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8 hours ago, Silverlining said:

So how is it going with your hobbies?

BTW, exercise is not only a way to lose weight. It's also very important for both your physical and mental health. Try to exercise a little bit when you feel down, mostly likely you will feel better immediately. It also boosts your immune system.

Hobbies:  I've been finishing up the self improvement and stress reduction class I bought.  I have 2 hours left to watch.  It has been a nice class and I'd like to review my notes when I'm done.  I'm packing and preparing to move home so I've been doing that with most of my free time.  I am watching my sports team and preparing my podcast for when I move into my new home and can work on it.  I have guidance for what I need to do for my cartoon and can't wait to work on it.

 

Exercise:  I'm going back to the gym on Friday with an appointment with my trainer.  If I hate it then I'm just gonna fire her because I haven't been enjoying it with her for the past half year or so.  

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I'm falling into the same pattern I fell into 2 years ago. I'm really sad each night. I get home late from work, feel sick,  roommates are so anti social and personable that I'm just alone. My world has really closed off where I'm living. I'm moving out soon, 2 days to be exact. I got told I probably won't be kept in touch with because my old roommates play games and only really keep in touch with gamers. 

How sad is that?

I feel alone at work a lot of the time and alone at home. Most of my friends make little effort to hang out. The only bright side is a girl I've been talking to outside of work that I met. I really want some happiness. The only happiness I get I binge it. I really just want to go home,  get a hug,  and heal. 

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Uh-oh, I see a lot of warning signs here.

I understand that you are an extrovert type, so it must be very difficult for you without social activities. Given your work schedule, you probably do not have much time to make new friends, either.

I remember when I just graduated and got a job, moved to the city, was cheated on and broke up, lived with 2 roommates who barely spoke with me. I was very depressed and got into a new relationship too soon. It wasn't healthy and I didn't enjoy it, so I broke up with that guy after 3 months and went back to games directly. Apparently I don't have much advice for you, because it would be tough for anyone in such a condition. I'm just sharing my experience with you, hoping that it would be somewhat helpful.

And it seems that you are very depressed. That's why I mentioned exercise the other day. I would suggest exercising at least 10 min a day. You do not need to go to gym for this. Exercise is a natural treatment for depression. From time to time I also feel depressed, but after running or cardio for 10 min, the depression will be gone and I will find myself smiling again. It works like magic. I guess you are going to gym today, so I hope you can feel it, too.

Good luck.

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3 hours ago, Silverlining said:

Uh-oh, I see a lot of warning signs here.

I understand that you are an extrovert type, so it must be very difficult for you without social activities. Given your work schedule, you probably do not have much time to make new friends, either.

I remember when I just graduated and got a job, moved to the city, was cheated on and broke up, lived with 2 roommates who barely spoke with me. I was very depressed and got into a new relationship too soon. It wasn't healthy and I didn't enjoy it, so I broke up with that guy after 3 months and went back to games directly. Apparently I don't have much advice for you, because it would be tough for anyone in such a condition. I'm just sharing my experience with you, hoping that it would be somewhat helpful.

And it seems that you are very depressed. That's why I mentioned exercise the other day. I would suggest exercising at least 10 min a day. You do not need to go to gym for this. Exercise is a natural treatment for depression. From time to time I also feel depressed, but after running or cardio for 10 min, the depression will be gone and I will find myself smiling again. It works like magic. I guess you are going to gym today, so I hope you can feel it, too.

Good luck.

Yeah, it's difficult making new friends because that's also a lot of work. I gave this advice earlier to Phoenix, but I need to realize I'm exhausted and relax. I'm moving home from my toxic living situation, stressed with work, and trying to recover from 3 addictions. It's a lot. 

I'm on 10 days of vacation now so I'm gonna move, relax, enjoy family, watch my shows, read, exercise, and then slowly work on hobbies towards the end of the week. 

I'm just glad to be leaving my depressing situation. 

Matt

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On 12/21/2018 at 9:03 PM, Matt S said:

It's a lot. 

Yes. Yes, it is. Take that into account. Relax. Treat yourself well. Be kind to yourself and buy pretty things to cheer you up. Remind yourself that not everyday is about making progress in some way, it's about recovering by doing nothing sometimes. It was good advice you gave me. I've been accomplishing nothing for a few days but I feel a bit better than last week. Not everything is about being productive or pioneering something. Just be. Sometimes that's exactly what it takes. Just being Matt for a few days. And that's okay.

