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Everything posted by CornishGameHen

  1. It's like the 'pot calling the kettle black', for lack of a better phrase. A bit disturbing in my opinion.
  2. I understand what you're saying. At the same time, though, to be blocked and told that you are rude is another transference of 'anger' in my opinion, especially since what we write can often be misinterpreted without other non-verbal social cues.
  3. @Adminiculum, This is such a fantastic question, and I appreciate that you brought up the topic. My speculation of other people who don't realize they have an addiction to gaming is that in their world it is normal. They game with other addicts, and nobody usually complains that they're spending way too much time in the game. And yup, people will argue with you because it's what they consider their down time, their only way to relax, and why should anyone take away something that makes them happy? I had one guy argue with me that he doesn't gamble, drink, or smoke, which are all addictive habits potentially. And that's the argument he used to defend his long hours of gaming. Interestingly, when I asked him what his other hobbies were in life, he was kind of silent for a while. As for me personally, I realized I had a problem six years ago when my parents asked me what I was doing in my room all day long. I felt a sense of shame, embarrassment, and had a sudden and painful realization that time has completely passed me by. I WASTED an entire year gaming 10-12 hours per day. Now, at the time, I was also trying to cope with a traumatic death in my family, but still. It was such an intensity of gaming that it required somebody outside of my gaming realm to point it out. Having said that, I think my parents saved me from a train wreck. If they hadn't have asked what I was doing all day, I would have continued the addiction. At this time in my 30-day detox, I am seriously considering removing gaming from my life completely. I am not addicted to games, as I don't crave it, but I have reasoned with myself that gaming could interfere with other hobbies that I do enjoy and which make me happier. Thanks again for this wonderful question of self-reflection!
  4. My sympathies to you regarding your father's recent passing. I wasted an entire year six years ago, coping with my cousin's death by gaming 10-12 hours a day. Perhaps this is a crossroads for you. And major kudos to you for quitting drugs and alcohol. That is a massive accomplishment.
  5. Quit Gaming 25/30 wow, the end is near.....no gaming urges Sleep went to bed yesterday at 10:00 p.m woke up today at 6;45 a.m. I felt well rested for a change Exercise 30 minutes interval training at local gym walked the dog around the park 25 minutes Reading yesterday I read for 45 minutes, The Shipping News, almost done the book Computer use today I spent about 20 minutes reading GQ and responding to a couple of posts, wrote in journal 20 minutes writing in private online journal tonight I'll spend an hour watching a movie Hobbies currently working on my third knitting project for Christmas gift Social Activities resting day from social activity, a bit burned out from last weekend and work today Positive Thoughts I am grateful for a warm home. Random Thoughts On Saturday I went to my brother's social get-together with his friends and coworkers at a restaurant. It was nice. I sat with my brother and his wife, and then two of his very outgoing coworkers sat with us. In total there were about ten people there. I didn't have a chance to speak with everyone but I wasn't crying over that. Most of the conversations I had were driven and lead by other people. I listened, smiled, and commented when there was opportunity. Everyone was in good spirits, and we didn't stay long either. Overall, I had a nice time. When I arrived back home, I instantly felt a relief. It was calm, quiet, and warm. I just wanted to wrap myself up in a cozy blanket, watch a movie, and sip some hot tea. Which I did, hahaha. Did I feel like I made a connection with others at the lunch? Not really. I mean, I get along with my brother and his wife well enough, but it felt more like a 'function'. Similar to having a potluck at my work. I won't see these people again for maybe several months at the summer barbecue. So, I didn't really feel like I was missing out on much at all. This week, my goal is to invite my coworker to a movie. She's the lady who's into gambling. She shared some personal things with me about her struggles, and I kind of want to share some things with her too. This is a different approach for me. I've always been 'kept to myself' these last few years.
