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8 hours ago, dirac said:

He further says that the difference between those people who actually do it and the ones that dont is their habits and how they live everyday.

Thanks for sharing this. It's very interesting. I think I've heard something like this before from other sources
I would like to build in more habits in my life.

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Im back , I was gone from friday till today! 

The book I got that from is called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Its one of the best books I ever read, I am going through it a second time at the moment. Its really great and not that long too, the audiobook on audible is like 5 hours. Cant recommend it enough!!

So about my weekend. 

Friday was kind of shit I got into kind of a situation on my way to uni where a guy pushed me off my bike because I kind of made a mistake. He was kind of in the right but still overreacted and this situation bothered me for the entire day because I was thinking so much about it. I had trouble listening in the lecture and I was kind of in shock for a while, I am like really bad at handling situations like that and I was already super stressed so it just made it worse.

But friday night was pretty awesome, I went to my girlfriends birthday party and it was very fun. I really managed to relax and enjoy the evening, I connected with a lot of her friends that I didnt really know before it was really great. 

And on saturday morning me and my girlfriend both woke up with a decent hangover. We then went to her parents and spent the day with her family which was also great because I get along with them very well and they are really nice people. 

On saturday night I had a little breakdown though. Because this week was just so stressful I got like 30% done of what I wanted to do. And for my job as a research assistant where I am supposed to do like 10 hours a week I didnt do anything at all. This week was extra horrible because me and my friend had to do our last lab report and it cost the whole wednesday and thursday and we are still not finished. So I lost wednesday, thursday, saturday and half the friday. But its ok its all gonna get better after this week because then all the lab work is over and I finally have time to do more for my other courses again. My girlfriend also did a good job of calming me down.

Today we had a nice breakfast with her family and then I went straight home to get some uni stuff done. On the way I continued to listen to the atomic habits audiobook and it gave me quite some ideas. 

There was a part about making good habits easy to do. Like if you want to workout make sure your gym bag is packed, you eat something that is healthy and provides energy. Or if you want to study make sure that before you want to start, that your desk is clean, you have a water and maybe a coffee and a snack. All in all it was about minimizing friction when it comes to establish your habits. I think this is a great idea and I am gonna start doing this now. Prepare as much as I can the night before and make it really easy to perform my deeds.

I also watched a motivational video from Joe Rogan which kind of got me aswel.He was basically saying that you are the hero in your own movie and right now the movie is just starting and you are being the loser. And now its about time to get your shit together and emerge as the fking hero you are! This really got me especially because it was showing scenes of the movie limitless which I always found super motivating and inspiring. Here is a link to the video if anyone cares to watch it



After my uni stuff I went to the gym, which I am very glad because since my lower back injury I hardly went to the gym at all because I cant do my favorite exercises : squats and deadlifts. But I just did some other exercises instead. 

In the shower I had another very nice moment. I realised that this wekk was really amazing and that I felt good the majority of the time. Actually till friday. Just friday was bad and also just the first half of the day and here I was crying about how shit my week was. I realised I have to be more positive in my thinking and self talk. One bad day shouldnt kill a week. Maybe I will start a gratefulness journal or something , to keep my focus on the good stuff.

Now I am gonna plan my week , because the last week I sometimes found myself being confused about what to do. And this confusion took away quite some productivity.


Have a great week guys!

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So today was pretty good actually. I was in uni from 10 till 17:30 and then I went to training. My body is completely destroyed but it was really great and I am glad I went!

Uni was alright, a friend and me tried to figure out a task we have to do till tuesday night but in about an hour we were not even able to understand what we are doing which was unfortunate. Tomorrow we are gonna meet again and hopefuly be able to produce something.

Training was great I had a lot of fun and I feel like I didnt lose as much as I feared over the past 3 months. Just gotta make sure to stay on track and go atleast once a week.

