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Journey to my white coat


Deku
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Nice work getting in to improve the resume while you're still finishing classes I've been working with a career counselor since losing my job and the difference it made in my resume was astounding. - Hope the improvements you make help you to land the position you're hoping for!

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It's not just the money. A TA experience is valued in many cases. It shows that you have excelled in academics, and that you have great communication skills and patience. It may also help you land a recommendation letter from the faculty who supervises you, if you need it.

On the other hand, it's time-demanding, since you need to prepare for each lab session and may need to grade lab reports and host office hours. Usually you need to devote at least 10 hrs/wk to it. Given your schedule, you might have to give up something for it. So the question is, what are you willing to give up? And please don't say "sleep", because you are going to need it.

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Wow, I am so happy that you get to teach a lab section. I have one piece of advice for you: if that is what you want, then go for it. Just don't forget to take care of yourself and balance your priorities. ?

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Classes have finally started! Feels good to be back ☺️

Now that I have commitments on commitments, I'm really going to be pinching seconds in order to keep up with MCAT prep. Thus, I''m going to play the slow and steady game with it--a committed 1% improvement every single day from now until the end of the semester. My hope is that finishing just a little bit daily, like a section or even just one difficult concept, will add up over time and help me take the test at a reasonable date.

Hopefully it'll work out!

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A couple of quiet days recently, guess it's the calm before the storm. I've been using this period of time, which has honestly felt like extended winter vacation, to advance my MCAT studies, keep up with my workouts and work on a couple of odd and end projects for bible study. 

 

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Hello!

The semester from hell is finally here! (For full details on my weekly schedule, please see the attached image below). It won't be easy to get through it, but I will defeat this monster. I tell myself that I'm not worthy of applying to medical schools if I can't handle this load--after all, I know there are students out there who can and are doing more.

Things I did today: Toured some labs at UCSC this morning, filled out some paperwork at my university's bio department, went to vertebrate neurophysiology (lots of prospective medical students in that class, so I'm really motivated to give it all I've got), got some studying done and went to bible study at night. It was the first day in a leadership role in the class, and it was...weird for sure, "leading" people that have been religious for many more years than myself. I think my strategy going forward is going to be leading by example by putting my best foot forward in that class, rather than bossing people around. 

It's an early start tomorrow, so I have to bounce, but I will definitely try to find the time later in the week to put more energy into the forum. I've noticed there are so many new people all with wonderful stories, and I look forward to reading about all of them in depth once my schedule allows me to!1267685573_Screenshot2019-01-28at11_09_05PM.png.cefa093819971443e53f449ba7c8e3ae.png

 

 

 

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Had my first real full day of classes today, and oh my god I have so much to do. I really think I got a false sense of security after stomping my classes last semester, and now that I'm in classes with very motivated undergrads I've found myself far behind the general knowledge curve. It's really humbling and terrifying--there's just so little I know, and so much that I have to catch up on before the first exams roll around in a few weeks. Fun's over, time to get my shit together now.

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Day 3 of the semester from hell. I spent the morning visiting a hospice patient, went to a class in the afternoon, helped run the Bio 21 orientation, and spent the night studying in preparation for the Hematology lecture tomorrow. It may be that the sleep deprivation is driving me slightly manic, but I´m feeling quite happy in spite of all the various commitments in my life. After spending years sitting in front of a computer screen bored out of my mind, it´s a great change of pace to have so much going on that there is always something to do. My coursework is very stimulating (so much human physiology--woo!) and while at first I was intimidated I´m starting to enjoy the challenge of competing against stronger opponents this semester. 

For all my fellow anime fans out there, you know when the protagonist is facing down an impossibly powerful opponent, and everyone thinks he´s absolutely insane for not backing down/giving up, and then he takes a deep breath and yells ¨BRIIIIING IIIIT!!!¨?

It´s like that with me right now.

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Ended up dropping one of my classes this weekend (Vertebrate Neuro). It honestly killed me inside to do it because I really do like the course content, but my schedule is so insane it was probably the right thing to do. I'd much rather lighten my load a little bit and do well than crash and burn trying to go for those extra 3 credits and 0.02 points on my GPA.

