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taichi

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Day 16

Body hurts all over but feeling calm.

 

The habit book left me confused. Maybe go back and read just Part One.

 

Caught a cold. I wish I was better at handling sudden temperature changes. Need a proper set of morning habits.

Also I tend to relapse when I get sick. Maybe I'm bad at handling sickness too.

Edited by taichi

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Day 17

A little less sick than yesterday.

Followed my mother's advice to wake up in the morning. Realized I don't have a working alarm clock, need to get one to make this consistent.

 

Tried to study and got more sick. I'm terrible at being sick.

Edited by taichi

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20 hours ago, taichi said:

Followed my mother's advice to wake up in the morning. Realized I don't have a working alarm clock, need to get one to make this con

What helped me was to change 1 little thing about my morning routine. Baby steps. I always start with a shower to wake me up and then the gratitude journal. After a while I added making a shake and some breakfast. I used to HATE mornings with a passion. But after a few weeks of this, I have to admit that I'm very energetic in the morning.

Keep trying man. I believe in you. Little by little, try to keep going forwards. Slowly but surely.

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Day 19

Feeling well.

Woke up at 7:55. I like this. Enough time to do a little stretch, and then it's 8:00.

 

Studied a bit and decided to take a break, watched a few videos and got totally distracted.

Somehow feeling a bit sick once again. Am I going to be sick for life?

Edited by taichi

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Day 20

Maybe I'm experiencing a "gaming flatline", and this current shitty state is my brain re-balancing.

I would like to believe that.

Edited by taichi

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I think it's totally normally to get sick when adjusting to an extremely new lifestyle. You're going from a loooong time spent gaming straight to cold turkey, so there's bound to be some adverse effects. Make sure to eat something, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep tonight! If you're feeling really sick feel free to take a couple Ibuprofen pills as well. Feel better soon @taichi !

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Day 21

Still feeling like shit. Feeling like shit that's been shat on.

 

On 9/6/2018 at 11:27 AM, Deku said:

I think it's totally normally to get sick when adjusting to an extremely new lifestyle. You're going from a loooong time spent gaming straight to cold turkey, so there's bound to be some adverse effects. Make sure to eat something, drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep tonight! If you're feeling really sick feel free to take a couple Ibuprofen pills as well. Feel better soon @taichi !

YES ? the principles for a healthy mind. Eat, hydrate, maybe exercise a bit, sleep.

I've decided I'll just stick to the basics, and things will get nicer as long as I don't relapse. Thanks for your support.

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Day 25

Back to Tokyo.

The entire trip was physically and mentally overwhelming, having to learn Russian phrases and interacting with local people, walking up and down towns full of slopes.

I am really really tired now.

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Day 26

Still quite tired. Things around me are slowly turning. Rest is first priority.

 

Feeling the urge. I'm reminded how good I am at convincing myself to play games.

I probably ought to have a plan to stay sane. Tomorrow is a visit to the gaming addiction clinic so that's good.

Edited by taichi

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Day 27

I want to do something. There is just too much time in a day. Some quick ideas are

  • Study. Read on sociology. Watch computer science video courses. Read anything else.
  • Go see my grandparents. I have been distant for a couple of years, their aging scares me. Better make time with them while I can.
  • Buy myself some new clothes. This takes a lot of mental energy for me, practice should make it easier.

 

Felt motivated like that in the morning, but now I'm out of energy. Not sure how I'm doing this to myself.

Edited by taichi

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5 hours ago, taichi said:

There is just too much time in a day.

Don't forget to relax too ? This is a stressful and difficult period for you with lots of big things you'll want to tackle. Don't forget to blow off some steam once in a while ?

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4 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Don't forget to relax too ? This is a stressful and difficult period for you with lots of big things you'll want to tackle. Don't forget to blow off some steam once in a while ?

Thank you, you are right. But that's also what is turning out to be quite difficult. Must listen to my body's need for relaxation.

 

Day 27 continued

Went to an addiction clinic. Decided to try their day + night care program.

Edited by taichi
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Proud of you for getting help man. Some support and guidance can go a long way. I started all of this a year before I picked up the book with an addiction therapist.
And now I'm finishing it with a job coach who's helping me set up my career. You're doing great, buddy. You got this. Sugoi desu!

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Day 28

Getting ready for day & night care. Having somewhere to go to is really nice.

 

Had a really fun day at the care centre. Quite tired but in a peaceful way.

Edited by taichi
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Day 30

Shat myself up by allowing the iPhone into my house. Binged on YouTube crap for 5 hours or something.

The awful thing is last night my mother asked me a favour that required an iPhone, and I made that an excuse for reversing my own past decisions.

The result is me wanking and gagging on garbage videos, refusing to feed my sad hungry self.

I should have just said no, that is not possible, I don't touch the iPhone, the iPhone stays outside the house.

Considering selling it so I don't need to go through this shitstorm ever again.

Edited by taichi

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Day 31

Starting to feel like I'm only counting the days. Need to make it clear why and what I am doing.

What I am doing : I am trying to take online gaming out of my life.

Why I am doing that : Because it has been hijacking my life, leaving me with very few moments of consciousness.

 

I ought to do stuff with the freed up time, but really don't have the energy to. That's where I've been for a couple of weeks.

Maybe I'm telling myself to do the wrong stuff. My perfectionism is only a search for excuses: I can't x until I've studied y.

Everything seems impossibly far away under that perfectionist mille-feuille of lenses, but perhaps most everything is right in front of me.

 

The number of days really doesn't matter, so the count-up ends today.

Edited by taichi

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Morning

Feeling quite normal. That's been a while actually.

Woke up, did my stretches, brushed my teeth, straight into the shower, banana and nuts for breakfast.

That's a proper morning. I'm very happy with myself.

Edited by taichi
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5 hours ago, taichi said:

Morning

Feeling quite normal. That's been a while actually.

Woke up, did my stretches, brushed my teeth, straight into the shower, banana and nuts for breakfast.

That's a proper morning. I'm very happy with myself.

Good job ? Good morning! I had a nice shower, listened to a podcast, just made myself a breakfast shake with apples and spinach and nuts and juice; now for some cereal and off to work we go ? I'm very happy to read you're doing a bit better. Hang in there man! You're doing great from where I'm looking at you!

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Evening

Can't make up my mind about what I want to do. Well I want to improve my physicals but what to do with that?

I think I want to learn some useful maths, because I love maths, but can't really decide what. Bought a beginners' book on information theory.

Edited by taichi
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