  6. P.S. The other gaming friends I 'had' haven't contacted me outside of the game. I think they prefer keeping their online gaming separate from befriending the people they game with. Also, I noticed they didn't really talk about other hobbies they were into. Either the topic never came up, or they just didn't have other hobbies besides gaming. A bit sad, really.
  7. I hope it gets better for you. I understand how that feels to lose your gaming friends to a game. I still keep in contact with two people outside of the gaming environment. One friend I met in person and I discovered that she is my complete opposite in regards to personality. In a game situation, sometimes it's a bit misleading as to how people really are in person. She seemed a lot more outgoing in the game versus in real life. Still, we're friends to this day, although I don't hang out with her often, even though she lives only thirty minutes away from me. With any friendship, I suppose it will take time to nurture it. Good idea about making friends that are into other things. It's an exciting adventure to search for new people to hang out with. ?
  8. I give myself one day of the week to sleep in as long as I like, which is usually Saturdays. Every other day of the week is spent working or doing projects. Some of my projects I do until later at night, which would be around 11:30 p.m. I wake up regularly at 6:30 a.m. on most days. And never sleep past 8:00 a.m. on my days off, except for when I sleep in on Saturday. My body needs rest as soon as the weekend strolls along, and I can really feel it. So, I don't give myself such a hard time if I sleep in on Saturdays. I think that I work hard at my job, and fill my spare time with hobbies, that it's a well-deserved longer sleep. Everyone works differently, though. It's great that you stepped back to analyse how your sleep patterns are.
  9. Quit Gaming 24/30 no gaming urges Sleep went to bed last night at 2:00 a.m. woke up at 10:30 a.m. I feel refreshed due to uninterrupted sleep Exercise Plan is to go outside for a brisk Autumn walk in the park, it's a bright sunny day Reading day off reading Computer use yesterday I watched a documentary for two hours 20 minutes writing in my private journal 20 minutes watching sewing tutorials and browsing for free clothing patterns that I can download Hobbies yesterday I spent a good deal of time working on my projects: knitting and sewing completed sewing a blouse, and also finished a toy Social Activities on Saturday I had lunch with my brother, his wife, and a handful of his friends/coworkers Other Tasks today I will cook spaghetti and bake a New York cheesecake laundry to do Positive Thoughts I am grateful for the weekend. Random Thoughts Slow down. Traffic. Media. News. People rushing here and there. We're on an internal time schedule clock. I had to get off the hamster wheel. The thought "slow down" popped into my head several times yesterday as I went about town doing tasks like grocery shopping, looking for a new book at the library, and rushing to get to my brother's lunch get-together. Every task and direction I took was steadily becoming blurred into one long stream of RUSH. I think my mind disconnected from my body and I was on auto-pilot, doing my daily tasks without much thought, really. Slow down. What does this mean to me? I'm taking time today to ponder that thought, and to apply it to my day. I'll write more about it later.
  10. Hello there and welcome. I would take the time to read other people's journals here. You will see what they have done to overcome gaming addiction by replacing it with other goals, hobbies, or sports. And if you haven't done this already, please watch Cam Adair's Game Quitters videos. There are a multitude of tips and advice he offers for people taking their first steps towards quitting games for good due to addiction.
  11. Dear Journal, Yesterday was a fun day. My nephew went trick or treating with his mum, and I stayed at their home to hand out candy. It was pizza, pop, candy, and chocolates the entire night. I felt like I gained 50 lbs. Oh well. It's a once-a-year celebration which will require 365 days of recuperation. I got home at 9:30 p.m. and worked on a knitting project while watching The Twilight Zone, older episodes. Overall, a nice night. I'm very grateful.
  12. Hi @Elohim, Looks like you're managing well so far. I like your idea of pacing yourself. Sounds like a healthy way to maintain focus.
