The Warrior's Infinite Opus

[fil]

Thanks for hosting the call @Schwing, it was very nice! I'll be visiting your daily journal regularly now, be aware!  

[Mad Pharmacist]

I have a terrible fear of opening up to people.

You might wannt to see a therapist about that. 

@Csaba_Bekesi I am sceptical of therapists. Do you have any experience with them?

I can't agree with that. Therapist will only make you more closed and swallow your cash. At least that's how it worked for me once.

[Mad Pharmacist]

Hey, I really like your progress in expanding your comfort zone! That's how you should do!

Keep it up for a month and you'll see how much your life had changed!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

[Schwing]

No post today. I am spiritually, mentally and physically drained and I feel sick. The dinner party thing sucked a bag of dick. It was exactly as I described it earlier. A mass social fake pretend fuck fest.

My goal for tomorrow is to talk when I want to talk. And not talk when I want to talk. Not to give my fucks to unfuckworthy things

[Schwing]

@hycniejsy thanks. I do not think I want therapy. I think all the therapy I need is here.

[Schwing]

@Csaba_Bekesi This is essentially what I do with bioenergetics every morning. The breathing exercise isn't something I really do on that level though. Thank you for this 

I believe much of this is tied in with the work of Wilhelm Reich. His idea was that internal stresses would manifest themselves within certain muscles, affecting your posture. It was with the stimulation of these areas of 'armouring' coupled with deep breathing that you could find emotional release

[Schwing]

100 days

Days porn free: 4

Days fap free: 4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Being more active in maths class

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Cold shower
• Bioenergetics
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

I did it! I didn't force myself to talk to girls or anyone. I talked when I felt like it.

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up at midday! Skipped half of school day but I needed to recuperate from last night.
• I tried the wim hof method. HOLY SHIT! Felt crazy. I was super calm and emotionally stable all day.
• I was able to speak my mind to people.
• I did climbing tonight. I am really improving. Got a lot done.
• Mr psychic vampire confronted me in climbing. I just laughed like I always do when he made fun of me because tbh he does have a sense of humour- but- I didn't feel weird doing it. He had a go at me later on. I couldn't have given a fuck! I even laughed at him! Basically what happened was he said to me I shouldn't take cold showers because it doesn't allow your pores to open and get clean. He also told me before that I shouldn't take them because of fat loss and I was skinny. I simply said. "I'll look into it and by the way- I looked up the fat loss thing and it's fine etc etc because it's just white fat." He sort of ignored me and went on about the pores. So i just replied with the same statement "I'll look into it". "it's common sense though" he protested. I repeat myself and it gets a bit ping pong. He gets frustrated for some reason then says "move!" so he can climb on the wall adjacent to me. He then falls off at the first hold. I laugh. I understand him though. He gets frustrated with people sometimes and will take it out on others. I am the opposite- I take it out on myself. Arseholes are to be learnt from.
• There is also this german girl at climbing I sometimes talk to. Today I decided to ignore her because I don't like being needy around others. Just because they have a vagina doesn't make it an exception.
• Made a new deviant art account 

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: climbing
• Mental: studying, making new devaibnt art account
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Feeling more comfortable about my father
• Feeling very at ease today
• The wim hof method

What I have learnt from today:

• How to deal with arseholes
• Wim hof is great

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Tell psychic vampire why cold showers RULE

Goal for tomorrow:

Finish thank you letters

[Schwing]

101 days

Days porn free: 5

Days fap free: 5

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Being assertive
• Talking to a few girls
• Running a shit ton
• Doing bioenergetics in front of other people
• Telling psychic vampire how cold showers RULE

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

Done

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Very good day. It's my birthday today. I am 17 years old!
• Perfect routine. Nailed it
• The wim hof method is totally changing me. I am calm, confident, expressive and tolerant. It's great
• I really pushed myself with running today
• I got a rowing machine for my birthday. It's good for cardio and muscular endurance I found out but not really strength training which I want to do! Time to save up for some bodyweight fitness stuff
• I was very collected around psychic vampire. Before when I looked him in the eyes I felt him draining me. But I did it today and I felt nothing.
• I did wim hof in the changing rooms before running. Nobody really cared.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: climbing
• Mental: studying, learning german, all sorts
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• All my friends on this site
• The wim hof method
• Birthday
• Simply being alive
• 5 days nofap

What I have learnt from today:

• I am starting to see the bigger picture. There isn't really a bad or good. We tend to use this labels for our experiences willy nilly through our ego. Suffering is a necessity in balance to happiness. All experiences are constructive. I knew this really but only until recently have I started to see it working. I like people who I would consider arseholes more because I understand the way they act.
• I have tamed my ego in a way. I have forced it into a grounded state of energy where it will not falter and over extend itself.
• I do have people I can call friend- my companions on this site

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Not knowing how you will leave your comfort zone and figure something out on the spot

Goal for tomorrow:

Finish thank you letters

[Simms]

Love the detail and thought put into your journal. - Quest journal is an especially nice touch, so many positive items there.

