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Everything posted by Reloaded

  1. @Cam Adair I was really angry at a project I was doing, making a mess and not working out like how I wanted it to. I went to my phone and saw my friend streaming and he noticed me and asked a question about the game he was in towards me. I then simply logged in and joined them for a few hours at that point. Honestly it did help calm me down and I was proud to only be on for 2 hours but it was a relapse. Yesterday due to work I was unable to play, today however is a different story.
  2. Welp was pulled into a game today, limited my time to 2 hours which is a partial victory but none the less a relapse. Not sure where I go from here but tomorrow I have a full day of work so I'll be unable to play. Work in progress.
  3. Do you listen to Rammstein? The greatest concert experience I have ever been to, people were treated for heat stroke in the front row from the pyrotechnics. Might not help with learning German as I've had native speakers tell me a lot of their lyrics have multiple meanings so even for them it can be tricky to figure out what they are about.
  4. Excellent journal, congratulations on making it so far! If you want to go 3/10 on initiate conversations with 10 people you haven't spoken to I'd love to chat to a 134'er!
  5. Day 6, and I am typing on my gaming laptop... big, BIG step for me. Honestly I don't want to game, I mean I do but that crazy urge from the weekend seems to have subsided. Steam is still installed, it started updating some games when I logged in... I just closed it. This is giving me tremendous hope that I can overcome and be in control of if and when I game again but I will wait the 90 days to be sure that I AM in control and I call the shots not some bullshit craving. @Reno F you are correct, I am planning on filling up my schedule with positive things... idle hands are the devils workshop. Also I have been in contact with some problem gaming services in my area which sound very promising, all in all I am seeing a big light at the end of the tunnel. I am thankful for airsoft, willpower and family.
  6. You've joined a great and supportive community here. The first few days are rough (you and I are pretty much quitting at the same time FYI). My second day was spent in bed but it will get better. Reading inspiring books and journaling has helped me a lot so far.
  7. Welcome! You've joined a great and supportive network, I recommend keeping a journal on here as well.
  8. Should be recording my days, day 5. Didn't get a chance to update yesterday, successfully completed my course 100% again. Was a really great day, a little more tired than usual but must have been from the much busier day 1. Now we'll see how the rest of the week plays out, especially today and tomorrow where I have variable schedules. Need to drop off my passport stuff, sorry I will be dropping off my passport stuff today. I'm thankful for great teachers, fajitas and dogs.
  9. Awesome day today, scored 100% on both my practical and theory components. Even traffic wasn't bad on my way home which is insane driving down Canada's biggest highway during rush hour. Apparently as well this is Blue Monday the most depressing day of the year, not this time! If tomorrow rolls like today I'm laughing, onwards and upwards! I'm thankful for learning, Timbits and water.
  10. Day 63, wow... I hope to get that far. Seems so bloody far at day 3 lol. Early on in your journal you said school is a bloody zoo, I just wanted to comment that yes it is a flipping crazy social experiment but like many things in life it's temporary. Approaching my 40s I only have casual relationships with 2 friends that I was really close to in high school. I would hate to redo that time in my life with all the Facebook, Twitter junk but again it's temporary. Follow your bliss, what makes you happy has value and will attract like-minded individuals. Congrats on making it this far!
  11. Today was better, completed studying for a 2 day course which starts tomorrow. That should really help with mental stimulation. I was proud of myself last night, my good gaming friend went on Arma and I was seriously tempted to join him and the gang but I thought "that won't help what I'm trying to accomplish" and went back to reading The Slight Edge. @Rubiroo I've experienced the physical pain of depression before, it's literally like my body aches from the withdrawal. No massive changes but hopefully getting out the next few days should get my energies moving in the right direction. I am thankful for this community, Cam's direct help, and my wife.
  12. Spent all day pretty much in bed, physically just drained. Started off with a positive attitude but it detoriated quite quickly. I know it will get better but the physical drain coming off gaming is unreal. Hoping to get out of the house for dinner and clear my head of the fog that seems to have settled in this morning. @Rubiroo you are right, taking more ownership of my wants will make it more concrete. Thanks for sharing that.
  13. Thanks for the warm welcomes, it's been inspiring already my short time spent on this forum. As I told Cam in a private message just to be understood and heard with this issue is already so powerful that it is making a difference, just up to me to shape it into a positive one.
  14. I'm new, struggling myself but I felt compiled to reply. Our past has an impact on us but remember every moment is a chance to do something new. My father died when I was very young, we were actually about to move to Europe permanently as a family but it unravelled at his death. I often joke I would have played with Cristiano Ronaldo and been a soccer superstar but the reality is my life changed with his death, to which extant I am the sum of that process today. I cannot ever have that relationship, for better or worse. But I cannot let negative thoughts on that issue infect my entire life, I am constantly needing to make peace with that change to grow and have positive outcomes that I seek. On exercise I seek out physical activities that I enjoy and make time for them specifically. To take a direct example from gaming if you like FPS games check out airsoft, you can (depending on the laws of your land) build up a kit to be like a US Marine, UK special forces, even be the bad guy running around with an AK. It's a lot of fun and a great workout.
  15. Thanks guys, didn't get to my resume today because I was too nervous to get on the computer and waste the day. Tomorrow hopefully I get out of the house for some work. Definitely going to check out that book suggestion Cam.
  16. Ok, I'm up after my *uck it session last night and I "want" to game asap. I know this is a problem when the enjoyment is all but gone. Luckily my system is a laptop so I can store it away, it's not constantly tempting me like a desktop would. I need to create a new resume, I'm looking to get a job in the immerging cannabis industry here in Canada. I've been a medical user of cannabis for a while and it helps out quite a bit. Much like others here depression, anxiety and insomnia plague me constantly. I've gone to places like CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) here and they wanted me to join a pornography support group since I was too old for the computer addiction group, that made me feel even worse like I should have grown out of this by now. Need to get back to exercise. I suffered a real bad illness/injury early last year that knocked me out of my old profession and probably contributed to this current excessive usage gaming situation. I love martial arts however my neck can't really take much stress so I need to find alternatives. I also need to do my taxes, ugh. I'm like 9 years behind, Revenue Canada is going to have a field day once I submit my stuff. I feel sad like I've lost time from procrastination and gaming but hopefully that changes in the next little while. I hope to be able to get full time employment and other hobbies back up and running so I'm not drawn to gaming as constant as I am currently. Feel free to jump in and comment, I'll be lurking on here and trying to contribute as well to others when I feel like it. It's crazy how powerful the urge to play is, that biology information on dopamine and neural patterns has to be happening to me. It's going to be a rough few days I can feel it.
  17. Hello, Found this site through the TEDTalk that Cam gave a couple of years back, ironically through a Google search like he had mentioned. I'm 38 and tired of gaming getting the better of me. I've been on a binge the last couple of weeks and it's been hellish. It's barely fun anymore, like I'm on autopilot and automatically go to the computer to play. Just now I was repeating a mission over and over to complete it successfully when I thought why the *uck am I so invested in gaming when it doesn't mean jack *hit to have the highest score, most achievements, etc, etc. All it does is suck the life out of me literally day in and day out. My biggest issues are procrastination and being a wannabe perfectionist. I have a ton of real things to do but games are just easier and provide instant feedback. The perfectionist thing is a *itch. I honestly have no idea why I'm like this. I'm pretty laid back but when I do something it's like all or nothing. I get so easily frustrated that I'm not doing whatever task 100% that I say *uck it and go play a game. I'm going to attempt no gaming for 90 days and probably start a journal on here. Thanks Cam for sharing your insights, I'm hoping to get control over this and get back to actually living in the world and not on a screen.