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Simms

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  1. Simms

    Patterns

    Welp fell down. - After all the work moving, decided to just play a little as long as I met my goals beforehand.... Right. 2 full weekends down the drain now. Workout progress stalled out. Climbing fitness was going next. There was some good in there. Got the move done. House setup. Met with some old friends while out of town for work. Met up with the old writing group. - But inescapable conclusion. - Videogames kill me. 2 whole saturdays and sundays I'm never getting back. For what? Committing to a strong 90 days detox. - So here. We. Go.
  2. Simms

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    Another good couple of days. Tuesday I worked from home. Did a ton of Focusmate sessions and made huge progress in my new job. Feel like I'm really getting into the swing of things. - I got an offer for a job interview with what I once thought would be a dream job, but I'm loving what I'm doing so much that I think the whole "grass is greener" thing isn't worth it to even consider. It doesn't help that the HR person was completely unprofessional in their e-mail and it left a really poor impression of the organization in general. After I finished working I fell into a Youtube rut and felt stuck there. I didnt even want to watch anything, but I kept flipping between animations and content that just wasn't interesting. Finally I convinced myself to go workout and it was brilliant. Energizing. After the workout I read a book on my kindle app instead of mindless internet surfing. It felt great. Wednesday was another great workday. - Got a ton more accomplished a feel like I'm in great shape heading into the city tomorrow. - There was one small task I got at the end of the day when I'd already left. I finished it this evening and sent it over. My GF is on my case about seperating work time and home time and I get it. The thing is, I find myself enjoying the work. It's the kind of thing I would enjoy doing in my spare time even if I wasn't getting paid. Tinkering with financial reporting models. - Doing comparisons, trying to figure out why IT systems won't play nice with each other. If you'd told me as a kid I could make a living playing with spreadsheets on a computer all day, I'd have probably signed up right there. Went climbing in the evening and one-hanged my 5.12a project. Made it to a new high point along the way which is encouraging. It took about 5 attempts to have one good solid push. I wasn't warmed up properly and had a bit of a mental breakdown on the ground. The gym was too busy and I don't do well with "crowded". So good with the bad. Filled up my car and did some physio with my doggo. She's a month out from surgery now and seems to be recovering really well! She's such a little dear. In a way the surgery has been a great blessing, it's forced me to spend more time with her. She has no idea why, but she loves all the attention shes been getting and I'd say has never been happier. Funny how things work out. Had mad cravings to play games on the weekend. Didn't really get into it in the last one. Still feeling the waves now. It's tough when the GF is playing Fortnite every night. But I know me. One game turns into 2 games turns into playing on my own, turns into playing for an entire weekend. Don't have time for that. There's life to be lived.
  3. Simms

    Patterns

    Last week turned into a bit of a blur. Wednesday: First day working at home. Messed around with the software, got familiar with our reporting. Didn't get a whole lot of real actual work done. Went climbing and did some mindless internet surfing. - Cooked a pretty nice meal which was nice. Thursday: Slept a lot, worked from home again and was more just getting familiar with things. - In the evening went to see Free Solo with the girlfriend. For those who don't know, it's a climbing movie that follows Alex Honnold and his dream to climb a very difficult route up El Capitan in Yosemite. - Alex is an interesting guy in that they've done MRI's on his brain, and his Amygdala that controls the fear response doesn't fire at anywhere near the same threshold as most people. The film explored what it is to do something at the highest level when it's all for yourself. It's contrasted against his growing relationship with Sanni McCandles and the struggle to be a partner to someone, but chase after what's important to you. It's a documentary, but it's not trying to spread some message or even explore a theme. It presents an incredible man, his passions, his friends, and his relationships against a beautiful backdrop of climbing. I could barely breathe from the moment it started. I'd recommend it to everyone. - It's got an Oscar nomination for Best Documentary and it should win for sure. If there's one takeaway I got from the film it was: Do something that's worth doing. Go out and develop the skills, then make a goal and try to achieve it. Then repeat that. And keep repeating it. You'll never be satisfied. It's never enough, but if you get hit by a bus tomorrow you won't regret for a moment the way you spent your life. Friday I went to work in the city. - We had a client meeting with an Instagram influencer who we're likely going to start working with. It's an incredible market to get into and I love seeing behind the curtain into how social media people make a living. The client looks like she works crazy hard, and her content is top tier quality. I slept funny Thursday night and cramped up my shoulder. To the point where turning my neck to shoulder check while driving had me in agony. I was supposed to go out to dinner with my GF's work mom, work mom's husband, GF, and GF's boss. I couldn't face 6 hours of small talk (it's a whole thing, I see them all a lot as it is, except her boss who I like chatting with a lot) - I bailed last minute and spent the evening in bed... watching youtube videos. Saturday I was supposed to go Ice Climbing with GF and her boss, but the shoulder was still aching and I bailed out. Worked out for the best since it was minus 20 and with a group of 3, there would have been a whole lot more standing around in the cold. GF's boss took us out for lunch afterwards and we got to catch up before he made his way back to the city. He told us a great story about climbing Edith Cavell 30 years ago with a member of the Symphony Orchestra and some 18-year old kid who'd never been climbing before... and they did the East Ridge route. They ended up on a 24-hour epic, starting and finishing in the dark. Blisters, bears and an 18-year old that never climbed again were the highlights. - No one was severely injured and they all made it home. My list for this year is Joffre, North Victoria, and Edith Cavell. - I wanted to do some trip planning Sunday but ended up with almost debilitating cravings for gaming. It was the worst I've experienced since I stopped. - GF was playing with her sisters, and fortunately one of their BF's joined for a full group of 4, so I didn't have any "reason" to play. (Fun fact, the BF holds the Canadian record in a track event...) It was just a weird miserable day. I'd wanted to limit screentime and actually have a real day of rest after 3 weeks of non-stop climbing, reffing, hiking, job hunting, driving around... Instead I basically spent all day on youtube wishing I was gaming. It felt like a loss. - So I took a look at my task board and made a committment to get things done on Monday. I allocated 5 tasks to be done, and started polishing my leather boots which was something I could take care of immediately. It helped my mindset a bit, so I setup 6 focusmate sessions for Monday. That's been killer for me in the past when I was just writing, but it ended up working pretty well. I also worked on my "Cookie Jar" - David Goggins talks about it in his book, Can't Hurt Me. Basically he has a cookie jar of good memories, times where he excelled, where he didn't give up, and when he's going something difficult and wants to quit, he reaches into his jar and grabs a memory of a time he didn't give up. And he uses it to get to the next signpost, the next pull-up, the next whatever it is and keeps going. Reviewing some of the high points helped turn around what had been a pretty rough Sunday otherwise. Today being Monday I started working at 7AM and made steady progress until 10 when I went out to run some errands per my list the day before. I got everything but one item on my list completed, because the post office required some additional documentation. I got it sorted out at home and will get it taken care of tomorrow. In the afternoon I completed 3 more Focusmate sessions beyond some freestyle working and felt like I'd accomplished a lot. - Went for a climb in the evening, took it somewhat easy because of a sore finger, but still made a high-point on my 5.12a project. Booked 7 Focusmate sessions for tomorrow, so need to get some sleep. It was a pleasure to get some thoughts in order and remember the good memories stuffed into the cookie jar. My goal is to continue adding to it, especially this year. Cheers
  4. Simms

