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dirac

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  1. Ok so today was kind of a shitty day. I woke up quite late at 9:00am which is an hour later than I planned. But I really had trouble sleeping the night before. Not sure why , maybe because I had too much coffee or spent too much time on the screens too late. Well but atleast I woke up very motivated. Until I had sex with my girlfriend, which was nice as always but I dont know if anyone else has this but after I have sex I am usually super chill and get instantly tired . I really lose my edge and this annoys me. It doesnt matter if it happens in the evening because by morning I am usually fine again, but when I do it in the morning it drains all my energy. And this made me a little angry at myself. I planned this day to be very productive but ended up only getting done half of what I wanted to do and because this week is super stressful I really would have needed that time. But I did learn something for sure even if it is just not to have sex in the morning when I am planning to have a productive day 🙂 . I also managed to do my foam rolling which felt nice again. I also feel like I want a little bit more structure in my life, like going to bed and waking up at the same time everyday (atleast during the week) I think this would help me. Something else I noticed is that it is better for me to do my work and studies at uni instead of at home. Because at home there is always something irrelevant to do that takes away my focus, like washing dishes, washing clothes, tidying up room, buying something on amazon, chilling with my roomies in the kitchen. I mean all of this stuff is important but I can do all this when I get home aswell. And if dont spend all day at home I dont have to tidy up and wash dishes all the time. I think its kind of a bad habit to rate days on how productive they are because life should be about more than productivity . Its just a bit difficult sometimes when you wanted a day to go like that and then it goes completly different. Today I also decided to get an appointment with a doctor for my lower back pain which has been on and off for months. Since that started I worked out a lot less and it has caused me quite some discomfort and by now I can safely say its not gonna go away by itself so I better get a check up. Its probably nothing severe since the pain is rare and only occurs after lifting heavy objects but I really want to go back into grappling and weightlifting and while this injury persists I wont be able to do so. But tomorrow I am planning to go for a run 🙂
  2. Yes I agree. Its better to have a goal that is too high and adjust it afterwards, then doing the opposite. Because if you work hard towards it and realise it cant be done you probably grew more while attempting it, than you would have if you just set the goal low and actually achieved it. Today was really amazing for me. I woke up early and went to uni, studied a little bit before my first lecture. After my first lecture I had an interesting conversation with my professor, it was really nice talking to him, because he is a really cool person. It also motivated me a little more for the course because I am still not sure if I am going to write the exam but now it seems more like it. I also had another course and then did some problems with a friend till like 7pm. I managed to stay at uni for about 10 hours and I just felt great. I didnt push myself super hard I just did it, because I was motivated. Of course I took breaks here and there but it already is a huge step out of my comfort zone to stay at uni this long. Here again we are at the achievable goal setting. This semester is my most stressful so far and I am taking 3 courses + a lab course and a research job. At the beginning of the semester I wanted to write the best possible grade in all 3 courses, but then I felt so overwhelmed especially by the lab course that I felt like I would be lucky if I passed two of those courses at all. But now without the gaming I have more time and energy and I feel much more motivated, and the lab course is almost finished. I really want to do all 3 courses, it would be a pretty big achievement because then I would have had a higher workload than most of my classmates (who dont do research and only 2 courses this semester) and this thougt really pushes me in a way. I just want to grow and do more and be better than last semester. I mean I am 25 years old and I feel like it would be super sad if I would just stagnate and hit a level of achieving that I would hold from now on. In the end I just always wanted to be very good at what I do. And the feeling of progress is amazing. Today I felt truly happy. Especially when I got home. I want more of those days. I cant believe quitting gaming for just 12 days can make such a big difference. And the foam rolling challenge is also going well. I already feel a little more relaxed and like I have less aches in my body.
  3. Yeah I heard that aswell, that you are always supposed to set goals that really force you to grow. I think I just kind of gave up when it got really difficult for me instead of pushing through. But now I am back on track. I mean if you achieve a goal by 100% it means you probably could have done better but you will never know because you settled for less. On the other hand though if you set goals that are way too high you might get more stressed than motivated. I mean if someone who has never done any running and weighs 300 pounds says he wants to run a marathon in 2 months its just not possible and will be rather demotivating. Setting reasonable realistic goals that are motivating and forcing you to grow at the same time is something one has to learn by trial and error I guess. Hey ismailkanaan thank you for your post! I also deleted facebook a while ago, that was one of my best decisions I ever made. It decreased my mindless browsing by a lot and I can focuss much better on other tasks because I dont feel like checking my facebook every 5minutes. Just make sure you dont just stay away from those things but also exchange them for good stuff. Like working out / cooking / learning a language / meeting friends, whatever seems like a good idea to you. Working through the respawn guide might be a good idea! For me today was pretty nice, I got quite some stuff done at uni, I worked out and I took the bike to uni and back even though it was like 4° Celsius . I think I could have been a little more productive if I had stayed at uni longer and went at home later, but it was still an amazing day. Today I also remembered how incredibly bad I felt, just 11 days ago. I cant even believe how much it improved already since I started the no game november. I think gaming was really a major contributor to my bad feelings. This really gives me hope and motivates me to keep going with all of this. It seems like I am on the right path and I cant wait to see how much better it might get. One of the most amazing things I notice is , that I am so much more free in my decisions in terms of what I am doing. While I was still gaming I would chose gaming over meeting with friends or working out or cooking or reading. If I had the choice I would just play games. But now I really enjoy doing other stuff again and its making me very happy. Keep up the moral guys we can do it!