  13. Hi @James S. I hear you loud and clear about finding another life and living it. I watched this documentary and it changed my perspective about connecting with others and living a simple life. Whenever I think about escaping into virtual reality, I watch this to remind me about a different way of living. Connecting with other people outside of a video game environment, for example, is something I am working on currently. I haven't adopted most of the documentary's ideals, but I do like the idea of growing my own produce. Anyway, the concept is pretty extreme, and I certainly don't live like a monk. However, I appreciated his perspective about quality of life. Take what you you need from the video and see if anything can be applied.
  14. P.S. If you choose to do various activities as a form of distraction, please beware of activity-burnout. It can happen. ?
  15. Dear Journal, I am going to skip the usual drill of typing out what I've done today and goals and whatever. It's way past my bed-time, so I'll write a brief synopsis. As a person who enjoys crafting, I think this hobby has saved me from the perils of boredom many-a-time. I have a series of projects that I'm doing; knitting, sewing, coloring books, paper crafts, to name a few. I spent the rest of my time after work today organizing and rearranging my craft room. I bought a bunch of new items from Ikea such as shelves, two sewing tables, and two comfortable chairs. Oh, and also one bright and adjustable working lamp that I can attach to the end of each table. I love how everything looks. Organized, bright, clean, and colorful! I hung on the ceiling some cool paper flowers I made. It reminds me of Spring time. The environment I work in must have inspiration. I love color, and especially anything that reminds me of the great outdoors, particularly the ocean. Yes, it's my craft working space, but it's also a space of serenity. I don't want it to be cluttered with junk or debris, or scraps, etc. So I made sure to put two garbage pails beside each work station. Tomorrow, I'll start stacking the shelves with boxes of materials: ribbons, colored paper scraps, fabrics, stencils, stamps, etc. Not once did I think about turning on my computer to game today. I was too excited about my new crafting room and how to decorate it. It's too bad not many people here are into crafts. This hobby gives you a great deal of satisfaction, and pride, and possibly monetary reward. I am going to reopen my online Etsy shop, and start selling what I sew, which will be children's plush toys that I"ll make from scrap material. Blessings to you all!
  16. Hello @Self made miracle, You've already made several small steps towards a brighter future. I also think it's great that you're reading other people's journals to hopefully gain some tips and a realization that you're not alone in the struggle. I don't have a gaming addiction currently, but I did some years ago. I used gaming as a coping mechanism to escape despair and depression after learning about my cousin's suicide. I gamed for an entire year 10-12 hours per day. This included not sleeping well, eating poorly, having absolutely no social life, and all the while living under my parent's roof. Unbelievably, I kept my gaming a secret from them. They only assumed I was fast asleep or watching television. Anyhow, enough of me. From what I've seen around here, people develop their own pace with overcoming addiction. Some plunge into various activities to keep their mind distracted and themselves busy. Others go for a more leisurely approach; and attempt a few activities at a time to adjust. I took the latter approach because it just suits my personality. Also, a lot of people got rid of any gaming console or DVD or whatever reminds them of gaming. Be kind to yourself if you stumble too. It's hard enough putting pressure on ourselves beyond what social media and society expects of us.
  17. Hey thanks, @Self made miracle! I don't mind if you take some ideas from my journal profile. I also keep a private journal too, to reflect on my thoughts and progress. Welcome to GQ forums!
  18. Hi again. Please ignore my above post. The last thing you probably want is to reflect on everything else. Just take care, and be kind to yourself.
  19. I am very sorry about what happened. That is a crushing blow. Two thoughts came into my mind after I read this and a little bit about what was happening at your internship.(I apologize but I did not have time to read your entire journal.) Anyways, getting back to my thoughts. You may be held back a year and will be able to redo that internship during summer-time. Or, you may have to figure out what skill-sets you have that can be applied to a different career choice. From those two thoughts arise more thoughts. Here I go. Bear with me. Could it be that you played video games more when you were making more mistakes at the internship? It's like when I have a bad day at work, I clean the house from top to bottom, because I know it's something I can do, and I'm actually good at it. I'm a neat-freak. And I feel a great satisfaction from completing that task. "Heck, if I can't fix what crap I did at my job, then I can sure as heck fix what I can at home!". Or binge eating junk food when life situations become stressful. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. I hope you're doing ok, btw. I'm hoping for the best. God bless.
