Thank you for your advice man but this is art not accounting. They are two fundamentally different things. You have to get chartered in accounting or you cant do it. You need to adhere to the education systemIn art it's all about your own skills and how you acquire them is out of the question. You can have a masters and nobody will care unless they're some big shot elitist arty farty gallery. Instead of going through the education system you can find mentors, take classes, get work experience and even use the internet.At art school you are thrown into masses of debt and it is incredibly unlikely you'll make any of it backAt art school you actually learn more from other students than your lectures. It's just as effective as being on an internet forum. Art is risky regardless of what decisions I make. It's either debt or day job. I'll admit there are benefits to art school: Connections. This is definitely a big one I'd miss out on. But it's not something I can rely on for it. I'll still have to get going to conventions, music festivals and just promote my arse off. I'll make it.Exposure to different mediums (but I just want to do comic books)Plenty of time and resources to work on your art (but you still have to attend classes and spend your time on stuff probably don't care about)I don't want to be stuck in a school. I want to be in control. I'm not throwing it all away just yet though. I'm asking around. I'm forming my opinion. So thanks for chipping in, but as of now I am very sceptical of whether art school is worth it. My plan is to apply for art school and defer my application for a year. In this year I'll try and hone my skills as much as I can myself. So that means part-time job land. But on the other side I always have the option of art school.
Not going to art school I'm not going to art school. I've been reading up on it and there's no point. It's a commodity. It's a thing you do to say - "oh I'm going somewhere! I have direction!". But that behaviour will only consume you. Suck you in and dry you out of any energy you had. I'm not spending my sweet time and money on that. This is actually very exciting. I feel like an errant samurai going out into the world to hone his skills and seek enlightenment by way of the sword! (Takezio much? hehe!). I'm going to be the best. I don't care. Nothing can stop me and nothing can take this away from me. This is the purpose I have sought all my life. And I'm going to make it happen! Onwards we fucking march! I have to forge this path myself. I have to work the blade with my own anvil. But in this vast universe nothing is truly my own, am I right? I'll confide in the strength of the universe! The strength of God. The strength it's bestowed unto me through every circumstance that led up to this moment! I'm putting everything behind this struggle. I'll find strong people to learn from and I'll get all the training and support I can find. I'm giving this everything and nothing can stop me. I'm finding it hard to study. I just want to draw, learn and build myself up. I don't give a fuck about your meaningless qualifications. You cannot standardise mastery.
Space marine: You should be studying computer science right now, soldier! The AI of the future Imperium won't code itself! Kid: Hmmm... Kid: Nah... Space marine: Most disappointing. It seems we have lost another brother to the forces of chaos!
The Fated Train I'm on a fucking train and it's going so fast it derails a little every once in a while. But somehow it manages to stick to the tracks. Some cargo falls off sometimes, but if the train slows down; if it even comes to a stop. The fuel depletes at a constant rate. The end of the line is defined by the volume of the tank itself. So the train chugs on and keeps chugging as fast as it possibly can. To the horizon. I was so busy chugging this train that I relapsed on nofap 3 days in row! SHIT! It's just so exciting and it takes so much willpower all my energy I was putting to nofap has shifted into the spin of the wheels. Attention passengers; this is your nutjob of a driver speaking here! I am most apologetic to inform you that customer service is not a priority anymore! This train is fated! However we shall still try our best to maintain standards. Thank you for your patience and go fuck yourself! Ah shit. I don't even know right now. I suddenly stopped caring about everything and started caring about comic books. But it feels so fucking good! I'm finally alive! I'll try not to jerk it. But I won't put my arse on the line for nofap. I'm actually getting pretty bulky from working out. Need a strong back so I can sit on my arse all day and make comics. Plus it's a great escape from the screen and gives me lots of motivation. Got a new comic book in the post today (HAWKEN: Genesis)! Looks dope as fuck! Here is some of today's practice:
It's Spring Motherfuckers! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2goYUJpq9k They say your life has seasons. Spring has sprung. I feel it. This newfound bliss! Been a hectic week. Getting all this art shit together. I'm really grateful for all the support I've gotten. It's really been staggering. I surprised I've had so much positive contribution to my decision. My art teachers have been really helpful. I've now formulated a bit of a plan: My plan for my remaining time at school is to focus on honing my skills, finding contacts in industry and building a portfolio and knowledge of illustration/comics. Try an rack up as much tutoring as I can. I'll attend life drawing classes on tuesdays (BOOBS!!!). In the meantime I'll keep up with my Maths and physics and use them as a plan B and just to beef up my employability. I'll stick on with design/ technology and do a more creative project. Then I'll apply for uni in illustration and electrical engineering as a small option. I might have to take a foundation year for illustration given my lack of arty academic background. Then I'll take a gap year. In this year I'll continue to build up a portfolio and get an apprenticeship/ part time job and as much work in art as I can get my hands on. I'll build connections and get my work out there - try and promote myself as much as I can. Then at the end of it all I'll decide whether I still want to go to art school. Something awesome happened today! I told my design/technology teacher that I didn't want to be an engineer anymore and be a comic book artist. Expecting him to be pissed off at me I walked in to the department today to be greeted by a table covered in comic books! He said he was given them by a guy who had to clear out a load of stuff. He wasn't interested himself so he gave them all to me. This shit is pretty obscure. Never heard of any of it. Plus I flicked through and it all looks dope as fuck! Super dark, super gritty. Titties, sex, drugs and satan! YEA! He gave me some ideas about my project for next year. And, the technician went to art school for graphic design and she said she could find me a shitload of contacts. NICE! I'm not alone. I have an army of people around me; supporting me in what I do. I'm growing as a person. Something want's to be let out and I am the gatekeeper. I'm pulling open the floodgates for my soul to surge through. I'll endure the dark; i'll love it. Because I know there is daylight on the other side.