  4. Again it is time to journal! Today was nice, I had a bit of a hangover but I felt pretty good emotionally. I spent the majority of the day with my girlfriend and the evening with a friend working on a lab report. I didnt have any cravings to game. In october, I wrote down my semester goals. I was very determined to achieve them. I set them high but achievable. However already in the first two weeks I was so stressed and felt so miserable that I thougt those semester goals stressed me even more, because at that point I felt like I might not even pass my courses at all, so reading how I want to get amazing grades just depressed me. I just couldnt see myself reaching those goals. And because of all that I hid in gaming for a while again which of course just made everything a lot worse, because I fell more behind. And when I hit my little rock bottom there I just took down my semester goal sheet and threw it in the trash.... But during the last days I kind of recovered, by being productive , not gaming, socialising and doing sports. I believe it is time to give the semester goals another shot. I will write them a little different however, more realistic and more specific. I will also write down more than just my goals for uni because there is more to life. I also have health and fitness and social goals that I want to achieve. I am not planning to write my goals here but I might change my mind. The goals I am gonna write down are going to be oriented on the next 90 days which pretty much cover the rest of the semester. The whole point of why I want to write down goals again is because I feel like when I have a set of goals in the back of my head I find it easier to give a little extra. To stay a little longer at uni, to spent one more hour on that exercise sheet, to actually go through the script again or to go for a workout if I dont really feel like it. A sense of purpose always makes everything a little easier. Also another week starts tomorrow, so its time to start a new challenge: This week I want to foam roll everyday for 15 minutes as I feel like I am getting injured a little more easily lately and I think establishing a foam rolling routine might be a good idea to work on some injury prevention and help recovery from training.
  5. I think it definitely helped me alot. The respawn guide is great and I think if you follow through with it 100% you will definitely be free of gaming. It contains basically everything you need to know to fix the problem. And I think writing a journal is something that helped me the most. I just helps me to reflect and see how I my life is going. I occasionally look back at my old journal entries like when I felt the effects of gaming in a strong negative way and it keeps me motivated and also shows me how far I have gotten. But of course just being on this website wont fix your problems or gaming addiction. Its similar to buying a book about quitting smoking and going to quit smoking seminars. In the end its about you to quit. No one can quit for you and even all the knowledge and the best community wont guarantee that you gonna stop gaming. But if I compare my efforts to stop gaming on my own and with the help of the respawn guide and this community it really makes a huge difference because without all of this I just relapsed all the time because I didnt even know how to quit correctly. Going cold turkey by yourself takes a lot more effort and willpower. So yes this page has helped me tremendously and I would recommend it to everyone who is serious about quitting.
  6. Friday was pretty awesome actually. I slept till 8 which I consider reasonable (went to bed at 12) , went to uni and had a quite productive and awesome day there. But during the day I struggle with a bit of pain in my ribs, which probably came from my martial arts class on wednesday night. I didnt really start to feel it until thursday night but on friday I could feel it throughout the day. This made me realize that I really need to learn to deal with pain and sickness better. Whenever I have something, even if it is just a could or a very minore injury it bothers me a lot. I focuss on it thinking about what to do, what not to do, how to make it go away. This is often very draining for me and I also think its ridiculous. There are people living with severe pain and sicknesses all their life and they manage to be happier than I am and get more out of life at the same time. I remember that I once read something about a famous sciencist or philosopher, sadly I dont recall who it was, he was very sick his whole life and was basically forced to stay in bed the majority of the day. But still ended up to be a major contributor to his field. I want to be more like that. Less focussed on my misery which is not really worth talking about anyway. I also thougt about comfort a lot. I realised that I really dont like to be at uni that long, after a couple of hours I always crave my apartment again. I just want to sit in my comfortable armchair and read and drink tea. It is not even about productivity or anything. I feel like it would be good to stay longer at uni. The no gaming is still going quite well I guess. I still have cravings daily but I can manage. I notice that I am starting to get interested in other stuff more which is nice. Like reading or going out. I also have to say that since I stopped gaming over a week ago I felt much less depressed. I am not sure though if its actually from the gaming or just because I am starting the find my rythm for the semester.
