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The Warrior's Infinite Opus


Schwing
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Detox day: 51

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 9

Woke up at:

11:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late but earlier
  • I did a lot of work today. One whole page of sketches and some CAD work
  • So today I was a bit doubtful on my no fap. I have come to the conclusion that masturbation is not harmful but porn is. Quitting masturbation in the past for extended periods of time has caused me to 'rubber band' back and watch porn. So I will make a compromise and simply cut down on masturbation. I just want to not watch porn. I did end up jerking it today but I wasn't acting upon any urge and I didn't even use my imagination.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 100 push-ups
  • Project
  • Looked through some engineering stuff.

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Post rock
  • The awesome advice from the community 
  • Free internet research. It's really awesome how information is so accessible.

What I have learnt from today:

  • As aforementioned about nofap. The counter is now just for porn use.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 9
  • I still need to look into going down to my local climbing centre
  • Do project work
Edited by Schwing
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Detox day: 52

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 10

Woke up at:

8:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up nice and early and followed my routine
  • Got plenty of shit done today. Did a lot of studying
  • I watched a movie (watership down)
  • I am posting late because I have taken a lot of time to think about who I am and what I want to do with my life. I found that I am a very mental person (hobby wise). Not so much physical. So far my hobbies are. Metal/ collecting music, drumming, art, reading learning german, climbing and I think I shall also mention studying for a career in engineering. I think I have too many hobbies to try and succeed in all of them. So I have narrowed down my most sincere passions: Art, metal/ collecting CDs, reading and learning german and most of all studying. I figure I can just go for a run every now and again to get me in the fresh air and doing exercise.
  • Also. For cam's new year's word: mine is stability. I want to feel at peace and have a clear vision. Know my limitations work with them and maximise my potential.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 100 push-ups
  • Project
  • Looked at metal gigs and festivals
  • Drumming

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Local underground bands. Very rewarding when you find hidden gems.

What I have learnt from today:

  • Hobbies. Art or drumming. I must choose. I choose art. But I won't decide so quickly so I will make it my goal for those month to focus on art and see how I find it.
  • My word for the year: stability

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 9
  • Do project work
  • Art art art art
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Hey I reduced the things I want to do too lately and feel like it is really helpful for my focus. If oyu Need any help in deciding what Engineering path you want to take I can surely give you pointers. I finish my studys of chemical/process engineering this year and talked wiht a lot of other engineering students who studied things like biotechnology, mecahtronics, computer science or mechanical engineering. So I have some experience in this area. 

Edited by WorkInProgress
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Detox day: 53

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 2

Woke up at:

12:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late again but I was productive today.
  • I did a lot of studying and I can move on to another section now. Studying is my main focus atm as I am back at school next week on Tuesday
  • I have some pretty nice muscles Mostly upper body. Push-ups paid off.
  • I looked into the air cadet leadership course I am considering doing. It sounded really really tough but I think I am up to it.
  • I emailed my scholarship sponsor an update on how I am getting on. I hope I can get an internship in April.
  • So I sometimes break off from studying and I watch some YouTube or look at articles. It is always something productive though that furthers my knowledge but I would prefer to be more focused.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 100 push-ups
  • Project
  • Leadership course
  • Email

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • My sponsor and my scholarship in general. It feels good when people recognise my potential.

What I have learnt from today:

  •  Climbing isn't all that time consuming. I can still do it as a hobby. Shame about drumming though.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 9
  • Do project work
  • Art art art art
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Detox day: 55

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 4

Woke up at:

12:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late again but I was productive today.
  • I studied all fucking day. I am quite stressed because I am back at school on tuesday
  • My stepdad saw my muscles the other day (no homo) and he says that it looks like I've been working out for 4 years. Except I have only been doing 100 pushups a day very sporadically for 6 months. Must be down to my genetics.
  • Checked out some metal gigs. Why are all the best ones in fucking manchester or on a school night?!!! And why do I live in the middle of nowhere?!!

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 15 minutes meditation
  • Project
  • Metal gigs
  • Maths homework

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Having awesome genetics for massive pecks and arms.
  • Roast dinner. My mum is awesome at cooking
  • Death metal. Helps me concentrate when studying.

What I have learnt from today:

  •  I have come to the conclusion that mental gains are my main concern and I want to maximise my productivity and train my concentration. I will mediate more often instead of pushups.
  • I am getting more able at controlling my fapping urges. Saying goodbye to degeneracy!

