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taichi

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  1. You remind me how grateful I am for what Cam has created. When it comes to addiction, knowledge is the most powerful & radical cure. Without Cam's work, I might still be without this knowledge - deep in depression, swinging blindly between addiction's heavy gloom & withdrawal's fierce stress. Just saying "I am a gaming addict" made so much fall into place for me. I'm hoping the forum will be of great help to you too! Good luck😊
  2. taichi

    Journal

    I'm feeling really good today. This is the best I've felt in the morning for a long while. Looking back at this post, I see what I need to be careful about. 1. The right amount of exercise really makes me feel great. Only the right amount is very very little! 2. Maybe ejaculate once a week and keep it at that. I masturbated on Monday but still feeling full of energy today. 3. Being open to family has really helped. Even if they are acting impatient, explain my situation patiently. And then they may or may not listen, it doesn't really matter. 4. I have a modest action plan for my recovery, so that's rid me of any guilt. I am changing what I can change. 5. Having low confidence isn't bad in itself. Maintaining the "Beginners' Mind" in all situations is the key to bringing happiness to people & myself. 6. Having an argument with that person somehow attracted a new potential friend to me. The world is clearly not full of douche-bags, so I should keep speaking my mind.
  3. taichi

    Journal

    ASD communication training was really great. The conversation is patient-lead, so need to bring notes on what my communication-related struggles are. Listening to somebody with similar struggles felt very unsettling. Now I look back there was much common ground to be explored, but I kind of shut myself off.
  4. Glad you're alive and well 😃 I hear being sick as a foreigner in Japan can be quite expensive, tough luck for you there. My counsellor gave me this exact piece of advise just today. One thing at a time.
  5. taichi

    Journal

    The university counsellor pointed out a bipolar-like manic tendency in me, and advised me to work on things one by one, instead of phoning every support quarter all at once. I'm amazed at how brilliant & helpful this was. Decided to focus on the ASD communication training + seeing the psychiatrist every other week for now.
  6. taichi

    Journal

    The weather was exceptional today. Went to the park and let my body soak up the sunshine. Feeling content and peaceful.
  7. taichi

    Journal

    My urge to game is pretty much non-existent. I suppose I'm quite a lucky addict, in that the kind of game that I liked to play is rapidly disappearing from the market. *mild trigger warning (because I talk about a genre) Even the one I was playing until this February - March wasn't really perfect to me: The sexualized female characters were getting really annoying. Being picky about unnecessary gender bullshit can help if you're quitting games.
  8. @30_yrs_of_gaming The quote is from Your Brain On Porn, a website by Gary Wilson dedicated to internet porn addiction. I also recommend his book of the same title!
  9. taichi

    Journal

    I contacted my university counselling service because this anxious feeling is getting out of hand. Also found a government-funded support centre for connecting social recluses like me to society. Maybe have a look tomorrow. I should take advantage of every bit of help society offers.
  10. taichi

    Journal

    I am feeling like shit. Let's try to break it down. My Sunday jog was far far too much for me. Still aching all over. --> Stretch and rest. Having two wanks the day after jogging was a terrible idea. My energy is yet to come back. --> Take a few days to replenish. Pretending that I'm feeling better around my mother is really taxing on my emotional energy. --> Talk. I'm feeling guilty for being in this home everyday paying nothing. --> Rest and self-care is top priority now. Also this sounds a lot like depression so maybe tell psychiatrist. I have very low confidence in my personality since my girlfriend told me I lack empathy. --> ASD communication training will help. I feel like the world is full of douche-bags and nothing's going to get any better. --> Don't read that toxic blog ever again. Don't argue with that person ever again.
  11. taichi

    Journal

    My psychiatrist recommended me their ASD communication training group. Going first time next Tuesday. Looking forward to sharing with people with similar difficulties. The program is covered by welfare so that's great too.
  12. taichi

    Journal

    I'm seeing my former psychiatrist once again tomorrow. It's been 22 months since I quit his psychotherapy sessions. Thinking about working with a different counsellor this time, someone I feel I can be vulnerable with. Not really sure how I find that person.
  13. taichi

    Journal

    Tried some jogging with a friend. Running outside feels nice. Now I'm really shattered but in a nice way.
  14. taichi

    Journal

    Looking to try doing a few squats whenever I feel motivated. My muscles are screaming for some action. Well I'm going to pretend they are.
  15. taichi

    Journal

    I suppose the brain's rewiring is going to take more than just a month. I've been a game addict/internet bingemonkey since the age of 11. Addiction's symptoms include an intensified stress response, which does explain how overwhelmed I feel about basically everything. It's gonna take time, a whole lotta precious time.
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