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I'm now over 9 weeks free from quitting video games.  I took the next step in my life by moving back home with my mom.  Most people would view this as a negative as I've given up my "independence" but this is important for me.  I really miss being in a loving home.  I really miss having someone to talk to.  I felt so isolated in my other apartment because people there just played video games.  Nobody ever spoke to me about their day, or hobbies, or life.  And certainly nobody really asked me how I was doing.  It was just a "hi" or "sup".  That doesn't cover it.  This goes back into my post from months ago stating I wasn't happy with most of my friends in life because they put no effort into me.  My mom is special to me because she's always there for me.  I need that right now.  I'm vulnerable and spiritually weak I'd say.  I feel so tired and just want a damn hug and some attention.  I'm tired of being and feeling alone.  I'm at the point now where if you want my attention in life, you give me attention first and prove to me you're not a selfish idiot.

I'm now on vacation and will be spending this time to heal.  I want to build some good habits by sleeping and waking at the right time, and then I want to work on hobbies slowly and get chores done as well. My future is going to change and I want it to change for the good.  I'm tired of living my life in a sad way and I'm tired of being surrounded by cheap friends and acquaintances.  I've learned a lot over the past few months who my real friends are.

I made a big step with Fawn tonight discussing my porn addiction.  It seems to me that I turn to porn as a mechanism to simulate love and finding love.  Men are programmed to search for a mate, reproduce, and care for their mate in life. Porn takes away most of that.  It just lets you "search" for a mate in the search bar, then watch scenes, and then it's over. No love, no romance, no relationship.  It's lonely.  that's why we get depressed when we watch porn.  There's nothing deep about it at all.  I found that I had cravings to watch porn when I wasn't sexually aroused or interested at all.  This made me realize I just wanted emotion, attention, love, and companionship.  When you're lonely and anxious, porn is just that thing that helps simulate something.  I'm not ashamed anymore.  I just know that is the reason I've been watching.

Matt

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21 hours ago, Matt S said:

It seems to me that I turn to porn as a mechanism to simulate love and finding love.  Men are programmed to search for a mate, reproduce, and care for their mate in life. Porn takes away most of that.  It just lets you "search" for a mate in the search bar, then watch scenes, and then it's over. No love, no romance, no relationship.  It's lonely.  that's why we get depressed when we watch porn.  There's nothing deep about it at all.  I found that I had cravings to watch porn when I wasn't sexually aroused or interested at all.  This made me realize I just wanted emotion, attention, love, and companionship.  When you're lonely and anxious, porn is just that thing that helps simulate something.  I'm not ashamed anymore.  I just know that is the reason I've been watching.

Holy shit dude. You're onto something here. It's scary how much his applies to me.

I'm really happy to hear you're spending some time healing and making conscious moves to get into a better environment. Good job, man!

And congrats on being clean for over 9 weeks!!!

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4 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Holy shit dude. You're onto something here. It's scary how much his applies to me.

I'm really happy to hear you're spending some time healing and making conscious moves to get into a better environment. Good job, man!

And congrats on being clean for over 9 weeks!!!

Thank you. I think we all have these issues and it's just important to think about them and see why we submit to our vices. 

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I finally finished all the big moving parts and can finally settle into living at home.  I'm still unsure about a few things.  Do I keep my normal gym membership near work or do I cancel it and get a new one near home?  I live 1 hour from work and traffic going to home from work is worse than traffic from work to home.  I want to get 3-5 days in the week again without that anxious feeling.  I just want to go, do my things, and not stress.  I mentioned before a few weeks back how I had issues once I left work regarding hobbies.  I couldn't just enjoy the hobby, I just had this terrible feeling after leaving work of disgust, exhaustion, frustration, and wanting to escape.  It's hard to turn that around and enjoy life after that.  I am working on that now.  For some reason I have a difficult time going from sad to happy.  I think I'm not alone here, though.  It's all the esteem and frame of mind conversation.  If I now start doing things for me then that is big.  I make the choices to be happy or sad for the most part.

I'm now getting back into the 1 hour classes for healing and work related to my projects.  I'd still like to get in the routine of recording a podcast on the weekend real quick and posting on Mondays.  I'm going to try that this weekend.  I also have a few mental reminders in front of me now to stay focused on work. I have a giant calendar with a "Work" schedule.  This is for hobbies and passion projects.  Although sticking to a schedule can be stressful and lead to poor enjoyment, I think it also can serve as a reminder that my current life schedule is not leading to differences to make me happier outside of work.  So sticking to this will be big for a few weeks until I have it in my mind that I can enjoy life.  I don't want it to give me the feeling of "Ok, it is 6 PM. You can have fun for 1 hour." 