  20. Quit Gaming Day 19/30 reminisced about exploring a virtual world in video games today, but no frantic urge to start playing a game just to pass the time Sleep poor sleep from yesterday went to sleep at 11:30 pm yesterday, woke up a few times throughout the night woke up this morning at 5:45 a.m., feeling fatigued Exercise 30 minutes at local gym, interval training walked around park, leisurely stroll, beautiful day outside, sunny Reading reviewed online course for workplace skill upgrade 30 minutes Computer use 30 minutes reviewing workplace module 2 hours watching movie 20 minutes writing in private journal Hobbies sat on park bench and knit for 20 minutes, while listening to music Social Activities not much today, too tired, need my alone time spoke to brother on the phone tonight Other Tasks minor household chores; dishes, laundry took my truck to auto-service to get oil change and have tires rotated, plus brake inspection Positive Thoughts I'm grateful for a beautiful park nearby Random Thoughts I missed a part of video gaming that I most enjoyed: exploring the virtual reality. Instead, I went for a walk around a nearby park to enjoy the scenery and to get some sunshine. It's been pissing rain the last few weeks or so. This is a nice change. My brother called me tonight and said he'd change the social gathering to a restaurant instead of his house. I asked why. He said he thought about how I felt anxious around a few of his friends, and decided that a restaurant would be easier. I guess people can just eat, talk a little bit, and then leave within a reasonable time frame. Plus I don't really have to talk to everyone at the table. I asked who I'd be sitting next to. And he said he'll have me seated beside him and his wife, and two of his friends that I don't mind talking to. I thanked him for considering my shyness and all that. I felt a bit weird, though. I don't expect people to go out of their way to accommodate me, that's all. I felt a bit embarrassed too. So, I said "Hey, thanks but you didn't have to do that. I'm sure I could manage otherwise." He just laughed and said I shouldn't worry. I'm not sure this is the best way for me to grow. I can't expect myself to be protected all the time. My brother's always been that way with me. He's five years older and kind of my best friend too. Anyway, another day has passed, and I'm not too worried about the weekend gathering. I'm just physically tired. Takes me a few days to catch up on a botched sleeping schedule.
  21. Quit Gaming Day 18 too busy with life to feel like gaming Sleep totally screwed, kept waking up throughout the night probably four hours sleep total Exercise brisk walk in park 45 minutes Reading 1/2 way through The Shipping News novel read for 30 minutes yesterday Computer use no computer use for two days over the weekend, world record for me in over two years Hobbies some knitting here and there, probably 2 hours total over three days Social Activities spent time with brother and his wife on Friday night Other Activities house-sitting brother's house Saturday and Sunday Positive Thoughts I'm grateful to be at home today, in my own comfortable surroundings, eating my own home-cooked food. Random Thoughts Well, I was away for most of the weekend. I spent my time house-sitting at my brother's home across the border. I didn't ask him for his laptop password because I wanted it to be a computer-free weekend for me. I expected myself to be bored and I was for a long time. I really had to get myself outside to find any source of entertainment, other than watching Netflix all day or the news. So, I went for a walk around the neighborhood, the local mall, ate at a few restaurants, went to see a movie. Pretty much all outside activities. I didn't sleep well either. I missed my comfortable bed and cozy quilt and blankets. My neck is quite sore too. Anyway, as soon as my brother and his wife returned from their weekend get-away, I raced back home in my car, and fell asleep for a couple of hours. I still need sleep. I'm irritable and lazy today. I have absolutely no desire to do anything today. I just want to sleep for a while and feel comfortable again at home. I really don't like house-sitting. Maybe that's why I haven't been on a vacation in over three years away from home. Yeah, I'm weird like that. I had a chance to speak to my brother about my anxiety. I told him I felt anxious about attending his pot-luck party this weekend. He knows I'm shy, but I don't think he understands how bad my social anxiety gets when I'm around certain social functions. At work, I'm fine. I don't have problems socializing with coworkers, or public speaking. It's become a routine, I guess. He asked why I was anxious about his party, and I told him a few things. I really don't like some of the people that will be attending. One of his close friends is a real snob, along with his wife. All they talk about is how incredible their life is. 100% 'me-focused'. On top of the egocentric couple, all of his friends are married. So, honestly, I'll be the only single person there. Nice, how fun. My brother laughed it off, and this made me feel so annoyed. He's never had a problem in the area of socializing as I do, so I guess he just doesn't understand. Man, I'm too tired. I'll write more later.
