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Fagus

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    Germany

Everything posted by Fagus

  1. Sahar, isn't that the best situation you can get into? I don't know how the army works in Israel, but where I come from, you have to leave your home and live in the barracks with all the other soldiers. So this would be the easiest way to stop gaming, because there you simply cant play games at all. You are constantly occupied with your work, so you don't even have time to think about gaming and there are always people around you who you can socialize with.
  2. @katsudo19 I hear that little voice inside me too. But maybe it will go away, if I can find other things to do than gaming. @Samon Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. @WarrickB Thanks for your word. Maybe I will check out this book you recommended. And good luck with your detox as well. Day 1 This is the first day completely without gaming. I'm a student and also working at university. At the moment, I have to study for my exams in february and meanwhile work on a paper about blockchain. But when I sit down to work, I feel very uncomfortable. I can't sit at my desk and concentrate on my work. I then walk though the appartment, into the kitchen, eat something or browse the internet. I realized, that I have a very high energy level. Usually, I would begin the day with gaming and do breaks for eating, studying and housework. This way I never get rid of excessive energy. So instead of studying, I decluttered our storage room in the basement. I put all the garbage that had gathered over the years into our car and drove it to the collection station. Then I went for a walk. I feel much better now and can actually concentrate on my work. This shows to me, that I need to better manage my energy. I think about joining a fitness club and start the day with some exercises to get a calm start into the day.
  3. Hey Warrick, I really love your organized approach to this and how commited you are to do the daily challenge. I also like your vision board. It makes your goals visible.
  4. Hi, I'm Fagus from Germany and this is my second 90-day-detox. I did one in August 2016 but had a long relapse since. I'm doing this, because of an email I got from Cam today: This really struck me. Whenever bigger problems or obstacles arise, I fall back to gaming. That is why I never improve and any challenge immediatly stops my progress. I'm living a shallow life where I only do the most important tasks in real life and then seek instant gratification in gaming. Though this is enough to make my life function and not fall apart, it is certainly not the best version of my life. Not at all. As I said, I already did a detox some years ago. But back then, while I stopped gaming for over 90 days, I did not stop seeking and relying on instant gratification. So I just uninstalled all games. This time however, I will make sure, that I don't fall back on youtube, netflix or any smartphone activity.
  5. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    Day 2 No Gaming / Day 6 No Porn So what is the state of my life: Pros: I am following a healthy plant based diet for almost a year now. But I could cook more regularly.Every second or third day I cycle to a nearby forest and complete a keep-fit trail with equipment for pull-ups, dips etc.For a year and a half I've been writing a real diary. The insights that I gained from it are invaluable.Cons: I have successfully passed my studies and my practice teachings. But because of my illness I find no employment in this industry. This is one of the reasons for my addictive gaming.I need to find a new job quickly to earn money. After that, I will explore my possibilities for the future. Maybe I'll study again.As already described, I have big problems with my posture, which I would like to tackle quickly.
  6. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    I quit gaming again. This time it is more like a backwards relapse than a real decision. I can't enjoy them anymore. This meaningless grind and the meaningless rewards they offer. I finish a round of gaming and ask myself: What has happend in the last hour, what do I remember, how have I felt and where have I been during that time? Has this hour been worth it? I can't answer. I recognize so many degenerations. I have anterior pelvic tilt. Was wondering why my back hurts just from walking or sitting. Well, no wonder when I spent most time sitting and in a bad posture. I can't concentrate anymore. I want easy tasks with a quick reward. If I don't get that, I rather skip it and do something else, like gaming. Eating without a screen in front of me is hard. Food is just a distraction. I'm hectic throughout the whole day. Just doing my chores quickly, so I can get back to the screen. People are just a strain. I let my girlfriend do stuff alone, so I get more time to play games. But the worst thing of all is the loss of memories. When I play games, I don't create any memories. I remember some golden times with the games I played in my childhood and youth. But they are just a handful and they all involve other people. It has not been about the game but the people I played them with. I don't get any memories from the games I play now. Just imagine being old and close to death, and there is nothing to remember. No memories to return to. Please grandpa, tell me a story from your life. Sorry I can not, there are no memories. I didn't experience anything but countless hours of meaningless games and I did not have time to get children, wich is why you do not even exist. Isn't that the worst fate of all? Hopefully it is not too late to create a few good memories?