I fell into that trap many times, so I want to approach it with the mindset of "Ok, it is 6 PM, try doing some of these activities now that you have free time since you'd otherwise just be gaming, watching TV, YouTube, or doing nothing."  If I can get that mindset of learning to enjoy my free time through mentally, physically, and socially stimulating activities, I'll learn to enjoy working hard, enjoy life, and just not feel so down all the time.  Hopefully this builds confidence.

I also booked a fun vacation with a friend.  I haven't vacationed with a friend in 3 years.  Before that I had only done it once in my life.  I want to see our world more and enjoy life more.  Have big things to look forward to doing.

One thing that is disappointing me is my urges for porn still linger.  It really does remind me of quitting games 4 years ago where I'd play once a week and then get mad at myself.  I'm not watching it multiple times per day, each day of the week anymore, which is good, but I still fall into it 1-3 times per week.  The good news is that it's starting to sicken me more and more each time.  This was the mindset I had with gaming.  I'd be sickened by my habits until I realized I was torturing myself and needed to quit.  I'm on the right path here.  I've had little to no enjoyment and am starting to lament it.  I apologize for not quitting immediately, but my pace is strange with this one and I've had to do a lot of concrete learning in order to fully understand why I'm addicted to it before quitting it fully.  I just like to understand the full side of things before just quitting it.  I came to the full understanding of why games were bad for me when I quit and I've had no qualms about quitting now.  I want to do the same for porn so I don't have any reminiscent thoughts or emotional attachments to it.

Matt

 

Edited by Matt S
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First of all, I am so happy to read pretty much everything you wrote in this thread! You are turning the page, you are making progress! It has been incredibly helpful to me to schedule my day and be accountable to myself, because even when I am procrastinating and being lazy, and I snooze my reminders for my planned activities, that behavior nags me. So I might not do what I should be doing at the time I had planned, I might move it to later, but I will do it! And I wasn't like that before!  But moving on to something I want to comment on specifically:
 

4 hours ago, Matt S said:

I just like to understand the full side of things before just quitting it.

It is imho of paramount importance to understand why we do some things, because if we do not have that knowledge then we are not as well equipped to deal with the problems that might arise when we try to change our behaviors. In example, if I do not have the awareness that I eat extra food because I am bored, simply saying I will quit will only work until my will power gets depleted, which only lasts like 3 days right? However when I have the knowledge of the reasons behind my behavior, then I can come up with a plan to deal with the underlying issues!

Edited by fawn_xoxo
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24 minutes ago, fawn_xoxo said:

First of all, I am so happy to read pretty much everything you wrote in this thread! You are turning the page, you are making progress! It has been incredibly helpful to me to schedule my day and be accountable to myself, because even when I am procrastinating and being lazy, and I snooze my reminders for my planned activities, that behavior nags me. So I might not do what I should be doing at the time I had planned, I might move it to later, but I will do it! And I wasn't like that before!  But moving on to something I want to comment on specifically:
 

It is imho of paramount importance to understand why we do some things, because if we do not have that knowledge then we are not as well equipped to deal with the problems that might arise when we try to change our behaviors. In example, if I do not have the awareness that I eat extra food because I am bored, simply saying I will quit will only work until my will power gets depleted, which only lasts like 3 days right? However when I have the knowledge of the reasons behind my behavior, then I can come up with a plan to deal with the underlying issues!

Thank you.  I couldn't have done it without your incredible support and friendship.  I look forward to making more progress and accept myself when I inevitably step backwards rather than lament myself and quit. 

I agree.  I just feel like if I get an urge to eat when I'm not hungry, or watch porn when I'm not sexually aroused, there's something going on that's causing me to want something I'm not doing.  So if I'm equipped to handle those situations then I'll be able to combat those thoughts and move forward with my feelings.  Sometimes I just want to give up or be sad because I'm unhappy, but if I start getting in the mindset that my free time is celebratory time for myself to live life then I'll start to have the confidence and awareness to be happy and to live the way I want to live.  To look forward to the gym or exercising.  My goals are to get in shape and feel good.  Those are great goals.  I also want to be more flexible and have better posture.  

