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info-gatherer

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About info-gatherer

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  1. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    There’s this guy that’s talking about his semipro CoD career and his passion for videogames and I tried to tell him that I don’t think hardcore gaming is a healthy habit but he ignored my point and so I stopped listening to him and now I am a bit sad
  2. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    Following my reinstallation of various social media on my phone, I got back in contact with many people that weren’t part of my life (anymore or yet), but I waste hours every day on them. Especially in the morning, I oversleep and when I wake up I just browse my phone, which makes me feel not ok with myself. I live in a shared room, so I can’t use the usual trick of having the phone far from the bed with the alarm, which always works. No, the phone rings just next to me and I stop it, and I sleep another 3 hours. EDIT: in two hours my new roommate will move in! She’s a scottish girl, we’ve had a beer with friends a couple days ago and I really like her as a person. I’m sure we’ll get along well 🙂
  3. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

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  4. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    In the B&B where I’m living, tonight there’s a 60 something man with white hair playing WoW at the table. Mixed feelings about it.
  5. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    My gf just left me for good. She doesn’t love me anymore. Right now I’m sad, but it’s manageable. I know that real pain will come in the next days when I’ll feel alone and messaging her won’t be an option. Maybe it’s good that this is coming in my life at this particular moment. I need to react, not giving up to the temptation of giving up.
  6. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    Uploaded a selfie I just took because again confidence, learning the confidence needed to have a face, to live my life
  7. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    Update: I am really trying hard to be sociable. At the moment I am living in a 6-people dorm & I already met a lot of people from different countries. There’s new people arriving and leaving every day so it’s hard to make lasting friendships, but I almost never were alone in the last days, which is very important to give me confidence. I met George, who is interested in renting a house together, and Nadia, a funny person that always tries to be sociable and makes the environment agreable to everyone. Then I met Jin, a South Korean business student which happens to be a big fan of League of Legends (a korean nerd girl, what a cliché) and we spent a day and a night always together talking about the most various things & for the first time in a long time I felt comfortable talking about videogames as well without having any craving. Sadly she doesn’t live in Paris, but I think we’ll keep in touch by message and maybe we’ll meet again this year. Today I went out with Inas, a german-moroccoan mechanic. Didn’t have a great time to be honest, but I’m grateful for the opportunity of getting to know new people every day. And tomorrow my classes will start. I’m very nervous but I’ll do my best to fit in. Not everything is good. My gf left me & also told me that she cheated on me. I told her that I don’t care as long as she loves me, but she said she’s not sure about that and I hurt her with my indifference in the last two months. In fact I mostly ignored her as I mostly ignored everyone this summer because I did feel depressed. I’m trying to convince her to stay with me because I care for her, and at the same time I feel quite childish behaving like this. Maybe the right thing to do is just accepting that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But I think we have a beautiful relationship and I should try to preserve it. I don’t know. A lot of things are happening in my life, I just need to keep an open mind and be a little bit of a “yes man” for once, and I know my happiness will bloom. Checking out, Mattia
  8. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    The journey begins. I’m already a bit homesick but I know it won’t last long. It usually doesn’t. There’s a new life out there waiting for me and I’ll do my best to make it wonderful. Everything will be fine.
  9. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    Thanks Tom, I’ll do my best, I promise. I managed to study because I realized the exam was very easy but I only had 7 days left, so I had to just sit morning, afternoon and evening at the table and study. Deadlines usually work with me. The motivation kicks in when it’s almost too late, but it works, so no problem. After the first day I felt a “feeling of pride and accomplishment” for the first time since too long. Studying just gives me joy, but sometimes I forget it.
  10. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    So, apparently I’m going to Paris after all. Making the effort of studying for the exam dissolved my ennui and got me back on track, giving me confidence and a new perspective. Then I started planning for Paris. The hardest part right now is finding a house. I booked in a hostel until october 1st. I hope 2 weeks will be enough before I find something. Now I’m enjoying my last evening on the beach with my friends. Tomorrow morning I’ll say goodbye to my parents (they’re going to Ireland) and the day after tomorrow I’ll fly to Paris. The only bad thing is I don’t know what’s happening between me and my girlfriend, our relationship is going to waste and neither of us is doing anything meaningful to fix it. I hope things get better soon between us, otherwise... c’est la vie.
  11. info-gatherer

    JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

    Hi Tom! Happy to read you’re doing well ? and you look motivated! Depression is always a tough animal, but commitment towards our goals will help us succeed and feel happy about ourselves ? At least in my experience, depression is only possible when I lose sight of what I want & my objectives & the happiness I hope to find “in” or “behind” them. Of course, happiness is always impermanent. It’s not a possess, but a disposition of the mind, an endless race. We gamers could say “the grind” or “the climb”. We felt good when we climbed those ranks in a mmorpg or a moba, we were chasing something, and we knew what it was. What are you chasing at? Whatever it is, remember that it’s part of your “real” life, which is a hundred times more important than your starcraft account’s rating, isn’t it? Sorry, got a bit carried away while writing this ahah P.S. Just curious, what’s your field of study again? Keep going, you’re doing great!
  12. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    I am not doing well. The last two weeks I just stayed home doing nothing. Meanwhile, this Monday my gf told me that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I know we had some problems but I didn’t expect this. I thought they were minor problems, but apparently she disagrees. We haven’t seen each other for a month, I hope we can talk in person when we meet again and maybe fix those problems. What else? I should already be in Paris but I’m not. I didn’t bother to look for housing or plan anything, so I’m doing the stupidest thing of trying to pass another exam before taking a plane for France, even if my levels of concentration are abysmally low. If I work very hard (today I had a nice studying morning, that’s why I had the confidence to start writing this post) I may be able to take the exam on the 5th of september. If I fail, it’s a double fail, because I traded the Orientation Week in Paris for this exam. The orientation week could have been a way to meet other students and help me find a house, so it was very important, but I was too depressed to think about it so I just lost this opportunity. But if I pass the exam it’s a good thing and maybe even a worthy trade, or however the best possible case scenario right now, so I’ll try my best. Then I’ll go to France next week. edit: I forgot, I played 2 hours of Chess vs the computer. I wanted to try the Play Magnus app, which simulates the playstyle of world champion Magnus Carlssen at a specific age. No big deal but I think it’s always worth mentioning when I am around videogames in my journal, even if it’s not problematic use.
  13. info-gatherer

    The Journey Within

    Mate I’m so HAPPY for you! You’re now in the steep part of the learning curve where you learn a lot of things in a short time, plus you’re quite the “dreamer” kind so I imagine the amount of ‘magic’ you have in your life right now. I don’t know why but your post made my day and gave me confidence. Thanks for sharing.
  14. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    I had a very shitty week. I’m not enjoying my holidays, I lose time, I watch too many movies, I never get out of home/talk to people. I feel quite depressed.
  15. info-gatherer

    i-g Post-Detox Journal

    So, tonight I played a videogame after several months. I mentioned wanting to try to play again quite frequently in my last journal entries and I finally tried. I played on a yu-gi-oh online site for 3-4 hours. I have to admit it felt good, as if all my accumulated boredom and unsatisfaction were just wiped away by the game. But at the same time, I felt some dizziness and a sense of pointlessness. I told myself “jesus christ, now I remember why those things suck up so much time: they require a lot of practice to be a good player”. So, some regret slipped into me for forgetting (or pretending to forget) that important lesson. Posting on this journal helped me through difficult times and gave me the strenght to commit when I needed it most. Now I write here again, solemnly vowing not to play again that game or any other game for a very long time. All in all, I don’t regret what I did. I just need to be careful now, because spyraling back into addiction is very easy. I WILL NOT FALL FOR IT. Even when I can’t stand fhe new me, I know how the old me made me feel like a loser every single day. My mother entered my room and saw that I was playing. She said “should I be worried?”. Should she be worried? She shouldn’t. This is very important. I must not fail.
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