  22. Quit Gaming 14/30 no urge to game, too tired from work Sleep went to sleep at 11:00 p.m. yesterday woke up this morning at 6:30 a.m. 7.5 hours sleep Exercise 30 minute interval training after work, brought earplugs to the gym which worked like a charm Reading taking a day off reading due to being too tired, just need to sleep early tonight Computer use 30 minutes total = writing journal in GQ and reflecting checked work emails and personal emails Hobbies no project work today Social Activities walked with coworkers during lunch break around nearby park Positive Thoughts I'm thankful for a comfortable bed to sleep on. Additional Thoughts I'm beat. I could sleep for hours right now. Work was hectic today. I stayed half an hour over-time to chart, as there was a power outage for an hour and I didn't have access to a computer until later in the afternoon. I'm mid-way through my gaming abstinence. Upon reflection, I have not experienced the withdrawal symptoms that many gamer addicts experienced. I don't feel jittery, or restless, or even emotionally dead inside. I don't have a craving to login to a game. I don't think I'm on that addiction spectrum with gaming, which is what I was trying to determine in my 30-day experiment. And when I look at the past two years of my life, I was so exhausted from work that sometimes I didn't even want to look at a computer. I do so much charting at work, my eyes get so tired of looking at a computer screen, that I wonder how I even was able to game longer than an hour at a time. I read Cam Adair's latest post about reasons to not game, and in it he mentioned that there are people who can moderate, people who are not addicted, but who play games casually. I've never had a game interfere with my work, never had to call in sick due to being up late gaming, never experienced a disruption of sleep or altered eating habits, I've never canceled out on important events (eg. family pot-lucks) because I'd rather stay home to finish a game. And the list can go on. As I've said in my other journal entry, I wonder if my childhood was a buffer in that I didn't play video games until I turned 30. Maybe the fact that I wasn't exposed to repeated dopamine hits from a game as a child, that my neurological network doesn't experience those types of withdrawals as an adult? I played outdoors, was involved with sports, clubs, learning piano, arts and crafts. You name it. My parents took us kids to anything that was free in the community, apart from the music lessons. No video games. Period. Fast forward to the current situation, I don't even crave the video games. I think I actually have an aversion to them from a physiological point of view. Too much visual stimulus and even auditory stimulus all at once. It was over-powering me, thus I wondered why I was becoming so irritable. I never gamed more than a couple of hours at a time, and not even every day. I'd be too tired to game. What I've learned from this experience so far is that it's about finding balance and feeling fulfilled with how you spend your time. Without one activity compromising another, or preventing you from tending to important daily tasks in life, or impeding upon your relationships. One can be addicted to gambling, and it would incur the same negative results. Gaming disorder is real and it's something I never want to experience. I was able to see what areas of my life are lacking; the social aspect. I do have to be mindful still about isolating myself. I love doing crafts on my own, but even this activity can be isolating if I don't re-evaluate my life from time to time. So, I put myself in a craft guild to share my interest with like-minded people. Or I make sure to keep in touch with my coworkers every so often, invite them to dinner or a movie for quality time. Thanks to everyone who reads my journal. It's definitely a different perspective coming from somebody who is a casual gamer, and not an addict. I think video games are still fun for me, after I've seen to all my responsibilities and projects. I will likely go back to game in moderation, and due to my new passion for sewing and creating a personal fashion blog, I think my gaming time will be significantly reduced. Blessings to you all!
