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Journey to my white coat


Deku
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It's been quite an uneventful few days, which is strange because every day is so busy I feel like I don't have any room to breathe. When I get home I'm usually too pooped to do anything so I've been sleeping early A LOT recently--on my phone it says my average bedtime is something like 9:10 pm.

Had an exam last week for Neurogenetics, it was okay. I thought I did okay until I compared answers with everyone else. Turns out I'm either going to be setting the curve or absolutely failing the class (It's okay though, since the lowest test is dropped).

Hematology exam next Thursday as well, so I'll have to work hard today for that. Still have two short chapters of reading to do.

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1 hour ago, Deku said:

It's been quite an uneventful few days, which is strange because every day is so busy I feel like I don't have any room to breathe. When I get home I'm usually too pooped to do anything so I've been sleeping early A LOT recently--on my phone it says my average bedtime is something like 9:10 pm.

Had an exam last week for Neurogenetics, it was okay. I thought I did okay until I compared answers with everyone else. Turns out I'm either going to be setting the curve or absolutely failing the class (It's okay though, since the lowest test is dropped).

Hematology exam next Thursday as well, so I'll have to work hard today for that. Still have two short chapters of reading to do.

Much respect for being able to commit so hard! ? 

Watch your energy levels, buddy! Wouldn't want you burning out. But other than that, crazy amounts of balls you got there, you working bee!

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Finished all my Hematology readings. All that's left now is a frenzied review of all the content before Thursday.

Went to a resume building/cover letter/interview workshop today, and found it mind numbingly boring. Whoever thought a workshop comprised of 2 hours of lecturing and no actual workshopping would be a good idea ought not to be planning these things.

I also made a quizlet set of all the various biblical terms and scriptures for our exam in March, and shared it with as many people in the class as possible. I've gotten to the point where I actively dread attending that class, but I must not let the current rough patch kill off my desire to learn the scriptures.

I haven't had an amazing day in quite some time. Lots of stuff keeps happening and my schedule is so busy I don't really have time to just breathe and take it all in. I'm not worried, though. I know that if I just keep my head down and keep working hard, one day I'll realize I've made it through whatever this is. I just have to have faith.

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Got an exam in Hematology tomorrow and I’m actually pretty worried about it. I’ve gone to all the classes, done all the readings and reviewed my notes, so I’m not in a bad spot per se, but this class is known as one of the hardest the school has to offer. I don’t know what to expect, but I suppose I’ve done all I can at this point to prepare. I’ve done my due diligence to learning the material. I don’t need to cram so I can get a solid 7.5 hours of sleep tonight. The rest is all in destiny’s hands now.

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Yikes, that exam did not go well. From self correcting I know I got at least 5 or 6 out of the 70 multiple choice questions wrong. It's a bit frustrating because I could have and should have done a lot better, but my train of thought literally imploded on some of the more difficult questions. Ah well. I guess I can still be a scientist if the med school dreams don't pan out.

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On 2/21/2019 at 4:25 PM, Deku said:

Yikes, that exam did not go well. From self correcting I know I got at least 5 or 6 out of the 70 multiple choice questions wrong. It's a bit frustrating because I could have and should have done a lot better, but my train of thought literally imploded on some of the more difficult questions. Ah well. I guess I can still be a scientist if the med school dreams don't pan out.

You are joking, right? One (mid-term?) exam can't decide whether you are going to medical school. And if you got 91% correct, it shouldn't be a bad grade anyway.

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1 hour ago, Silverlining said:

You are joking, right? One (mid-term?) exam can't decide whether you are going to medical school. And if you got 91% correct, it shouldn't be a bad grade anyway.

I'm actually not joking. It doesn't seem like much, but in a class without many points in the gradebook one exam can determine my entire grade for the semester. And if I can't even get an A in a medical class at state school, then I really don't feel like I'm strong enough to even think about competing for a spot in medical school.