    Patterns

    Doing my best to continue the daily updates... it's tough ? - Fortunately it's for good reason. Busy with positive things. Not gaming, and not thinking about gaming is making the other aspects of my life run so much more smoothly. Monday: Started my new job! It's AMAZING. Literally have the opportunity to grow something from an early stage. The founder is brilliant and had put together amazing processes and procedures from scratch. Part of my responsibility is going to be formalizing all of these procedures. But first I need to get familiar with them and get into the weeds a bit. We only worked from 9:30 to about 3... which was great because we FLEW through things. I commuted the hour and a half home and spent time getting more hardware and software ready to go. Glad I only need to make the commute a couple times a month. - Went to the electronics store and grabbed a cable I needed to get some hardware working... still didn't work. Ugh. Went to the climbing gym for an indoor session and saw the administration lady from my old job in the gallery. - She was one of the people I really liked there and it had made me so sad I didn't get the chance to say good-bye. Cutting onions a little bit thinking about it, but got the chance to say hello and let her know I missed out chats. She showed me the painting she was displaying. Makes me smile. ? Climbed hard. Bloodied up my hand real good. - GF did some solid work too. We may be pushing too hard... or not hard enough. Spring's right around the corner... ish. Tuesday: Back to the city for work! Went through more of the actual client process today. - The work is straightforward but on a tight turnaround. Liasing with the bookkeepers and making sure everything is on schedule is going to be the biggest challenge. I see so much opportunity to scale up and be a strong player in the space. So excited. - The bossman needed to go pick up his truck at 2:30 and we were at a good stopping point, so another early day. I've got a meeting in the city at 7 so I made my way over to Best Buy to pickup another cable... we'll see if I can get things working this time. Wandered through Ikea picking up some bedding and curtains from our furniture list while I'm here to make things a little more manageable when we come through for the big furniture items. Ikea isn't actually so bad when you're wandering around on a Tuesday afternoon... - When we come back on Saturday afternoon in a few weeks I'll probably be singing a different tune. There were some issues with coaches and hockey players over the weekend and I needed to get everything documented and off to minor hockey. - Took a good hour and it's hard to say how they'll react. There's been a lot of change in hockey culture, but it's still got an old school streak. I'm hoping for good news and will need to get on the phone tomorrow. Something that cut me down last time around was I hit a few weeks into my gaming detox and felt... safe. Like: OK, it was ridiculous I ever played games and it was a problem. Everything's so good now. How did that ever get to be a problem? - And then a few weeks or months later it snuck in. - "Oh, I'll just play a little Halo with the guys." Which turned into "I'll just play a little Fortnite while I wait for the guys to get on for Halo." Which turned into playing Fortnite all Saturday and most of Sunday. I guess what I'm thinking is it's important to reflect on how I'm feeling and not get lazy in the vigilance. Constantly remember what's at stake. How things are good and how I've got things to do that bring me more joy than what games bring.
  5. Simms

