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Silverlining

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Everything posted by Silverlining

  1. Silverlining

    Dear Diary...

    Take it easy. You are not a computer. As a human being, you are expected to take breaks. This is the way how the brain works. And your company and boss know that. They expect their employees to have ups and downs, it's a part of risk control. Also when you are stuck at a problem, it is advised by neuroscientists that you should shift your mind to something else, to meditate, or to exercise.
  2. Silverlining

    Ninety Days Worth the Pain

    Some company needs to manufacture this
  3. Silverlining

    Dear Diary...

    Like Sheldon Cooper? I thought those people are the laughing stocks in daily life.
  4. Silverlining

    Dear Diary...

    You did all those things within 8 hours? That's amazing! Could we see your cartoon when it's done?
  5. Silverlining

    JustTom's Journal 3

    I understand the anxiety. But the fact that you are posting here means that you want to get out of this mess. And you know the only way is quitting. Are you really willing to give up your degree, your career and your social life for gaming? I don't think so, because you are still trying to pass this exam. If you really don't want to quit, that's fine. That's your life. No one can make you "want" things. However, if you want to quit but can't, then that's something to work on.
  6. Silverlining

    JustTom's Journal 3

    I'm glad that you decide to come back here and to make baby steps. You have been there so you know pretty much everything about quitting. I don't know what to say except to wish you good luck.
  7. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    I started playing online games when I was 20. I'm 29. For the past 9 years, I spent about $20,000 on games. Countless hours. I was never satisfied with my job but I wasn't able to change it, because I spent all my spare time on gaming instead of preparing for interviews. I took exams for certifications and failed again and again. I also used to visit gaming forums and chat with my gaming friends at work. (Ironically, I kept a journal on a gaming forum to record my "growth" in that game.) I have severe neck and shoulder pain, due to long hours sitting in front of computers. The silver lining is that I met my husband in an online game. He is also a gamer, although he doesn't have the problems that I mentioned above. He is also quitting gaming to support me. He is a wonderful person, but I always know that I could have ended up with some random loser that I met online because I cut out most of my social activities and I gradually lost interest in communicating with people in real life. Thank god I met him.
  8. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    @fawn_xoxo @BooksandTrees Thank you guys! So helpful as always! I have some ideas now about making new friends but it will take time. I think it is easier to start with looking for study buddies who are taking the same exam with me, and then hobby clubs when I have more time. I'll keep you updated 😄
  9. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Thanks 😃 The chapter was an easy one so I had expected to do more. I'm not even sure if it's the right thing to do. My gaming community consists mostly of women. Men play the game, too, but somehow they belong to a whole different society. And they talk about stats, battleground, etc. while in the women's community, we would talk about all kinds of stuff. Work, movies, food, dresses, makeups, men and babies. It was like a women's support group for me. But of course, they would also talk about the game, which is a subject that I should avoid. I don't know where to find such a group to replace them. I had groups of girl friends when I was in school, but we drift apart after graduation. I work in a small company in a male-dominated industry. I still have some very good friends, but they don't know each other. In my early twenties, I would try to introduce my friends to one another, but somehow it seems that they don't end up to be friends. So I stopped trying eventually. Actually I tried to join an online trying-to-conceive community a few days ago, but it was too depressive for me. So I ran away.
  10. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    I read 30 pages of my text book tonight and did some drawing. Hopefully I will do better tomorrow.
  11. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Day #108: 2/5/2019 Tuesday It's been a while. The past week hasn't been easy for me. We live in Chicago and the polar vortex hit us hard. And I don't like the cold. I missed my period and went to see an ob and it turned out that I was not pregnant -- which is normal but somehow I have been feeling depressed about it. We moved to this new apt and my husband depended on me to organize everything. He helped, of course, but it felt like I was a project manager and he was working for me, so I had to give him instructions constantly. Very tiring. We also hosted a party to invite friends over to our new apt. It was fun and a lot of work. The new project at work is about to get started, and it turns out that I have to pass a test to join the team. I took the test and I don't know the result yet. If anything goes wrong, I will lose this opportunity and I should be prepared for it emotionally. And I missed my friends from the game that I played. I talked with them to learn about how their lives were going. I care about them. When I initiate the communication, I can feel that they like me and they miss me. We talk about our lives, instead of the game, like real friends. It seems that I can't delete them from my life. One of my gaming friends quit. She has been troubled by procrastination. And I introduced Pomodoro technique to her. That's the bright side. On the other hand, I do feel a strong urge to return to the game community. Besides talking with my gaming friends, I also spent a few hours on gaming forums. I don't real want to play that game per se, but I miss the feeling to be among a group of people who know me and like me. And I don't know what to do about it. Another problem is that I haven't studied for my exam. Besides all the chores and talking with my old friends, I also have spent quite some time watching TV shows and haven't read a page from my text book since last Tuesday. I have to postpone my plan for a whole week. This has to stop. I'll study this evening after work and will update later.
  12. Silverlining

