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Journey to my white coat

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Holy shit man, I'm so sorry... What made you play games again, though? Was it because of the stress or mounting pressure? Do you do anything else to relieve some of that tension?

What other options are there? Can you spend another year slowly building up your credentials?

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As detailed in my introduction post, I've quit gaming as of today. I'll use this journal as a means to center myself and keep from relapsing. Uninstalled Runescape and League of Legends, and dele

It was a pretty good day today. Didn't have to go into work which was a nice break after the shitshow that was yesterday. Ended up doing some data analysis at home, and ran a few errands as well. Also

A year ago, having just spent an entire weekend cooped up inside my room gaming, I decided that the time had come to create a journal and start living my life seriously. Since then all kinds of c

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19 hours ago, Deku said:

Fuck guys it’s over. I’m so sorry.

Got removed from my internship a few days ago and the shock still hasn’t really worn off yet. The reason was because of all the mistakes I’ve made, and all the days I missed (due to playing games).

With that I lose so much. Two letters of rec and a ton of time at the very least. I don’t really know what to do now. I still want to keep fighting to get into medical school, but...I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. I’m just so disappointed in myself for blowing this golden opportunity. I spent the last year setting all this up for myself beautifully and in the blink of an eye it’s back to ground zero again.

I’ll think of something but...man. This really sucks.

I am very sorry about what happened.  That is a crushing blow.  

Two thoughts came into my mind after I read this and a little bit about what was happening at your internship.(I apologize but I did not have time to read your entire journal.) Anyways, getting back to my thoughts.   You may be held back a year and will be able to redo that internship during summer-time.  Or, you may have to figure out what skill-sets you have that can be applied to a different career choice.  

From those two thoughts arise more thoughts.  Here I go.  Bear with me.

Could it be that you played video games more when you were making more mistakes at the internship?  It's like when I have a bad day at work, I clean the house from top to bottom, because I know it's something I can do, and I'm actually good at it.  I'm a neat-freak.  And I feel a great satisfaction from completing that task.  "Heck, if I can't fix what crap I did at my job, then I can sure as heck fix what I can at home!".  Or binge eating junk food when life situations become stressful.  

Take it easy and be kind to yourself.  

I hope you're doing ok, btw.  I'm hoping for the best.  

God bless.


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Really sorry to hear that, Deku. That's pretty brutal. I feel your pain.

Give your self some time to detach before you jump headlong into whatever your next venture will be, whether it's still med school or something else. If you end up trying something else, I'm sure that there must be something out there that can satisfy your core motivations for becoming a doctor. I went through something similar, and honestly it was the best thing to happen to me. I hope that whatever happens, you will be able to look back on this and say you were able to gain something from it.

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Hey Deku so sorry to hear about what happened. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you!

Unfortunately this will not be your last loss or defeat
But I'm certain you can lay it on a heap next to the many victories you will have

Remember everyone around you is here to support you and we're all routing for you


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Oh shit man, I'm sorry to hear about this!

Look, I know it's a big loss and disappointment right now, but it could also be a strong motivator to get back into it. Was this internship the only product of the past year+ that you've been killing it since you stopped gaming?

I highly doubt it. You gained so much. You learned just how much you can do. It's a set back. A bad one. But you can get come out stronger than before.

My last relapse a year ago finished after I got nearly fired by a client I really enjoy working with. It set me straight and enabled me to find the motivation to quit games. Haven't gamed since. Maybe this your moment. 

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Hey Deku,

          I'm sorry about what happened that blows big time. We are all thinking about you and sending good vibes. I know you can bounce back from this! But take some time to rest, relax, and energize for your next goal! We believe in you! 

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