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About info-gatherer

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  1. Day 0 I got a call from real life. My girlfriend is coming to see me tonight and she’s staying as much as she likes as a guest. We haven’t met since I left France on the 19th of June, so it’s been more than a month now. Anyway, I really don’t want videogames to interfere with my relationship, so from tomorrow (from now, actually) I’ll abstain again. It’s sad that I needed this external “help” to take this decision, as I didn’t have the will to do it myself. But, if everything goes as I imagine, I’m looking forward to a CRAZY august, a real summer experience like I had when I was a little
  2. Day 0 I translate this quote from italian (G. Carofiglio, La versione di Fenoglio): “Everyone, in some way, lies. Lies to others and lies to himself. Lies about his actions and about the real motives of those actions. There’s the ones that know it, the few, and those who don’t, the many. That’s the only difference”.
  3. Day 7 It’s late, ill keep it short and factual. Morning: went to the doctor. Got put in contact with two different psychologists. One of them (the most expensive, fml) specializes in addictions. I’ll meet him on friday. Afternoon: went to the seaside with a group of people that I can’t in all honesty call friends anymore. Got invited to a 2-days sleep-on-the-beach-and-dance thing on saturday but I declined. I’m at the point of telling very easily a missed opportunity from a perspective bad experience. I don’t have the energy to pretend to be happy with people whose presence does
  4. Day 6 I drove two times and back to the fucking doctor and got rejected two times because the opening hours on the fucking website doesn’t match the fucking opening hours sticked with tape on the fucking door. I’m so angry at myself, for being this fucking inexperienced about life. What to do with this anger?
  5. One of the problems about gaming is that there’s a social component to it. It’s perfectly normal to feel those cravings after your quit, if you don’t get much social contact in your “real life”. I don’t know your situation well enough, maybe this does not apply to you. But if it is the case, if you feel lonely, then it’s easy to go back with the mind at those long days spent playing together with other people, feeling a contact with them, feeling part of something bigger, outside the restrict boundaries of the self. I think what you are feeling can be explained with the restricted applica
  6. I've been thinking about this for a while. I've always had a strong prejudice against motivational books, for different reasons that I won't uncover here for brevity. But I've been thinking... Maybe I should give them a try. Lately I am striving for guidance, and I now feel it'd be interesting to try and read one of these books. I googled "best motivational books" and I immediately picked one: "How to win friends and influence people". The title itself would have me puke one year ago. Win friends? Influence people? Are we talking about manipulation? I don't care, I'll read it and judge for mys
  7. Day 5, still I didn't game, but I feel awful. Haven't felt this down in a while. I asked my mother if I can get therapy. I did already have 2 different psychologists in the past, and I still don't know if they ever helped me or not. Therapy never had a big effect on me, I guess? But I want to try again... May work this time... My mum suggested I go to collective therapy (like many people in a room all together I suppose?) which is the cheaper version. Actually I like the idea, even if it scares me a bit (am I supposed to talk about what I feel in front of everyone?). Tomorrow she's going
  8. Day 5 I didn’t want to spend another full day with my parents so I stayed at home and I’ve been fighting all day with the urge to game. I watched a movie, didn’t even have lunch. I know for a fact that gaming is a huge problem in my life, so if I get this tempted despite the evidence of huge adverse effects it means I really don’t value my life much. I’ve been actively thinking how to get that social stimulation I need today and didn’t come up with anything. FUCK
  9. Day 4 Went to the seaside, after that I went playing padel and then at a pizzeria with my family. Spent the whole day with them. Did my gratitude and meditation. Not much to say, but this doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good day.
  10. Oh, also, my application to New York University was rejected but I got accepted for spring term 2020 to Oklahoma University, where I will hopefully be able to apply for a position as Italian teacher assistant. There’s an english test I need to take to go to the USA, so I better study a bit and take it on the 3rd of August (first available date). I think I mainly need to improve in 2 areas: listening, specifically songs (I never seem to be able to understand the lyrics) and grammar, which I mostly forgot after high school. I don’t feel like studyinnnnnnng. But I guess it’s not going to be diffi
  11. Hey fawn ? Thanks for the comment. Where did our privilege bring us? In my opinion, the answer is clear: empty, unsubstantial lives. Lately I’ve been thinking about the true meaning of the formula “consumerist society”. Before I just thought it meant that we are just spoiled baddies who buy a lot of things we don’t need, thus wasting them, but it actually means that acquiring and consuming “things” (be it objects or, even more so today, entertainment) is the main goal of our lives. Productive work is not seen as a goal in itself, nor it is functional to survival, but it’s seen as a mean of buy
  12. So... I slowly went back to gaming starting in April, I guess, with some games on mobile, and started playing seriously around the end of may. I’d game the whole day every day, but having litterally nothing to do (because before relapsing I was quite ahead in study/life) I guess I was able to stay “functional”. It’s not about gaming, I guess, my life itself is disfunctional to the point that I can waste a whole month 24/7 and don’t have much or any negative impact. From an emotional perspective tho, I really felt all the symptoms. Loss of interest in everything else, compulsive thoughts a
  13. Weird matches here, lost the first two against players of my level or slightly higher and won the third with 5 seconds left on the clock against a much higher rated player. Three matches left, I need a clear head.
  14. Hey @JustTom thanks for the interest, tonight I’ll answer in detail ? Just a quick update, I’m at a chess on the beach tournament right now, let’s go!
  15. I got the first cravings already, but it has to be expected. I didn’t prepare much for this quitting attempt, the only thing I know is that now, once again, choosing whether I want to live a good life or a bad life is a decision which is fully in my hands. I’m in control, I have to be. I’ve gotta grown up into an adult I guess.