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 8
  • Do project work
  • Studying
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Detox day: 56

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 5

Woke up at:

8

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up very early. I have been using the kanban flow thing wip recommended. I got 7 pommodros today.
  • So I have been studying all day everyday for the past few days. Fucking stressfully.
  • Sometimes I take to the internet and research certain things like the Holocaust, climate change and conspiracy theories. Usually I end up with a load of contradicting evidence which has put me off this red pill crap. I find myself not red pilled to the point at which I am wearing a tin foil hat but at which I am skeptical of everything which is nice. Today's subjects were climate change and shit hits the fan survival preppers. As of now I believe climate change is real and caused by us but there is a lot of bullshit floating about like the so called consensus that 97℅ of scientists agree. I think preppers are often rational people. Too many people in today's society are weak and too dependent on the government who don't actually give a shit about them. I think people should be a little self sufficient and learn the ways of the land so I will do that. My purpose is to be the best version of myself so I will embrace a country lifestyle- I live in it after all. That doesn't mean I'm running around in the forest from now on forever. I will still embrace modern technology and lifestyle but I want to be a little more independent.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 5 minutes meditation
  • Project
  • Research

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Being smart. I would have been in a very bad state if I wasn't as intelligent as I am now and took initiative.

What I have learnt from today:

  • Don't leave work till last minute 
  • Preppers aren't nutjobs. At least the ones that don't own a treasure trove of supermarket brand canned beans.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 8
  • Do project work
  • Studying
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No post yesterday because I pulled an all nighter to finish studying. I got 4 hours sleep and I haven't felt tired at all since. I also got a new haircut which is great.

Detox day: 58

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 7

Woke up at:

7:25

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up early enough
  • Damn my testosterone levels must have peaked. Really deep voice, confident, witty. All kinds of shit.
  • Something was very different today. Usually guys my age tend to be pretty insecure about their ego and think it's essential for social prowess. But, today everybody was super chill this morning and didn't put each other down. Seems like everyone is growing up. I have noticed that lately.
  • So I started getting seriously bad fapping cravings today and I had to get down and do 50 but that didn't cut it. I ended up looking at a little bit of porn but I didn't wank over the shit at all. I feel a lot more stable now.
  • Looked up some stuff on cold showers. I will take them now.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 5 minutes meditation
  • 50 pushups
  • Overcame the urge to jerk it
  • Project
  • Homework

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Overcoming the urge to jerk it
  • Great day at school
  • Short hair

What I have learnt from today:

  • Keep going with no fap till the bitter end. I wont find peace of mind until I do.
  • Cold showers sound good

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 7
  • Do project work
  • Studying
  • Running
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Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

As a teenager who lives in the middle of nowhere i lack a lot of freedom so I supose i shouldn't underrate internet friends.

Yep exactly. Your circumstances are what they are, but you can do a lot to change them.

True, I can confirm that. Even if sometimes, this isn't easy, that's the truth : If you have a strong willpower that will be a bit easier.

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So I haven't posted in some time because I forgot to post two days in a row, pulled another all nighter and then fell asleep for 20 hours the next day.

I have been back at school these past few days and I have had an all time low in my depression. I relapsed on my no fap today and I'm starting again. I will make a rule to not view any porn at all even if I don't wank. If I do then that counts as relapse. But I hit 12 days which is my record. My productivity has dropped a lot and I couldn't get anything done today.

Edited by Schwing
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Detox day: 63

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Woke up at:

12:10

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Low productivity today. Got up late.
  • Watched a movie
  • Tried to do a bit of maths homework
  • Relapsed on the nofap. Just got to get back up
  • Took a cold shower. It's quite bearable up until a point where I feel like my skin is going to freeze off.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 50 pushups
  • Cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Roast dinner
  • Cold showers

What I have learnt from today:

  • Keep going with no fap till the bitter end. I wont find peace of mind until I do.
  • No pornographic content at all

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 6:30
  • Do project work
  • Studying
  • Running
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Day 63, wow... I hope to get that far. Seems so bloody far at day 3 lol. 

Early on in your journal you said school is a bloody zoo, I just wanted to comment that yes it is a flipping crazy social experiment but like many things in life it's temporary. Approaching my 40s I only have casual relationships with 2 friends that I was really close to in high school. I would hate to redo that time in my life with all the Facebook, Twitter junk but again it's temporary. Follow your bliss, what makes you happy has value and will attract like-minded individuals.

