fawn_xoxo 435 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 (edited) 19 hours ago, Matt S said: I started to beat myself up for wasting time and not being as good of a worker as I thought I'd be during the day. I let myself down During my past attempts I spent a lot of time self loathing, blaming myself, hating myself for who I was, how I was. First of all, it doesn't help. Secondly, I wanna share with you that whichever emotional state you are in, I know that it's difficult to break free from it, that's why I too would linger in this state for hours or days and what it would do to me is I would end up thinking I can't do it, that I'm doomed, that I'm depressed etc. Recently I found out about how a change of emotional state is necessary to move on, and usually we look for this in other people, when we share our feelings with them we're subconsciously seeking that, for them to tell us something that will make us feel another way so that we can break free from how we feel at this time. If you look into it you'll find that what really happens is emotions change, or can change, really rapidly. Just like you can suddenly laugh with a joke or cry if you get hurt, emotions just come and go unless we choose to pay them all this attention. Acceptance of an emotion and agreement with it are also different things. You can accept that you felt bad in that moment, without agreeing that it's right and fair to yourself to feel bad. What helped me in this was recognizing how humans work in a chain of reactions. There's an event, then there's thoughts we produce because of it. Then based on each person's unique thoughts, they feel an emotion. And then based on that emotion they react to the event a certain way. We can't control our emotions, but what can we control? How we think about the event. 19 hours ago, Matt S said: I'm trying, but it is so difficult to forgive myself and move on. I had the exact same problem myself, I couldn't let it go, I kept blaming myself and couldn't forgive and at one point someone from my family told me that it was my ego. And I was like what? How is this ego? And they told me well, you wanna think of yourself so high and mighty that you can't even make a mistake? I considered it. And I've had ego issues a lot of times in my life, didn't expect ego to mess with this too, but I think it is true. So what did I do? I accepted the following words like I would accept them for someone else. No, I'm not perfect and I'm not that amazing yet. I make mistakes, I'm human, I can do better if I try harder, but in order to do so I have to have me as an ally and to do that I have to love myself. If I love myself, I forgive myself and try again. What also helped me with this was reading the book the six pillars of self esteem. Edited November 8, 2018 by fawn_xoxo 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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