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11 hours ago, Deku said:

but in a class without many points in the gradebook one exam can determine my entire grade for the semester.

Ooh, that must be really tough. ? In my college, the exams that I will have will determine 30% of my whole grade in each of my four classes. Hope that you are doing well.

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On 2/22/2019 at 6:05 PM, Deku said:

I'm actually not joking. It doesn't seem like much, but in a class without many points in the gradebook one exam can determine my entire grade for the semester. And if I can't even get an A in a medical class at state school, then I really don't feel like I'm strong enough to even think about competing for a spot in medical school.

Sorry for what I said. I think there is still a good chance for you to get an A. But for you, the chance is not good enough. You need it to be an A, 100%.

I understand. If I were in your position I would probably feel the same way.

I just want to say that high expectations could lead to too much stress on us. You set very high standards for yourself, which is a good thing, because we definitely want doctors with high standards for themselves. But there are a lot of important exams and challenges ahead of you. I just hope that you could take it easy.

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6 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Sorry for what I said. I think there is still a good chance for you to get an A. But for you, the chance is not good enough. You need it to be an A, 100%.

I understand. If I were in your position I would probably feel the same way.

I just want to say that high expectations could lead to too much stress on us. You set very high standards for yourself, which is a good thing, because we definitely want doctors with high standards for themselves. But there are a lot of important exams and challenges ahead of you. I just hope that you could take it easy.

I actually think you bring up a good point. I've been in this rut recently, and I think a large part of that is that I've just tried to do too much at once. 13 credits while teaching 2 classes, attending bible study, volunteering at hospice and training for Rainier is a nightmare, and I just can't seem to find a second to breathe right now. I don't know if it's all the brain power I'm using every day or the fact I'm not eating enough, but I can sleep super early and still feel completely exhausted the next day. Because of this exhaustion and the stress from all the stuff I have to do I can feel myself falling behind on every commitment. It seems like I'm doing all the things I need for medical school, but nothing particularly well.

I'm starting to realize that I do have a limit, and that limit was exceeded long ago. There are some absolute beasts in this world that can seemingly reach for the heavens while carrying the entire weight of the world on their shoulders. I don't think I'm one of those people.

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Got every point (including the extra credit question) on my Neurogenetics midterm for a total of 155/150. Let’s go!

I highly doubt Hematology went that well though...

Edited by Deku
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On 2/26/2019 at 7:37 AM, Deku said:

There are some absolute beasts in this world that can seemingly reach for the heavens while carrying the entire weight of the world on their shoulders.

Those people don't function at the top of their game for all their lives, though. Olympic athletes retire very soon. High level managers have no social lives and are often dicks. Everybody is only human and nobody can be like Beyoncé (and even SHE was cheated on, fought on camera with her man, and so on...). There's only 24 hours in a day ? keep that in mind ? 

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@Phoenixking well said, although there certainly are people that are incredibly successful and productive even in their older years (see Bill Gates and Warren Buffett). Though those guys think and operate at such a high level that I don't think they could be called human anymore...

I've been making really good progress with hospice volunteering in the last month. My assignment is to provide companionship and assistance for an elderly woman (we'll call her L) with terminal cancer on Wednesday mornings while her daughter (J) attends a class and runs errands. It was really awkward at first, but L has really warmed up to me over time and actively looks forward to our visits now. J has grown to trust me more as well; she used to always ask one of her sisters to come over as well during my visit but now she lets me spend time with L alone. L's dog is also quite friendly to me despite normally being aggressive to strangers; in the past few weeks he's jumped into my lap quite a few times. I feel really good about the decision to do hospice volunteering this semester. It is definitely a significant time commitment, but being able to spend time with L and her family has really shown me a different side of medicine than the one I'm used to. I've spent so long learning about the human body and the various biochemical mechanisms that keep us alive, but it's only through this opportunity that I've learned that medicine is about treating people, and not biological models. The decisions that physicians make have to be tailored to individuals and their idiosyncracies, and those decisions have real consequences on lives and families.