    Dear Diary...

    I don't like the cold weather either. I wrote a little bit and meant to reply to you here but then realized that I shouldn't vent in your journal with all those negative emotions. I'll post it in my journal. I have always wanted to move to California. Or Florida.
  13. Silverlining

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    I agree with you. You have been making major progresses. Take it slow, enjoy life. You don't need to take further steps until you feel comfortable to.
  14. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Day #100: 1/28/2019 Monday We were moving for the past weekend. Now we live in a bigger apt with a better view. Yay! I had known that my weekend would be occupied, so I finished my weekly study materials on Friday. It felt so nice on Saturday morning, when I woke up and felt than I could focus on and enjoy moving without worrying about my deadline! That being said, the moving was very tiring. My feet are still sore. And we still have some unopened cases lying around. And emotional. It will take me some time to get used to this new place. And I had a stressful dream last night. In the dream, I joined a race where I felt that I would definitely win. But I failed. I cried very hard and ran away from the crowd. It felt so real that when I woke up, I could feel the weariness from crying. I don't know how to read it. I'm not in any competition in real life.
  15. Silverlining

    JustTom's 30-Day Challenge Journal

    It's indeed a win! I'm sure you know all these but I'm gonna say them anyway. The first few days can be hard, but you have done this before so it should be easier this time. Check in every day or multiple times a day. Make a plan. Avoid cramming before exams. Use Pomodoro. Don't push yourself too hard. Don't blame yourself for relapsing -- you were under a lot of stress at the end of the last semester. It was totally understandable.
  16. Silverlining

    Journey to my white coat

    It's not just the money. A TA experience is valued in many cases. It shows that you have excelled in academics, and that you have great communication skills and patience. It may also help you land a recommendation letter from the faculty who supervises you, if you need it. On the other hand, it's time-demanding, since you need to prepare for each lab session and may need to grade lab reports and host office hours. Usually you need to devote at least 10 hrs/wk to it. Given your schedule, you might have to give up something for it. So the question is, what are you willing to give up? And please don't say "sleep", because you are going to need it.
  17. Silverlining

    Day 6!

    That's a good line. I'm gonna write it down and stick it to my desktop monitor.
  18. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    That's probably true. I have been thinking about this a lot recently, and I should write about it later when I think it through.
  19. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Thank you! This is exactly what I need to hear!
  20. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Day #93: 1/21/2019 Monday First of all, I completed my last week's plan at 10:07 pm yesterday. Yay! It may seem too close to the deadline, but I'm actually quite happy about it. Because we did so many things last weekend. We are transferring to a bigger apt in our building this weekend. And I see this as an opportunity to tidy up. I've been a well organized person, except when I was binge playing games. And this time, I have decided to take it to the next level by watching an episode of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and following her instructions. We filled three 13-gallon bags with unwanted clothes. And we still need to go through miscellaneous items this week. We should have done this sooner. I have a down jacket that I will probably never wear again, while someone could have been wearing it in this snow storm if I had donated it. It also makes me think about my shopping choices. I deleted most of the items in my Amazon shop cart -- I planned to buy them after we move, but now it seems to me that I don't need most of them. Now that I think about it, I probably have problems with shopping. When I graduated and started to earn a salary, I used to spend many of the evenings wandering in the malls. Even when I became addicted to MMORPGs and had no time for shopping in real life, I would spend a lot of time and money shopping around and buying virtual stuff in the games. Now that I quit gaming, it seems that my desire to buy unnecessary things is getting stronger. I hope Marie Kondo's philosophy can be helpful to my problems.
  21. Silverlining