  7. I've read your whole last post and understood about 1/2, maybe even less. But I know your feelings and realize that you are thinking a lot, just like I do. Maybe too much. You know too much, ask too many questions, have too many doubts. Therefore you can't have the illusionary peace most of the rest enjoys. You see through the illusion of career, family, fame and recognition. You see how people are led by their biological determination. But you don't see any alternative either. Because there is none. That drives you mad. You abuse porn and videogames to ease that pain and madness, which is also just a biological or mental drive. You see through that drive and hate yourself for giving in to it, but what is the alternative? You can stop with porn and videogames in exchange for recognition. But that's just another mental drive. There is just no reward, no real reason not to do it. And we humans need a reason for everything we do. You have to die and you can't escape nor live without the system. There can't be a purpose in your life, because life has no meaning. Whatever you do is without any significance. You are a pitiable creature. I really would like to offer you a solution or some kind of solace, but I think there is none. At least not for me. I just ask myself how to make the best of it. I have thought about suicide, but it just seems like a waste of opportunities, since I will die eventually anyway.
  8. I'm glad that you are back. I didn't really "miss" you, but I've been a bit worried. I even wrote on your blog "uncanny thoughts" to see what happened to you, since you've been active there for a while until the blog was shut down somehow. A stay in the hospital is always interesting with the option of new viewpoints. I'm excited to hear your new stories.
  9. I really like this small workout that Destoroyah suggested. Maybe I'll do the same. My Dad didn't talk a lot. He was silent most of the time and gave me no advice of how to be a man. Yes, he took care of everything I needed, but he gave me no hugs, no emotions. I was always thinking about his thoughts, was never sure if I met his demands because I never got any feedback from him. Last christmas, I eventually found the courage to ask him about all that. Why he never talked, why he showed no emotions, why he didn't do anything with me or taught me stuff? He replied, that this is just not his nature. Which makes perfectly sense. Parents are normal people. No surprise that they are not perfect. Now I understand that my father loves me even though he's not able to express it and just couldn't give me all the things I saw other dads give their sons. I just have to accept this. But I'm satisfied that I've settled this matter that haunted me for so long.
  10. Congratulations! You've succesfully done the 90 day detox! Why don't you continue with your count? I think there is no need to forget about these 60+ awesome days before you started the 1000 day challenge. I don't know what this is about, but I suppose you have to face your father some day. The earlier the better, since it will haunt you otherwise. But you have to do it at your own pace, so no pressure here.
  11. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    So this is day 32 of the 1000 days challenge. I have been gaming free on 9 days and played on 22 days. That's not amazing. But I've been able to introduce something new into my life that may reduce the time I spend gaming. I've painted my first acrylic picture. Here you go: I trained juggling. I can juggle now for about 30 seconds with three balls. Or oranges, lemons, tennis balls... almost anything that is round.I've learned to read notes. Not fluently, but at least I can read them now. Thus I've been able to learn some new songs on the accordeon. Maybe I will record some and show them here.I have 6 weeks left to learn for my state examination in forestry. Tomorrow I will go to a distraction free environment for more focused learning.
  12. Mad Pharmacist's versatile conversation opening. Sounds interesting. Have you tried this yourself @hycniejsy? What were your results? Mathew, you are now on day 85 already. How do you feel? You've been talking regularly about mr. psychic vampire. Is he an important figure in your life? What role does he play?
  13. A good way of life has to cope with adverse fate and fellow men. Hitting rock bottom is part of the game. And Porridge is part of your routine?
  14. I can help you with learning German. I think my German is above average, except comma placement. In return, you could correct my English. I saw your list of books and ordered "A Short History of Nearly Everything". I've just read "A Brief History of Mankind" so this fits in.
  15. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    Day 13 Gaming is just a symptom. The last days I wrote a lot in my handwritten journal. I began to understand where my present mindset comes from and how it creates the problems I'm dealing with. Tomorrow I want to try meditation with headspace.
  16. Now I get it. But I think there are some things mixed up: Alpha, beta, gamma, delta and theta are brain waves frequencies you can actually measure. Like getting in gamme frequency when you meditate. So this is science.Alpha male and beta male is something in the internet about how to deal with women. Suggesting that women want strong alpha males. Apparently not science.
  17. What's about these energies? Never heard of that.
  18. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    ┌───────────────────┐ gaming free: 8/1000 days └───────────────────┘ ▲ good things I had my first little success with juggling. I went for a walk and took my juggling balls with be, so I could practise a bit. I play the accordeon for about 22 years now, but I was never able to learn how to read notes. This made it really hard for me to learn new songs, obviously. I always thought, that juggling and learning notes is something I just can't do. I tried it several times but always failed.This time I tried again, but with a different mentality. I said to myself, that I really want to learn this and that I will find a way. Now I can juggle for half a minute and I can read, although slowly, all the notes. This evening I fetched all my old sheet music and tried some. It was great! I learned three new songs. ▼bad things I procrastinated again on studying. Hey Piotr, thanks for your comment. It's great that you are my accountability partner! That feeling of getting things done is great, but I don't feel it often, because I procrastinate so much. I would love to learn about your "building momentum" technique. It sounds interesting. My balance of working time and relax time is not good, because I relax too much.