Mad thumbs up to see another climber. Wish I'd found the sport when I was 17. =D

 

[destoroyah]

I really pushed myself with running today

Yaaa! Keep running gazelle! 

[Schwing]

@destoroyah Bwahahaha! yes! Perhaps next time I will start hollering like a beast and headbutting all the other guys I see around me. That will up my game with the ladies for sure.

[Schwing]

@Simms Thank you. Feel free to use my ideas if you like them. Copying is underrated. I actually copied the quest journal idea from @hycniejsy but he calls them his objectives.

[Schwing]

102 days

Days porn free: 5

Days fap free: 0

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• making more conversation
• meditating and doing facial bioenergetics in the car
• Talking to someone I don't usually talk to
• Speaking up

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

no

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Not as good as yesterday. Didn't get up for routine.
• Decent day overall
• Cold showers or hot showers? I'm all for that cold. They don't clean your pores as much but they let them keep their oils and maintain the balance of skin oil and lipids as a whole. I haven't died yet so I'm fine.
• I wanked today. I don't care. My main goal is to not watch porn.
• I have been getting into jazz lately

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: none
• Mental: studying, learning german, cold shower research
• Spiritual: meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• All my friends on this site
• Icy cold water
• birthday cake
• This

What I have learnt from today:

• You don't need warm showers
• wim hof is highly effective. today i wasn't as productive.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Getting up early and watching the sun rise outside

Goal for tomorrow:

get back in routine

Edited February 23, 2017 by Schwing

[Schwing]

103 days

Days porn free: 6

Days fap free: 1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Letting my ego out. I tend to have a morbid sense of wit that likes to assert itself. That's how I would describe it.
• Nothing really tbh. I could have tried starting random conversation.

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

Not really. I got up late but I did the whole win hof thing

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Decent day. I have lost count of the days I have not been depressed. Know yourself, your friends and your enemies. Suddenly you will not be able to distinguish them as bad or good as you realise they are all invaluable to you.
• Checked out some workout stuff. Perhaps I should get down the school gym.
• Watched episode 1 of cowboy Bebop. Fucking dope as fuck!
• Went to work. Some of my teachers were there. Said hello.
• My duo lingo streak is kaput! I will make it to a week streak!

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: work
• Mental: studying, workout research
• Spiritual: meditation, cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Having a good job
• Having good teachers
• 90's anime

What I have learnt from today:

• Getting up on the dot and getting shit done is a major factor in productivity. The amount of time I waste with lie ins.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Getting up early and watching the sun rise outside

Goal for tomorrow:

get back in routine fully

Edited February 25, 2017 by Schwing

[Schwing]

104 days

Days porn free: 7

Days fap free: 1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Nothing

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Study 1 hour
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

Didn't do shit

Thoughts and Feelings:

• School was ok. It has been getting worse since I have been slacking in routine.
• Routine was completely fucked today
• Bought some climbing gear. Nice.
• Did a shit ton of workout research
• Watched episode 2 of cowboy bebop
• I have been more irritable today.
• 1 week nofap. I have been punching myself whenever I have urges.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical:
• Mental: studying, workout research
• Spiritual: 

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Nofap
• Fried egg sandwiches

What I have learnt from today:

• If I want to be at 100℅ I need to be able to commit to a routine. The question is how do I get my arse out of bed? I think deep breathing first thing wakes me up a lot.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Getting up early and watching the sun rise outside already ffs

Goal for tomorrow:

get back in routine fully fully

[Schwing]

105 days

Days porn free: 8

Days fap free: 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Smacking myself with a rubber band multiple times

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour
• 50 exp duolingo
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

I got up way too late but I did all my stuff.

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Helped with cooking today
• I was less emotionally grounded. The routine! It's the motherfucking routine!
• Did a bit of studying
• Lost track of time throughout today. Weekend syndrome. Lack of structure.
• Watched more cowboy bebop
• I have attached a rubber band to my wrist and I am smacking myself every time I get urges for porn. It's really working well.
• Bought some weights.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical:
• Mental: studying, workout research
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• These positive viiiiibbbeees
• Rubber bands
• Expanding my musical horizons
• @Simms for giving great workout advice

What I have learnt from today:

• This punishment system for nofap really works. Maybe I could extend it to getting up in the mornings? 10 lashes if I don't get up. Sounds pretty brutal.
• Stop researching workout shit. Get to actually doing it. Do something.
• As my intention this year is balance I should have something physical on my agenda all the time. Same goes for everything else. I should hit the bunk and get up at exact times and maintain a strong sleep cycle.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Doing deep breathing so much I feel like I will immolate.