On my way home I thougt a bit about depression. I dont think I am depressed but right now I am not feeling my best. Uni is so stressful that I feel like I am drowning sometimes and I didnt workout that much so my self image is not very positive at the moment. So what I was thinking was basically that whenever stuff gets really tough like it is at the moment I tend to stop doing stuff because I get scared that I might get a burnout or develope a depression and then I think I should chill and slow down. In a way I have a fear of depression that often keeps me from really pushing myself. Its just I feel like we still dont really know that much about mental health and what worsens it actually. And I did have a time in my life where I had to deal with an anxiety disorder and that time was pretty much hell. Even though I would say that is completely behind me and I havent had anything related to that in years and felt pretty good for atleast the last 3 years I think it still kind of has an effect on me in the way that I am a little scared of getting a mental health problem again. Its kind of like for people who have gotten in a car accident once and even after having fully recovered they still are a bit scared while driving. For me this always happens when I dont feel my best. 

But I concluded that this is a thing that I kind of have to ignore, because in the end reaching your goals and working towards them is not always fun. Sometimes it can be draining or boring or depressing but you just have to go through with it.

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Today I dont have to say that much, nothing really special happened. It was a good day, I took  a day off from Training and tomorrow I am gonna go to the gym again. I am actually very excited about working out at the moment, I feel like my motivation is coming back! 

I also was very productive at uni today and I am still very happy that the lab course will be over this week. This should be a huge stress relief.

Tonight I watched a really cool movie with my girlfriend on amazon called Brittney runs a marathon. It was inspirational and cute and also quite funny. 

Today I had some gaming cravings, after I had a big cup of coffee I thougt about playing some real time strategy games, warcraft 3 in particular because I still havent found anything that can engage the mind as much as those do. Doing a lot of stuff in a very fast sequence and looking over several things at once I always found this very amazing. Of course I am still staying commited to the no game november but at the end of december warcraft 3 remastered is coming out and I want to develope myself like a plan on how to play it without falling into madness again. Like picking maybe a day a week where I dont have uni stuff and allow myself a certain amount of time to game. If it fails I am gonna bring my computer to my parents during the excam phase so I will not be tempted ?

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5 hours ago, dirac said:

I want to develope myself like a plan on how to play it without falling into madness again. Like picking maybe a day a week where I dont have uni stuff and allow myself a certain amount of time to game. If it fails I am gonna bring my computer to my parents during the excam phase so I will not be tempted ?

Good thinking. I hope you find a way to make games a healthy part of your life.
I still have my steam account that I don't have the heart to delete just yet. I'm hoping I can one day bring games back into my day to day but I'm hesitant.

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The problem of healthy gaming is something that I thougt about a lot. In retrospection I think the only times that I had a healthy way of gaming was, when my life was in order. When everything was going well. The obsessive binge gaming only occured in my life when something was not right. Either when I was sick or when I was too stressed or too bored or feeling bad emotionally. I think to have a healthy relationship towards gaming you have to have a healthy lifestyle in a way and mostly emotionally healthy. I mean the respawn guide talks about why we game in the first place. Because games are social and they give you the opportunity to improve and grow and all those other reasons. I think if you find a way to fullfill all those needs that drove you to an unhealthy gaming behaviour, then and only then you can game in a healthy way. If you have a job you enjoy, hobbies that provide you with constant measurable growth, a social circle and other mechanisms to cope with negative emotions then you can game for fun whenever you like and however long you like. But even then you have to make sure that gaming will not push you out of those things again. 

I guess if you had a problem with gaming once you will always have to be careful about it, you can never let your guard down in a way.

So today for me was really nice, I finished my lab report with my friend and then we celebrated with a few drinks afterwards. I cant say how relieved I am to have finished this last lab report ever. I hated all those lab courses so much I was really suffering through every single one. Knowing that this part of my physics studies is over is just so awesome. 

I am also hoping that now I might be able to catch up with all my other courses that I couldnt really spend the time on that I wanted. So my hope is high now for the rest of the semester.

Tomorrow night I am going to workout again I am already very excited!

Which you guys a nice rest of the week!

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Today was pretty good, I felt quite good the majority of the day. I had one thing I wanted to do today and it was an exercise sheet for a  university course and I managed to be done before lunch which was pretty amazing. After that I just watched anime but I dont even mind. This week is going quite well and I am starting to feel confident that I can make it . I also went to training tonight which was awesome again. Now I am gonna go to bed and get ready for another day tomorrow ?

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So yesterday I kind of forgot to make a post but there are some news again. I broke my no game november. But I did it in kind of a conscious way I guess. Because this week I finally finished my lab course for the bachelors degree which took up a lotof time and now that its gone a lot of stress fell from me.  And the first reason for why I gamed so much was because I was so stressed that I needed an escape. So yesterday evening I decided that the important phase for no gaming is kind of over.

