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fawn_xoxo

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About fawn_xoxo

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  1. fawn_xoxo

    90 days.

    Just wanna second this badly is all. Never stop trying, remember that if you stopped trying the first time you had to try, you'd never walk, you'd still be crawling. Society makes us forget failure is part of the process, but it is. You try, you fail, you try, you fail, but every time you learn something from it. There's no way you won't learn it all if you keep trying, sooner or later you'll get there.
  2. fawn_xoxo

    Dear Diary...

    You are trying to combine logic with emotion, that doesn't really work like that xD You feel how you feel. Do you know what makes you unhappy? If you find the reason you are unhappy, can you change the circumstances? There's a time to stop and feel your feelings, but if the feelings persist it means you have to take action and do differently. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. The answers are within you, you have to ask yourself. Is it that you need a better schedule? Is it that you need to take hobbies slower? Again, treat yourself like you would treat a friend or family member, not harsher. You're the only one responsible with loving and taking care of yourself, so don't forget to do that.
  3. fawn_xoxo

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    Day 33-37, Wednesday-Sunday December 5-9th 2018No sugar daysNo gaming day 15-16I'll start with the obvious: Why is my counter 15-16 instead of 15-19? Because I did get online, spoke with people from the game community and gamed, three non sequential days the past week. The first day it was fine and I felt unaffected by it, I actually couldn't wait to log off cause I was tired. The second day I felt a mix of feelings, old urges pulling at me and reminding me of the dangers lurking for me in this virtual place. (I'm a little metaphorical and artistic, bear with me xD) The third day which was yesterday, Sunday, I felt both good and bad, and the bad side was connected to the fact I could tell, from all the times I've done this before, how easy it is to roll down the slippery slope and make this just another failed attempt. But it won't be. So now to the positive updates. I had to really push myself to 'just do it' when it comes to picking up my pens to draw. There first and second day were hard: When you are old and conscientious that you suck at something and your ego is crying about it, you have to just persevere and continue with starting from zero anyway. I did pick up my pens, I did draw, following a specific curriculum from a very good instructor. He gives me hope and knowing which direction to work towards is really important. He points out exactly what a newbie like me is after, the final result, the great art piece, but explains how you have to build up to that like a house. First, it has to be messy and dirty. The pretty stage comes last. So I'm trying to make my peace with that truth, and I'm also drawing every day in the morning, trying to establish it as a habit. In reading the book Atomic habits, I'm trying to implement the things it explains and how, to have the results you want, you need to focus on being consistent about the habits that create them. I don't draw just in the morning, usually. I stop drawing before I get frustrated and impatient with myself, and I come back later the same day. This is how it's been so far at least, alas the goal is to draw at least once per day, establish it as a habit. Another thing the book says is that in order not to give up you should try a 4% higher than your current skill level in your attempts to get better, not too big a challenge but not easy either, so that you are neither discouraged nor bored. I have established and still am working on my fairly early morning rise. I used to wake up at 10 or 12 and linger for hours- now I have an alarm at 8 and because I plan my day from before in my organizer, I have the feeling I'm behind if I don't get up and start doing stuff at 9. Some days that was pushed to 10 but that's okay, not perfect, but progressing. As I've said to other fellow recovering addicts here, we ought to compare only to our own past selves and no one else- and in that I'm doing better than I used to. What's important for me to say to myself, which is half the reason I write here, is to acknowledge that I haven't achieved the busy lifestyle I require to be balanced yet, thus getting online with my game acquaintances isn't safe. It's very dangerous and might turn one hour I intended to waste into three. Another thing I want to say even if it's been said already the past days is that being here and reading and contributing is majorly important and beneficial to me. Thank you all. I also feel that, together, all of us, are gaining momentum. We are from all over the world, but we are in this together, even if only through text communications. Do you feel this way too? The battle against sugar is going well considering my past. I track it via a mobile app, and so far I've had at most a two days off sugar streak. Working on it. I think that's all for now. If you're reading this, just remember: you, we all, can do it!
  4. fawn_xoxo

    Daily Journal - Samon

    It's a good idea, the best actually, to start your day with the most challenging task. That's because we as humans have very limited will power and motivation, and as the day progresses and we get physically more tired, the will power goes away too. On the other hand, listen to yourself. Those feelings you experience, stop and give yourself the time to process them. Why does it feel bad? Is it an exaggeration out of fear of failure or it actually because that action is against your values and goals and your feelings are warning you about it? Just explore that and get to know yourself better through it.
  5. fawn_xoxo