It was really a great revelation to have and one that would serve me well if I ever became a doctor. We'll find out if that's still the case when the Hematology exams come back tomorrow though >_>"

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2 hours ago, Deku said:

@Phoenixking well said, although there certainly are people that are incredibly successful and productive even in their older years (see Bill Gates and Warren Buffett). Though those guys think and operate at such a high level that I don't think they could be called human anymore...

I've been making really good progress with hospice volunteering in the last month. My assignment is to provide companionship and assistance for an elderly woman (we'll call her L) with terminal cancer on Wednesday mornings while her daughter (J) attends a class and runs errands. It was really awkward at first, but L has really warmed up to me over time and actively looks forward to our visits now. J has grown to trust me more as well; she used to always ask one of her sisters to come over as well during my visit but now she lets me spend time with L alone. L's dog is also quite friendly to me despite normally being aggressive to strangers; in the past few weeks he's jumped into my lap quite a few times. I feel really good about the decision to do hospice volunteering this semester. It is definitely a significant time commitment, but being able to spend time with L and her family has really shown me a different side of medicine than the one I'm used to. I've spent so long learning about the human body and the various biochemical mechanisms that keep us alive, but it's only through this opportunity that I've learned that medicine is about treating people, and not biological models. The decisions that physicians make have to be tailored to individuals and their idiosyncracies, and those decisions have real consequences on lives and families.

It was really a great revelation to have and one that would serve me well if I ever became a doctor. We'll find out if that's still the case when the Hematology exams come back tomorrow though >_>"

This warms the heart...

Also bonus points for the use of 'idiosyncracies'. Lovely word.

I do think that people like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet are outliers. They either have well developed instincts or high IQs or some edge that most of us don't. But they're still human. It's hard for me to admit that it's probably not possible to achieve such feats because I believe in a world where you actually can. If you apply yourself, make the right moves and remain steadfast, anything is possible. I've seen and done crazier things than what most tv shows show us.

I'll also check in tomorrow again to read what's up with your Hematology results! I'm rooting for ya, bud!

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Looks like my premed dreams aren't done just yet. I got a 61/70 or 87, which wasn't a very good score, but it was good enough to be second in the class and only a couple points shy of first. I've been given another chance, and I won't let myself down this time. I am going all out on the course material from here on out, and I'll hit that second exam with everything I've got. Whichever person got the 63, know that I'm coming for you.

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That's a very cool and important insight you've come across while doing hospice volunteering!  I recently read that "a good doctor treats the disease, but a great doctor treats the patient."  It's inspiring to see you continue to work your butt off and keep learning new things, keep it up Deku!

Also, what day are you on for the no-gaming streak? 

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Also, what day are you on for the no-gaming streak?

Zero. I relapsed today--somehow convinced myself that I could afford to play one game, now feeling super stupid. >_>

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10 hours ago, Deku said:

Zero. I relapsed today--somehow convinced myself that I could afford to play one game, now feeling super stupid. >_>

Ah, shit man, that sucks. But don't let this setback win from your motivation! You've been doing so well! Why did you think you relapsed?

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Hey guys, it’s been a while. I’ve been pretty busy and stressed out of late, but fortunately I haven’t gone back to gaming in a while. So I think I’m almost at a week now.

A couple interesting things that have happened since my last post:

-I passed my test to move on from beginner to intermediate bible study, so I’ll be hanging with the intermediate seminar starting Monday. I’m excited to start learning about the actual story of the Bible now!

-My Hematology professor (who is a former doctor and an actual legend in the Bio department) called me up after class to talk about my career goals. He thinks I’d be a great doctor and offered to help me out along the way. I’m meeting with him Tuesday at 9 am—so a fat part of this weekend is going to be spent working on my resume in advance of our meeting.

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