I will proceed with a lot of caution though. I have the following demands for myself, a set of rules for gaming so to speak.

1. Never game before you did everything you planned to do.

2. Never game as a break from studying (kind of implied in the first one but its so important I wanted to stress it)

3. Never chose gaming over sport, socialising or anything else. If I can spend my time otherwise I will do so.

4. Never go to bed later because of gaming. At 11 pm every night I will go to bed.

5. The only day you are allowed to play in the morning or noon is my uni free day (saturday or sunday depending on the week)

6. Take frequent breaks when gaming for longer than 1 hour, stand up and move around a little, stretch and maybe foam roll.

If I find myself struggling or breaking the rules on a regular basis I will instantly go back to not gaming. And I will continue to post daily in the forum and write about how it went.

Apart from that yesterday went pretty well, but again I noticed I work much better at uni than at home. My challenge for next week will be to never be home before 18:30 during the week. I will either stay at uni till 17:30 and then go to training or I will stay there till 18:00 o 'clock. 

Right now I feel like I will be able to do this semester for real! So today is my uni free day , I will spend it chilling and gaming a little and at noon my girlfriend will come over. 

I am really thrilled to see if I can handle the gaming now, because my uni and sport and private life is going pretty well and the stress has been reduced. Lets see!

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I can see your point but I think its not that simple. One has to identify the reasons for why he games and then can adjust his life accordingly. I think the biggest difference between gaming and other addictions is that gaming is not a substance addiction so moderation can definitely be achieved . And for me it was never that bad that I would play like 16 hours when I had stuff to do. Gaming was always my escape when I was too stressed and it is my go to activity when I am bored. But gaming also gave me a lot and I cant really just throw that away. And one thing that always made stuff easier for me is that I am very honest with myself. If I feel like its getting out of control again I would be the first to forbid myself to game.

I also think gaming is something that I will grow out of eventually when I have kids or something. In the lest 15 years I gamed less and less. You cant even compare how much I gamed this year to when I was 15. When I was 15 I would spend every free minute gaming. And the last year I gamed quite a bit in the holidays but during the semester I am usually not gaming more than 1 or 2 hours a day.

But today itself was really nice. I spent about 2 hours gaming and it was fun, after that I spent the whole day with my girlfriend and I was able to really chill out. Having one uni free day a week is definitely a great idea. I will keep this up for the rest of the semester. But from now on I will hit it really hard. Now that my lab courses are gone I feel like I can actually destroy this semester and I will ! 

This week I sadly forgot to put up a challenge for myself but I will think of something till tomorrow night for the following week!

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Today was a really good day. I spent the morning with my girlfriend and it was really nice. She left soon after breakfast and I instantly started studying. I studied quite a lot and was very productive, I met about 80% of what I wanted to achieve today which is pretty good. And so far I didnt game. Right now I am feeling very motivated towards studying because I finally believe in myself again. Which is mostly because of the fact that the lab course is over and I finally have the time I need for my other courses. 

But I realised something important. So far I always planned my studies like that I would write down what I was gonna do tomorrow. But I found an error in the way I wrote done what I had to do and how to do it. A typical study to do list would look like the following:

-Do exercise 2 , 3 and 4 from the exercise sheet

-go through chapter 12 , 13 and 14.

-go through the lecture notes and make a summary

The error I see in this is that it doesnt help me to actually understand concepts and doesnt specify how to do those things. This often made me go through a chapter in a way that I didnt really remember or understand much afterwards. Because I would just go through it once and not make notes and not consult additional material because understanding was never really a specified goal. The same applies to the exercises. Doing an exercise doesnt neccessarily mean understand it. Sometimes I would just follow a tutorial online. This gets the exercise done but it doesnt guarantee that I can repeat it or really know what and why I am doing it.

So my challenge for this week and my new way of approaching studying will be to focus on understanding and learning instead.

My daily goals will look like this from now on :

- Do exercise xy and understand the concept fully, make a blueprint for exercises of this type

- Read the chapter about xy and consult additional material until you fully understand xy , explain it to your dad or girlfriend to check if you really got it

- Go through the lecture again and look up everything you dont know and summarize things in your own words (dont just copy them)

I will post every evening what my goals for the next day are and if I achieved the ones from today.