Congrats on making it this far! 

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Detox day: 64

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

Woke up at:

7:30

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up later than usual but I got shit done just fine
  • My mood has been stable as of late and my social anxiety is gone
  • My productivity has dropped and I struggled to get any homework done tonight
  • Had a short conversation with an old steam friend. He doesn't really understand why I quit.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Running
  • Cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal

What I have learnt from today:

  • I need to get back on track. I haven't done german in ages and I have just been goofing off in my free time.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 6:30
  • Do project work
  • Studying
  • When you get home do some art or something
Edited by Schwing
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0/500 New German words

  • Does that mean you are learning german? Who wants to speak such an ugly and useless language? I can teach you your first word: Schwanzlurch. That's an order of animals. You call them Salamander I think. It is not a widely used word. But if you call someone in Germany a Schwanzlurch, he will not be happy. That doesn't happen when you call someone a Salamander in England though. Strange. 

 

  • You are listening to Metal. What kind of Metal? I bet it is something like Metalcore or Nu Metal. When I've been in your age, I've been listening to Metal as well. I began with Power Metal and Heavy Metal (Blind Guardian, Iron Maiden) went to Melodic Death Metal (Amon Amarth, Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum, Mors Principium Est) and than even deeper to real Death Metal (Illdisposed, Hypocrisy). This has been my way to deal with my surroundings. I thought that I've needed this extreme music inside me to equalize the madness that comes from the outside. Nowadays I know, that I used this music on the outside to equalize the madness inside me.

 

  • You are talking about being depressed and depression. Those are two very different things I suppose. Being depressed means you feel an intense melancholy. Depression means, that you feel nothing and is a real mental disorder that needs help and treatment. I've only been depressed. At one point I thought it would be a good idea if every person on earth would die. Then this planet would finally be a nice place to live in.

 

 

  • I realise the reasons people act the way they do. How different is the adult world to the school environment? Someone please tell me: I need something to look forward to. Or not.
  • The adult world is different. It is much more diverse. In school everyone does the same thing and has the same goal. In the adult world this stops.
  • But what did you realise?
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Ah I see. I lately think about starting to Train for an halfmarathon. I ran one a few years a go and failed horrible because I didn't really trained. I actually drank a mixed beer afterwards and had to vomit in the Train.... Well I want to override this engative experience with a good run in a good time. But I don't think I want to make time for it right now. If you want I can jsut write one sentences in my personal message in german. So you have an motivation to translate it. with the help of linguee.com it should be an easy Task and I am sure you would learn a lot of conversational german skills over time. Especially if youwrite down the words you want to memorize into a deck on anki.com(digital flashcards whcih are awesome). 

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@Fagus

  • Does that mean you are learning german? Who wants to speak such an ugly and useless language? I can teach you your first word: Schwanzlurch. That's an order of animals. You call them Salamander I think. It is not a widely used word. But if you call someone in Germany a Schwanzlurch, he will not be happy. That doesn't happen when you call someone a Salamander in England though. Strange. 
  • You are listening to Metal. What kind of Metal? I bet it is something like Metalcore or Nu Metal. When I've been in your age, I've been listening to Metal as well. I began with Power Metal and Heavy Metal (Blind Guardian, Iron Maiden) went to Melodic Death Metal (Amon Amarth, Insomnium, Omnium Gatherum, Mors Principium Est) and than even deeper to real Death Metal (Illdisposed, Hypocrisy). This has been my way to deal with my surroundings. I thought that I've needed this extreme music inside me to equalize the madness that comes from the outside. Nowadays I know, that I used this music on the outside to equalize the madness inside me.
  • But what did you realise?

Haha. I would have never have thought to call someone a salamander anyway so that's cool.

Fagus my man... you underestimate me but I can understand why you would think I listen to nu metal and metalcore. I began with nu metal and metalcore and that kind of stuff. My first metalcore song that I listened to ever was by bring me the horizon. Insomnium fucking RULES! I've got their winter's gate CD. Never heard of those two death bands you mentioned. Checked them out and these guys sound more melodeath than pure death. Really cool though. My favourite subgenre is death metal. I like melodic death, technical death and brutal death. I like a bit of stuff outside death metal too. My favourite band is The Black Dahlia Murder and other bands I like are: Death, Be'Lakor, Insomnium, Skeletonwitch, Psycroptic, Immolation, Sylosis, Vektor, In Flames, Cannibal Corpse, Fallujah, Suffocation, Gorguts and many more! Right now I'm listening to Rivers Of Nihil. I also like a bit of stuff outside of metal- various offshoots of hardcore like mathcore and posthardcore. bands like, Converge, Hail The Sun, The Fall Of Troy. I'm the only metalhead in my school. But yea metal for me, looking back, was a lot about the escape into the fantasy. If you like melodeath you need to hear this shit.

