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@Phoenixking I know that's right, at least right on paper, but I never felt like it was okay. My damaged core self-esteem makes improvement look like hell.

Edited by taichi

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I relate to that feeling. But remember we place much more emphasis on other people's thoughts on us than what is really deserved. People's focuses are themselves, not us. Everyone is too busy trying not to look like a fool that they hardly notice when someone else does. And everyone will have its bad days. Kings and queens stumble and fall, famous poets misspell, though politicians stutter amidst self doubt, highly trained mathematicians change signals and miscount. Even the most well assembled and programmed computers F things up sometimes. There's a very well explained example here, approximately at 1:02:00 timestamp:

It's a very cool presentation, anyway, I highly recommend watching it through. But the take away is: we've done effing up. Many, many times. Sometimes it scratches our knees, sometimes it costs millions of dollars. But we can always bounce back. And maybe have a good laugh at it, later on.

Keep your head up.

Edited by Ambassador
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My psychiatrist pointed out ADD in me, which means I have ASD, ADD and NPD.

I'm honestly feeling totally relieved about myself, knowing that I'm not a shithead devil, and each major flaw in me has its place in medical care.

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4 hours ago, Ambassador said:

Everyone is too busy trying not to look like a fool that they hardly notice when someone else does.

That sounds like a silly kind of hell. And I agree I think I live in one of those 🤣

And oh is that a Matt Parker video?  I'm on a YouTube abstention but I do love Matt. Maybe I'll make it a cheat video tonight. Thanks for the recommendation.

The thing is, yesterday I was shit by accident, and I did keep my head up, but also noticed my heart was crying like a grown up baby.

I'm going to tell that insecure baby what you @Ambassador and @Phoenixking have told me today. Thank you!

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@taichi I have been diagnosed with ADD and I found a really successful method for keeping myself in a good flow and sustaining my focus. Here's post I shared with the reddit community a few days earlier! Remember you maybe diagnosed with ASD, ADD, and NPD but you are all this and more! 

 

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Thank you @AssellusPrimus for the beautifully comprehensive hacklist.

Quote

But let me tell you, we can focus better than anyone, just on what we want, so we need to identify what it is we want, and move in that direction while letting go of any beliefs that get in our way.

I usually don't like self-improvement stuff, but this one rings like a open-tuned dreadnought guitar. I would love to be able to honestly hold my brain's peculiarities as a gift.

 

I have 4, 5, 7 sorted and am currently working on 8 in the brilliant Kon-Mari method 😊 Nice to have a list to tick off.

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@Ambassador That's okay, I have a website blocker on so I can't access bingey websites anyway.

I need to borrow somebody else's PC to watch that video, which I haven't yet.

Edited by taichi
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Maybe watch it together with someone else, it may help to prevent you from going rogue on videos. Yes, it's a Matt Parker vid, to be precise it' s a whole hour of him presenting his book over the Royal Institution, with the usual fun. Hope you enjoy!

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@Ambassador Watched it! The final remark was really sweet. "Maths" could be replaced with any difficult & important thing:

Quote

Have a go. <The difficult thing> is difficult.

But, the people who enjoy <the difficult thing> are not the people who find it easy, they're the people who enjoy how difficult it is.

It's hard work, you'll get it wrong, but gradually it will teach your brain how to think and gradually you will get better and better at <the difficult thing>.

 

--- <Common name starting with M> Parker

 

Edited by taichi
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Exactly! I hadn't thought that, it really is fitting to anything that's hard to learn and master! It really gives me some new perspective on my work. Thanks for sharing that thought!

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My gaming / YouTube / porn abstention is nearing the end of week 8. I'm almost out of the woods in terms of DeltaFosB accumulation 😇

I'm feeling stronger and mentally balanced, and looking at my physical journal entries around Feb~March, I can't believe how depressed this person was.

Going for a easy hiking + camping trip with an old friend the coming week, which invitation I would have definitely turned down in February.

It's bliss to be feeling like my body could do something. It would be even greater bliss to allow myself to be mediocre.

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Recently I am feeling less and less inclined to post in this journal.

This is probably a good thing, because it reflects how much support I have found outside of my room.

I will keep attending my ASD/ADD communication training group, and see my psychiatrist every other week.

I can also keep discussing my situation honestly with my family and dear one.

And then I have my university's student support room.

 

All this support I could find because I admitted myself to be a severe gaming / internet addict and took a year off uni.

After 8 months away from school, I am increasingly confident about my being able to graduate in some form.

 

It's probably too early to start saying thank-yous, because my addiction / depression is not fully gone.

I will continue posting from time to time, but not very frequently, let alone daily.

 

Edit: Maybe another reason is that my most pressing issue has shifted from addiction to communication malfunction.

This forum is GameQuitters, not DevelopmentalDisorders.

Edited by taichi
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After my first ever 2-day hiking + camping trip at Oze National Park, I'm surprised at how much my body could do and how little fatigue I feel now.

The highlight was walking down some frighteningly steep paths to see the Sanjo Falls, an enormous and gorgeous waterfall that we had to ourselves.

A great big thanks goes to my best friend, who lent me shoes & rucksack, and carried all of the heavier equipment to make my rucksack lighter.

 

Games were unexpectedly on my mind quite a lot. It turns out distinctively beautiful nature reminds me of the game's various playing areas.

I found myself keen to play the game again, genuinely interested to roam the magnificent locations once again, which was a feeling I hadn't felt for a very long time.

The addictive behaviour has become enticing again. A positive sign that my brain is reverting to its normal excitement levels! 😁

(I searched the web a bit for some nice screenshots, and found them quite underwhelming.)

 

Addiction recovery, as I understand it now, is 1) letting the behaviour's excitement return, and then 2) ignoring it.

From here on, it seems the new challenge is the ignoring. Glad it isn't looking like much of a challenge.

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