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The Warrior's Infinite Opus


Schwing
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Weebs and metalheads everywhere he says lol. Indeed, I can cater to both camps I presume. What's your take on Killswitch Engage? Which genres do you prefer? With regard to Japanese singers, do you know Amezarashi? He has some good songs, although his videos might be a bit strange though sometimes

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Weebs and metalheads everywhere he says lol. Indeed, I can cater to both camps I presume. What's your take on Killswitch Engage? Which genres do you prefer? With regard to Japanese singers, do you know Amezarashi? He has some good songs, although his videos might be a bit strange though sometimes

I never got into killswitch. But the guitarist has done pretty dope side project called serpentine dominion with cannibal corpse singer george fisher and ex tbdm drummer shannon lucas. As for genres, my heart lies with death metal of all shapes and sizes. Be it brutal, technical, progressive or melodic. I do cross over a lot into other genres though. Anything that gets me going I listen to!

Never heard of him. He can sure sing! Everything in japan is strange though right? Here's a japanese metal band. Only japanese singer I really know lol. Even though he doesn't really sing.

Edited by Schwing
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120 days

Days porn free: 3

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Blowing my nose on a piece of toilet paper and walking around with mucus on my face whilst simultaneously not giving a fuck. HAH (ok i know that was disgusting but I've already admitted to some pretty personal shit here so it doesn't really matter. RIGHT?!)
  • Admitting I did the above on the forums. Yuck.

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

I didn't get a chance!

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up later than I wanted to
  • There was a running event on today at school but I was too ill to compete. I wish I could have though. If I was me 6 months ago I wouldn't have at all. Strange how much life changes in such a short span of time.
  • I sat around, read manga and listened to bolt thrower for most of the day at school
  • came home and tried to study but my focus kept drifting

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: 
  • Mental: studying, learning german, reading, art
  • Spiritual: meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Those japs for making awesome metal, awesome cartoons and awesome comic books
  • 5 day duolingo streak
  • 3 days free of porn
  • Bolt thrower for being one of the few reasons I am proud to be english!

What I have learnt from today:

  • I really really like running
  • I have been less emotionally grounded lately. Need to chill the fuck out and act more mature. probably because I haven't been doing bioenergetics or wim hof because I am ill.
  • I keep forgetting to randomly start conversations. I think the notion of approaching random people intimidates me on a subconscious level. Therefore I pussy out.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to. Get some sufficient context if need be. Take baby steps.

Goal for tomorrow:

Start working out again

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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121 days

Days porn free: 4

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to. Getting there.

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Nailed it

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up later than I wanted to again
  • Went to school. Tried acting less unstable and needy and being more masculine. It worked! I felt much better on an emotional level. Through embodying the intention the spirit follows suit.
  • Did climbing. There was this german guy there who is new. Really cool guy. He just talks to anyone. Reminds me that I should stop giving a fuck about the images of people and just get talking.
  • Came back and I really wanted to work out so I did. Legs and core mostly. My new addiction!
  • Did energising routine and took a SUPER COLD SHOWER. My shower hasn't gone that cold before. Felt good.
  • Studied and posted around forums. Forum posting takes up quite a bit of time. But I need it!
  • My cold is pretty much gone

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: climb, workout
  • Mental: studying, learning german
  • Spiritual: meditation, bioenergetics, cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • German guy
  • The shower for being much colder today
  • My cold going
  • Getting shit done today. Let's hope tomorrow is a decent day.

What I have learnt from today:

  • The difference between me and that guy was that he was secure and I am insecure. Need to fix that.
  • I love workouts, but perhaps i am a more mental person?

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to. Get some sufficient context if need be. Take baby steps.

Goal for tomorrow:

Run like a beast in the woods

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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122 days

Days porn free: 5

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Nothing really

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Felt awesome!

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up really late
  • Went to school. Decent day
  • Did running. Really pushed myself.
  • When I got back I felt super tough
  • Came home studied and did some art. Looks pretty whack at the moment but it's not finished.

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: run
  • Mental: studying, learning german, art
  • Spiritual: 

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Running!
  • Nature
  • Testosterone
  • Improving my social skills

What I have learnt from today:

  • The world is fucked but it is my duty to make it just that little bit unfucked
  • On this site it is my duty to help and not argue. I will present my ideas but I will not try and manipulate others.
  • Prehistoric man actually lived a long time like us. Just a high infant mortality rate.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to. Get some sufficient context if need be. Take baby steps.

