Day 6!

[dirkj3]

Hello

Today it was  very difficult I had problems with my classes.

it is a lot of stuff and I struggled to keep up my motivation.

Gratitude

I did my cold shower a little longer it was freezing at first and then after it  I felt immensely refreshed.

Today I did my plank workout 

See ya!

[dirkj3]

Yeah weekend!!

My classes so far were challenging.

I haven't done the cold shower thing.

I am very tired and I am on 93 hours right know.

I pushed through my last record of 67 hours and right now u have nostalgia of going back to gaming. Like I am seeing that real world struggles are getting outta control and I guess it would be now to access the emergency plan for myself as mentioned in the podcast #14 of GQ.

The problem is I already changed the environment and it is not working.

The urges are getting stronger towards night and Since a couple of days I start to fantasize about some unreal crap. to make me feel better.

It Sucks because there are no connections to the real world and today I didn't feel happy about anything.

 

I promise to 

[Mettermrck]

Hang in there, dirk. 93 hours is 4-5 days so you're probably knee deep in the middle of some intense withdrawal symptoms. If you can hang on a while longer, it will really ease up and make a difference for you.

[dirkj3]

Yes you are right Bob!!!

Today I woke up thinking about games and how much I enjoyed them.

Like the colors especially the growing numbers increasing levels.

Especially numbers.

 Those numbers are present anywhere like in chemistry class.

The mass of electrons like e-31 or those scientific notation. they are like little triggers..

GRATITUDE LIST 

I woke up and didn't game

My first weekend without gaming 

Feel more present 

more time and focus clear mind on what to do.

There are still limiting beliefs and the fixed mindset.

[dirkj3]

103 hours in 

As far as my cold showers 

I feel that it is getting easier and I had a entire shower with cold water.

before that I made my plank exercise and even if I had eaten something before I was able to push out another 30 seconds!!

I love cold showers! Before I took it u had gaming nostalgia and now they are gone. I am feeling the new power rising in me!!

[Mettermrck]

You can still appreciate the good times you had with games and just move on. You're not declaring games as evil, something to be avoided like the plague, but rather something that's not good for you right now. Nostalgia will happen, just don't indulge too much.

Glad the cold showers are working out for you!

Edited August 12, 2017 by Mettermrck

[dirkj3]

Yeah I have to work on that to see games as evil.

 

 

 

[dirkj3]

Hi

Today I am 10 hours in 

I was tired yesterday and had a porn relapse and after that I didn't want to game but I ended up playing. 

I felt like I had the choice to decide whether I game after porn. That's something I never felt before!

I felt like I don't want to watch porn but I had  a lot thoughts about it and I was horny.

After all. I can say that I need to make a emergency exit plan: I planned to do one but I was being sidetracked and made only the raw form with no conditions.

in hard times I promise to keep my phone away especially when I am tired and when it is late in the night.

I have made some awesome progress though!!

I doubled my streak, which I am very happy about!!

Thank you for all of your support during the last weeks!!!

 

[Vlad]

Bad things come in twos, man. Games and porn affect a male's brain in somewhat similar fashions. Masturbation is fine, just skip the porn. My take on porn is it's more about  the Coolidge effect not general horniness. Good job bouncing back and continuing posting.

[Mettermrck]

We all get relapses, but you're not letting it stop you, dirk! That's awesome! ?

[dirkj3]

Thank you @Vlad and Bob fr your encouragement!!!

By the way it takes about 2200 hours to complete the detox so I have been on the 1/20 mark there!!!

I have been going strong for 119 hours.

One thing is that I wanna add to the emergency exit plan

Keep your phone out of your room when there is no reasonable use of it.

[dirkj3]

By the way I pushed out the plank exercise for another 38 seconds to 3.18 minutes!!

[dirkj3]

Hello fellas!

To make story short I relapsed yesterday and gamed until 4 am and I got to wake up at 6.25.

I am having severe headache due to that and I drank  a coffee to feel awake 

 

I didn't  consider that only sleep is the only thing and I started to do a short nap.

It didn't work I was awake and now I'm feeling sick.

I noticed that after I relapse on porn I got in to the mode of 

"oh well screw it go all in" And I relapse on all things.

Now i can see that the inner voice/decision is holding me off to reach my long term goals.

Thanks to your  help I know now how to tackle a relapse on a different level.

 

 

[Mettermrck]

I'm the same way..if I mess up on one addiction I tend to give in on others. It's all or nothing thinking that I battle.

[dirkj3]

Hello 

Yesterday and today  are very stressful.

I am very tired I came home from school half and hour ago.

I feel like I wanna procrastinate until tomorrow and recover from my tiredness.on the other hand I have to face another Hugh load of pharmacy stuff definitions terms cause and effect paragraphs already..

I'm afraid that  it all is too much to handle.There are extremely high expectations and on some point I feel like quitting this training.

But now we have paid that money and yeah.. To be honest I am scared about the amount of work I have to put in for the coming exams.

I am scared about the pressure the teacher have with their expectations and how I fulfill to learn for exams without trying to game to relate the pressure made by the expectations.

 

[Mettermrck]

Schedule some rest in your busy schedule. Maybe a little refreshing will help?

[dirkj3]

what is a refreshing?

like free time?

[BigPete247]

Hello 

Yesterday and today  are very stressful.

I am very tired I came home from school half and hour ago.

I feel like I wanna procrastinate until tomorrow and recover from my tiredness.on the other hand I have to face another Hugh load of pharmacy stuff definitions terms cause and effect paragraphs already..