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    Combination Friday / Saturday / Sunday Friday: Surfed mindlessly until about 11:00 AM and got myself moving. I went for a climb by myself and did a nice pyramid of routes on the auto-belay culminating in a 5.11+ that I was very happy to finish. Made my way home and got into the chores that had piled up. - Finished laundry, vacuumed and got my office cleaned up for my new job. It still needs a little work but is in good workable shape right now. - Good thing too, because our friends came a little early for the weekend and we spent the evening making dinner and chatting. We stayed up til near midnight which is pretty late for me these days, so I had to plan to rest of the weekend carefully. Saturday: Got up at 6AM and worked on a certification I need for my new job. - Had to ref two hockey games starting at 8AM, then we were planning to take advantage of the unreal weather window to go climb outside... in January... in Canada. Insanity. - I got home and our friends were just getting out the door to go visit a local French Bakery. - I used the time window to finish up my certification which was a load off my mind for the rest of the weekend. - We finally got out the door to go climbing about 15 minutes after noon. - As we arrived at the mountain we ran into some trail runners who were just getting down from the summit for the day. - They looked like they thought we were crazy to just be hitting the trail. The hike up took about an hour and a half. - We managed to climb a couple routes each in sunlight. I flashed a 5.10a and everyone else projected a couple 5.11b's. - I wasn't feeling the projects, and with the sunlight being a time constraint my GF got to climb twice and I got just the one attempt on the 10a before we needed to pack things up. - We started down at 5:30 and lost the light fast. Good thing we had headlamps and flashlights. - The route twists and turns a bit and we got lost about 5 minutes from the road. Fortunately almost all the trails converge at the same place, and after a little bit of bushwhacking we popped out nearly on top of the car. We made a pitstop for some groceries and our friends made dinner. Another joined us to chat. - I headed to bed early. Another early day reffing tomorrow. Sunday: Up at 6:15AM and out the door. - My feet are a mess. Blisters on top of blisters on one, and fresh blisters opening up between my ankle and the ball of my foot on both feet. The games were not a lot of fun and I was irritated with the little kids. - I have no issues doing novice games normally, but today was just fraying at my nerves. - Made it through the games and made it home just as our friends were heading out to cross-country ski. - Perfect. - GF was playing Fortnite and I had a nice long nap. Friends came back, we made a quick lunch then off to the climbing wall. - Worked a couple 5.12a projects and messed around. - After the beautiful day that was Saturday, today has turned into a complete blizzard. They've got a 3.5 hour drive home in good weather, so we cut the gym session short and made our way home. - A bus spunout, almost into the ditch on the drive back, right in front of us. Not a good day to be on the roads. They packed up and are on the road even now. Made some dinner for myself and the gf. - Pork chops, salad, and quinoa. - This makegoodfood thing that's being advertised so heavily right now isn't bad. - I'd go beyond not bad even. Give it a thumbs up. ? Totally beat from all the activity. - Need to get my head straight to start the new job tomorrow. I'm in a far better place than 25 days ago when I got fired. - It seemed so surreal when it happened, and now it feels like I never worked there at all. - New adventures, new opportunities. - So far so good making this the kind of year I'll be proud to look back on one day.
  6. Simms

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    Better day today. - Stopped in early to get my skates sharpened. Took the car in to get serviced, test drove 3 different vehicles. GF and I still debating whether we really need to upgrade. We're driving 2004 and 2008 right now and want to downsize to one car. What we have are both reliable, they're just getting older. - Continuing to explore options. Got home around 4 and spent 2 hours with the dogs and wasting time on youtube videos. Ate a quick dinner and made my way to the rink to ref a Midget provincial game. The local team has a major discipline issue. Their coach isn't much better and through the course of the game I handed out 3 unsportsmanlike's and a 10-minute misconduct. First time I've had to drop a dime on anyone all year. - I expect better from this team, but it wasn't a big surprise. It was a tight game until the 3rd period when the wheels finally fell off for the local team. Wasted opportunity. 3.5 hours including drive time to make $67.50. To get yelled at. To have a coach act like a child. Good thing I don't just do it for the money. Ugh. I've been listening to David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me" audiobook. It's good stuff. I don't spend enough time uncomfortable, and it takes a lot of planning to come up with good situations that make me uncomfortable. Climbing Athabasca hurt like hell, but it's a great achievement I should appreciate more. Working at EY for 3 years was hell on Earth, but I made it through the other end and I should make more of the accomplishment. Tomorrow is going to be a day for reflection, and the last real day I have to prepare for my new job. Going to make it count.
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    What a day. Not in a very good way. - Watched Youtube pretty much from the moment I got up until I went out for dinner at 6:30. - Tried to meditate. Brain just shut down. Tried to listen to audiobooks. Brain wasn't having any of it. Willpower was nonexistent. Went out for dinner with my GF to celebrate my birthday. - I'll be 35 tomorrow. - I want it to be a good year. I wanted last year to be a good year, but with the career I had chosen there was no way it was going to happen. - This year I'm moving along a better path career-wise and things don't feel hopeless. Major positive there. We grabbed Dairy Queen for dessert. She brought up some of the politics we'd been arguing about days before... she'd looked into some of the things I'd brought up, and started picking away at factual inaccuracies. My eyes glazed over. I truly don't want to discuss American politics. Or Canadian politics. Or politics period. And we stopped in a nice way. Spent some time playing with the dogs and came in to write this. Ended up looking at cars online for an hour. Got a pretty good idea what we want, will probably test drive some things when I take my car in for some maintenance tomorrow. Should be a better day tomorrow. - Going to be out driving around and away from home. The change of venue is helpful. Gotta make sure I get up early enough to give myself a little lead time to pack up my laptop.
  8. Nice work getting in to improve the resume while you're still finishing classes I've been working with a career counselor since losing my job and the difference it made in my resume was astounding. - Hope the improvements you make help you to land the position you're hoping for!
  9. Simms