Goal for tomorrow:

Get project sorted

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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123 days

Days porn free: 6

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Pretty much

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up really late again
  • I hate school! Surrounded by shallow fucktards who don't care about me vice versa. What happened to the tribe? What happened to the people who would lay down their life for their kin? Slaves to money. Slaves to symbols created by the machine. All my friends are on the fucking internet! This world is fucked! I was quite angry today. Angry at people. Angry that I had no one in real life to rest in. Angry that I couldn't bring myself to seek this in others enough. I told a guy I didn't have any friends today. He would consider himself as my friend. He didn't say shit! Let's try and sneak some more deep shit into a conversation. See what happens. See if they coil up and break and their spiritual autism kicks in.
  • Despite my views on school today was ok
  • Came home and worked out
  • Did some art. looked like shit! But I don't care I just want to improve. The means to an end? Fuck no! There is no end in life apart from death! Just means.

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: workout
  • Mental: studying, learning german, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Art
  • Internet friends
  • 8 days duolingo streak
  • Nofap day 6. Got promoted on army of liberty

What I have learnt from today:

  • Need to make some new friends. Get rid of these losers

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to. Get some sufficient context if need be. Take baby steps.

Goal for tomorrow:

Make one random conversation. You can do it!

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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  • I hate school! Surrounded by shallow fucktards who don't care about me vice versa. What happened to the tribe? What happened to the people who would lay down their life for their kin? Slaves to money. Slaves to symbols created by the machine. All my friends are on the fucking internet! This world is fucked! I was quite angry today. Angry at people. Angry that I had no one in real life to rest in. Angry that I couldn't bring myself to seek this in others enough. I told a guy I didn't have any friends today. He would consider himself as my friend. He didn't say shit! Let's try and sneak some more deep shit into a conversation. See what happens. See if they coil up and break and their spiritual autism kicks in.

What I have learnt from today:

  • Need to make some new friends. Get rid of these loser

(just my POV) I see where you are coming from. Most people have their own problems and they tend to avoid negative people/thought. Capitalism to certain extent and social media (i.e. stroking the super-ego) cultivates egoism and renders people shallow, but who are we to judge? I've been through the same shit, cut people out of my life, going full lone wolf in an attempt to "make it right". Didn't work out, was perceived as a drama only. People are drawn to positivity, success and greatness, an introvert, gamer/weeb or metalhead does not really go well with this concept (that's how it was for me during school). You are working on yourself and you try to improve your position - this alone is a noble pursuit.

I try to fix it by focusing on self-improvement and I try to care less about opinions of others - you can't change other people, but you can change yourself!

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The way school works is everybody has a preconceived image of each other. They psychologically force you into these social groupings and you're stuck that way. I was stuck with the introvert, gamer/weeb group (no metalheads at school). But now I'm dropping that shit (mostly. WEEB FOR LIFE) I just don't fit in anywhere! The thing with the adult world is that there is the opportunity to go out and find likeminded individuals and be yourself- there is no social group to conform to.

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125 days

Days porn free: 8

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Doing bioenergetics in front of my window

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

None set

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I got up so fucking late!
  • I felt very masculine at school. My voice is so deep I think i hit the brown note.
  • No social anxiety. Didn't make me any less introverted.
  • Got a haircut. nice and short!
  • Came home. Stuck on some converge and immolation. Slayed workout.
  • read some of physics book
  • Did energising routine
  • Studied
  • Did art. Used charcoals for first time
  • Best day ever
  • Didn't post yesterday because I got back from work and i was too tired

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: workout
  • Mental: studying, learning german, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • charcoal
  • Converge
  • testosterone
  • PAIN

What I have learnt from today:

  • Today was good. Tomorrow might suck. But that doesn't matter. I just need to do the thing

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Going for a run through the wilderness at sunrise! Well not really wilderness but it's as close as it gets round here

Goal for tomorrow:

Finish homework

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

Edited by Schwing
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 But now I'm dropping that shit (mostly. WEEB FOR LIFE) I just don't fit in anywhere!

As you seem to meditate, there might be an anime you could like: Mushishi as well as season 2: Mushishi Zoku Shou; Part 1 + Part 2

It's hard to characterise this series - episodic travel narrative with a buddhist/zen touch to it. Amazing O.S.T. and great artwork. I quit my weeb life mostly due to the fanservice/"moe"-ificiation of many anime. There are, however, some anime I would still watch anytime -> Cowboy Bebop, Mushishi, Ghost in the Shell SAC 1/2, Darker than Black (even though the story still does not make much sense) as well as Black Lagoon (Season 1)

Edited by Granitwelle
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@Granitwelle Ah!!! I started that series months ago and never finished, thanks so much for reminding me of its name. Uh, you... isn't your avatar from it? Heh. You must be very fond of it. I too think it is a good series, but not done yet, so I can't tell.

@Schwing Keep drawing shitty pictures and doing sports!! Every meter your pencil travels will make you .01% better!

Edited by destoroyah
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@Granitwelle Hah. Yes. I tend to call what you call fanserivce/ "moe" "anime bullshit" collectively. Tired of all that retarded shounen crap. Shit plot. Shit characters. Shit meaning. Filler everywhere. Cringey as fuck. Shit shit shit. I will check that anime out when I have the time. The 90's was a good time for anime for sure.

