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Paul A.

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Everything posted by Paul A.

  1. Hey everyone. I think I'm going to take a break from the forums for a bit. I just can't stop treating it like it's social media, I'm constantly checking for notifications. It has to stop. I'm still going to stick to my no TV and games commitment, but for now I feel like I'm not using the forums the way they should be used: as a way to get through the detox. To be honest, every night I post something on my journal, hoping for notifications the next morning. It's also part of the reason that I'm more active in other people's journals. I'm not allowed to have social media, so I guess I was using the forums as a replacement. But that's not what it's supposed to be. And to be honest, I feel like all the time I spend on the forums is wasted time that I could have used for something else, like the mountain of homework I have. Maybe I'll come back when I feel like I really need support, but for now, it's goodbye. Good luck to everyone
  2. Hey man, sorry to hear you're in a slump. But knowing you, it won't last. You're one of the people that was with me from the beginning, always offering words of advice and encouragement. Now it's my turn.
  3. Don't worry, the first couple days can be hard, but it'll get better. I believe in you
  4. Thanks for the words of advice. Right now I'm busy because of all the schoolwork, but once my schedule opens up a bit then I will start to write a bit, I'll start off with journal like entries, like a diary or something, then maybe it'll evolve into something else. There's also a keyboard in the house so maybe I'll have my parents buy a book and I can learn how to play. My dad actually bought it for me when I was in a musical phase, but right now i think my little siblings get more use out of it than I do Thanks man. To everyone else me being in uniform was nothing special, but it felt especially good to me to be wearing it because I knew I put the work in to get it ready (because preparing that uniform is actually a lot of work, more than you'd expect) Today was another average day. I wore my uniform today for my weekly inspection, still feeling good because I got it ready. I took some quizzes for classes that I missed last week, and I think I did very well (in fact I know I did well on one, because it was an online test and once i submitted it, it returned my results and i got a perfect score). Had track today, and my legs still hurt from the exercise we did (it wasn't fun). I came home and spent time on my homework, and I finally got started on a project that I've been putting off. Luckily the teacher gave me an extension because it would have been due next Wednesday, and I'm not sure I would have met the deadline Last night I decided to watch the Country music awards in the name of "family time" (my whole family was watching), but afterwards I had a killer headache. Don't really know why, maybe it had something to do with watching TV and using a phone at the same time. One thing's for sure, I'm not doing that again (watching TV and using phone at same time). One thing I'm struggling with at school is talking to people. I'm just scared of the awkward conversations that will most likely take place, because interesting conversations are not my strong suit. I don't want to be asking people my age those awkward questions that a grown person would be asking because I don't know what to talk about. That might just be an excuse I'm making because I'm pretty shy. It probably is, but the whole point is that I don't want to talk to people, but at the same time I don't want to keep on feeling lonely like I have been. Pretty counter intuitive, huh? But it is what it is. I'm too scared to deal with it though. I hate to say it but it's true. I just hope that something will change in the future that will enable me to hold a conversation. Even the "friends" I have now aren't really close friends because whenever we hang out we don't really speak all that much. It's pretty awkward. But I don't know what to do about it. Hopefully that changes. Overall, just another day. Hopefully the days will be more exciting when I'm not so burdened by work
  5. Glad to hear things are going well. Keep going!
  6. Sorry to hear about your relapse, but it's important that you realized where you went wrong and got right back up. Keep moving forward, relapse happens but the important thing is that you don't let it get to you, you just keep moving forward.
  7. So today I went back to school after 9 days (nine whole days!) of being absent. I don't really care for school, but whatever. It was just another normal, boring school day, followed by track, which was torture. I was cramping, my mouth felt like a desert, and my breathing sounded like a donkey. But it'll be worth it once I make the track team. I'm taking part in a program in school where I have to dress up in a uniform every Thursday for an inspection. Since I was out the entire week last week, I thought I had to be in uniform the first day I was back in school (which was today), so on Sunday, I actually, for once in my life, took the time to make sure my uniform was ready for inspection. It turns out there was no inspection the week I was out, so I wore the uniform today for naught, but it still felt good to know that I had spent the time to get it ready. One student even complimented me on my dedication, and believe me, compliments from other kids don't come by often. Plus I have an inspection tomorrow, and I know my uniform is ready. I guess I had a pretty OK day today.
  8. Hey @happykhan welcome to the forums! Writing in your journal will definitely help you during your detox, sitting down and reflecting on what you did will help you to understand the reason you played, which will help you a whole lot. Keep writing, and once again welcome!