For monday my goals are the following:

- Attend both lectures and write down everything the professor says or has on its slides that you dont know, so you can look it up.

- Fully understand Conditional random fields and write a pseudocode for the exercise in the sheet.

- Meet with my professor and discuss how to procede with my research for the next week.

- If my backpain is gone , go to training , if not do a foam rolling session

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Today was pretty great actually. I was happy throughout and even though I didnt really meet my daily goals I still feel like this day was a win. I didnt fully understand conditional random fields but me and my buddy worked through a tutorial and are definitely on our way to solve the exercise sheet. I think we might well be able to finish it tomorrow. I didnt go to training and I didnt foam roll either because my girlfriend came over. I still could have done it but I simply forgot to foam roll and now it will just wake me up. I also didnt meet with my professor because there wasnt really time and I was also not sure what to meet about. But I did make notes in the lectures and I feel like I understood a lot more than usual. And I had like some stuff that I wanted to do this morning that never happened because I just watched anime for like 2 hours instead but its fine.

The fact that my friend and I managed to do something on the exercise sheet this time and that we actually might be able to solve it this time gave me quite an energy boost, because we both thougt that the exercise sheet for this week will be a tragedy. 

I also realised that we didnt even pass the half of the semester mark yet. This gives me hope, that I can actually catch up and do it. My confidence is rising and so is my motivation.

For tomorrow my goals are :

-Go to gym at 8

-finish the sheet with my friend tim and have a nice plot in the end aswell

-make notes in the eis übung , make sure you really understand everything and ask questions

-stay at uni till 7 , when the cafeteria closes.

I am excited for tomorrow ! I also didnt game today ?

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Sadly I didnt manage to post yesterday, because it was my roommates birthday and we stayed up quite late. Yesterday was definitely awesome, I worked hard at uni and got quite some stuff done. I didnt go to the gym though because of my roommates birthday. I wanted to go to day instead but I didnt either.

So yesterday evening I smoked some weed with my roommate. I didnt really smoke any weed in over year because the last time I had a rather bad experience. This time it was alright. Not really super fun but ok I guess. But today I was just so done from it, my brain was hardly working and I felt like I had the discipline of a 5 year old. I got my bare minimum of uni stuff done and the rest of the day I basically did nothing. I gamed a little bit here and there but not because I wanted to but because I felt like this would make the day go by faster. I think I am really done with weed. It just doesnt really give me anything anymore. 

I am honestly much happier when I plan my days , be productive , do sports and spend time with my girlfriend. This is what makes me happy. Drinking, gaming , smoking pot all that stuff just doesnt do much for me anymore. I still dont want to say I will never do it again because I believe this is the wrong approach and I never know what happens in 10 years but I really dont want weed in my life anymore. I enjoy a clear mind so much more.

I also cant wait for my doctors appointment next wednesday. I really just want to do sports 4-5 times a week again without having to be scared about my back and feeling pain or whatever. This is really having a bit of an impact on my life lately. 

Uni is going pretty great though at the moment. Cant wait for tomorrow !

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Today had some ups and downs. First of all I slept 1 hour longer and ditched my first lecture. I think it was kind of because I was lazy and also because it rained and I would have to take the bus to uni and I really hate taking the bus. But its also because on thursday I only have 1 lecture which lasts 1 hour and it takes me like 30 minutes to uni so I really dont think its worth it sometimes. 

I was still highly productive though and managed to write a programm that I failed once before. This made me very happy and I also enjoyed coding it. After that I did lik an hour for my research job. 

Then I played dota 2 for like 3 hours which is basically fine but I also skipped training. I mainly skipped it because I could feel my back hurting again and at the moment I am just too scared about it. I just want to have this doctors appointment next wednesday to finally know what I am dealing with. I realised though that my back was much better while I did my daily foam rolling. So I am gonna start doing this again! I think I also skipped training because I am not being very good with feeling uncomfortable at the moment. I am struggling to get out of my comfortzone for some reason. This was never that much of a thing for me but since a couple of weeks, basically the start of winter / mid autumn I ve gotten quite comfortable. I have to find a way to make myself enjoy uncomfortableness a bit more. I am already doing cold showers every day. I think I will start doing ice baths once a week now to deal better with the cold and on home days I will make sure to take a 30 minute walk.

