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Silverlining

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  1. Silverlining

    Dear Diary...

    Did you see the pic below originally posted to this forum by @karabas ? Feeling depressed or wasting time occasionally doesn't invalidate all your past effort. Learning not to beat ourselves up when we "fail" is very important. I would say that it's more important to be able to deal with setbacks than to keep succeeding. Real life will be full of setbacks. We'll be fine as long as we stay resilient. Good luck!
  2. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Thank youπŸ™‚ I have realized that I finally have the courage to face my problems in the past. Courage that I have gained here in this community, through my healing experience. And I'm grateful for all of this. I have also realized that it's not only helpful but also necessary to examine my past. I need to learn from the mistakes that I made, and the mistakes that my parents made when I grew up. I'll be a parent some day and I want to be a good one. I wouldn't want my kids to repeat the pattern of my life in the past years. So I'll start practicing with parenting my inner child. And good luck to you, too.
  3. Silverlining

    Day 6!

    Pomodoro is a technique, not a particular app. Of course you can use any clock.
  4. Silverlining

    JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

    You are really making some progress here! Of course I'm not talking about wasted time, but the way you dealt with it. Instead of beating yourself up, you braced yourself up quickly. That's good! And that's something I am working on.πŸ™‚
  5. Silverlining

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    I feel exactly the same way!
  6. Silverlining

    Daily Journal - Samon

    πŸ˜†This is not what I posted but it is very inspiring! Thanks for sharing!
  7. Silverlining

    Day 6!

    Hey! You are back! There're plenty of things to do. Learn something new, get a new hobby. Get outside your room, exercise. Do some chores. Spend time with family and friends. Use a pomodoro clock. It looks simple but it is powerful. Trust me. Start with small steps. Read more journals here. People usually stop craving for games after less than a month. The key is to fill your free time with all kinds of things to do.
  8. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Thank you. Even if we play this RPG, it will take a couple of hours per week at most. Last time we did this was over a year ago. My husband played an RPG while I watched. After 5 months we still didn't finish half of that game and then we read about the rest of the story online.πŸ˜‚ We don't prefer this way of spending time together than other ways. It's just that I'm kind of emotionally attached with this game studio and I feel that I'll pay for the game anyway. It's complicated. Anyway, I'm not gonna think over this now. I'll focus on the important things in my life at the moment.
  9. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Day 49: 12/8/2018 Saturday They say that in a near-death experience, people could have memory flashbacks through their whole life, and they would accept all their past decisions and understand who they really are. I've never had a near-death experience. But I may have experienced similar memory flashbacks. Thursday night, my husband and I were having this conversation, and somehow we started to talk about life back in college. That was the moment when I started to recall my troubled, depressed, struggling life in college. I realized that for the past few years, I had buried those memories so deep. I didn't even dare to look at my transcript from college for once after graduation, until today. I do think about college from time to time, but only the good times -- my subconsciousness had hidden those bad moments so well: the finals, the grades, the anxiety, stress, shame and guilt. How I spent days and nights binge watching TV shows and anime series before I got into gaming. How I stared at the books without reading a line on the days that I was dragged to the library by my friends. How I prioritized gaming over study, thesis and friendship. I felt inferior the whole time. On the other hand, I tried to look as confident as I could. I was socially active. I had a lot of friends. I was even kind of popular. I believe few of my friends from college knew how bad my grades were. And I was exhausted living this double life. When I started to go through these fragments of memories, I felt pain and remorse. But later on, I felt relieved. I understood why I made all those bad choices. And that's OK. I'm not the same person any more. So I decide that I want to study Real Analysis again, the first course that gave me a hard time. I want to find out if it is just too difficult for me to ever understand, or did I give up too early. ----- In general, this week has been fine. Everything is normal. We didn't watch any movies. I exercised every day. Although an RPG that I had been looking forward to for a few years has released recently. I was tempted. Then we decided that after I hit 90 days, my husband would play it while I watch. It's supposed to be story rich so it would be like watching an anime series. I don't think I have a problem with solo RPGs. These is no social aspect like in an MMORPG. There are no daily quests. No "guild members" or "friends" expect me to get online every night. And there are no raids so that I can stop playing any time I want, without worrying about not being a "team player". And it's a one-time thing -- I have never played an RPG twice. And I have only played a handful of RPGs in my whole life. Although I'm not sure if it will be a trigger to relapse. But there are still 40 days so I don't want to worry about it now. And today my husband and I spent at least 1 hour in the kitchen to cook dinner together. I was never into cooking. My husband cooks most of the time. Before living with him, I used to cook for myself, but I always kept it extremely simple. My past roommates were all amazed at my ability to simplify cooking process out of laziness. πŸ˜„ So this is new for me. I kind of enjoyed it. And my hubby probably enjoyed it more. I guess he always wants an assistant in the kitchen πŸ˜‚
  10. Silverlining