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    Slept in til about 9. - Watched youtube videos for a couple hours and then managed to get moving. I had a list of 5 tasks to get done and 3 things to do during the day. I went out to start the list of tasks - Got a birthday card mailed, but my list was on a post-it attached to the card. I moved it into a pocket before mailing the card, but it disappeared before I made it to the next destination. - I managed to figure out my license issue, which was task #2, get the bottles returned which was #3 and make an appointment to fix a recall issue with my car which was #4, but I couldn't remember #5. - Came home and checked my master list... #5 was to get new tags for my dogs with my updated phone number on them. I've deferred it to another day and am not beating myself up too much over it. Spent most of the afternoon doing chores. - I got a new cleaning machine for my CPAP machine that took some time to setup. - Did some laundry, did some dishes. Took the dogs for a walk. I need to take them separately right now because one is still recovering from surgery so that took a little over an hour altogether, then some more time for doggies rehab exercises. Answered a number of Referee emails and returned some calls about provincial games. By the time I was done with all the work around the house it was time to go climbing. - Climbed inside for about 2.5 hours. - Worked on a 5.12b project that seems like it's just going to be too hard for my current fitness level. At the end of the session, got on a 5.11d I've been working on and fell off at the usual spot, but it was encouraging because I was already completely gassed from the day and I think I'll be able to get it easily if I try it while warmed up and fresh. After climbing, made some food and spent some time planning budgets with the GF. With a new house there are so many decisions to make. Furniture, a no-fee mortgage account, what lawyer to use. Fortunately it's the second time I'm buying a condo so I have experience with the process. Being an accountant means I end up making a lot of spreadsheets, but today we just used the white-board and it was actually pretty fun. I'm thankful for not playing games right now. - Many of these tasks are things that aren't exactly "must do's" - If they don't get done, no one is going to die, but it just builds. The house becomes a mess. The dog gets stiff and sore because she's not getting all the care she needs. I get fat because I'm not exercising. - It's good reflection to be on the right path. I wanted to write today. - I'm going to go put down 100 words and see if I get a few more with the momentum or whether I just leave it there. It's been a good day. Not a perfect day, and it's worth celebrating.
  10. Great list. - I find the streams, videos, TV series and movies such easy replacements for video games. While they're a step in the right direction, they're probably not very healthy either, so glad you're looking to cut them out. I like the productivity goal to study. Is the 10 hours all at once? Remember to celebrate the little wins along the way. Good luck in the journey.
  11. Hi @Mettermrck - I followed your story even though I wasn't on the forums anymore when you were active. - I empathize with the great progress you made and the pain of backsliding. I hope you can find it in yourself to continue making positive steps. If you ever need someone to bounce ideas off, feel free to reach out. Cheers.
  12. Simms

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    Not a whole lot going on today. Woke up late. Like 9:30ish. - Watched TV for about an hour and a half. - GF didn't sleep well, up with our dog sick in the middle of the night. She got up around 11 and went in to work late. Not before we argued about politics again. She showed me an excellent chart of media bias at: https://www.adfontesmedia.com/ It's another reminder I need to stop caring about American media. No real surprises there. Watched a lot of TV today. Finished the whole Titans series on Netflix. - Ended up spending more time mindlessly surfing than paying attention to the show. The last 3 episodes really jumped around all over the place and lacked any kind of cohesive storyline to keep me interested. It became more about sticking it out to the end than actually enjoying the show. Kind of like games I play. - Sticking it out to some arbitrary endpoint, instead of just stopping when I realize they're not good for me. Went out and got my license renewed, it expired in a couple days. - I got my address updated to my new house, but realized it's going to be mailed to that address... that doesn't have a mailbox for another month. - I'm going to go to the post office tomorrow and see what I can do to sort that out. Did some grocery shopping and came home. - Setup my whiteboard with a "to-do" list and updated my calendar with reminders of upcoming events in the next few days/weeks. - Took care of 5 small tasks and designated a number to take care of tomorrow. Squeezed in a quick workout. Finished up and watched a lot of Youtube Videos of people playing Rocket League. Not a good use of time. I keep hoping to have an amazing day. A 10/10 productivity day that's somehow inspiring for all days going forward. I wonder if that hope is self-limiting, like I'm not celebrating the good parts of each day, because I want that perfect 10/10 day, which is only going to compare in a negative way to any non-perfect day afterwards. Mindfulness, awareness and effort are helping. Parts of today were good, and I have a plan for tomorrow. That is satisfying. I didn't game today, that is satisfying. The rest will hopefully come.
  13. Simms

