I did everything I wanted to. Studying went well and I didnt have any cravings toward gaming. Tomorrow I will go to the gym with my girlfriend and she wants to do my workout I am really excited about that! Apart from that I will study a lot and make sure to fulfill all my goals for tomorrow.

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