  19. Those photos look really professional and I think it is a big step to show your real profile in the internet. That makes you way more authentic but also prone to attacks. But hey: I also changed my profile picture into a photo of myself ;-)
  20. Why is it called DVORAK keyboard? Do I have the same? I think the philosophic books you've got there are all pretty hard stuff. It's a lot of rational thinking that I find hard to imply in my daily life.
  21. I've started with a handwritten journal before I joined GameQuitters. Initially I used it to keep interesting thoughts I had, but over the time it changed into a journal about self-improvement and self-reflection. I find it amazing to revisit old thoughts and to check the developement of my own thought process. Now with my journal here at GameQuitters, I still use my handwritten journal, but only for important and private stuff. I mostly write before I go to bed, cause that is the time when I'm most creative. @destoroyah For me, perfectonism has been a big obstacle at starting a journal. I wanted to write only amazing thoughts in perfect handwriting. This held me back for a long time. I had the best results with just writing whatever came to my mind not caring about scratchy handwriting. But it surely is a good opportunity to practise handwriting this way, especially in times of electronic writing devices. You mentioned intermittent fasting. How do you do it? Do you just skip breakfast / dinner? Do you have a special diet too?
  22. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    ┌───────────────────┐ gaming free: 6/1000 days └───────────────────┘ ▲ good things I had this mindset of always trying to squeeze another game into every possible moment of free time. This made me come late to meetings or miss my duties. Today I was able to head to work when it was time, prepare dinner for my girlfriend, do all the chores and head to bed early enough to be fit next morning and even read some pages. This will even affect the next day in a positive way! I would love to do that. I like juggling, because you need to concentrate which makes your mind stop chatting for a moment. It reminds me of my time when I was a healer in MMOs and had to keep a lot of life bars up. Now I changed from life bars to juggling balls ;-)
  23. I own exactly this album of Be'lakor! But the only kind of metal I can hear nowadays is melodeath. I really need the melodic part but also the growling. Real pure Death Metal on the other hand, has always been too much for me. I can listen to it, but it's too rough that I would be able fully immerse myself. The song I love the most and still hear when I need it is this one: Down With The Sun It's the kind of metal that has a lot of energy, but in a positive way, rather than aggression or melancholy. Metal seems to me like a drug. You start with something easy, maybe Hard Rock, Gothic or Nu Metal. Then you want to try something harder and immerse yourself deeper. The more you discover and expose yourself, the more you can listen to even harder stuff. If you start with brutal death metal, you just hear noise think it's stupid screaming, but when your ear is trained and experienced, you can identify the melody and the pattern that has been crafted. It's the same with alcohol. When I drink hard liquor, I just sense the burning of the alcohol while my experienced alcoholic friends can taste the different flavours of sloes and whitethorn. The advantage of metal is, that you can stop whenever you want or when your taste of music changes. It is a bit harder to switch to water or tea when you are an alcoholic. Though a lot of people combine metal with alcohol. Do you think your taste of music will change when you grow older? I know some people of both sides. Those who stayed true and those who changed.
  24. Does that mean you are learning german? Who wants to speak such an ugly and useless language? I can teach you your first word: Schwanzlurch. That's an order of animals. You call them Salamander I think. It is not a widely used word. But if you call someone in Germany a Schwanzlurch, he will not be happy. That doesn't happen when you call someone a Salamander in England though. Strange. You are listening to Metal. What kind of Metal? I bet it is something like Metalcore or Nu Metal. When I've been in your age, I've been listening to Metal as well. I began with Power Metal and Heavy Metal (Blind Guardian, Iron Maiden) went to Melodic Death Metal (Amon Amarth, Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum, Mors Principium Est) and than even deeper to real Death Metal (Illdisposed, Hypocrisy). This has been my way to deal with my surroundings. I thought that I've needed this extreme music inside me to equalize the madness that comes from the outside. Nowadays I know, that I used this music on the outside to equalize the madness inside me. You are talking about being depressed and depression. Those are two very different things I suppose. Being depressed means you feel an intense melancholy. Depression means, that you feel nothing and is a real mental disorder that needs help and treatment. I've only been depressed. At one point I thought it would be a good idea if every person on earth would die. Then this planet would finally be a nice place to live in. The adult world is different. It is much more diverse. In school everyone does the same thing and has the same goal. In the adult world this stops. But what did you realise?
  25. Fagus

    Fagus' journal

    ┌───────────────────┐ gaming free: 5/1000 days └───────────────────┘ ▲ good things I went for a walk in the sunshine. A really good method of clearing the fog of thoughts and to calm down. I checked all my learning material to get an general idea of all the subjects I have to learn for the exam. The exam is on the 23rd of march, so I made a timetable of when I want to have done with preparations and start intense learning. I spent some time learning notes and training juggling. I can juggle for 5 seconds now. ▼bad things I spent too much time on youtube and mindless browsing.
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