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    Early-ish day today, up at 7AM to get to the ski-hill. - My body feels like it's failing me sometimes. My brain, all the time. I literally couldn't get it together until about 9AM. Fortunately I didn't have to drive or really do anything until arriving at the ski hill. Was with my parents and my partner. - Parents are both in their 60's now and my dad especially is not happy with how he's slowing down. He constantly talks about things he won't be able to do soon, and seeing things for the last time. - I'm visiting my brother for a housewarming in a month and I'm going to talk to him about how we knock some sense into my dad... My dad's parents are 87 and still living fairly richly. - That's 25 years. - Things can happen, yes. But living in your early 60's like the grim reaper is hanging over you is just tragic. Ski'd primarily mellow terrain, greens and blues most of the day. - I ducked onto a double-black on the backside that linked back into a green late in the day and it felt good to just let my skis run. All my l 20's I was the wheezing caboose at the end of the train in any group physical activity. It hasn't been the case for years, but with my gf sick, and my folks getting older, no one was even close. We got home late in the evening and everyone else was gassed. I felt warmed up, ready for a day out. We had dinner and after a pleasant weekend, politics reared it's ugly head. - My dad is a physician and struggles with the dissonance between political policy and reality. On a daily basis he deals with groups who take no responsibility for their own health, who routinely miss appointments, who don't follow his treatment orders and then complain that they're not getting better. And he can't say a thing about it. He can't do anything to change it, because the hospital would brand him a racist. The media would hold him up as a terrible man who has no sympathy for the disadvantaged. - When he spends hours of his own time each week making reminder calls - re-booking people. It's just a cloud of sadness. Things remained pretty low-emotion and we finished dinner. They left but it lead to a pretty heated discussion for 2+ hours after they left with the gf. - She leans left and I lean right. It can be challenging. To oversimplify an impossible problem, I see the western world as fracturing further and further into tribes, and an "us vs. them" mentality. - So many people are lost without a tribe at all. Some tribes are so broken that they're near impossible to help, let alone fix. The traditional tribes of "nationality" and "religion" have been fractured so much they don't offer the easy backstop they once did. - There is no defining set of values that I can look to, and say: "Yes, that's what makes me and my neighbors Canadian." - There is no aspirational set of goals and values a new immigrant can look to and say, "Yes, that's who I want to be!" Who do I want to be? - Kind. Hard working. A person of integrity. - Things that some might associate with religion, but after being raised Catholic and spending time immersed in Buddhism, for me there's just too much nonsense attached to religion to rely on it to define a nation. Who do I not want to be? Dishonest, addicted, a constant consumer. So as this heated conversation ebbed and flowed, something she said to me really stuck: "Do you not think other people have these thoughts? That others are searching for meaning? To be better?" - She thinks people need to stop doing the things they know they shouldn't and replace them with better things. I think people need aspirational goals, ideas and examples to emulate and stride towards, then as they move in a better direction, they'll shed bad habit. - Our thoughts, two sides of the same coin. Essentially the same. I believe answers exist to any problem. Yet in my experience in politics at the most basic level of a condo board and a hockey executive and I understand just how impossible it is to get anything done. You can know the answer to the problem. Provide the answer, and steps to make the correction. And some people will actively fight against it. Willfully choose destruction. It breaks my heart. It grows out of my own knowledge that I've willfully chosen destruction in gaming. - Each day I choose to pick up the controller. Play another round of Magic: The Gathering, I'm ruining my own life. - I know the answer to my problem: "Stop gaming." - Simple. Not easy. What if you could list all the traits you wanted to have? List the life you wanted. - No nonsense like "I want to be rich and famous." - But actual things: "I want to be healthy. I want to climb, and ski, and smile. - I want to have a relationship that fills me with joy and enjoy the time I spend with other people." - What if your life suddenly was what you listed? Sounds good? Sounds terrifying? What's gaming...? My new brain would say. NOOO AHHHH my real brain screams. I sketched out that life on January 1, 2019. - I broke it out hour by hour. - So what would happen if I just lived it? Give up videogames, give up trying to save the world at the dinnertable, and live. I want to find out.
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    Appreciate it Cam. - Thought I had it all figured out and fell flat on my face.
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    Today was a busy day, and with busyness, avoiding gaming is easier. It feels like I did many things of value. Reffed a Midget tournament game. The boys were poorly behaved, but not excessively so. Good tight 5-4 game. Between my partner and I, called about 12-15 penalties. I had a request to supervise a game afterwards. - The crew was from a local town in Alberta where I grew up, one of the guys wants to get his Level 3 next year. - They were both solid refs. The players were much worse than in my game, and the referee crew did an amazing job of identifying hotspots and preventing things from being any worse than they needed to be. Overall it was a pleasure to watch them operate at a high level. I gave them both positive feedback and things to work on after the game and felt pretty good. My parents are in town for the weekend. They were still out cross-country skiing when I got home, so I had a chance to get a nap in. - Glad a I did. - By the time they got back we had time to chat briefly then make it out to our dinner reservation. - Basically an early dinner for my birthday. I'll be 35 in a few days. Where has the time gone? I have a list of probably 30 novels I'd like to write, many more I'd like to read. Tomorrow I'm going skiing and the day is going to disappear quickly. I'm beyond grateful I got to push back my job start date again and have a week to continue lifting the brain fog and get prepared. Something that occurred to me yesterday is I felt like I "didn't have enough time." I didn't have enough time to write, I didn't have enough time to clean up my office. And I only ever feel like I don't have enough time when I've been gaming. Because I compressed the day with all the time that disappeared into non-productivity. I've started to wonder if I'd be better off in a manual labor style job. - When I have to think to be productive, I get avoidant. - When I just have to do, to create effort with my muscles like refereeing, it's effortless. Time flies. It's no panacea, but it's something worth considering further. Closing thanks to Lea for sharing the wisdom you've been accumulating on your journey.
  16. Simms

    Patterns

    The day started strong and I did an hour session on Focusmate working on my Xero certification. From there, things spiraled. - Youtube videos, then re-installed Magic Arena to play the new expansion. - Just uninstalled for probably the 10th time. I'm not ready to quit this time. I'm not committed. I don't have a plan. - But I'm trying anyway, and I want to stay accountable to trying. The evening was again, a mixed bag. - Went climbing inside, worked toprope on 2 different 5.11d's, worked a new 5.12a, flashed a bunch of easy stuff. - Came home and cooked a nice dinner - Chicken /w quinoa, rice, peppers, corn and a caesar salad. - I saw Zombie's post above and it reminded me of a saying: "Simple, not Easy" - I know it from Jocko Willinck, you may have heard it elsewhere. Watched two episodes of Titans on Netflix before cleaning up the dishes and vacuuming. I need to prepare for a referee supervision tomorrow and a Midget game I'm reffing myself. Yes, I've tried getting off junk food. I know what to eat to eat clean. I've done protein sparing fasts to cut weight that would make most people want to die. I've deadlifted 275 pounds. I've climbed 5.11c on rock. My body is more iron than mud. Proper nutrition is simple: Follow your macros, get your micronutrients, hit your calorie targets. So simple. Is it easy? FUCK NO. I've pre-portioned chicken in the slow cooker so often that just looking at chicken breasts in the grocery store sometimes makes me gag. I've run through multiple sets of batteries on my food scale. It's exhausting. So I often let my nutrition go to shit. Sometimes I feel like Tim Ferris. - I've searched out the best way to do just about everything. - I have the answers, and when I don't, most of the time the answer isn't hard to find. - Want to quit videogames? Go to gamequitters. - Commit to 90 days. It works. It's effective. - Want to hit an 800lb powerlifting total? Do Stronglifts 5x5 until you hit intermediate weights, then transition to Madcow. Want to climb 5.12? Climb. Climb climb climb. Want to be a capable accountant? Work in public accounting until you hate every day so much you don't know what to do with yourself. None of this is rocket science. It's barely even science, science. But it's agony, because it's so simple. But it's not easy. - I want to quit gaming, but it's not easy to quit gaming - Because when I hit 10AM this morning, the day stretching out in front of me, instead of being 90% consumption, was 90% production. And that makes my head hurt. It makes me want to lie down and quit. And instead of giving up, I gave in. But I'm not out of the fight. Tomorrow's another day, and I'm still here.
  17. Simms