It's important for us to have goals, but it's more important not to overload the expectations of these goals.  Goals are just a smaller word for guidance.  I think we just need guidance and direction in our activities in order to get the ball rolling so we can succeed with confidence.  Once we are confident, not comfortable with a hobby, but confident then we can create tangible and achievable goals.  Say you are confident with your art style, now you can go after new goals of making a new project. Whereas comfortable just means safe and not ambitious and lacking.

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Interesting stuff there. Props for deciding to leave a house-sharing situation that was clearly not compatible with your new life priorities. You maybe won't be kept in touch, but you were correct, in my opinion, when you wrote that the reason is very sad.

On the other hand, I know how hard it is to (even mentally) get rid of people that you consider friends even if they are not the right people for you in a given moment of your life. And how hard it is to make new friendships & build solid relationships to turn strangers into friends. But I think you're moving in the right direction (haha you got the joke? haha "moving" haha ha) (sorry).

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7 hours ago, Matt S said:

I finally finished all the big moving parts and can finally settle into living at home.  I'm still unsure about a few things.  Do I keep my normal gym membership near work or do I cancel it and get a new one near home?  I live 1 hour from work and traffic going to home from work is worse than traffic from work to home.  I want to get 3-5 days in the week again without that anxious feeling.  I just want to go, do my things, and not stress.  I mentioned before a few weeks back how I had issues once I left work regarding hobbies.  I couldn't just enjoy the hobby, I just had this terrible feeling after leaving work of disgust, exhaustion, frustration, and wanting to escape.  It's hard to turn that around and enjoy life after that.  I am working on that now.  For some reason I have a difficult time going from sad to happy.  I think I'm not alone here, though.  It's all the esteem and frame of mind conversation.  If I now start doing things for me then that is big.  I make the choices to be happy or sad for the most part.

Firstly well done on the move, I don't know if things feel unsettled now but they will calm down soon.

In regards to the gym, I always prefer to go after work, I find my motivation for physical exercise flags the second I get through the door.

In regards to the anxious feeling do you mean the feeling of switching gyms? I have been at the same gym for a while now and it's closer to work. I'm really fussy so when I find a gym I like I stay there come hell or high water.

I think the last part of your comment is really important, yes you do make a choice based on your esteem to be happy or sad but also give yourself a bit of that space. You have a lot going on, be kind to yourself.

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3 hours ago, info-gatherer said:

Interesting stuff there. Props for deciding to leave a house-sharing situation that was clearly not compatible with your new life priorities. You maybe won't be kept in touch, but you were correct, in my opinion, when you wrote that the reason is very sad.

On the other hand, I know how hard it is to (even mentally) get rid of people that you consider friends even if they are not the right people for you in a given moment of your life. And how hard it is to make new friendships & build solid relationships to turn strangers into friends. But I think you're moving in the right direction (haha you got the joke? haha "moving" haha ha) (sorry).

Lol thanks for the words.  I agree.  Giving up longtime friends is just another difficult thing we give up similar to gaming or another bad habit.  I don't want to say bad friends or even good friends are bad habits, but when it's a negative impact in your life then it's not worth having around.  I'm still meeting new people all of the time and starting to meet more people in real life who art oriented in helping me produce art content and stuff.  I'm excited and confident.  I have no worries about making new friends and will keep approaching it in a positive way.

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2 hours ago, Peregrinator said:

Firstly well done on the move, I don't know if things feel unsettled now but they will calm down soon.

In regards to the gym, I always prefer to go after work, I find my motivation for physical exercise flags the second I get through the door.

In regards to the anxious feeling do you mean the feeling of switching gyms? I have been at the same gym for a while now and it's closer to work. I'm really fussy so when I find a gym I like I stay there come hell or high water.

I think the last part of your comment is really important, yes you do make a choice based on your esteem to be happy or sad but also give yourself a bit of that space. You have a lot going on, be kind to yourself.

I guess I don't even like the gym I go to.  It's so small.  The anxiety feeling associated with the gym is two fold.  I want to get out of work and do something amazing immediately after work and have trouble taking a deep breath and just saying "Ok, work is over, now it's time to enjoy life a little."  When I get to the gym, I hate my current one.  I don't like the machines and don't like how it feels to be there.  I get anxious because everyone I know keeps telling me different shit for gym advice.  I think what I want to do is just go to a different gym down the street which offers more to me.  I'd also like to go at lunch.  I just get the feeling to leave the office during the day just out of frustration lol.  But maybe after work is best because it lets me clear my mind of any bull shit from the day.  I really miss working out because it made me feel so much happier and more confident in my looks and mentality. 

