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The Warrior's Infinite Opus


Schwing
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Hey! Always nice to see people into art. Inspires me to get back to drawing more consistently. Awesome that you've almost got a sketchbook filled up and that you're improving. Be sure to keep your old art so when you look back, you can see how far you've come and be like "Yeah, I'm badass", or something like that haha. Keep it up, man.  

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Detox day: 66

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

Woke up at:

7:40

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late but I took a cold shower
  • School has been good lately. I haven't been depressed at all really.
  • No homework tonight so I did some art instead.
  • Watched a movie. It was an adaptation of the dead space videogames and I felt a yearning to go and play them. I especially miss kerbal space programming. The physics behind everything was always so cool and the problem solving aspect too. As an aspiring engineer I loved that game.
  •  
  • Tasks and Achievements: 
  • Art
  • Cold shower
  • Running
  • 5 min meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Being me. I don't think I give myself enough credit. I am an interesting person.

What I have learnt from today:

  • I would benefit from some sort of morning routine

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 6:30
  • Do project work
  • Studying
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Do you listen to Rammstein?  The greatest concert experience I have ever been to, people were treated for heat stroke in the front row from the pyrotechnics.  Might not help with learning German as I've had native speakers tell me a lot of their lyrics have multiple meanings so even for them it can be tricky to figure out what they are about.

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I am a fan of Rammstein and they really have great shows. But they aren't really metal :D

If you are into Art and engineering maybe the Design of Components could be something for you. It is basically computer aided technical drawing. It is pretty standard in modern engineering things because you need the exact measures of a design if you want to build it. So maybe you want to look into learning free CAD(computer aided design) programs. It would be a valuable skill for a career in engineering.

Check out this video where it shows how a little design get made and printed with a 3d-Printer.(Achtung deutsch!) Ziemlich cooler Scheiß :) I should maybe start a little CAD myself if I have the time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqZeThC38ug

I checked the Internet a bit and basically FreeCAD is a good program to start. It is the one which is used in this video. It should be easy to find some tutorials for it if you like to test it out :).

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Detox day: 67

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 4

Woke up at:

8:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up super late and I didn't take my cold shower. I did taken one when I got back in though. So I have had a cold shower every day since I started. I just need to step up my willpower and get myself up at 6:30 for one
  • Today at school I was very depressed. For no reason at all really. I feel lonely sometimes perhaps. As the day came to an end my mood improved. Despite my moodiness I have noticed that I don't really give a fuck about peoples opinions of me anymore and I am less paranoid.
  • I went to my school's charity committee meeting today. I don't really care about it and I just sat through the whole thing and didn't say a word. Perhaps I should make more contribution in things I don't really care about so I get into good habits of getting shit do e.
  • Came home and didn't do much studying but I ended up looking at some art tutorials and also some metal vocal tutorials. Perhaps I should stick with them?

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Art
  • Cold shower
  • 5 min meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • No social anxiety
  • Running water

What I have learnt from today:

  • I lack structure. Need to create a morning routine quick and find ways of maximising my productivity

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 6:30
  • Don't pussy out of cold shower. You can take it.
  • Studying. Be more productive. Structure
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I am a fan of Rammstein and they really have great shows. But they aren't really metal :D

DUUUU HASSST!!!!

Haha we used to listen to Rammstein before our hockey games. :D

Its strange how many people know them. I was once at a concert in slowenia and the people there had more knowledg of the lyrics then I did without knowing the language. Cool but also kind of crazy :)

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Detox day: 69 hehehehe

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 6

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1.  

Woke up at:

7:40

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • No post last night because I had work
  • Today was better moodwise but i still got up later than my target time
  • I got a lot of shit done today
  • I am doing an "air cadet leadership course" in july at an RAF college. I filled out my application today. It's going to be tough but a serious opportunity to grow some balls.
  • Tomorrow I have to teach younger cadets at my cadet force some stuff so I decided to give a shit and read up on it which none of my peers do so the kids just end up misbehaving and totally disrespecting you.
  • I watched a LOT of personal dev. videos today all from this guy's one channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLrI-dOLyDbRnPyUeWadsOg The videos are SO good and my perspective has shifted a lot.
  • Cold showers are getting easier
  • I could have done more studying if I didn't watch so many of those videos
  • I have been using kanbanflow which I learnt about through @WorkInProgress. I am using this as my primary way of structuring my working life. whenever i mention studying in my tasks/achievements i give the number of pomodros in brackets
  • So in my posts I am referring to spirituality and shit. I do not believe in hocus pocus. The way I see the spirit of man is his emotions and energies and how it drives him and creates his apparel. These are physical firings of neurons and surges of hormones and the working of the subconscious mind. So this is like, posture, charisma, focus, love, character etc. I see mental things as pure logic and rationality based activities.
  • My goal this weekend is to set things straight with my dad