    Patterns

    Slept until a reasonable 8:30AM. - Took the dog out, made some coffee. Overall a pleasant morning. Spent some time getting familiar with Xero. - Found myself flipping on my phone, opening an internet browser. It's more a bad habit than anything I consciously want to do. Did some meditation. Find it really hard to be mindful. Mind wanders constantly. Took my doggo to physio. She had surgery 2 weeks ago on her leg and has been recovering well. - Had fast food for lunch, spent some time writing emails and got some good news I can push back my start date for the new job by a week. - More time to decompress. Get my head straight, get prepared. Had a nap - Did a workout. Did some more Xero training. - Watched the GF play a little Fortnite. - Talked about furniture for our new house. Not a perfect day by any means, but one full of small lapses and small victories.
  18. Simms

    Patterns

    Pattern: Playing games again. It started with Halo - It became 653 hours of Xbox One last year - I think Xbox's estimate is on the low side. - Beyond that playing Magic: The Gathering Arena... why am I doing this to myself? Why do I find myself walking this path again. January 2018 I found myself in crisis at work. - Working for a demanding boss on project after project. After I finally clear the entire backlog with next to zero positive feedback I cracked, couldn't work with her anymore. Work quality went to shit. - Managed to have a constructive dialogue and get out from working with her, but never found a proper niche going forward. - Struggled along to January 2019 and faced a new crisis. - Fired. - I've never been fired. Didn't expect this. All I feel is relief. Relief that I never have to go back. Shame that I couldn't sort it out. Yet in the 2 weeks since... found a better job with a better title, but still feel broken inside. Not the best way to be walking into a new position. I want to be energized. I want to be excited at the possibilities. Reflecting on some prior goals. - I climbed a technical and non-technical 11,000-er. Athabasca and Temple - Our rope team did so well, the other rope team with a CF-18 pilot had a bit of a meltdown as we left them in the dust. - Still haven't managed a 5.12a on the tall wall, but came within one move... literally fingertips away. Heartbreak, but also satisfying. - Getting back into rhythm of that. - My gym lifts I've let go to shit - They'll come back. Managed to lead a 5.11b ... and a 5.11c outside this past summer... - Started working a project 5.12a in Grotto that seems totally doable. - My novel stalled out at 60,000 words. Started another one. Should be working on that right now. Lead my first ice climb. It's scary being on the sharp end when you're surrounded by pointy bits and the only rules are: "Don't fall." and "Don't fall!" - Didn't fall. I've been tracking my daily activity since January 1. - Nothing like a little news years resolution... Roughed out what I want my year to look like. - Left 600 hours of "Flex time" for TV... videogames... youtube, general nonsense. As of Today I'm at 102 hours of nonsense, on pace for 2400 hours of nonsense. - I've made some progress on projects, I feel strong climbing. - Yet if I keep on this path, I'm going to fail. Fail at my new job. Fail at who I want to be. Look back at another disappointing year. I need a detox. - I need time away from Fortnite, Magic, Youtube, Reddit - Literally the four horsemen of ruining my own life, with their little friends Social Media and Google News popping in from time to time. So what do I want my year to look like? Here's what it was Jan 1: 8760 hours per year Sleeping 2920 8 hours per day Reffing 154 70 games at 2.2 hours per game (includes driving) Cooking/Eating 365 1 hour per day Skiing 36 4 days Climbing - Indoor 468 3 times per week at 3 hours per session Climbing - Outdoor 200 25 Days outside Reading 50 Read 5 books this year Work 2181 2025 hours + 3 hours of periphery time per week - Free 120 hours because of vacation, haven't accounted for this Mountaineering 144 3 Trips, at 3 days each long weekends Writing 730 2 hours per day Dogs 73 0.2 hours per day GF 365 1 hour per day (outside of other shared activities) Workout 234 3 times per week at 1.5 hours per workout Chores 156 3 hours per week Audiobooks 10 Mostly runs concurrent with work or other activities Meditation 73 0.2 hours per day 8159 601 Flex time I've been sleeping a lot, and it's not the worst thing. I've fallen down on writing, but I'm on top of climbing and spending more time with my dogs. So... willpower didn't work. Motivation didn't work. My "Why" didn't work. So now I'm starting down "What". That list is "what" I want to do, and videogames aren't on it. Hope to check-in when I'm doing my default zombie "login to scroll through the internet routine". - Work some things out through journaling and make progress on my "What." Cheers
  19. Day 106 - I spent an hour discussing with my girlfriend why I was so worked up about certain aspects of gamequitters, and without all of that context it's hard to really make sense of this. Since I started my self-improvement journey nearly 10 years ago, I've tried many different books, programs, and teachers to get where I am today. - My mindset has generally been constant improvement. - It's by no means a straight line, and progress sometimes gets stalled... by things like videogames. But ultimately, when I get what I want out of a book, or a program, and even teachers, I tend to discard them. - And I hate that feeling - The accompanying feeling of loss. - I want the programs to grow and change and be dynamic like me. But they're not. That's their nature. They were designed to facilitate change. Back to my conversation with the girlfriend, eventually I reached a feeling of contentment, we'd examined the problem and I was relatively certain what I needed to do: Marie Kondo is credited with widely spreading the theory from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. A simple theory: Discard anything that doesn’t spark joy. The attachment I feel to these programs is based on the emotional connection I feel to them. Historically, I try to hold on. I rail against the loss, thinking if only the program could change, then somehow it would be ok to hold on. I see it in my posts over the last few weeks - how they've shifted from reflection to "suggestions" and "criticisms" and attempts at guidance. But they're not coming from an authentic place of wanting to help others, seeking to assist in the growth of someone else. They're come from a selfish desire to hold on. It's been a hell of a journey. - Much like the last time I looked to Cam as a mentor. - I think it's time for me to thank the forum and resources for being what I needed at this time in my life and acknowledge it's time for me to move on. I wish you all well on your journey's. Cheers -Simms
