Hello Yesterday and today are very stressful. I am very tired I came home from school half and hour ago. I feel like I wanna procrastinate until tomorrow and recover from my tiredness.on the other hand I have to face another Hugh load of pharmacy stuff definitions terms cause and effect paragraphs already.. I'm afraid that it all is too much to handle.There are extremely high expectations and on some point I feel like quitting this training. But now we have paid that money and yeah.. To be honest I am scared about the amount of work I have to put in for the coming exams. I am scared about the pressure the teacher have with their expectations and how I fulfill to learn for exams without trying to game to relate the pressure made by the expectations.
Hello fellas! To make story short I relapsed yesterday and gamed until 4 am and I got to wake up at 6.25. I am having severe headache due to that and I drank a coffee to feel awake
I didn't consider that only sleep is the only thing and I started to do a short nap. It didn't work I was awake and now I'm feeling sick. I noticed that after I relapse on porn I got in to the mode of "oh well screw it go all in" And I relapse on all things. Now i can see that the inner voice/decision is holding me off to reach my long term goals. Thanks to your help I know now how to tackle a relapse on a different level.
Thank you @Vlad and Bob fr your encouragement!!! By the way it takes about 2200 hours to complete the detox so I have been on the 1/20 mark there!!! I have been going strong for 119 hours. One thing is that I wanna add to the emergency exit plan Keep your phone out of your room when there is no reasonable use of it.
Hi Today I am 10 hours in I was tired yesterday and had a porn relapse and after that I didn't want to game but I ended up playing. I felt like I had the choice to decide whether I game after porn. That's something I never felt before! I felt like I don't want to watch porn but I had a lot thoughts about it and I was horny. After all. I can say that I need to make a emergency exit plan: I planned to do one but I was being sidetracked and made only the raw form with no conditions. in hard times I promise to keep my phone away especially when I am tired and when it is late in the night. I have made some awesome progress though!! I doubled my streak, which I am very happy about!! Thank you for all of your support during the last weeks!!!
103 hours in As far as my cold showers I feel that it is getting easier and I had a entire shower with cold water. before that I made my plank exercise and even if I had eaten something before I was able to push out another 30 seconds!! I love cold showers! Before I took it u had gaming nostalgia and now they are gone. I am feeling the new power rising in me!!
Yes you are right Bob!!! Today I woke up thinking about games and how much I enjoyed them. Like the colors especially the growing numbers increasing levels. Especially numbers. Those numbers are present anywhere like in chemistry class. The mass of electrons like e-31 or those scientific notation. they are like little triggers.. GRATITUDE LIST I woke up and didn't game My first weekend without gaming Feel more present more time and focus clear mind on what to do. There are still limiting beliefs and the fixed mindset.
Yeah weekend!! My classes so far were challenging. I haven't done the cold shower thing. I am very tired and I am on 93 hours right know. I pushed through my last record of 67 hours and right now u have nostalgia of going back to gaming. Like I am seeing that real world struggles are getting outta control and I guess it would be now to access the emergency plan for myself as mentioned in the podcast #14 of GQ. The problem is I already changed the environment and it is not working. The urges are getting stronger towards night and Since a couple of days I start to fantasize about some unreal crap. to make me feel better. It Sucks because there are no connections to the real world and today I didn't feel happy about anything.
Hello Today it was very difficult I had problems with my classes. it is a lot of stuff and I struggled to keep up my motivation. Gratitude I did my cold shower a little longer it was freezing at first and then after it I felt immensely refreshed. Today I did my plank workout See ya!
I almost forgot to journal Today it was a very hard day with schooling and I was tired. Today I said to have cold showers and it was very cold but then you get used to it after a couple of minutes. like it is extremely cold but it doesn't go any colder. It was a nice booster and I am sure that this will push me through the possible flatlines.
Gratitude list Cold shower get to know better some student in the education class. helped out a girl through her first time at the class though she was 8 years older than me.
Oh right Vlad Day One Yesterday i started my education for being a pharmacist assistant. Since then i started to see everything as a new experience and a basic restart I want to be more in the reality than in the virtual gaming world. I got into a very structured time plan that I was wanting since high school ended a couple months ago. Do you people know how to transfer a structured day like in work days to weekends or even holidays? I go right know after the sentence 'Go the easier way through life' and gaming and porn were not one of the easier ways. I am using the app Imquit as a counter though one thing is kinda awkward because the app is saying the percentage for a possible relapse... Gratitude list I am very happy that I go to the education I did a willpower exercise and a regular bizeps homeworkout I want to play the guitar a little more I am generally more happy about where I am in.