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BooksandTrees
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This is true, planning works well if you are learning something new and getting an outlet for all of your needs.

following a schedule that doesn’t tackle an important need can be harmful. Good to see that you are on the lookout.

Edited by Amphibian220
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2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I think I've finally hit burnout with a lot of things such as home improvements, work, socializing, and planning. My fiance and I decided to not plan as much or do any more house stuff for a few months since we got all of the larger items done. 

It's exhausting. I'm fulfilled from it at least. But I realized I'm exhausted and want to sleep. Not depression sleep either. I know the difference between those. I'm just tired and want to do a lot. I spent this past weekend relaxing and going outside. I feel rejuvenated. But I want to do like 3 more months of this lol. 

I'll add in exercise here and there too.

I really love how you're describing being exhausted/tired- without any stigma or negativity, just as a matter of a fact. I tend to self-shame for resting too much, so reading this helps a lot! Thank you 🙂

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21 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I really love how you're describing being exhausted/tired- without any stigma or negativity, just as a matter of a fact. I tend to self-shame for resting too much, so reading this helps a lot! Thank you 🙂

It took me a long time to just separate exhaustion and depression. But when you can do that I think it's beneficial to rest more at different times in the year. 

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23 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

This is true, planning works well if you are learning something new and getting an outlet for all of your needs.

following a schedule that doesn’t tackle an important need can be harmful. Good to see that you are on the lookout.

Thanks. I think I'm just gonna keep plugging away at little tasks here and there and hopefully get to a point this month where I've done all my errands. 

I personally doubt I'll do a ton of hobbies til January at this point. But that doesn't mean I've failed in hobbies either. Life comes first. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I haven't been around much lately and it's for a few reasons. The first reason is I've been severely depressed about my job. My manager and I do not see eye to eye on things and I get severe anxiety even working on a project out of anticipation that I have to have a conversation with them at some point. I just panic and then do nothing for a little and then do a sloppy job on the project and it becomes a self-fulfilled prophecy. It's terrible.

I've gained a lot of weight. Whenever I get stressed at work I go downstairs and eat. I sleep at lunch and then after work. It's terrible.

I recently applied and interviewed at a few different jobs this week. I can't take it anymore. I talked with management about the issue and I think the company handled it very well. I'm impressed with how supportive they are of me and my manager to help them deal with stress. The only issue is I don't think it will resolve anything. I think my manager's personality is very proud, very correct, and very pointed. This leads to sharp conversations and they become combative. I don't see this improving whatsoever. I just feel like they'll hire a project manager as a buffer between the two of us. 

The anger and sadness I get during the day at work leads me to hype myself up in panic. This leads to panic induced depression to calm me down. Then I just become a zombie.

I will say that I've worked on writing short stories as a stress outlet and have really enjoyed it. I have finally found a creative hobby, writing, to take my mind off of things.

It stinks because I want to cry and I can't. My mind uses depression to calm me down before I reach the point of crying. So I just sit there with sort-of watery eyes and then feel heavy and blank after feeling flighty and panicked.

The jobs I applied to are all busy. The industry is busy so I think no matter where I go I'll have overtime. I just feel stressed here to the point of breakdown. The old job I had was bad because I was getting paid poorly for doing a lot of work and budgets were an issue. Here, though, budgets are an issue, I struggle with my boss, and I'm not enjoying any of the projects. I haven't been happy here for about 9 months. It's too much. It's so disorganized and hectic day in and day out. I need a place with standard processes. I need stability.

I've been avoiding writing about it on here because it just leads me back to hyping myself up out of anger or sadness and then I get depressed again. But I'm trying today and it felt good to write about it.

I think this is a large reason I haven't written on here as much since getting the new job. It's just miserable and I try to avoid the topic altogether. I'm very happy with my family life and home life. I feel very blessed and am grateful for this. I'm just tired of getting a new job again. I just don't feel like this place will work out.

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Matt, I think you have to do targeted reading to destroy the fears and stress.

As an example, Professor Meadows has a book called “Systems thinking”. In this book there is a chapter called “the systems zoo”. This chapter talks about a number of pervasive behaviors that exist in human interactions and explores the antidotes to behaviors such as “The drift to low performance”. I am not talking about your performance, I am talking about the organization as a whole failing in one way or another.