I also decided to not play competetive games anymore. Mostly because I feel like they are way more addictive than other games and also because you cant just stop playing. If some singleplayer game starts to make me mad I would just stop playing but when you play dota and have like a really bad match with toxic teammates you are kind of stuck until the game is over. And I think over the long term this brings me a bit of misery that I dont need. So I uninstalled dota today and from now on I will stop playing competetive games.

For tomorrow I have quite some plans:

Be at uni at 10

after my last course which ends at 14:00 I will work on my Hiwi Job for 4 hours.

I will also go to the gym tomorrow night, even if I have backpain !!

And I will also do foam rolling exercises for my back.

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Today was a bit weird. On my way to uni my bike tire broke which resulted in me being too late to my group meeting which wasnt a big deal. Because there was some other stuff wrong with my bike for quite a bit I decided to just bring it to the nearest bike repair place and they said I will have it back on tuesday or wednesday next week which definitely bothers me. Because it means I will have to take the bus till then and I hate taking the bus soooo much. It stinks its full its always late and I have to leave the house much earlier. But well what can you do.

I also bought myself a new phone today and I am very happy with it because my old one was broken. It was kind of a productive way because I took care of the phone thing , the bike thing and went to uni but I didnt really do much uni stuff. But its fine.

I did do one thing that makes me a little sad. I installed dota again and played it for like 2 hours. Which isnt much but it bothers a lot that I installed it again in the first place. Because just last night I posted that I will not play competetive games anymore. And I want to stay by that . So I uninstalled it again and this time its gonna stay uninstalled ! 

I didnt go to the gym because of the bike incident but I went for a run instead which is still a good thing. Took me quite a bit of self talk to do it but its fine. Its kind of funny how I dont have a problem going to the gym 3 times a week and to martial arts class 2 times a week but when I am injured like with my back at the moment I need like all my motivation to go for a run or go to the gym. Its like I lose all my motivation as soon as the conditions arent perfect. And that is something that I have to change. If I will only workout when I am feeling great over all I will never get strong and fit. Because there is always gonna be something. Something that hurts, something that doesnt feel right or whatever. 

So tomorrow noon I will go to the gym !!

And tomorrow I will also read all my texts for PGM and start coding already.

I will also keep doing my foam rolling which I also managed to do today !

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Hi Dirac. Glad to hear you were able to uninstall quickly last night. That could've been bad. 

Legitimately curious, because I did the same thing with LoL a bunch of times before my current streak, what was it that made you redownload in the first place?

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Ah nice to see someone struggling with the same kind of games ? To be honest I am not quite sure. I think what I like so much about those games like dota and league is that they are very rewarding and very fast. Its kind of like watching a show on netflix. Its short, it doesnt involve a lot of commitment and its fast. 

If you compare it to games like the witcher 3 its completely different. The witcher is a very emotional game that involves rather slow progress and just doesnt give you those quick bursts of good feels like when you do a triple kill in dota. Its more like watching lord of the rings I guess.

But I always struggled with those competetive online games. I was never having trouble with singleplayer games as much. 

Yesterday especially I reinstalled it because I kind of just wanted to game something where I can also do some other stuff while doing it, you know listen to music, tab out when I am dead. I think I didnt really want to game that much in the first place and whenever thats the case I just kind of start dota out of habit. It is kind of my go to activity when bored. I would never play any other game if I wouldnt really want to play it. Dota I kind of play by default.

What about you ?

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Haha, well, there's a lot of us I guess, but few ever try to do anything about getting away from MOBAs/video games in general. 

I feel like we had similar motivations: the dopamine hits (oh god, the dopamine hits!), boredom, habit. I think I also struggled a bunch with my competitive nature and low self-esteem. In a weird way, it took the edge off of everything. I could play for sixteen hours straight and feel like a zombie after, but during those sixteen hours I didn't have to think about anything else. 

Single-player games are way easier to put down, in my opinion. There's usually an end and closure. There's never an end with MOBAs.

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Yeah the dopamine hits I know what you mean... Did you actually manage to quit MOBAs or gaming in general for good? If so, do you have any advice ? Especially on the moba stuff.