I'm afraid that  it all is too much to handle.There are extremely high expectations and on some point I feel like quitting this training.

But now we have paid that money and yeah.. To be honest I am scared about the amount of work I have to put in for the coming exams.

I am scared about the pressure the teacher have with their expectations and how I fulfill to learn for exams without trying to game to relate the pressure made by the expectations.

 

I understand you @dirkj3, after i left the military going to college was intimidating to me, being around young people, all more mature than me and enjoying life. Being in a new environment, i didn't know what to expect. It was different from high school, more exams, higher expectations, weekend studying, i didn't take the steps to prepare and i faced a lot of pressure down the road. Like someone told me, the best thing to do is to be brave and just do what your heart feels is right, it helped me out 2x as much and reduced my stress. Good luck on your schooling @dirkj3.

[dirkj3]

Thank you very much!

It's awesome to have you around!

By the way, I almost reached the 119  hours again and I am extremely happy about that.

Though today was an extreme harsh day where my Chem teacher was putting me in a lot of stress and I lost almost myself as I have seen that someone has put away all the solutions that I have been making for about 1 hour.

It wasn't the students fault I can totally see that at the end of Friday before the weekend all are pumped to be at home so they put someone wanted to make the cleaning part a little faster and poured my solutions in the sink.

I was about to analyse the so lotions in a photo meter... 

I had to explain  the teacher that I didn't have any results..So I might be getting a worse grade due to me redoing the lab report.

One think that I noticed is me being a perfectionist.. It makes life a lot harder and I don't know how to tackle that yet.

I right now I am pretty occupied with school and I am afraid that self development will be coming short.

Negative thinking and judging in terms of goof or bad is strongly tied with perfectionism.

I noticed both of them having an immense impact on me going through a lot stress.

Like I don't feel those when I am relaxed but if there is stress or high expectations ten those occur.

Gratitude.

My brother who encouraged me of not quitting the schooling

My dad and mum 

Myself of seeing the world in a different mindset.

 

[dirkj3]

I am on 133 hours

I am feeling tired and bored today bored because I have visited my grandparents  and to be honest the past 3 years I have been gaming at every time I went to them..

It is feeling weird not to game especially when I am thinking about my last meeting 3 weeks ago when I was gaming Clicker Heroes big time...

As far as today I have been going on Google play store checking whether there is a new update on CH until I noticed what I was actually doing....

I felt a little more tempted after that.

Gratitude

I love to see my grand parents

I did an extreme plank workout and managed about 1 set

cold showers are the best.

 

[Mettermrck]

You probably connected better with your grandparents since you weren't thinking about wrapping up your conversation to play games.

[BigPete247]

I am on 133 hours

I am feeling tired and bored today bored because I have visited my grandparents  and to be honest the past 3 years I have been gaming at every time I went to them..

It is feeling weird not to game especially when I am thinking about my last meeting 3 weeks ago when I was gaming Clicker Heroes big time...

As far as today I have been going on Google play store checking whether there is a new update on CH until I noticed what I was actually doing....

I felt a little more tempted after that.

Gratitude

I love to see my grand parents

I did an extreme plank workout and managed about 1 set

cold showers are the best.

 

My grandad passed away 3 years ago, when I gamed I honestly didn't hear news he passed until my pops came home from the hospital. It put me in a crappy mood. I was able to attend his funeral but had no words to say, I just had a moment of silence to myself as I didn't get a chance to see him before he passed because I didn't have the motivation to go with my dad to check on him.

Your doing the right thing dirkj3.

[dirkj3]

thanks @BigPete247 and Bob for your encouragement!!!

I got to 149 hours this morning and I woke up having intense thoughts about gaming I don't know probably from yesterday's glimpses in reddit youtube and play store.

Anyway I noticed that you cannot take gamequitters half heartedly.

I didn't want to notice that the red alert was up there  was a stronger power that said yeah whatever I just look whether the new update is coming out Jada jadda...

I have downloaded the game and have seen that I haven't moved in it obviously 

 

[Mettermrck]

Hang in there, dirk. These cravings can really take you by surprise!

[dirkj3]

Hello there

I am back at 12 hours.

I want to be honest.gaming was awesome at the moment but the most time I was  kinda forced to game. like the game is telling me to come back in.

I thought yeah one week after my last relapse of gaming is okay....

Wrong.

After a few days I was physically there at the schooling but mentally I was gaming.

I was hyper concerned about battery  lifetime.

I felt not present and I haven't been able to concentrate very good and it felt crappy .

Yeah Now I wanna game it is a great thought but do I really wanna game?

Never ever There are so many down side effects.

Like confidence open mindedness  I felt more naive due to less contact to the real world to be honest.

the ability to communicate confidently( eye contact ) that Are suffering from gaming.

Especially my muscles are the biggest motivation to stay accountable to my REAL goals.

I wanna stop gaming because the type of games that I am playing are boring.

EVEN IF THEY PUT OUT A FEW HUNDRED UPDATES THE STILL GRIND IN GAMING AND ACHIEVING NEW THINGS JN ESPECIALLY IDLE GAMES (CH) ARE ALWAYS THE SAME AND THE SAME!

 life whereas is always exciting you are the conductor of what you want to accomplish. some thi gs you like some are uncomfortable.

Every second you are experiencing new things some are uncomfortable some are worth the effort one puts in to build an awesome existence in the real world.