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    First of all, you MUST try to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements. It's not the icing on the cake, but something essential to a happy life. You have come a long way. Seriously, quitting games and sugar at the same time? Few people can do that. You are killing it! You have worked so hard to improve your life, and you have really turned things around. Reward yourself, draw some smiley faces 😄, do a little victory dance! In my opinion, exercise is probably still the easiest thing to do to make you happier. And healthier, obviously. And you don't have to go to the gym. There is a gym in my building so it's very convenient to me. But if the idea of going to the gym feels like a big deal to you, then it might not be the best place to start with. I understand that winter can be tough. But there are plenty of exercises that you can get at home. Search for yoga, pilates, aerobics or HIIT on Youtube. One of my favorites is FigureRobics with Jung Da Yeon. You can start and stop any time you like. Exercise increase dopamine, endorphins and serotonin levels which are all chemicals that make you happier. Also I would say that enjoying solitude and wanting to go out don't have to be contradictory. You spend so much time at home working with a computer, it's natural that you might want to get out of the house or at least stay away from your computer from time to time, even if you don't really want to socialize. Maybe sometimes you would enjoy sitting in a quiet cafe and drinking a coffee alone. Just try different things, follow your heart.
  22. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    You should sleep better without games anyway. Delete all the mobile games and social apps or anything that attracts you that aren't necessary from you phone. You may reinstall them. That's fine. Delete them again whenever you realize it. Go to the gym in the afternoons and evenings. Do not eat a meal within 3 hours before bedtime. Read a book if you feel bored before bedtime. Get up as early as possible in the morning and keep your day as busy as possible. It takes some time but when you have a healthy sleep-wake cycle, your life will be so much easier.
  23. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    You see, when I think about all my past relapses, I realized that they were not in vain. I learned something every time. This journey has been full of ups and downs, but the trend is upwards. Even if I relapse some day (which hopefully never happens), I believe that I can recover very soon. And thank you! You have been a good friend through this journey 😃 Hey! The party has just started! I plan to stay here for a long time, like you 😄 And thank you for your comments on my marriage. I agree with you. Back in the days when I was single, or dating the wrong guy, I had always wanted a future husband who was a lover, a friend, a teammate and a comrade-in-arms (metaphorically). I'm lucky enough to find my husband. And more importantly, I am lucky enough to be sober and to work together with him towards a dream life. If I stayed attached to games, I would most certainly ruin my marriage some day. Thank you! I have noticed that you have been active on this forum, and that's a good sign -- according to my secret observation, being active here is highly correlated with staying game-free. Good luck with your detox!
  24. Silverlining

    Every day is a new day

    Day #90: 1/18/2019 Friday Yay! Day 90! I'm so excited! I'm going to keep counting. Let's see how long it will last 😃 I guess I have been in an easy mode of detox. I'm older than many of you, which probably means that I should have better self-control. I'm happily married, and my husband has been extremely understanding and supportive. I have a full-time job for years, so I have been used to go to bed on time and wake up early every morning, even in my worst days. And I have done this before. Tons of times. In graduate school, I had been game free for almost two years. There had also been quite a few attempts afterwards, each lasted from a few days to a few months. So a 90-day detox is nothing new for me. But it's different this time. Now I'm confident that I'll keep going. This time, I picked up old and new hobbies, and I exercise frequently. I have set up long-term and short-term goals, and I have become used to keep up with weekly deadlines, thanks to Coursera. I keep a diary, which is too dull to post here, but simply counting the days has a magical effect on me. Most importantly, I have this wonderful community where I feel accepted. Thank you, Everyone! I could have stayed away from games on my own for a short while, but with this community, I can see from a new perspective and now I finally accept that gaming and I are over. There is no future for us. Never was, never will be.
  25. Silverlining

    Dear Diary...

    That explains all the struggles that you have been through while growing a new hobby. Your game experience was too excited. I guess we were both addicted to MMORPG, so I can totally relate to your feelings. But this detox could be much harder on you.
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