I didnt manage to post yesterday because I came home quite late. Yesterday was kind of good day even though I struggled with uni stuff. I woke up too late because I stayed up quite long on friday playing dota hehe. Thats why I uninstalled it afterwards. I really dont like staying up late I feel like I am way more motivated and productive in the morning. I think waking up at 8 and going to bed at like 23:30 is my favorite way of doing it.

Yesterday I only gamed for about 1 hour and it was not dota. But even though I didnt game that much I was thinking about gaming quite a bit during the day. Like I have to go through all the uni stuff to "earn" to game later. So the day was kind of overshadowed by gaming in a way.

Today I didnt game at all. I spent the whole day with my girlfriend and it was kind of nice. Not as relaxing as I planned it but still good. I really wanted to clean my room though because it looks horrible but I guess I will just have to do that tomorrow. 

Today I also had a bit of a bad experience with one of my uni courses because I tried to read a text and I didnt understand anything and it really made me feel bad. I am not sure what to do about this course at the moment. I find it interesting but I feel like I am missing so much prior knowledge and its the hardest course I ever took and I really dont know what to do about it. I really have to figure this out in the near future.

After this post I will plan my following week. I cant wait for my doctors appointment on wednesday. 

My challenge for this week is to do sport 4 times. No matter if its martial arts, going to the gym, doing a home workout or going for a run!!

This week I will also try to only play singleplayer games if I play at all. And at the end of the week I will decide on how to procede. Like if I want to quit it for good or still continue with the singleplayer stuff.

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Today was pretty awesome. I arrived at uni at 10 and stayed till about 18 then I went home took a little break and did like another hour of uni stuff. After that I did an intense workout. I really kicked todays ass! I felt pretty good all along even though I am still not too happy that I still dont have my bike but its fine. 

I cant wait for tomorrow so I can continue working on my PGM exercise sheet. I am also excited for my nuclear and particle physics lecture. Right now I feel really good. Proud and calm.

I also didnt game today, I think I will play like half an hour now before I go to bed. Still staying off the MOBAs though.

So I already worked out once which means I have to work out 3 times more this week!

But now I am gonna plan my day tomorrow a little. 

Have a great week everyone!

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Today was also great ! I worked a little more on my PGM sheet and handed it in on time. It wasnt perfect but pretty good. And I also went to my two courses. Taking the bus is really annoying me though I really hope that my bike will be fixed soon. I am so much more awake and fit when I take my bike to uni than being a zombie in the bus.

I didnt workout today but I also didnt plan to. I had a lovely evening with my girlfriend and I was very happy today. 

Because everything went well today I dont really have that much to say. I feel like the better I feel the shorter my posts become somehow ?

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So I didnt manage to post yesterday mostly because I really didnt feel like it. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and its nothing serious with my back, I just have to stop lifting weights and martial arts for 6 weeks. I can do bodyweight stuff instead though and he told me to do a lot of planck variations for my core which will help with the back. 

Yesterday noon I started to feel pretty bad, I dont know why but I felt like I am getting sick and it really depressed me. I felt bad physically and emotionally and I installed dota again, because its what I always do when I dont feel good. 

When I dont feel good, I play dota because it makes time fly and I dont "have to be sick". If I lay in bed and read I will feel much more than when I just play dota till I am healthy again. I also stayed awake long because I didnt want to bed because I didnt feel tired enough.

Today I also felt quite bad. Not sick but really done, physically and mentaly. At first I thougt I catched the cold my girlfriend had but I am not sure anymore. I mostly have headache and intense neck pain. I did some exercises and stretches today which helped a little but I still feel quite bad. I didnt do any uni stuff today because I just didnt feel like it at all. 

I really hope I am gonna be fine tomorrow because I have quite some stuff to do which I havent done yet.

This whole thing just showed me again how I completely lost my healthy habits this summer. From january till june I worked out atleast 3 times a week and ate really healthy and felt amazing. In the last couple of months I hardly worked out and I ate rather bad stuff. I ate lots of sweets and sugary stuff in general. I harly move anymore. I just sit on my desk doing uni stuff or gaming all day. 
I talked about this with my girlfriend the other day and for her its kind of the same. So we want to establish some healthy and good habits together and we will spend the rest of december figuring out what exactly we want to do and how to do it. I mean its healthy eating and working out regurlarly but the question is how we will do it.