Goal for tomorrow:

Run like a beast

 

 

Edited February 26, 2017 by Schwing

[Schwing]

106 days

Days porn free: 9

Days fap free: 4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Teaching kids how to read maps
• Doing deep breathing so much I feel like I will immolate.
• trying my best in running and trying to pace popular kids

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour
• 50 exp duolingo
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

Yesssss. I felt the adrenaline surging through my veins! Bwhahahahaha

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up super late and super pissed off and depressed
• Went to school. Girls were sitting right next to me in studying. I could have easily said something and they even tried to talk to me but I just pied them off.
• Did a school long distance running event. Came 22nd out of 100 and something. Noice.
• My mood dramatically elevated from that point
• I had to teach a lesson in cadets with a group of others in my year. nailed it. They just sat around and did nothing and I carried the whole thing. They were winging afterwards about the kids mucking about. The teacher gave us all a lecture on how it was our fault for not preparing properly. he was right! When you are in a situation like that it's a battle of the ego. Some kids will try and mouth you off and piss about. You have to play your cards right and assert your ego in the right way and divert their attention to you at all times.
• Came home and I did my whole routine which i didn't do before.
• Studied 2 hours
• Did art

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: running
• Mental: studying, art
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• This
• naked women
• rubber bands and how much those fuckers hurt when you smack them on your wrist. ouch.
• teacher for knowing his shit. and me for knowing he knows his shit
• learning how to teach kids
• fixing depression

What I have learnt from today:

• Depression has it's roots in my routine. The question is: how the fuck do I get out of bed at the right time?
• How to teach
• Drawing from reference is useful. But i want to be able to do it without.
• My weights are on the way!
•  

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to at least 3 random people I don't usually talk to

Goal for tomorrow:

get up at the right time

 

[Simms]

Nice job turning the day around man!

Stoked to see you've got the weights on the way. You're gonna kick ass.

[Schwing]

107 days

Days porn free: 10

Days fap free: 5

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Talking to 2 people I don't usually talk to

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Porridge
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour
• 50 exp duolingo
• Meditation

Goal from yesterday done?:

No. this is getting annoying

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up pretty fucking late but I did most of my routine
• I did a technology tournament all day today. We competed against other school in a team of 4 and came second. Psychic vampire was on my team. He is ok.
• My hand to eye coordination was on fucking point today!
• Came back and did some climbing. Tried to spark up a random conversation with the girl who I talked to before. I flopped but I don't care. Let's try again!
• Climbed like a beast
• made a 1000 days post
• Did art. I drew alissa white-gluz from arch enemy. Getting gud at faces.

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: climbing
• Mental: tournament, art
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Challenging tournament
• Growing up
• Sylosis
•  

What I have learnt from today:

• I don't get as angry with people anymore. I understand that some people have been fucked in the head and it isn't their fault.
• I am finding it easier to assert myself
• To talk to random people I have to shut off my brain

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to at least 3 random people I don't usually talk to

Goal for tomorrow:

get up at the right time

[Schwing]

109 days

Days porn free: 11

Days fap free: 2

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Pretty much nothing

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Meditation
• Porridge
• 50 exp duolingo
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Nope. Got up wayyyyyyyyy too late.

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up super late and I didn't do my routine.
• I was fine at school but I wasn't very socially outgoing. I just sat and read manga and listened to metal on my phone when I could have gone and talked to 3 strangers like I said yesterday
• Forgot to say my weights came yesterday! I got my gym gloves today with my climbing gear. Fucking sick!
• I did my full routine when I got back home.
• I had porn urges today. This one pair of tits keep cropping up in my mind. Rubber band solved it a bit.
• I did more art. I have been doing really well lately. I am going to keep drawing from reference
• my duo lingo streak is dead
• The rubber band doesn't hurt as much anymore. Cold shower pain tolerance kicking in perhaps

Tasks and Achievements:

• Physical: running
• Mental: studying, art, researching autonomic nervous system
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• New retro wave
• rubber bands

What I have learnt from today:

• I have so many opportunities to meet new people but I don't take them.
• Perhaps I am focusing my willpower on noporn so I fail to get up early?

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to at least 3 random people I don't usually talk to

Goal for tomorrow:

get up at the right time ffs

Edited March 1, 2017 by Schwing

[Schwing]

110 days

Days porn free: 1

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Talked to 3 people I don't usually talk to

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Meditation
• 50 exp duolingo
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Yes perfect!