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: metal vocals
  • Mental: School, studying(2), application for leadership course, cadet force work, personal dev. videos
  • Spiritual: 5 min meditation, cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • that youtube guy
  • you guys
  • kanbanflow
  • The suffering of life

What I have learnt from today:

  • A lot. Probably so much that this part of my journal will become and essay. Therefore I will be abstract. I like it how I learned a bit about how our minds and bodies work to influence our psychology and the psychology of others on a rather rational level.
  • I learnt about: masculine and feminine energy, alpha and beta male energy, being neurotic as opposed to chill, the three parts of the mind and not to let the conscious mind control our actions, how the mind is linked to the body, suffering is necessary, there is a reason your life is shit, confront the shit, people treat you like shit because you let them, relationships, life has meaning when you suffer
  • I have solidified my opinion on masturbation. I think sex is a very intimate thing and not just another method of busting a nut. Sex is something where you experience genuine attraction to another individual on a spiritual level. I wont fuck with that by tossing my dick off all the time. I shouldn't make love to material things.

About tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 8:30
  2. Don't pussy out of cold shower. You can take it.
  3. 6 pomodros
  4. Phone dad
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Viel Glück, with your father. You can be proud to take action and deal with this. Also I wanted you to know that you inspired me to go for cold showers again. Brrrr. Thanks for that. I guess... ;)

Danke schön! It's been bugging me a while and I need to get it off my chest. This will help me beat procrastination.

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@Fagus

@Csaba_Bekesi

Bear with me, my understanding is quite limited of the subject. It's more of a way I see things hence I use my own terminology and you don't understand because of this alien terminology. And perhaps I am wrong but this is what I understand:

Ok so a way I can word 'energy' in a very brief and abstract sense is someone's nature; how they come across to other people and how they act; their demeanour and being. Your energy is an evolutionary trait with purpose. For example, have you ever looked at someone and thought "Wow this guy is something else..." or "This guy just looks like a shell" or just "I don't really like him". Well that is their energy coming through and your intuition perceiving it. Your brain is linked to your body and psychological aspects of yourself are apparent in your actions, delivery of speech, posture and apparel. This perception of other people's energies isn't a rational deduction you make. You feel when you like someone or when they piss you off- it's a subconscious thing.

So that was more of a general explanation of how I see it. To address my point's about male and female energy in a vague sense- male energy is basically about giving and female energy is basically about receiving. As for alpha and beta energy check this out. This guy is where I'm getting my ideas as of late.

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Now I get it. But I think there are some things mixed up:

  • Alpha, beta, gamma, delta and theta are brain waves frequencies you can actually measure. Like getting in gamme frequency when you meditate. So this is science.
  • Alpha male and beta male is something in the internet about how to deal with women. Suggesting that women want strong alpha males. Apparently not science.
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@Csaba_Bekesi Always careful of what I see. I find things that resonate with me a lot and I take them on board a lot of the time but, over time, I often ditch a lot of it only keeping small relics of the idea. I am listening to Elliott for now but as my knowledge expands I am sure I will obtain a more developed opinion.

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@Fagus that makes a bit more sense now. Like how he talked in the video about how beta are more jumpy and over active (he used the term neurotic I believe) and how there is a middle frequency (alpha) which is balanced. So a meditative is on the other end of the spectrum.

And he talks about how on the internet people will toss around buzzwords like alpha and beta and he explains the 'true' characteristics of an 'alpha' male to clear up misconceptions. Really men shouldn't force aggressiveness as it shows their insecurity and just be chill. Alpha and beta are real things- just not as how they are traditionally thought of