  7. So today I felt really great. I decided to sleep till 9 'clock which I did and I just felt so good after that. I was able to concentrate again and was actually being motivated. So I failed my weekly challenge of waking up at 7:00 but I learned something. If you push too hard it can backfire. The idea was to be more productive and effective but it turned out if you dont rest sufficiently and do other stuff than just work you will actually lose productivity. It motivated me to look more into the other parts of my life, like socialising, how much I sleep and work out and just do some relaxing/fun activities. Maybe I can include something like this in next weeks challenge. I felt so good and unstressed today, I even worked on a physics problem till 20:00 o'clock and I usually dont like doing stuff late. I also had some gaming cravings today but I managed to stay away from gaming and have a good time anyways. Now I am gonna go to bed and read a little. I really want to read more and since I stopped gaming I actually find myself craving for a book at night. Which I never had while I was still gaming.
  8. Hey, this was a very nice read. I thinkyou are really onto something there. Sometimes I forget that self improvement stretches out over all areas of ones life, not just work. I think I will try to look at self improvement more of a journey. In a way it makes since. You will never reach a state of pure happiness or being "complete" but I guess you could find happiness in a steady movement towards a better life. I honestly never really thougt of setting goals outside of of work or sport. Have you ever tried to set long term goals for work, like having your own company or making this much money ? I have tried this a couple of times and it always stressed me out. I felt like I am losing the fun in stuff if I just do it to get something out of it in the long run. Do you know what I mean?
  9. Yeah thats so true. Procrastinating actually makes everything worse I think. But its also important to find out why we procrastinate in the first place. Today I woke up at 7:30 , I thougt I would allow myself that as I had dinner with friends yesterday night. I felt so burned out today I got hardly anything done at all. During the last 2 weeks I was already thinking about dropping one of my courses because I was so stressed. I always told myself though, that I could just drop it later during the semester and just push through for now. But it just got worse. Yesterday I already felt quite burned out in the afternoon I wasnt really able to focuss on anything.Today it just got worse. My girlfriend started to be concerned and told me to drop the course because she felt like I am overdoing it. And an hour ago I decided to drop it. Its a Masters course that I dont have to do anyways. Its an extra course so to say, which doesnt make it that big of a deal. I still feel a bit like im pussying out in a way, like I should have been able to deal better with all this, but I really tried and I couldnt deal with the stress anymore. It just got more and more. I already started feeling some alert signs and I really dont want to see my physical and mental health decline because of overworking myself. With all this stress my gaming cravings are also increasing steadily. I think the stress problem might really be the reason why I gamed so much the last two weeks. Im still gonna keep doing the no game november though. Today I went to workout and it was the first time this week I felt relaxed for an hour or so. As soon as I came out of the gym I instantly got anxious and stressed again. So now that I dropped the course maybe things will get better now. I really hope so.
  10. I am glad to see that you are reading my journal Adminiculum 🙂 So two days into the challenge of waking up at 7 . Yesterday was pretty nice, woke up easily and felt good! Today I was super tired for the majority of the day but I want to keep up the challenge till friday so I did it for the week. What I dont like so far is that it makes me very unflexible in terms of when I do what , like going out during the week is quite hard and if I want to work out I now have to make sure to go earlier. I guess its all about getting used to it. Lets see how tired I am tomorrow. The no gaming is going pretty well , still clean since last thursday. But today I had quite some cravings when I felt super tired. I just wanted to go home and game. But it would have made me feel miserable again. Instead I was able to do quite some uni stuff which took a bit of stress off me which is nice. Because if I am less stressed I will experience less cravings. I am looking forward to the next couple of days 🙂 And by the way , I have been feeling so much better than last week its incredible. I am not depressed at all its amazing! I think I am on the right track with my no game november!
  11. I just had nice idea that I want to follow through with. I decided that I am gonna post some kind of weekly challenge from now on. To keep myself busy, to improve and get out of my comfort zone a little. This weeks goal will be: Wake up at 7am from monday to friday! I want to start doing this, because I am really bad at working late. Some people love doing uni stuff at like 10pm at night but I just cant. If I do this (which Ive tried) I cant sleep because I am still so stressed and upset about whatever I was working on. I am more of a morning person when it comes to being productive. And because I have so much to do at the moment I thougt it might give me the opportunity to get back on track again. I will post about how it went here. And I will do some kind of weekly challenge from now on, sometimes with the intention to keep it up and implement it as a habbit. Sometimes just to provide an interesting kind of challenge.
