Dirac's Journal

[dirac 178]

Sadly today didnt go as well as I planned. I woke up early and started my day by reading for about an hour which was really nice. Then I watched some netflix during breakfast and got a little stuck on that, so I watched for like 1 1/2 hours. After that my girlfriend and I cleaned our flat which was really nice. Then my girlfriend had some appointments so I was alone and continued to watch netflix because I didnt really knew what else to do with myself. Eventually I thought that what I am doing doesnt make any sense, watching netflix all day is no better than playing video games. Then I justified gaming even more by thinking that its sunday and it makes more sense to start no gaming on a round day like monday. 

So all in all quite unsuccessful today. But I am still motivated so I will try my best to stay game free tomorrow. To make sure I dont watch netflix all day either I will make myself a to do list and schedule to make sure I stay on track and know what to do with myself.

[Gundham 31]

Hey there, wish you all the best and sorry for the wall of text in advance.
I can feel the determination being there, just unsure about what to do... Sadly i am not in a position to really give some reasonable feedback, since i am on the start of this journey myself. Can try to share the experience from my last week tho. I am 26 and I know very little about job I do - it happens to a lot of us. I would try to not make myself motivated through comparing myself to somebody who is doing better then me, and try to focus on what I want to do with my free time instead. Maybe your mind is just jailed in doing something it does not want to and that will be hard to change - i know this feeling all too well. Currently working on doing little steps towards enjoying my free time - coloring a bit of mandala, playing guitar for a bit, going for a walk, cooking,... . Then getting back to work on something - study towards school, work, philosophy, music theory, psychological background of addiction,  or working out. I do not say these will work for you - everybody needs something different to ease his mind. Hope you will find your little happy places outside games somewhere too. 
(Also all of this is my experience and not a plan i am giving you to work on. If you can take something from it, I will be happy, if not, poop happens. All i wanted to say is you can do this, when there is determination, there is an answer.)