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Detox day: 70

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 7

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. No got up at 11:00
  2. Yes took cold shower
  3. 6 pommodros done
  4. Texted dad but he didn't reply.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up super late. But I guess it's a Sunday.
  • I made an error in my previous entry. I am teaching the lesson tomorrow.
  • Took a cold shower with cold water right of the bat. Felt like a badass.
  • Tried some bioenergetic exercises this morning but I don't have enough space in my room for some of them
  • I looked out this workout routine that @WorkInProgress showed another guy. I will make it a goal next week in planning it out.
  • Did some studying. Took a long time but I got my target of 6 pommodros of good work.
  • Watched a few more of that Eliott hulse's videos. I should probably buy myself some personal development books. I know of a couple along these lines: the alchemist, and the slight edge. I will look into them.
  • I made a big accomplishment and sent a text to my dad. I felt a physical difficulty in pressing the send button. Facing my fears one by one is what I should do to elimate weakness.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: metal vocals
  • Mental: Studying(6), art, personal dev. videos, reading
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

What I have learnt from today:

  • I must face my fears
  • I should follow my heart and do what I want with my life.
  • Don't be caught up in psychological trappings of the mind.
  • Enjoyment of a hobby only gets you so far. You have to be disciplined and slug out the tough times to feel the same enjoyment again. It's a cycle. Pick something you like and keep doing it.

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 6:30
  2. Don't pussy out of cold shower. You can take it.
  3. 4 pommodros
  4. 1 hobby activity
  5. Plan workout days
  6. Be an active participant of teaching lesson
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the things that are hard are the things that will make you grow the most.

Yes I realise the importance of leaving my comfort zone and all pain in my life is just an opportunity to learn and grow in areas I am lacking. I am going to make a rule to leave my comfort zone in at least one new way each day. I'll probably end up doing some pretty crazy shit by the end of it.

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Detox day: 71

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 8

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Emailing my dad. he hasn't replied to my text yet. I feel less scared to contact him now. face my fears and face them again and again and crush them one by one.

Goals from yesterday done?:

  1. No got up at 7:40 :(
  2. Yes took cold shower
  3. 4 pommodros done
  4. Did art
  5. Nope, wont take long though
  6. I didn't do it because it clashed with something else. next week though

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up super late. Need a way to get my arse out of bed quick
  • Took another cold shower straight off the bat on the cold setting. My nipples felt like they were going to drop off at first but it felt good! I'm not even into BDSM.
  • Did some bioenergetic exercises that I could do without a good amount of space and sending tremors and deep gorilla noises throughout the house
  • So school was weird for the first half of today. I was much more wary and chilled and confident. I felt very collected but I was subject to some old behaviour (basically being a nobhead and trying to chat back at people). Probably because of the exercises.
  • I made an effort to sneak some deeper subjects into conversations with people. Even though they weren't that receptive most of the time. However I did have a chat with an old friend who I don't talk to much anymore and he looked like he was making an effort to have a deeper conversation but I felt I wasn't being receptive enough. I should talk to him again.
  • So some little shits were lining the corridor after school and decided they would pick on anyone that walked past. I ended up pushing one back into the wall but I just kept my cool and walked past for the most of it. They are just weak and insecure and I am not weak and insecure enough to play their games. I have no shit on them and I sucked it up well but I felt angry later on. This was a lesson to me today to always keep my cool and act rationally always.
  • Nailed 4 pommodros. well not exactly. I think 4 is my limit for a school night so I should keep practising it to get more productive and procrastinate less
  • Did some art. I am focusing on building a strong foundation by learning the fundamentals such as anatomy, lighting, form, perspective etc.
  • I have been interested in satanic philosophy in the past. I have had a copy of the satanic bible by anton szandor lavey for 2 years and now his ideas make more sense to me. But I feel he failed as to explaining how to embody and pursue them properly (he only really scratches the surface). I feel I can take on these ideas more without emotional conflict in my self. At first I assumed that it was because they were wrong. But now I know it was because they didn't resonate with other knowledge that I had lacked up until now.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: Studying(4), art, personal dev. videos, emailed dad
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Cold water
  • Facing my fears
  • Those cunts in the corridor
  • People who want to share deep conversations with me
  • People who give a shit
  • This beautiful music. I should buy the CD already. I am grateful for death metal musicians doing what they love and keeping good music alive even if nobody likes them much. They earn very little money.

What I have learnt from today:

  • Stay chill
  • Life is feeling like a big videogame. So many doors have opened up to me recently. FEELS GOOD
  • Leaving your comfort zone is essential

Goals for tomorrow:

  1. Get up at 6:30
  2. Don't pussy out of cold shower. You can take it.
  3. 4 pommodros
  4. 1 hobby activity
  5. Plan workout days
  6. Do your best in climbing.
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