The Warrior's Infinite Opus

[Cam Adair]

I haven't posted for the last couple of days because of work. Basically my confidence and nofap streak ended. Relapsed like a motherfucker.

Bounce back bro. Relapse happens and the key is to learn from it and get back on track ASAP.

[Schwing]

Date: Sun 11/12/2016

Journal day: 30

Detox day: 35

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

1. 100 pushups a day
2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
3. Don't wank. Don't Game.
4. You matter the most.
5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
6. Do not give a fuck about unfuckworthy things
7. 5 German words a day
8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite 
9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less
10. Be persistent. Progress adds up over time. 

Woke up at:

07:40

Went to bed at:

23:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up at a reasonable time for sunday
• I spend a lot of time listening to music at my computer desk.
• Pretty chill day. Blasted some music. Watched a movie.
• I was talking to my danish friend i met on steam while I was depressed and I hid my emotions a lot even though he is very open with me

Tasks and Achievements:

• Studying
• Reading
• 50 pushups
• Art

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Food
• Emo faggot music

What I have learnt from today:

• I probably feel alone because I am antisocial and don't open up to anyone
• I didn't use to get this depressed. Now that I have entered this self development phase I am overly critical of myself.
• I focus on the negative to often
• I relapsed a while ago and jerked it to porn. But now I have relapsed my resolve to not wank is far stronger.

About tomorrow:

• Get up early
• Don't wank
• Focus when studying
• Stay consistent with your goals
• Running

Notes:

[WorkInProgress]

Date: Sun 11/12/2016

 

• I probably feel alone because I am antisocial and don't open up to anyone
• I didn't use to get this depressed. Now that I have entered this self development phase I am overly critical of myself.
• I focus on the negative to often
• I relapsed a while ago and jerked it to porn. But now I have relapsed my resolve to not wank is far stronger.

Important Insights.

[Schwing]

Date: Sun 13/12/2016

Journal day: 32

Detox day: 37

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

So pretty decent day. Got up very late. I wasn't unhappy at school. Got quite a bit of studying done. A whole class of year 8s decided to try and wind me up. Didn't give a fuck. Good that I am able to rationalise with myself. Went climbing after. I was alone for a lot of today but not sad- just reclusive and quite indifferent. Came home. Didn't get much studying done or do much productive.

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Not giving a fuck
• Climbing

[Cam Adair]

Date: Sun 11/12/2016

 

• I probably feel alone because I am antisocial and don't open up to anyone
• I didn't use to get this depressed. Now that I have entered this self development phase I am overly critical of myself.
• I focus on the negative to often
• I relapsed a while ago and jerked it to porn. But now I have relapsed my resolve to not wank is far stronger.

Important Insights.

Isolation is deadly. Read this.

[Schwing]

Date: Sun 14/12/2016

Journal day: 33

Detox day: 38

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Got up late. I was very confident, calm and collected today. Did some running. Did 100 pushups. Came home and managed a bit of studying but I relapsed again on my nofap. It was like a physical itch that needed to be scratched but right after I still felt that itch. Weird. Maybe it wasn't an itch and I misinterpreted it?

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Talking to people I like

[Schwing]

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

[dandielionous]

Schwing I am making it a goal to read one journal a day.  (that is not mine  )

Today you are the grand prize winner!  I have read your journal

Thank you for the support you give to me Schwing it helps  

[Schwing]

Thank you for taking the time to read my journal.

[Schwing]

Date: Fri 16/12/2016

Journal day: 35

Detox day: 40

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

Woke up at:

07:20

Thoughts and Feelings:

• I can't be fucked to get up early anymore
• I want to have proper friends very badly
• I wish there were other metalheads at my school
• School holidays starts now.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Project
• Art

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• School holidays

What I have learnt from today:

• I've entered this weird phase where I don't care about anything. i relapse on my nofap a lot because of this
• Sometimes I lack the willpower to not wank. I lose sight of why I shouldn't do it.
• I don't think I was ever addicted to games. Just I played them instead of having a real life.

About tomorrow:

• Get up early
• Don't wank
• Focus when studying
• Stay consistent with your goals
• Be productive
• I will look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays

Notes:

[dandielionous]

@Schwing 

The way I learned about a gratitude list is to try and be thankful for three things each day.  Wow I remember in new sobriety how I would talk to people in newer sobriety that just couldn't think of anything to be grateful for.

There is a book wrote by a Dutch Author (female I think).  It's a story of this family in Holland if I remember correctly.  When I think back on the book I think of canals, tulips and stone buildings.  Anyway, eventually they end up having to go to a concentration camp.  The girl's mother told her to always be grateful for even the bad things.

The prisoners had a few scraps of paper they had wrote the bible out on.  Maybe even parts of the bible I forget.  But they would pass them back and forth among themselves, hiding them under the mattresses of their bunks, in order to gain what small comfort they could from these.

If they were caught with these it would have meant their death.

Their barracks was the only barracks that was not searched.  Their barracks had a horrible problem with fleas.  The prisoners came to understand that the guards did not come in to search their barracks because of the fleas.  So they learned to thank God even for the fleas.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also learned that when depressed one good therapy is to start a gratitude list and keep writing until you feel better.  If you have to fill a whole notebook... keep writing.

I am thankful for the food I have today, I am warm, I have propane, the rain, my computer, I have electricity, gamequitters, and you.

 

Edited December 17, 2016 by dandielionous

[Cam Adair]

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

[Schwing]

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

As a teenager who lives in the middle of nowhere i lack a lot of freedom so I supose i shouldn't underrate internet friends.