    The Person I want to be

    @Sashiku If you find yourself struggling with how to fill your time, I suggest goal setting and exploring your own mind as far as your desires for your future are concerned! Those can unlock possibilities, although scary, they are a door to small changes for our lives.
  6. fawn_xoxo

    My journey

    You are doing so well man, congratulations on your weight loss and adjusting to your new circumstances! Bravo for your goals setting too!
  7. fawn_xoxo

    Daily Journal - Samon

    Real connections are rare in general, I'll agree with that. Friend or lover, relationships require effort and time and so if you are the only one putting those in, it's not gonna work in the long run. Most of us here are on the same boat when it comes to how we feel about our online friends, disappointment and nostalgia and maybe even bitterness but since none of that does us any good, we should just accept it and move on to do other things.
  8. fawn_xoxo

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    Day 29-32, Saturday-Tuesday December 1-4th 2018No sugar daysNo gaming day 11-14 Obviously I am bad at tracking here xD I now track everything that I had here through apps on my phone, even for brand new habits I made for myself, but I still wanna come here and share how my counters are going, ie sugar not so easy, but not gaming at all still 😄
  9. fawn_xoxo

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    @karabas Not sure where you got the idea I resent or have ill feelings towards these people, all I said is I was disappointed. You can be understanding and compassionate for your heroin addict friend who doesn't call you anymore to go out after you quit heroin, and at the same time be disappointed with the fact. And no, none of us here is a victim, we are all people who grew to have self-destructive habits. Neither are my friends victims. Technology, much like a knife, is a tool: you can use it for good or bad purpose. We are responsible, we ought to remember this, and in the same sense be empowered by it. Just like we chose to play all day before, we can now choose not to play. It's in our hands.
  10. fawn_xoxo

    ☆☆Waves become wings☆☆

    It was good to read all your progress! Fellow woman here, and also wasted a lot of years with games- also dealt with mental issues multiplied by games. Don't hesitate to PM me if you ever need some support, otherwise keep up the great work! And remember, free time is dangerous for relapse, maybe check the hobbies list and "fake it until you make it" with any one hobby you might like?
  11. fawn_xoxo

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    When I come back from vacation I'm like noooooooooo. So if you ask me, I will say yeah, surely it is your vacation, don't worry about it. Just keep doing it and after a few days you'll feel like working again! That's how it is for me at least.
  12. fawn_xoxo

    The Person I want to be

    Welcome to the forums! You are not alone, I am also a woman and feel like I have wasted so much time being in my room doing nothing. I share a little part of that adventurous nature you describe too. Please don't hesitate to ask for help or advice, there are a lot of people here who share experiences and might be able to offer good strategies! From my multiple attempts at quitting I have gathered that two of the most important things are to remember your why and to not leave free and empty time for yourself. The first will be useful once the will power wears off, the second will be useful at any point, cause habits are so hard to break. Now that I say this I recall, this book Atomic habits is a great read and help in this process for me, you might wanna try it out.
  13. fawn_xoxo

    A Texan's journal

    Hang in there man, I'm around day 10 or something and I got some thoughts as well, right after finishing a work project (empty days are dooooom).
  14. fawn_xoxo

    Jay's Epic Journey

    @seriousjay Hey Jay, I think at this point in time it's you who has to ask yourself some very important questions. Like, do I want to make a project out of this person? Because if you follow your subconscious ego and "Saviour complex" as it's often called, you might invest time and energy in this woman to try and pull her out of the swamp that is addiction, but all of us here know that it is only possible if the addict herself puts in the work and has the will power and deep desire to change. So do you really want to engage with her seeing her like a work in progress project? It will be a situation out of balance and what's worse is she might drag you back into games with her. The signs are obvious, lack of direction in life, social awkwardness maybe multiplied by gaming. So, keep that in mind and ask yourself another question: Can you engage with her as a person to person not lowering your standards just because she's an addict? Is spending time with her interesting, fun? What qualities does she have that you like? And if you don't know the answers that's okay but keep asking yourself from time to time. Maybe when you go out, ask her a lot of questions about herself just like you did already. How did you feel when she was looking at her phone and not speaking to you, on the date?
  15. fawn_xoxo

    Every day is a new day

    The community helps me in exactly the same way Silver and I realized it almost in sync with you! Also, Momento, yaaaay! Fight club next?
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