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7 hours ago, Matt S said:

I guess I don't even like the gym I go to.  It's so small.  The anxiety feeling associated with the gym is two fold.  I want to get out of work and do something amazing immediately after work and have trouble taking a deep breath and just saying "Ok, work is over, now it's time to enjoy life a little."  When I get to the gym, I hate my current one.  I don't like the machines and don't like how it feels to be there.  I get anxious because everyone I know keeps telling me different shit for gym advice.  I think what I want to do is just go to a different gym down the street which offers more to me.  I'd also like to go at lunch.  I just get the feeling to leave the office during the day just out of frustration lol.  But maybe after work is best because it lets me clear my mind of any bull shit from the day.  I really miss working out because it made me feel so much happier and more confident in my looks and mentality. 

Yeah I totally understand that, I'm admittedly a bit of a gym snob. I used to go to a gym that was quite small and it frustrated me during the busy periods that I couldn't get on a machine or the freeweights, so frustrated that I stopped going. 

My current gym is relatively expensive but it works better for me both in terms of what's on offer and the fact I can get on machines without waiting. I have settled into a groove that works and turned the gym into my territory psychologically. To the extent that when my other ex started turning up it didnt make a bit of difference.

But when I first started and when I came back after a long hiatus I too felt that anxiety.

What helps me to stay committed to going is focusing on the feeling when I leave, that endorphin rush that just calms me down and gives me a huge boost once I have finished. Plus when people start to notice that your body is changing,  that's a fantastic boost.

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I'll keep that in mind. This place literally only has 1 bench and 1 squat rack. My old gym had 4 of each in college. I need something like that so I can feel comfortable. If 10 people show up I feel like I have to alter my routine. Plus my trainer is a moron. I sat down with her to create routines after 8 sessions of going no where. We created 3 routines. The next time we went she did a new routine we never spoke about. I was so angry. 

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Today is 10 weeks that I haven't gamed.  I feel really accomplished by this milestone.  I'm approaching 3 months again and feel proud.  This feeling of pride is starting to be the fuel for quitting pornography now.  I know what success feels like and I know what failure feels like.  I'm failing with porn and succeeding with gaming and social media addiction.  I've now decided to give up porn, install porn blockers, and just get over this.  I'm so tired of feeling terrible after watching it.  I'm not even enjoying searching for stuff anymore. 

A guy named Ned in the discord posted this:

image.thumb.png.7d2a17fb693e263412023f7a491c959d.png

This statement really resonated with me because I used to get that sense of adrenaline rush searching for 30 minutes for the perfect videos and scenarios.  I'd be all excited.  Then once I watched the video I ended up choosing I was disappointed.  Once I finished watching I was just let down and disgusted.  I'd close all the other videos I looked for and just sit there questioning why I even searched for them. 

After the revelations I've made about emotional needs and turning to porn to fill the void and the statement above, I now feel like I'm ready to ditch this habit as well.  I'm done with it.

Matt

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(Oh my, I really miss some good physical exercise. I must go back to running asap!).

I didn’t read your post about porn, so I really don’t know what’s your problem with it, but I’m happy to hear you’re fighting it. Luckily enough, nobody needs porn to have an orgasm.

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On 12/29/2018 at 4:53 PM, info-gatherer said:

(Oh my, I really miss some good physical exercise. I must go back to running asap!).

I didn’t read your post about porn, so I really don’t know what’s your problem with it, but I’m happy to hear you’re fighting it. Luckily enough, nobody needs porn to have an orgasm.

Thank you.  I'd explain, but it's already in the previous posts.  Porn is just very addicting for many ways, which I've been uncovering for some time now.

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3 hours ago, Matt S said:

Thank you.  I'd explain, but it's already in the previous posts.  Porn is just very addicting for many ways, which I've been uncovering for some time now.

Hey. I didn’t mean to say that porn is not addictive, just to be clear 😉

 

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7 hours ago, info-gatherer said:

Hey. I didn’t mean to say that porn is not addictive, just to be clear 😉

 

Oh I know. I just thought it might take forever for me to explain what I've been learning about myself. I try to do an incredible amount of research before quitting something so I have a plan of attacking any cravings. But it has taken months to figure out lol. Don't worry. I was kind of sick last night and freaking out so I stopped typing part of the way and left the computer. I apologize. 

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