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bear

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About bear

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  1. Day 14 So ladies and gentlemen, the time for my departure has come, which means time for good byes. I want to thank a lot of the people here in this community such as @BooksandTrees, @Bird By Bird, @Lampshade, @A New Man, who have actively supported me in this transition from gaming, and also I want to thank the many others in this community for sharing their journals and commenting and supporting one way or the other. It's obvious that I am not quite "there yet" where I am able to list my accomplishments accompanied by my days and all the other gravies, and that's okay, because to me,
  2. Thank you everyone for the support. Day 7 How should I go about recapping this week? I am not sure, but I will go ahead and try. It is a little difficult go into detail, but I will try to summarize and then throw some of my thoughts out there from the week. So in the beginning, the first four four days were probably the hardest. The feelings of the gaming euphoria overwhelmed me for most of the days, and because of that I used streamers for an outlet to blow away the feeling of needing to game. It sounds counter intuitive to use a poison to fight off another poison, but some
  3. So, I am back. This time under a new name, "bear", also known as "pepega". I am still the same person, but I felt like I needed a fresh start. A lot has happened in my time gone, and I did relapse for some time, and maybe I will speak about the topic a bit: I really did enjoy playing video games again. It was exciting, the joy similar to unwrapping a Christmas present, and also the thrill from anticipation for the possibilities ahead. Then there was the spark from meeting people too, although that was exhausting after some interaction, but still fun. I won't lie to myself and no
  4. Thank you @Bird By Bird for giving me some light. After a good night's rest and reading your reply before actually sleeping, I forgot about the pains of a having a happy happy attitude all the time, when it's not always that case. I worked in retail for two years prior to going back to school, and I forgot about the suffering from having this "positive attitude on all the time". This was something I casted on myself, and having managers around reinforced this idea of being a go go happy person. For the short term, it was okay. But after a while, everyday going to work was painful, because
  5. My final message for now: Thank you. I am grateful for everything. Grateful for my teacher. Grateful for my life. Grateful for everyone on here.
  6. So, I am doing a little better now. I got my school work done and meditated after, and after some reflection, I think I am going to take a break for a while. I feel like journaling isn't the best idea for me right now anymore. Maybe I am journaling wrong, but whenever I journal I start recalling other things. Bad things. If that makes sense, because most of my mind is filled with negativity subconsciously from I have experienced. When I look into my mind, some how if I am right (I am not a psychologist), my subconscious thoughts take over, and I think that my subconsciousness is really n
  7. widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy widepeepoHappy
  8. happy late birthday. i didnt read all of ur journal post, because me brain would hurt, but its look like u come long way. happy happy happy birthdayyy to uuu happy happy birthdayyy ohhh birthday 30 year long time. much life more life to come
  9. A little rant before I go into today: When someone is mentally ill, it's wrong to call them out on things. In high school, I always hung around over achievers who called me out for slacking in class because I wasn't on their level. Parents, teachers, relatives, and peers too. I wasn't mentally stable at the time, and I still am not, and everyday all they did was add fuel to the fire. If someone is not acting usual, then ask if there is anything you can do to help. Pick a brother up! I hate when people give me that look of disappointment. Today I am working on improving myself, and I am
  10. Thank you just now @BooksandTrees. I was thinking too much for the past 2 hours instead of going to bed, filling my thoughts with negativity. But I figure no matter how much thinking I do, nothing will change. The real change is from doing my tasks and doing what I am doing. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Everything feels so frustrating when I realize things for what it is. I should sleep now. Thank you again for the words. I will keep it up.
  11. Today I meditated, did school work, and exercised. I watched my favorite streamer on my downtime, but I am okay with that. The process takes time. Also, I ate three good meals today, so I might fart rainbows tonight, maybe more than farting, because my belly is gurgling right now. Uh oh, I have to go now. Back. So, rainbows did not come out. At least I know now, and lucky for the next person, the toilet seat is warm. widepeepoHappy. I lost of my train of thought. Anyway, I am sore from exercising today, so I am going to go to sleep. Ni ni.
  12. PogChamps in the chat! pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogChamp pogCh
  13. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I feel more relaxed now.
  14. Thank you for understanding, @Lampshade. (Warm my heart). And you are right, it is fun to share my goals and dreams with the right people, and I think you guys are the right people. I like the supportiveness and enthusiasm from everyone here on this forum so far, so, maybe I will share more in the future when I am comfortable. Thanks again.