 

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I hate Tuesdays lmao. 7:30 am Hematology, followed by 9:00 am Writing, followed by 12:00 pm Neurogenetics, followed by office hours for Neurogenetics, followed by the run-through for Immunology lab, makes for a very long day that runs nonstop from the crack of dawn all the way to well past 5. By the end I'm definitely spent and don't feel like getting any work done whatsoever. Which means I need to either force myself to get a lot done on my lighter days and make Tuesday night a gym night, or build the mental endurance to hit the library after dinner and coffee. Either way I'm definitely not looking forward to the many other Tuesdays coming up in the semester. >_>

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On 1/31/2019 at 5:32 AM, Deku said:

but I´m feeling quite happy in spite of all the various commitments in my life. After spending years sitting in front of a computer screen bored out of my mind, it´s a great change of pace to have so much going on that there is always something to do

Exactly. It's not the commitments that make people unhappy, it's the feeling of not living up to your full potential. Getting rid of games helps one to start working on the things that matter, thus happiness ?

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Hey guys.

The last week has been really hard. I lost my class leader position in bible study; they say they want to switch to a new rotating system and give everyone a chance, but I can't help but feel that it's because I haven't done a good job. Instructing for Immunology lab has been really rough, I'm not an instant learner and it's difficult to see something done for the first time, and then turn around and teach it to undergraduates without a whole lot of help or opportunity to practice. I also got rejected by another girl -_- adding to my extensive list of L's for the year.

I'm tired. I wish I could somehow take a day off, curl up in my bed, watch my anime and just forget about the rest of the world. Without the leadership experience and recommendation letter from bible study it will be very hard to put in a competitive application for medical school, so I don't really know what I'm going to do know. Maybe I can just be happy with being a scientist. It won't pay well or anything but I don't know if it would be worse than my life right now, pinching pennies and burning the midnight oil for nothing.

Edited by Deku
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Fought off the desire to curl up in a miserable ball at home this afternoon, and instead went to the library and got quite a lot of schoolwork out of the way (homework for Neurogenetics and Grad Seminar, as well as readings for Hematology). So much stuff in my life is beyond my control, but I can at least do this to set myself up for tomorrow.

I really thought about quitting bible study, but I decided to go back in the end. I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest, but what kind of a person would I be if I abandoned my faith after a tiny bump in the road? I think that would say far more about my character than losing the position of class leader.

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13 hours ago, Deku said:

Fought off the desire to curl up in a miserable ball at home this afternoon, and instead went to the library and got quite a lot of schoolwork out of the way 

Great job changing your environment, shifting your mindset, and getting things done! Feeling miserable and self-loathing can quickly lead to relapses, large or small. 

13 hours ago, Deku said:

I really thought about quitting bible study, but I decided to go back in the end. I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest, but what kind of a person would I be if I abandoned my faith after a tiny bump in the road? I think that would say far more about my character than losing the position of class leader.

I admire your grit, resilience, and perseverance! This reminds me of a quote from Mary Pickford: "Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." Way to get back up.

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Honestly today was not that bad of a day. I mean yeah, I'm still kinda sad, but I got a wonderful 10 hours of sleep last night and felt incredibly refreshed. I also found one of my favorite sunglasses that were lost quite a long time ago. So all in all, not an incredible day but not an awful one either. I'll take it!

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On 2/7/2019 at 11:55 AM, Deku said:

So much stuff in my life is beyond my control, but I can at least do this to set myself up for tomorrow.

It's true. You may not like the followings thing I am about to say, but I'm telling you anyways: God is sovereign over everything in this world. It is up to us to surrender our lives to His hands. I hope you are doing well.

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Heyyy Deku! It's now 4:50am and I just binge-read your journal ahahaha so worth it though! Mann you've gone through a lot hahaa I've just started my journal and yours is really inspiring! Your determination and willpower is insane! And it seems like God has taught you a lot and you've taught me a lot through your journal! Yeah unlucky about the relapse but it's great that you're off it, you've learnt from it and I hope this time it will be permanent! Even with such a crazy schedule you've still committed to extracurricular activities which is super inspiring! Thanks for sharing your highs and lows and just being vulnerable because I know it's not easy! If you don't mind me asking where do you think you are at right now in terms of your faith? Are you still a self-directed person or Jesus-directed? Praying hard for you bro keep close to God and keep being vulnerable <3

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@Splitstep Thanks for the positive comment and pleasant surprise—I’m going through a pretty rough period of time right now and really appreciate it. I’m frankly surprised you read through all of my haphazard ramblings, but glad you enjoyed it. 