So because I felt like shit today and yesterday my 4 workout challenge this week is canceled. I did exactly one workout on monday. But yeah well what can you do. 

I still think I really need to learn to deal with not feeling good better but I just dont know how. I am so bad with not feeling good that I immediately feel depressed when I have a slight notion of getting sick or have neck pain or something. 

Maybe I will just have to wait till I feel like shit again and do absolutely nothing like netflix or gaming then. Force myself to take a walk or read or do uni stuff. Sometimes I am asking myself if I feel bad so often because my body thinks thats the way it gets to slack off. Like a dog that knows it will get a treat when its sick so it just gets sick more often because it wants the treat.

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I again forgot to post yesteray so I will do it now.

Yesterday was pretty good, I felt much better, still had some neck pain and didnt feel super well but good enough ? . I got quite some stuff for my research job done and worked at it till like 18:30 which is nice because I told myself I could game at 18 but instead I showered and cooked and ate and then my girlfriend came and I didnt game at all which was big win.

I realised that I have a bit of a bad mindset towards working and gaming and stuff. I always tell myself that my uni stuff is something I have to do, same as for my workouts. The gaming I see as something I get to do. Kind of a reward of some sort. I think this mindset might be a reason for why gaming is so appealing. Because I make it appealing.

I also had a nice talk with my girlfriend last night it was really cool.

Today I am gonna have lunch with my dad. I am really looking forward to that. 

Later tonight my roommate will celebrate his birthday and some of his friends coming over. I am not really up for party to be honest but lets see how it goes. 

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Today was awesome !

First I want to talk about the party yesterday though. I felt really bad before the party because I had quite some neck pain and I felt super exhausted. I was not up for party at all. 

But who would have guessed I had so much fun and felt amazing ! After 1 or 2 drinks and a bit of conversation I felt amazing. I didnt even get drunk I just had some beers and really enjoyed myself. I couldnt feel my neck the entire time and I also wasnt exhausted anymore. 

This got me thinking a little. I believe that focusing on pain or aches is a very bad habit because you will always find something that is not feeling perfectly well. Especially once you get older I guess. I mean I am 25 now and I did sport all my life and I have neck and backpain sometimes. But its not a big deal, if its not severe or persistent I think pains should best be ignored. 

So about today. I woke up with no hangover and felt amazing. I cleaned my room and studied basically the whole day, then went to the gym and had a great workout. After had dinner and planned my week and now I am here. This was a cool weekend and a great sunday. I feel really good and I cant wait for this week to start!

My challenge for this week will be:

Always take the stairs!

I have some courses at uni at the 5. floor and I usually take the elevator but this week I will take the stairs everytime!

Have a great week everyone!

Oh and I gamed for like an hour on saturday and not at all today ! 

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Today was pretty good, but I was very tired the entire day, because I slept kind of bad. But it was still a good day. I didnt game, managed to do quite some uni stuff and spent a nice evening with my girlfriend. I really hope I am gonna get back some sleep tonight so I have the energy for uni and a workout tomorrow! 

I stood by my challenge and only took the stairs today.

I actually cant wait to go back to the gym tomorrow I am really hyped at the moment. I really want to get fit and buff again!

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Oh I forgot to post again yesterday. So today and yesterday were both really great. Uni is going well, my relationship is fulfilling and I have managed to workout twice this week. I am also still doing my stair taking challenge! 

Yesterday night I gamed for like 2 hours though because I realised I have a warcraft 3 reforged beta key and I was very excited for this game so I couldnt resist to play for a while. But i still feel very much in control and today I only gamed for like an hour. 

Today I also realised that its just gonna be 2 more weeks until christmas which means 3 more weeks till the new year and I kind of felt like this year was odd in a way. Mostly because the first 6 months of this year might have been one of the best times in my life while the second half was kind of shitty. I mean its going well right now but august, october and september were pretty bad. 

I will definitely spend some time in the next couple of weeks looking at the year 2019 , how it went for me and what I learned from it and how I want my 2020 to be like.

I know this categorisation in years is very arbitrary but I just kind of like putting stuff into perspective and I like the year cycle because it contains 2 semesters and all 4 seasons hehe.

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