    The Person I want to be

    Awwwwww that is so cute! I love it! So drawing is not just a hobby for you. You are an artist! I look forward to seeing more of your work πŸ˜„
  11. Silverlining

    The Person I want to be

    I used to write. I haven't been able to write anything for the past few months even though I really want to. I have drafts of about 40k words over the years and most of them are just beginnings of stories. πŸ˜‚ I am not giving up on them yet. Do you draw from life? I guess drawing in a park could be good for you if you want to stay out of your room and enjoy your hobby at the same time.
  12. Silverlining

    The Person I want to be

    Wow! I never realized this but I also used imagination and reading to escape from reality when I grew up. I never connected them with gaming addiction until today, after reading your post. So, thank you! And I always wondered how I developed gaming addiction out of nowhere. πŸ˜„ Now I see that it was actually transferred from imagination and reading, but it was far more destructive to me than any other addiction. To be honest I don't mind getting a little "addicted" to reading or drawing, and I am planning on using my imagination to write stories -- I wrote a few before I got addicted to games. Anyway. Good luck! I can feel a positive energy flow from your words. πŸ™‚
  13. Silverlining

    JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

    Seriously, your life at this point sounds very stressful to me. On one hand I'm a little concerned that too much stress combined with too little sleep can be destructive. On the other hand, I think the whole point of getting game-sober is to improve our abilities to handle all kinds of problems in real life. When you get through all this, you should really reward yourself! BTW, exercise and social activities are actually quite helpful to manage stress so keep them going. It's also very important to get enough sleep.
  14. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Good idea!
  15. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Day 43: 12/2/2018 Sunday Actually my husband and I have been binge watching movies recently. 4 movies for the past week. 8 hrs. That's a lot. Although I'm not super worried about it. I doubt if I can get "addicted" to movies. I mean, it actually takes some effort to finish watching a movie and then discuss about it. Especially for movies like Momento with somewhat complicated structures. And there aren't so many classic movies for us to watch anyway. Also I had wanted to watch these movies together with my husband for a really long time. It seemed that I was never able to find the time because I was busy playing games. And it was difficult for me to sit still for 2 hours back then. ===== Here are a few lines from my rolling 7-day activity chart. I did rolling 7-day to smooth out weekends. The Thanksgiving holiday really had a negative impact on me. (And on other people, too. I see a few game quitters here because of binge gaming during Thanksgiving). I'm glad that study time is not really affected that much. Exercise time decreased partly because I changed running to HIIT. ===== I have realized that my sense of time has completely changed since I got sober. Back in my days with game addiction, when I got off work and had a whole evening, I always felt like I had infinite amount of time. So I would put off things, thinking that I would have time to work on them later. On the other hand, when I had a big project, I would get the feeling that I could never do it, probably learned helplessness due to constant procrastination. And now, I know exactly how many productive hours I have every day. So I can't afford to procrastinate any more. On the other hand, when I have a big project or a bigger dream, I feel confident that if I have a plan to work on it consistently, I can make it happen. ===== Most importantly, I have finally realized what this forum is really about. It's not just writing down these journal entries to motivate myself. What helps me most is reading the journals by other people and trying my best to give advice and supports or simply to express understandings to my fellow game quitters. We are social animals after all. The feelings that "I belong to this community" and "people here understand me", and "I can actually help someone" are very rewarding and I really appreciate it.
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