  23. Quit Gaming 13/30 no urge to game Sleep went to sleep at 10:30 pm yesterday woke up this morning at 6:40 a.m. about 8 hours sleep Exercise 45 minutes brisk walking outside, nice weather today, mild prefer being outdoors versus inside a noisy gym Reading 1 hour reading The Shipping News, 1/4 of the way into the book 20 minutes reading two sewing manuals for upcoming project Computer use 45 minutes browsing Independent Sewing Designers, purchased and downloaded three new patterns 1 hour watching documentary Hobbies 1 hour knitting leg warmers while watching documentary Social Activities nothing much today, still enjoying my solitary time Other Tasks sorted through my large stash of fabrics, discarded scraps, sealed larger fabric cuts in air-tight plastic bags bought groceries, recycled bottles Positive Thoughts I'm grateful that I'm finding meaning again in my life, and that I can look forward to the next day to start a new project. Random Thoughts It was good to sit quietly and let myself feel emotions. I felt some loneliness again, but it passed after I remembered that I'll be meeting with my knitting group next week. I think building relationships will just take time and effort. On top of that, it's about me allowing myself to open up to others, unlike what I used to do before. I reflected about my coworkers, who revealed some personal issues with me during the car ride to the casino. It's not easy to discuss such things, even with coworkers you've known for five years. I felt honored they trusted me. I haven't said much about myself yet, in regards to personal struggles, but one day I would like to. I guess it's all about timing. My brother and I chatted for a long time on the phone today. He's the one person I look up to. He's got his entire life together, raises a family, loves his wife, has a decent social circle, good career, etc. Typical poster boy for the 'successful' life, I guess...lol. I don't envy him at all; I am really proud of him. Anyway, I said that I was trying to come out of my shell a bit more, and he was very supportive. He told me he'd been worried that I was becoming a recluse. I didn't disagree. Before we said good-bye, he invited me to a pot-luck at his house next week with a bunch of his coworkers and friends. I didn't say yes or no. I'm a bit intimidated by it, actually. Shyness and social anxiety are kicking in pretty bad right now. I'll most likely go. It's the battle in my brain that's exhausting right before social events like these. I'll try some meditation to calm my thoughts this week. Wishing you guys all the best out there. ?
  24. Hello and welcome back to a new journal! You are very wise to start again with a different pace. Slow and steady will win this race, for lack of a better phrase. One step at a time. Exactly. ?
  25. Hello dear journal, I felt good completing my sewing project yesterday. I was sick with the flu but I kept going. I think I'm addicted to it. (laughs to self). Two to three hours later, I finished it. I've always been a creative person, or at least somebody who likes to make things. I get that from my dad who is a pretty crafty guy himself. I derive a great sense of pride and also accomplishment from these sort of projects. Sometimes I just stare at what I made in awe that I was actually able to do this. I'm not a fast knitter or sewer either. I take my time, and make sure that every stitch is done neatly and correctly. Often, I'd have to redo something if I made the slightest error, especially when knitting. One stitch off can completely mess up the end-result, as I have regretfully discovered over and over again. So, attention to detail is foremost. And I almost never get bored of my indoor hobbies. I get into this 'flow-like' state, I think. It's like I can't wait to complete the project, and each stitch forward is the momentum to keep me going. It's not instant gratification either. It's a continuous process that may seem like forever, but there is an end-goal to achieve. I also started making a personal blog for my sewing and knitting projects. I'm so excited about this. I'll be able to view my projects over time, and assess how much I've improved. Lately, I have been looking at others' sewing blogs to get some ideas, and also to learn from them. So many people are newbies to sewing, and I've observed how far they've come with their expertise, and eventually mastery of the craft. I'm really looking forward to this. ?