  20. How can I improve the interview flow? Here are my thoughts on improvement: If you’re going to ask a question, then segway such as the "Reddit" example from below, keep it tight, then explicitly state something along the lines of, “So again, what do you think about so and so topic?" When the segway ends to specifically help your interviewee along the train of thought you're on.Be mindful of questions from your guests that are setups into their stories.Use the "Yes, AND" concept from the improv world, rather than sticking rigidly to your script.– Are you using a white board or some technology equivalent for show notes with times you’re aiming to hit specific topics?Talk to Jason about some specific interviewing broadcast techniques to use.I found it interesting that Dr. Kim and Dr. Daniel King that you're doing your study with are colleagues and friends. It seemed like it would have made for a great improvisational segway to explore their professional relationship and anything Dr. Kim could share about their collective efforts to combat this issue.Here's the specific section of Podcast 6 I found distracting enough I had to take a break at work because it knocked me out of my flow state: Context: Discussing the New York Times article around why videogames aren't actually addictive: 15:56 – Dr. Kim asks “How many slices of pizza can you eat Cam?” 16:53 Cam replies: “Well the truth is the United States has an obesity crisis." You go on with how the article states videogames aren’t addictive because there’s no indicators of negative impact and ask what he thinks about that. But before he can reply there’s a tangent up til 17:32 about Reddit and negative impacts, then the question gets asked again, without a lead-in, so it’s conceivable Dr. Kim simply missed it in the minute and 35 seconds since he asked his original question. It's also possible that, because he had a really good anecdote he wanted to share, it was hard for him to follow along with you from 15:56 to 17:32 because he really wanted to tell this story: The paradoxical therapy discussion is fascinating: - Everyone’s heard the classic story of parents who force their kids to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, then the kids never smoke again because it’s so horrible. But with videogames - People can play for 12 – 16 hours and still not feel “full”. There's no way to just "let your kids play until they're sick of it.' They'll just continue playing forever. So at 19:40 he’s done telling the paradoxical therapy pizza story, but he’s lost the thread of the original conversation. He does an admirable job of talking about diagnosis and reaching around trying to find it again until 20:05 he grasps on the negative impact again, and things get back on the rails. Those are my thoughts. -Cheers
  21. Day 104 - Finished my novel outline today. - Wrote a rough outline for a non-fiction book. - Have several ideas for these... "How to get a job with Big 4", "How to get the best deal on a mortgage", - "Don't be afraid of credit cards - How they work, why you don't have enough of the right cards, and if you ever carry a balance that isn't at a promotional rate this isn't the book for you" Then wrote 3500 words of my novel. - Which is about 1500 words above my personal best. Also set a PB Front Squat at 205 on Wednesday and rowed 500mtrs in 1:40.9 Tuesday killed it at boxing and finally sent a 5.10c project outside that had been kicking my ass... nothing like sending 5.11a my 2nd day out in the season then taking 5+ attempts on a 5.10c to completely destroy the ego. Listened to the Gamequitters Podcast today. - Dr. Huu Kim was a fantastic guest. - The interview flow was a little rough around the edges, but Dr. Kim used it to paint a great picture about the way people's interactions improve as they spend more time speaking to each other later in the show. - If you're not listening already, definitely a good episode to start on.
  22. Sorry man I went way overboard. - For the record I meant you should complete your Engineering degree that you mentioned a few months ago. - Taking some Arts options along the way. I could have done a better job approaching this. Thanks for sharing the drawings. - I love all my old writing. Sometimes it's hard to pick up and look at again, but it always makes me smile. - Hope you've got a place you can keep it all to have that tangible record of your growth.
  23. Wrote something yesterday that struck a chord with my own thinking: I have a level of cognitive dissonance writing on topics unrelated to gaming on the gaming addiction forum... but it's only the path away from gaming and the consistent effort to stay on that path that creates the energy and consideration for those topics to grow and be nourished. - I imagine that's part of the Catch-22 that is building this type of community. It's difficult when the common thread of the people in the gamequitters community is their shared desire to quit videogames. - When I see people "quit" playing on the forums, their interests wildly diverge, and suddenly we lack that common thread for discussion. The thing that originally brought us together, is ironically gone. But that's what we wanted all along. - Some deal with it with the exploration of their internal monologue, philosophy, meditation, and trying new hobbies. - My approach has been tracking a daily routine, exploration of fitness and progress in my writing hobby. Is there a way to keep people united and engaged with each other once they achieve their goal? - In googling around for this it looks like in substance addiction this is where the role of "sponsors" comes in. - People who've successfully completed the program, and are now giving back through their commitment to clean living and reinforcement of positive behavior. So how do you strike a common thread to keep people engaged once they quit games, so they stay quit?