As to your question I don’t really know how to characterize my faith right now; I used to be hardcore nonbeliever because I took the bible literally and couldn’t buy into the worldly interpretations of its content, but now that I’m going to class and learning the meaning of the parables and hidden language I’m finding that my faith is slowly coming alive. I don’t know if you know the parable of the four fields, but I’m currently just trying to be the good field—providing the open and understanding heart for the seed to grow, and persevering through the many worldly concerns in my life. ‘

How about you? I’m always interested to learn about the faith of other people. :)

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Went on a tour of Amgen today, and had the nasty realization that I don’t think the life of a scientist is for me. It just doesn’t excite me the way medicine does, and I just know I’d live a rough and miserable life if I committed to a science career at a biotech company. I guess it’s white coat or bust for me then.

Quiz tomorrow for Hematology. I spent a freakish amount of time taking detailed notes on the esoteric and horribly written textbook, with the help of some new gadgets I acquired over break (screenshots below). I hope it’s enough to get me a good mark on that quiz ?

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Wow that is really encouraging Deku! You're open to hearing about Christianity and understanding the parable of the sower. I find reading scripture is a big weakness of mine but I can see God working in the world around us.

I grew up in a Non-Christian household, and so I went to a secular school, and didn’t hear much about Christianity and never heard the gospel. Until last year in my first year of university.
On Orientation Day this year God lead me to a Christian group called Student Life. They were giving out jandals and staff member Josh handed me a jandal and a card. On the card there was a section about learning more about Jesus. Usually I would say not interested but God wanted me to be curious and open, so I ticked ‘maybe’. Later, a student leader in Student Life named Emad called me and set up a meetup about it. Josh also came along to it. I thought that they were trustworthy and honest people that really did believe in their faith and did thorough investigation on the reasons why they believe in Christianity. The gospel was what I needed to hear, because it says that we live in a broken world which I suspected, and to hear that nothing we do can get us closer to God was also a relief. And also hearing that there was a solution to our brokenness was the best news ever! And that was Jesus! They answered my questions convincingly, such as evolution or creation and the Big Bang Theory, which gave me the courage to put my faith in Jesus and pray to receive Christ! So in that one meetup I because a Christian!

I haven't been a Christian for even a year but it's been the most challenging but best year of my life no doubt! Seeing God do miracles and create good out of bad situations and using them to humble or to grow me and to remind me how much I need Him. Realising that my identity is not in money, my achievements or how people view me but in being God's child and he loves me for who I am has got me through a lot of tough times. This year I am doing what Emad is doing and being a Student Leader, giving out jandals and seeing where people are at and giving them what God has given me! To be honest I don't feel I am capable but God doesn't choose the qualified but qualifies the chosen! This year will be super hard with a timetable similar to yours in engineering but seeing you still committing to bible study and wanting to know God personally is really really encouraging!!! Thanks Deku keep it up!

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@Splitstep Thanks for your reply! First off, it's always fascinating to hear about how many nonbelievers go to a bible study session out of pure curiosity and end up hooked for life. It really is a testament to how fascinating and pure the word of God is.

And second, thank you for being a student leader and doing the work that you do. You're giving so many people the opportunity to receive the gift of the word, and that in itself is awesome.

A couple comments about what you wrote:

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God doesn't choose the qualified but qualifies the chosen

Of course--if you look at the parable of the bags of gold (Matthew 25:14-23)

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14 Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

God qualifies each of us according to our ability, and regardless of how much ability we have we can share in the master's happiness so long as we pay it forward.

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This year will be super hard with a timetable similar to yours in engineering but seeing you still committing to bible study and wanting to know God personally is really really encouraging!!!

Remember the thorns in the parable of the sower? 

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22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.

 

Of course I make learning the word a priority in my life, despite my commitments. You aren't a child of God if you let worldly duties and responsibilities overtake your desire to study the scriptures ? 

Edited by Deku
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