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About Schwing

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  1. Alright I'll just make a post here to say this: I'm alive still so you can stop worrying about me. I've stopped caring about being a loser virgin autistic retard and I've stopped throwing a hissy fit over it. I'm sorry I got you all worried and probably cringed out with all my shitty autistic emo posts. I've ditched my stupid dreams and I'm just going for an engineering degree. Sick of trying. Sick of faking shit. I'm out to go and play some elder scrolls online and watch cartoons for the rest of my summer. Have a good one. Oh yea and @Cam Adair if you can delete all my posts somehow I would r
  2. I didn't do it. I waited for my parents to leave the house while listening to my favourite songs. They left. I got a rope from the pulley system on the drying rack for washing and googled 'how to tie a noose'. I made one and hung it from a big wooden beam that goes across my kitchen. I stood on a chair and wrapped the noose around my neck. I could have just fell backwards and everything would have ended. Right there. It doesn't feel real. It doesn't really feel like I was that close. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I didn't 'have the balls' to do it. Maybe I valued my life. I took it on and off and I ju
  3. And I will handle the consequences by ending myself. Never thought I'd have to say that. But I suppose it doesn't really matter anymore. My heart has too many loopholes. Too fucked up to carry it outward. It's high time I stopped being afraid and did it.
  4. I haven't made a post in ages. Pretty much gave up on these forums. But this place always gave me something I never had. Somewhere I can ease the pressure and blow off some steam out of the shithole that is my mind and have anyone in particular listen and perhaps respond. That was keeping me sane for a time. I've had my ups and downs but now the sea is way too rough for me to not steer this vessel to the lighthouse. I'm really a joke. I think I don't need this place anymore. And bam. Here I am. More fucked up than ever A while ago I decided I'd make this amazing decision: I'll drop out of engi
  5. Majoring in the minors We are found in far away places. Not all is lost. We must be strong and cling onto hope. We must be strong when the ground is shifting out from under our feet. Stop majoring in the minors. It’s when you get inside that it widens. Stay true tempered. You’re not the first to find life is tough. It's officially summer. The end of the school year. I have one year left of high school. i guess there were a lot of things I didn't do. Like get a girlfriend, do the wim hof method every single day, take up martial arts, learn how to play blast beats and use a double kick dr
  6. The bottom line is: I am human and being human means I subconsciously restrict myself to the realms of my emotions. I can rationalise that life is pointless. If all you do is look with your eyes at what's going on you will become a nihilist. It's a given. However, even the most nihilistic of nihilists fail to take into account one thing - no matter how much you tell yourself you are a cluster of molecules you will still feel. That is the one constant of philosophical pursuit. That man feels and no rationality can be standardised and prescribed to a man so that he may connect with the world aro
  7. Gaming was a product of my mood at the time. I gamed because I felt like shit - and it helped ease the pain in the short term. But in the long term? Fuck that. I don't really have time to game. I no longer view games as some sort of demonic anathema in my life. I refuse to be conceited and stagnate in my worldviews. Video games, in the context of what I want to achieve, are a waste of time. I have no time to grind for stuff. I have plenty of time to appreciate the story. It's a balancing act that I don't have time to formulate over. It's best just not bothering and reading books instead. Howev
  8. Long timey no typey typeyRevofuckingcation!It's been a fucking while! Indeed it has! I haven't posted in such a long long time for a number of reasons: I had another dumbfuck existential crisisI sort of stopped caring and submerged myself in porn and videogames every now and again.I've had exams and what little mental vitality I have was diverted into the colossal regurgitation process that is the modern education systemI suppose you could say it all started last week on saturday. Prior to this I was getting a bit melancholy about the whole comic books thing. I figured out how the shithole tha
  9. What are you 5 years old?!
  10. Cat's out the bag The cat is out of the bag and I'm trying to stuff it back in before people kick it to death. People are starting to find out I want to be a comic book artist at school. I'm getting a surge of 'whys' and 'hows' coming at me. It's a fucking pain in the arse. Makes me just want to go some place else where I can't hear their babbling. My stepdad's found out as well. Ah for fuck's sake. He's gonna start lecturing me. I can't be fucked to explain to anyone the reason why I want to do this. I can't be bothered because I know they won't understand and only stare at me perplexed and r
  11. Thanks man this helps a lot This is the way I'm wired and I can't do shit about it. It's me. I just don't enjoy the same stuff as people around me. I just don't do things that I don't want to do. I'm just stuck in this social purgatory of high school. I have nothing to latch on to. No one to confide in. It's just culminated to the point of me developing this dream. A dream that I can confide in.
  12. I suppose you could go as deep as that. To say our intrinsic traits are just as they are - strength, weakness, pleasure, pain - all neither good nor bad. They all simply amount to changes in your self and your environment. All intertwined. Pain can come from strength. Weakness can come from pleasure. But whatever it is I have, let's call it my 'selfishness', it eats away at me. I opt in for a life of solitude. I choose to pursue greatness and I don't reach out to anyone. Sure. I'm stronger because of that trait. I don't go round holding onto someone else's tail. But I also feel pain. I feel lo
  13. I'm just selfish. I vent here and just expect people to listen. I've stopped trying to reach out to people. I'm climbing mountains and not telling anybody. I'm looking at everyone through a glass wall. Hoping they'll see me on the other side. I could tap on the glass. I could smash the wall but that just isn't me. I just try and make as big of a spectacle as I can in hopes that they look. That's just me I suppose. Me and my images.