[Schwing]

Date: Fri 18/12/2016

Journal day: 37

Detox day: 42

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

Woke up at:

11:30

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up late. Pretty chill day. Helped around the house a bit.
• So I have been on a fap streak lately. I hate porn
• I overcame the urge to jerk it though.
• I don't know if I over extend myself with my hobbies. I want to do art, writing, climbing, running, music, reading and on top of that school work. Maybe I should cut down on my ambitions.
• I hate myself for how miserable and unsociable I am but more so when I see people annoyed at me for it.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Project
• Moving furniture 
• Drums

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• School holidays
• My family and my employers
• Books
• Nice food. I want to learn how to cook.

What I have learnt from today:

•  I am a very ungrateful and unaffectionate person. Maybe I just need to grow up?

About tomorrow:

• Get up early
• Don't wank
• Focus when studying
• Stay consistent with your goals
• Be productive
• I will look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays
• I need to buy presents for my family

Notes

[Cam Adair]

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

As a teenager who lives in the middle of nowhere i lack a lot of freedom so I supose i shouldn't underrate internet friends.

Yep exactly. Your circumstances are what they are, but you can do a lot to change them.

[Schwing]

Detox day: 47

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Woke up at:

12:10

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up very late. This has become a habit lately
• First thing I did when I woke up as have a wank
• I have neglected my journal lately and I have had some bad spells of depression
• I have also stopped doing push-ups.
• This has all happened when the school holidays started and I think it is due to the sudden lack of structure to my life.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Reading
• Project
• Drums

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Post rock
• School holidays
• Employers
• Books

What I have learnt from today:

•  I have bad social anxiety and I have absurd perceptions of other people's attitudes towards me. But there was a time I remember when I didn't care about this kind of thing.
• I will stop singing. Really can't be fucked with it anymore. 
• I will stop wanking for as long as I can. And no porn ever ever.

About tomorrow:

• Get up early
• Don't wank
• Focus when studying
• Stay consistent with your goals
• Be productive
• I will look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays
• Christmas day

Notes

Edited December 24, 2016 by Schwing

[Mad Pharmacist]

With NoFap it's similar to games. The best clue for the beginning is to do one day at the time.

And when you'll feel tempted, turn this sexual energy into something productive. Like doing these push-up. Or running. Or whtever you desire.

You can do that and trust me, Mad Pharmacist believes in you! And that means a lot!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Cam Adair]

With NoFap it's similar to games. The best clue for the beginning is to do one day at the time.

And when you'll feel tempted, turn this sexual energy into something productive. Like doing these push-up. Or running. Or whtever you desire.

Agreed! You can channel that sexual energy you feel into other things. It's called "sexual transmutation" I believe.  

[Schwing]

Yes I tried it today. I felt like wanking so i just got down and did 50 pushups. I have to convince myself that i have no need to be fulfilled in wanking. But, wanking is simply a method and a degenerating method at that.

Thank you for your awesome support.

[Cam Adair]

Yes I tried it today. I felt like wanking so i just got down and did 50 pushups. I have to convince myself that i have no need to be fulfilled in wanking. But, wanking is simply a method and a degenerating method at that.

Thank you for your awesome support.

100%. Wanking is also a way to get release, which also comes through in push-ups. It's just energy built up inside yourself that needs to go somewhere. Wanking is just the easiest/most common one you know. 

[Schwing]

Detox day: 44

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 2

Woke up at:

13:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up very late again.
• I have been playing my drums a lot lately which is good. I feel more motivated about my hobbies now.
• So I reactivated my Facebook. This will help crush my social anxiety as I am afraid of looking bad in front of my peers.

Tasks and Achievements:

• 100 push-ups
• Reactivated Facebook
• Project
• Drums

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Christmas dinner leftovers

What I have learnt from today:

•  I need to keep fit more in the holidays. I should try and get out for a run.
• I need to get up early every day. Sleeping too much wastes time.
• I should meditate every day too.
• I will be more active as member of the community to crush my insecurity when being nice to people

About tomorrow:

• Get up early
• Don't wank
• Focus when studying
• Stay consistent with your goals
• Be productive
• I will look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays

Notes

i recounted my detox day btw

[Cam Adair]

---> facebook.com/elekt

[Mad Pharmacist]

Yes I tried it today. I felt like wanking so i just got down and did 50 pushups. I have to convince myself that i have no need to be fulfilled in wanking. But, wanking is simply a method and a degenerating method at that.

Thank you for your awesome support.

You got to repeat this everytime you'll feel like wanking. This way you'll harness your sexuality!

Proud of you, Mad Pharmacist

[Schwing]

Detox day: 45

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

Woke up at:

11:30

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up very late again. But earlier
• Almost forgot to post today
• I told mum the truth about how I feel about my father. She was very understanding 
• I had a lively conversation with my parents at lunch. I have been trying to stop avoiding conversation lately
• I am halfway through my detox! Thanks to GQ I have been able to make so much progress in such a short space of time. Everybody on this site are awesome people and I enjoy reading your stories. Really this is a special place where lots of people share their struggles and reach new heights. It's been a pleasure knowing all of you.

Tasks and Achievements:

• 100 push-ups
• Project
• Painted my shelf
• Drums
• Washing up

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Chocolate

What I have learnt from today:

• I don't need to wank. Like at all ever. It's just energy.
• I am happier when I make an effort to connect with people. I need to tackle my social anxiety.

About tomorrow:

• Get up early
• Don't wank
• Focus when studying
• Stay consistent with your goals
• Be productive
• I still need to look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays

[Schwing]

Lol you can be friend number 2 then cam. I'm getting there.