  12. So the weekend went kind of well in a way . Im still strong on the no gaming part. I started to realise a little more how gaming has actually affected me. I have been so stressed the last few weeks because I have a huge workload this semester and this stressed me so much that I just did the bare minimum and gamed a lot just to cope with the stress. The problem was though that the more I gamed the more I fell behind and this weekend I could really see how far I have fallen behind. I will now focuss to catch up in the next few weeks. The weekend itself was pretty cool, I went to really awesome halloween party on thursday night and went to my moms birthday on saturday. I noticed that I felt very short fused over the last days and felt quite depressed from time to time. I feel like its getting a little better already, tonight I woke up a couple of times ,because I had intense dreams about gaming. One dream was very Dota like especially. I also went for a run today which was nice, as its the first form of exercise I got in the last 2 weeks because of the cold I got. This week I wanna really kick ass in uni gonna try to do it all and work really hard for it!
  13. Oh man I can totally relate to this after high school anxiety. Same thing happened to me and to a lot of people I know. First thing I would recommend : do therapy! Chances are high you have a "normal" anxiety disorder which is what I had and what some people I know had. Which is not a big deal and can be well treated and doesnt have to last long. Mine took about half a year until it was a lot better, no medications or anything. And dont talk yourself into bullshit like severe psychological illneses that are not diagnosed. Thats the main reason why I recommend a therapist. A good therapist will instantly be able to tell that you are not "crazy " or anything like that. And I also recommend doing stuff. Basically anything. Even better : not being at home too much . Like dont hide. Never hide. Hiding makes anxiety a lot worse. I mean if you are having a panic attack you shouldnt go out but if your are anxious or uncomfortable its better to go out and not stay home. Working out or any kind of sport is also very good to get rid of the anxiety that can build up. Also try to avoid shitty foods, stuff that is high in bad fats and sugar. This can also increase anxiety. And most of all: accept anxiety. Its ok to feel it. I know it sucks but when its there its there. It will go away. Its ok to feel anxious or panic or sadness. Acknowledge your feelings you are on a path to a happier life. And something that helped me in my darkest times: If you can feel good for a second or maybe even a minute a day : You can be happy and feel good again in general. I mean I am not feeling my best right now (because of gaming) but the past 2 years of my life where really amazing and even if it might not seem like it right now, you will also have amazing days and weeks and months and years. So just hold on you will be fine.
  14. I know what you mean man. I am a super chill dude I never get angry at people or anything. But online games. dude. Especially dota and league make me so mad sometimes. The communities in competetive online games are probably the worst out of all games and things in general. Those people can be so toxic they wish you cancer because you made a slight mistake. And many people say those communities are just like that you just have to accept that, but think about it. If you would go to the gym and people come to you and say "i hope you die you piece of shit" because you didnt put a weight back or something like that you would never go there again. But for some reason we keep on going back to those gaming communities, not realising what it does to us.
  15. I guess I havent been here for a while. I am reopening my journal. It all started last thursday when I got a cold again. I have been feeling very weird since then in general I believe some of my old problems might have resurfaced a little. On the weekend I had lots of doubt about the way I lived my past year. The past year in itself was actually pretty awesome. I have been and still am in a very loving and amazing relationship and the time from January till July was spent mostly on spending chill evenings with my girlfriend, going to the gym and to martial arts and on uni stuff. I have to say that especially the summer semester from april till july was amazing. I felt really good, energised , motivated and happy. I didnt game a lot, only every now and then and wasnt even sick once. Then in july I wrote 2 amazing exams in theoretical physics passing both with the best possible grade. Then for the third exam which was computer science, all my energy and motivation was gone. I felt like I did enough because of those 2 excams before and so I let it slide and failed. After that i spent 3 months basically gaming non stop. I was on holidays for 2 weeks in total and really enjoyed the time but apart from that I was basically gaming all day . I still spent time with my girlfriend but I hardly did anymore sports. I was basically super lazy. And that for 3months straight . 3 MONTHS!!! Since that it has been kind of a downward spiral. I tried to stop gaming several times but always ended up justifying it again and again. Whenever I start to feel good again I tell myself its ok to game because I am not feeling bad because of the gaming itself. But honestly I dont even know anymore. And by now I am feeling bad enough to give it another shot. From this day on I will stop gaming for the whole november and see if it makes me feel any better. If it fails to do so I might just start gaming again but if I start to not feel anxious and depressed anymore I will vow to not game ever again. Because I just want to be happy. I just want to be able to sit somewhere and smile into myself and not be anxious not be stressed. This one week in the holidays I went to edinburgh with my girlfriend and I was so happy. I felt so alive and good. I started to be interessed in things again. I just wanted to do stuff all the time like go to museums and everything. This feeling was completly gone the day I came back. Im just so mad at myself. Im also so confused right now. I usually always know what to do in terms of what will make me feel better. But right now I am just lost. I still enjoy doing my uni stuff most of the time but this morning I missed the bus to uni and just went straight home to play dota 2 for 3 hours straight. I felt so bad after that. So incredibly bad. Just wish me luck guys I need it.
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