I will not break it down here what I took away from that chapter. I think you may read and understand it in a way that benefits you.

Suffice to say it helped me to overpower some of my assumptions and increase cohesion at my workplace.

Edited by Amphibian220
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On 11/22/2022 at 10:23 AM, BooksandTrees said:

I haven't been around much lately and it's for a few reasons. The first reason is I've been severely depressed about my job. My manager and I do not see eye to eye on things and I get severe anxiety even working on a project out of anticipation that I have to have a conversation with them at some point. I just panic and then do nothing for a little and then do a sloppy job on the project and it becomes a self-fulfilled prophecy. It's terrible.

I've gained a lot of weight. Whenever I get stressed at work I go downstairs and eat. I sleep at lunch and then after work. It's terrible.

I recently applied and interviewed at a few different jobs this week. I can't take it anymore. I talked with management about the issue and I think the company handled it very well. I'm impressed with how supportive they are of me and my manager to help them deal with stress. The only issue is I don't think it will resolve anything. I think my manager's personality is very proud, very correct, and very pointed. This leads to sharp conversations and they become combative. I don't see this improving whatsoever. I just feel like they'll hire a project manager as a buffer between the two of us. 

The anger and sadness I get during the day at work leads me to hype myself up in panic. This leads to panic induced depression to calm me down. Then I just become a zombie.

I will say that I've worked on writing short stories as a stress outlet and have really enjoyed it. I have finally found a creative hobby, writing, to take my mind off of things.

It stinks because I want to cry and I can't. My mind uses depression to calm me down before I reach the point of crying. So I just sit there with sort-of watery eyes and then feel heavy and blank after feeling flighty and panicked.

The jobs I applied to are all busy. The industry is busy so I think no matter where I go I'll have overtime. I just feel stressed here to the point of breakdown. The old job I had was bad because I was getting paid poorly for doing a lot of work and budgets were an issue. Here, though, budgets are an issue, I struggle with my boss, and I'm not enjoying any of the projects. I haven't been happy here for about 9 months. It's too much. It's so disorganized and hectic day in and day out. I need a place with standard processes. I need stability.

I've been avoiding writing about it on here because it just leads me back to hyping myself up out of anger or sadness and then I get depressed again. But I'm trying today and it felt good to write about it.

I think this is a large reason I haven't written on here as much since getting the new job. It's just miserable and I try to avoid the topic altogether. I'm very happy with my family life and home life. I feel very blessed and am grateful for this. I'm just tired of getting a new job again. I just don't feel like this place will work out.

I'm so sorry work is such a dissapointment and stressor to you, and that depression is making it worse You certainly deserve to have a better life. I'm very glad that you were able to share all of these personal things here, and am happy to know that you're attempting to push through the hard times. 

I hope that you'll find a way to put out the dumpster fire that is working in this industry. I also hope that you aren't being too hard on yourself for all the behaviours/patterns you're going through, since they are caused by things that are very difficult to control. 

 

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14 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Matt, I think you have to do targeted reading to destroy the fears and stress.

As an example, Professor Meadows has a book called “Systems thinking”. In this book there is a chapter called “the systems zoo”. This chapter talks about a number of pervasive behaviors that exist in human interactions and explores the antidotes to behaviors such as “The drift to low performance”. I am not talking about your performance, I am talking about the organization as a whole failing in one way or another.

I will not break it down here what I took away from that chapter. I think you may read and understand it in a way that benefits you.

Suffice to say it helped me to overpower some of my assumptions and increase cohesion at my workplace.

I agree. I really feel writing helps fuel me and relieve me of stress and pain. I feel such joy in it. 

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4 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I'm so sorry work is such a dissapointment and stressor to you, and that depression is making it worse You certainly deserve to have a better life. I'm very glad that you were able to share all of these personal things here, and am happy to know that you're attempting to push through the hard times. 

I hope that you'll find a way to put out the dumpster fire that is working in this industry. I also hope that you aren't being too hard on yourself for all the behaviours/patterns you're going through, since they are caused by things that are very difficult to control. 

 

It's tough because I enjoy my personal life so much. I'm so grateful and comparing it to my past is night and day. I found a few job opportunities recently and had a great interview yesterday. We'll see what happens.

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