I realised that people have egos and they will push them on other people to feel big. I don't want to or need to be that kind of person.

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I own exactly this album of Be'lakor!

But the only kind of metal I can hear nowadays is melodeath. I really need the melodic part but also the growling. Real pure Death Metal on the other hand, has always been too much for me. I can listen to it, but it's too rough that I would be able fully immerse myself.

The song I love the most and still hear when I need it is this one: Down With The Sun It's the kind of metal that has a lot of energy, but in a positive way, rather than aggression or melancholy.

Metal seems to me like a drug. You start with something easy, maybe Hard Rock, Gothic or Nu Metal. Then you want to try something harder and immerse yourself deeper. The more you discover and expose yourself, the more you can listen to even harder stuff. If you start with brutal death metal, you just hear noise think it's stupid screaming, but when your ear is trained and experienced, you can identify the melody and the pattern that has been crafted. It's the same with alcohol. When I drink hard liquor, I just sense the burning of the alcohol while my experienced alcoholic friends can taste the different flavours of sloes and whitethorn. The advantage of metal is, that you can stop whenever you want or when your taste of music changes. It is a bit harder to switch to water or tea when you are an alcoholic. Though a lot of people combine metal with alcohol.

Do you think your taste of music will change when you grow older? I know some people of both sides. Those who stayed true and those who changed.

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Oh I love that song! The riffs are just amazing. I used to listen to that album whenever it was raining outside. I'm missing insomnium playing at manchester tonight actually. Getting to gigs is very difficult at my age. It sucks because it's either: In manchester which is miles away, on a sunday night, on a school night (I can't just skive school because I can't get to the train station unless my parents drive me!), down south somewhere or an 18+ show. I don't even have any metalhead friends. I'll have to wait until university before I even get to go to a gig or find another metalhead.

Yes I remember looking at a cannibal corpse video a while back and I thought it was terrible and now it is one of my favourite songs!

I don't think my taste of music will change much. I like classical music and other genres too. I think I appreciate music for it's complexity and meaning more than anything else. I listen to classical music and brutal death because they push the boundaries. Contrary to popular belief the two genres have a lot in common. The only things I will really grow out of are my band shirts! I don't think I will be a size small for ever. My parents and everyone at school think "it's just a phase". But they don't know shit! I can see myself branching out into different genres of music though. Certainly my passion for good music wont fade. I have been getting into more tame forms of music recently like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOC4wlwzdeM

Edited by Schwing
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@Csaba_Bekesi 

25642079.jpg

Fuck yes mate I have the anaal nathrakh album on CD! Damonacy sounds dope as fuck! never heard of them before. Also bloodshot dawn; I have never given them a proper listen. You might have heard this band they are similar to bloodshot dawn in terms of being quite technical/ melodic

Check this out

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Detox day: 65

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 2

Woke up at:

7:40

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late and I didn't take my cold shower. I did taken one when I got back in though. I almost fell over because my muscles locked up lol
  • Felt a bit shitty this morning but everything got better once I got into the swing of things.
  • No homework tonight so I did some art instead
  • I should read a bit or have a chat with my friend before I go to sleep.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Art
  • Cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • People enjoying my company. I just need to iniate hanging out with some people.
  • Connecting with awesome people on this site who I would have never found otherwise.
  • People on this site like fucking metaaaaallll. You guys have awesome taste.

What I have learnt from today:

  • I need to get back on track with meditation or at least something like a workout routine
  • I have almost finished my sketchbook. My artwork seems to have improved. I am keen on playing around with a charcoal set I got for Christmas. Maybe I will do a sketchbook tour video to keep track of my progress.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up at 6:30
  • Do project work
  • Studying
  • Try and talk to some girls maybe?

Here are some pics of what I drew recently (not the best but I'm making progress):

 

1484691777094-1931190862.jpg

1484691832423-1773845985.jpg

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