  9. Hi @Robert Arctor , I just read your entire journal (it took a while, but I read it lol) and wow. You've been through a lot. And even with all the adversity in your life, you've still made it a point to improve your life. That is truly inspiring. Some people who went through what you did may have drowned themselves in addiction, in an attempt to ease the pain. Hell, some might have even committed suicide. But you've found a way to move forward, and you're making an effort to make a better life for yourself. That is worthy of admiration. You certainly have mine. I will continue to read your journal to see your progress. Stay awesome, Robert. Stay awesome.
  10. Curse this reputation limit... I can tell you've really come a long way. I'm proud of you (weird for a 14 year old to say that to a grown man )
  11. I think it's a bold decision on your part to not watch any TV/Netflix/ YouTube at ALL. I mean, I've made a commitment to significantly CUT BACK on watching TV and YouTube and the like. But none at ALL? Now that's bold. Nothing but respect on my end. Nothing but respect.
  12. I stayed home again today, because I felt like I didn't get enough sleep in the night to make it through school. My dad wasn't too happy with my reasoning, though . The past couple of days it's just been homework, homework, and some more homework. So as you can imagine, the past few days have been SUPER exciting (not really). I found myself struggling to stay focused, and it took me the whole day to finish an assignment that would've taken one to two hours if I could stay focused. That's actually a big issue for me, staying focused. I think it goes hand in hand with my lack of discipline. Something I need to work on. A friend of mine came over later on, and we had a good time recalling past experiences, but otherwise today was just another boring day of schoolwork. I found myself constantly checking the forums yet again for replies, but I didn't get many. But I need to get used to the fact that this is not Instagram. I can't constantly expect replies. This journal is more for me than anyone else, and I also understand that you guys have lives to live outside of the forum. I think it shows that I need to find some way to spend my time better, something I've struggled with in the past. But I have hope. I'm considering learning coding, and also writing. I've also been reading a lot recently. So there's definitely hope for me.
  13. Something occurred to me just now. The past few days, I have pursued almost no leisure activities whatsoever. I mean yesterday I did go trick or treating, and I go for a walk every now and then, but other than that I haven't done anything other than do work and lay around. It's really boring. Maybe that's why I constantly find myself checking the forums for replies, because I enjoy the fact that people are paying attention to me and my problems. But I can't keep doing that. I need to do SOMETHING fun (other than spam up the forum lol) else I might die of boredom, so I'm going to read a few chapters of my book then I'll go back to my homework (stayed home from school again today). Something I have realized about myself over time is that I want attention, but the problem is I hardly get it. Maybe that's the reason that I get bummed out when I don't get a bunch of replies on my posts, because my need for attention hasn't been fulfilled. Nothing I do seems to get me the kind of attention I want (certainly I get quite a bit of attention I DON'T want), but what can I really do about that?
  14. Happy for you bro I really feel for you and your story, and I'm really glad that you've completed your detox and are moving forward with your life, I really am
  15. @Piotr I would just like to say that your dedication to living your best life, and to leaving a mark on this world, well it's inspiring, to tell you the truth. It really is. You're pursuing your dreams with laser like focus, and I respect that.
  16. Well what kinds of things do you try to be positive about but then they end up with negative results, and what courses of action do you take that end up with negative results?
  17. You make a good point... it's perfectly fine to be philosophical, personally when I'm philosophical it makes me feel smart
  18. So true, discipline has been an issue for me for a long time
  19. Today was pretty boring, as usual. I spent a good amount of time doing my homework, then I went for a walk, then I was out of the house for most of the rest of the day. I did go trick or treating with my siblings and I got a very painful shot in my arm, but otherwise it was an average day. Something I have struggled with for a while now is how to better spend my time. I feel like it will be easier now that I'm cutting down on TV, like something that didn't seem interesting when I was constantly watching TV will become interesting now that I am not watching so much TV. I guess only time will tell.
  20. Awesome, can't wait to hear what the community thinks! Really interesting, I also feel like I got to know YOU a little better
  21. @Kiki Your drawing is amazing, honest
  22. There's something I need to get off my chest. The lack of comments I get on my journal is kinda discouraging. I know that you all have lives to live and you can't always be on the forum, but I still feel kinda unsupported. At the same time though, it has a little something to do with me checking every fifteen minutes for a reply, and also my lack of better ways to spend time. Outside of gaming and watching TV, there's not really a lot for me to do. I mean, I like to go out for a walk every now and then, but that doesn't really provide much but a short break from my boredom. I don't think it's possible for me to spend the whole day just wandering around the neighborhood. I also like to read, but even reading gets boring after a while. I guess I'm feeling uncertain, about how I'm going to spend time, about whether I should stick around on the forums, about how I might be in over my head about quitting TV. There's just a lot on my mind.