Ahhh I see. In this world though; under this system a man can only get so far on his own. You'll need to coax up to the big shots to be a big shot yourself one day! Don't let your pride get in the way! You can suck on someone's titties for a time and when you get good at it; grow your own titties and make your own business! Something music production related perhaps? I don't know much about the industry. Perhaps you could set up a studio and do contracts? Whatever kind of business you're gonna run though - make sure you get in one and get some experience doing the grunt work first. Get a feel for it. Once you know how the insides work; head for the brain. Nice idea! I'll write that down. I'm miles away from any promotional videos and stuff now though. Just taking the first step. Can i get your email?
Hey man! What kind of business do you want to start? Dream theater is fucking dope as fuck! PULLL MEE UNDEER PULLL ME UNDEERRRR PULLL MEE UNDERR I'M NOT AFRAID!!!! I've decided I'm going to be a comic book artist all of a sudden! I'm going to make the best comic ever. I'll need music for promotional videos and such and such. I'll hit you up when I need that shit!
The First Step I'm off. I'm doing it! I'm going to become a comic book artist. I emailed my art teachers and a guy who used to go to my school for advice. I'm drawing everyday from now on. Here's what I did today:
Sometimes, if there is something you truly want in your life you must make sacrifices. You must overcome adversity. And from it you become stronger. You find purpose. You must be prepared to cast of the shackles of self doubt and give everything to it. As chuck said: "In life there are no limits, you are only limited by how far you want to be limited". Guts fights demon, man and mandemon alike for his love for casca. That's what gives him strength - not his hate for griffith or the berserker armour. Comic books have come down to me like the hand of god reaching out palm extended. They've helped me cope with my misery. They've helped me become stronger. I can touch people's hearts with my own ideas and my own feelings. This is what I'm supposed to do!
It's decided! I am going to be a comic book artist! Fuck engineering! I will never achieve true satisfaction in this life bumbling along through the motions. I want to do something I believe in. And I will do it at all costs. Video games inspire me a lot. But I just don't have the time to play the things! You can see my drawings here: http://vaeldus.deviantart.com/
I got bored with studying so I decided to pack it in for the night. I had some cool ideas for mechs in hawken and I sketched out a leg. At the same time I opened up steam and went to the warframe page. I used to play a lot of games with some friends at school. We would have a lot of fun together. But then I stopped playing with them. They went off and did other things and I was left by my self most of the time. Alone. Then I quit and I was never lonelier in my entire life. Even more alone. Lately they have been proposing that they should begin playing warframe again. I told them I was back on gaming and asked if I could join. They weren't too shocked but they accepted. I just needed to get away from this feeling of lack of belonging. Like there is no one around me. Like I'm sitting on the sidelines. I had my sketch pad in front of me. I almost press the 'play game' button to install but something hit me. I was listening to a song (one above). A riff came on that was stuck in my head all day. And I turned to an unfinished drawing I made:
Then something hit me. A feeling I've only felt two or three times in my life. One so indescribable I have once resorted to calling it "high on an asian woman's breast milk" HAHAHA! I guess I can only describe it as 'chemical warmth'. I've felt it in moments when I was on the verge of something spectacularly blissful and exciting. Art. Comic books. Is there something special about them. Is there something in there that's a part of me? I don't know but this drawing I made just speaks to me in a language I can't translate but I can understand perfectly. It's drawn with shitty watercolour pencils (without the water) but I can feel every blossom on the tree. The warmth of the sun. The cool air of the mountain peaks. And the cold, solitude of the wayfarer. What is he walking towards? Why do I have this feeling? Why do I want to be an engineer when it means nothing to me? What's the difference between breaking your back drawing panels and breaking your back writing technical documents and doing CAD? The emotions, the ideas what I get out of this life is from art. Be it a videogame, a comic book, a book book or music. This is something I want to cherish. To preserve to perpetuate. Art is what's been keeping me alive in my soul all this time I've spent alone. It's that horizon that's kept me on my feet. But am I to walk to it or simply stare at it? Why? why am I sitting here? On the foothills? Not prepared to make the trek? I hear the screams from the tower afar. It might be just the wind playing tricks on me but it makes me afeared of what lies beyond. But this feeling is calling me to make the first step. To take action. It will be gone in time. But it shall then come again? On which cycle am I to walk? Or shall I never walk? I feel the feeling. But then I forget. Only to stay firm and look to other horizons. I'm walking in circles. But the sun lies on this horizon. It's warmth beckons me to set forth. To taste the fruits of the forest and fight the beasts that lie therein. To seek truth. To seek greatness. No. Not greatness. Only truth. Only to have the path. The feeling. The feeling is what guides us. Am I to set forth?