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up on time and did some of my work out for first time
• I actually pmoed yesterday. Sucked a bag of dick.
• I felt quite empty towards to end of today. I think it was because of my tiredness sexual frustration. Both emotional and physical.
• Came in went straight to bed and fapped
•  Felt much better after
• Made a lengthy post on what I think about nofap
• Nofap counter is kaput. I need to sexually liberate my mind. Relieve the shackles of the counter and I won't gravitate to porn
• Tasks and Achievements:
•  
•  

• Physical: workout
• Mental: studying, reading
• Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Wanking
• Ideas
• Satanic Bible
• Manga

What I have learnt from today:

• I know masturbation is unnatural but I can suppress my natural urges. Until I find a girlfriend I am going to liberate my mind from this nofap business. Porn is still off the cards
• Diversity of ideas is important
• Nofap isn't magically going to turn you into superman. You have to actually do the thing. Approaching women is a separate activity that can be fulfilled on its own.
• Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to at least 3 random people I don't usually talk to

Goal for tomorrow:

Row 2km

[Simms]

Nice job identifying something that's not working for you and making an adjustment! Keep being mindful of where it's taking you post-adjustment.

Going to try and break down my philosophy on girls without rambling... too much. Disclaimer: This is about girls I like, ... generalities coming, take with a grain of salt:

They want to be your friend, they want you to tease them, to have fun with them, to truly see them. To make their lives better, to be a pillar of strength and a shoulder to cry on. They want to improve your life, and be your best friend and share your interests. To grow and develop, to be challenged.

When I was dating and looking for a real relationship, it was hard to see all the advice and try to make sense of it, I made a lot of choices, some good, some bad. Ultimately you seem to be on a good path, and that path is going to attract good people. Keep it up!

 

[Schwing]

@Simms Thank you for this piece of advice. I think this is what everyone wants deep down regardless of gender. Someone to rest in and someone to draw strength from. Someone to catalyse your yin an yang energies.

[Schwing]

110 days

Days porn free: 2

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Talked to 3 people I don't usually talk to

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Meditation
• 50 exp duolingo
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Yes perfect!

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up veeerry late but I managed to sneak a cold shower in.
• At school today we had a lecture from a psychologist on stress management and she made everyone do 10 mins meditation. Bwhahahaha.....noobs.
• I let my mind wander a lot today- especially pondering the idea of sexual energy
• Today I smiled at a girl randomly. Instant conversation like it was normal. I think the art of approaching people is all in your demeanour. If you can insight the feeling in them to engage with you through gestures then you are less at the risk of your mind trapping your words. e.g you won't be like "Uhhhh what should I say?.... Oh shit....."
• I read some manga
• I got some studying done.
• I rowed 2 km.

 Tasks and achievements:

• Physical: rowing
• Mental: studying, nofap posts, researching paganism, reading
• Spiritual: cold shower, meditation

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Emotional clarity
• Physical exercise
• Persefone

What I have learnt from today:

• The sexual energy is twofold- both physical and emotional. My previous approach to nofap was an attempt to deny the physical side and empower the emotional. However the two cannot be separated. With the mental intention of suppressing my sexual energy I was placing a bottleneck on my spirit thus the flood gates only gave way in the end. But with understanding of my sexual energy I can allow myself to embody it and not merely vent it through a frustrated wank. To be free of masturbation perhaps I need to simply embrace my sexuality. I dispelled an urge today by simply saying something along the lines of "It's ok- this is a natural impulse. Let it pass through" I just let the lustful thoughts take over. Truly get in touch with your sexual energy and work with it. The wild beasts are always the stronger
• Conversation is more than just words

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Talking to at least 3 random people I don't usually talk to
• Smile at someone

Goal for tomorrow:

Do full workout

[Schwing]

111 days

Days porn free: 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

• Nooootttttthhiiiiinnnggggg

Routine:

• Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
• Bioenergetics
• Cold shower
• Meditation
• 50 exp duolingo
• Physical activity
• Study or read 1 hour
• Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Yes

Thoughts and Feelings:

• Got up veeerry late again but I don't care.
• Decent day at school. I wasn't very good socially today. Felt a little autistic so to speak.
• Came back did workout. I will have to shuffle the reps and sets around because some exercises felt easy and others were brutal. Should everything be brutal? Or just semi brutal?
• Did my energising routine. My parents were out so I did the noisy exercise this time. It didn't really do much.
• Watched cowboy Bebop
• Did some art. I drew Josh Middleton from sylosis
• Did some duo lingo
• Went to work and absolutely slayed

 Tasks and achievements:

• Physical: workout, work
• Mental: studying, art, learning german
• Spiritual: cold shower, meditation, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

• Metal
• Cowboy Bebop
• Having a job
• Getting to stuff my face with food while I work
• Getting shit done today

What I have learnt from today:

• Need to find a way to push my spirit through my ego. Assert my consciousness.
• Need to fix workout

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

• Get up early and study

Goal for tomorrow:

Finish all homework