  24. I wanna share – Look man, I see so much potential in you. To be striving, to want to improve. So many people give up. – You’ve got that drive, if there’s anything I can do to assist I’d like to reach out. I want to encourage you to pursue your passion – I love seeing your drawings and the progress you’re making. Back to sharing: everything I am, I’ve built since I was 25. – In Canada I’m a Chartered Accountant. – The equivalent credential in the UK is the ACA through ICAEW. – I have the ability to move to the UK, Australia, New Zealand, literally dozens of countries that will accept my professional credential through reciprocal agreements. High school doesn’t matter, except to the point it does. – Do well enough that it won’t hold you back from getting into any kind of program you would be interested in participating in. Learn a strong work ethic now. Learn what pain is, physical pain… mental pain. The absolute best in their fields know that it’s only when they pain starts, that you begin to grow. Muhammad Ali said “I don't count my sit-ups; I only start counting when it starts hurting because they're the only ones that count.' It only gets harder as you get older to kick the bad habits. I see you discussing your struggles, the loneliness. I hope you’ve got people to talk to. If you need another accountability partner, let’s set something up. Personally, I think I was wired a lone wolf. Between roommates and living with my girlfriend I’ve never lived alone, and sometimes it makes me want to scream. The clock doesn’t start until high school ends – And even then… I finished my degree at 30 and started at a Big 4 accounting firm the same year. If you google big 4 accounting acceptance rate – first result is 5% in the UK. 1 in 20. That’s qualified applicants with 3.0+ GPA’s coming from the best schools in the UK. Big 4 was a nightmare for me. But I did the best damn job I could, because I chose the path. – Now I’m living in the mountains working for an amazing group of partners. And I’m pursuing my hobby, one hour at a time. There are people who are going to tell you having a degree doesn’t matter, getting schooling doesn’t matter. BULLSHIT. There’s a big difference between grinding out 2 hours of your comic art in the morning before work and a couple more hours when you get home from work when you don’t have to worry about money, or having to beg your parents to support you, while you barely make enough to scrape by. If you want it badly enough, you’ll make it, and you can quit your day job. – Funny thing is, you might find you liked the day job all along… Regardless the things you learn along the way in your professional career will ONLY HELP YOU develop as a person towards your dream. I implore you: get your life in order first – Do well enough in high school to get accepted into any program. Finish a professional degree. – Take as many structured options in arts that fascinate you along the way, and push yourself. You have the opportunity to start early. Ultimately I hope you’re getting the encouragement and support you need. – I constantly want to grow and change, to improve and strive. – But I am at a point where I’ve seen and done enough that I feel like I can share from an authentic place. If there's anything I can do to help you out, let me know. Cheers
  25. Day 99 - I was flipping through facebook and saw this: And the replies I read were stunning - Ranging from: "Use it as fuel, make the best product you can make!" to "Lawyer up, hit them where it hurts!" - Not a single person in his circle has the courage to stand up and say: "You need to re-evaluate." I don't know the guy, so it's not my place to tell him how flawed his thinking is... but I've seen this kind of drivel before and I don't believe the hype... I go in and dive a little deeper. I have a look at the guys product, and of course, it's complete marketing rehashed bullshit. He's written two derivative entrepreneurship works, and two out of date self-publishing works. Zero novels. Zero non-fiction books outside the self-help space. Zero books with 100% original content. Lots of marketing, very little substance. And he has the audacity to claim "Basically every "how to write a book" course or training that's been released over the last couple of years is a rip off of my content..." Does he not see the hypocrisy, or the danger to his own growth in his view? He somehow sees himself as a "leader" in the field, yet he's made a little money off derivative work, hawks a self-publishing product when he's barely qualified to be in the space, and is ultimately just part of the problem. And he's looking for mentors right now... someone to push him into the "8-figure" space. This guy doesn't need a mentor, he needs a clue. Is he not aware of Nick Stephenson? Who actually wrote a half-dozen novels and published all the same self-publishing content? - Is he not aware of actual leaders in the field like Libbie Hawker, Joanna Penn, Sean Platt, or rapidly rising stars who transparently release their financial growth, like Chris Fox? All of them at one point or another discuss that "writing about writing is the biggest scam nearly all authors will grudgingly cash in on at one point in their careers." When that's your whole career... what makes you qualified to even be in the space? Chris Fox is almost unfailingly positive in his podcast appearances. But in his appearance on The Author's Stories podcast #146 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnwcHWy-1hs&list=PLC4FzEJ7MlpzBaVIhWx3SIkcK2jP9FCys there's a brief 1 minute or so where they discuss the kind of people who haven't actually lived the content they're producing, but have made a career out of telling others what to do. - The frustration that comes across from both the author and host of the podcast in that short time really tell a story for me. It seems like there's a lot of danger in surrounding yourself with "ra-ra" positivity sycophants. Producing high quality content requires a constant eye for self-correction and development. Declaring yourself a "leader" in the field, when you've only just taken the first steps is such a mind-bendingly (great adverb eh? - the irony is not lost on me) poor idea it's hard to ignore. I wrote all this as a cautionary tale to myself going forward: Once I see the first glimmers of success in my hobby, I can't give up the process that's taking me forward, and especially can't look at myself as some sort of leader in the field. That kind of hubris could lead to awful posts like the one above - and if there's no one in my circle with the courage to stand up, take on the ally role, and force me to confront just how flawed that thinking is - my growth will crater.
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