@destoroyah Fuck yea! So theoretically if I take my pencil in my pocket on holiday with me I can become a master in the space of a few hours?

 

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Uh uh..., you have to use your head of course!!

PS: New Havok Album "Conformicide" is out – just found out, I have no opinion yet, but I'm afraid nothing beats "Time is up" and "Burn"..

Edited by destoroyah
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@Granitwelle Ah!!! I started that series months ago and never finished, thanks so much for reminding me of its name. Uh, you... isn't your avatar from it? Heh. You must be very fond of it. I too think it is a good series, but not done yet, so I can't tell.

@Destoroyah Indeed, you got me :) I see the journey theme and the zen vibe are in a way inspiration for my journal as well as my current attempt to improve. Fits well with the RL meditation and occasional craving for literature/poetry lol.  It is a good series, there are some lackluster episodes but the majority is really good imho. It is also highly rated on MAL so I'm not  the only dude who claims that^^.

@Schwing: Indeed, the 90s had some really nice shows. Trigun, Ghost in the Shell, Hellsing, Elfenlied etc.

Edited by Granitwelle
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126 days

Days porn free: 9

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Nothing! My sunrise run was cancelled because some big fuck off storm was blowing outside

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Did as much as I could. I get demoralised sometimes when I study because I think: "what am I doing? Do I really want to be an engineer or do I want to be an artist?"

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I woke up at 5:30 as planned. felt like I could get up easy. But then I heard the storm outside and was like "nah". And then I went back to sleep.
  • Did energising routine
  • Ate my lunch and read manga at the same time. I finished berserk a while ago actually. Can't wait for the new chapters to be released! I started reading Vagabond. So good!
  • Studied. Got shit done but I didn't finish. Teachers have decided to give me homework all in the same span of 2 days.
  • Beat nofap urges! I said to myself "NO I SWORE AN OATH!". 
  • I got burnt out studying so I just stopped. Best not push myself too hard or I'll just fuck myself and my work up.
  • Did some art. I have been musing about making my own graphic novel lately! Set on a alternate earth in a futuristic dystopia. Where ancient brooding dark forces of times long past seek to usurp technology's reign. Sounds kinky. But I will have to practice first. I have been taking notes for a book on a more fantasy premise. I'm sure I can transfer them over well enough.
  • Did accountability call. The topic was altruism and if it is all it's made out to be.

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: rest day
  • Mental: studying, learning german, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • My imagination!
  • The accountability call for being very enjoyable
  • Short hair. Love stroking the back of my head
  • vagabond
  • My oath of fealty to NoFap!

What I have learnt from today:

  • Keep engineering. Either way you will be haunted by the ideas of what could have been.
  • Only study 2 hours at a time. Take a big break between blocks

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to.

Goal for tomorrow:

Study hard

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

Edited 23 hours ago by Schwing
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127 days

Days porn free: 10

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to. I spoke to someone randomly! He didn't reply though. Must have thought I was retarded or something.
  • Running through wind and rain. Lots of it.

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Yeeee. Finished everything bar one thing.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I woke up at 6:30 just fine but I slumped back to sleep again.
  • I have been feeling pretty manly these past few days. Super deep voice. Nice.
  • Did some art when I got home. I will draw up some panels for a comic tomorrow. Once I figure out a short story
  • Tomorrow I will go on a trip all day to a university conference.
  • I haven't done a post yet for the case studies! Shit! Sorry @Cam Adair

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: running
  • Mental: studying, learning german, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics, meditation

What I am grateful for:

What I have learnt from today:

  • My personality and attitude has changed significantly over the past 4 months
  • I can't stop drawing!

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to.

Goal for tomorrow:

SLAY YOUR WORKOUT

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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128 days

Days porn free: 11

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

Well. I didn't exactly slay anything but I did it pretty damn good!

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I woke up at 6:30 and was like "Nah fuck this" and went back to sleep.
  • Went to a university conference thing. Plenty of opportunities to talk to random people. Didn't do it though.
  • Came home worked out. Tried to lift 10kg each on dumbbells! Fuck my life. never trying that again.
  • Went upstairs and did some art. Drew up some panels for a comic. Noice

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: workout
  • Mental: studying, learning german, art
  • Spiritual: cold shower

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • 11 days nofap streak HAHA! I will do this!
  • Access to education
  • homemade pizza

What I have learnt from today:

  • Stoner metal is pretty dope. No pun intended.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talk to 3 people I don't usually talk to.

Goal for tomorrow:

Look at university stuff

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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129 days

Days porn free: 12

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

yeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I woke up at 6:30 and the same shit happened from yesterday
  • Standard school day. Running was cancelled because of bad weather so I finished my coursework instead.
  • Vagabond is the shit! Still waiting for new berserk chapters though
  • Rowed 2km when I got home.
  • did energising routine
  • looked at uni stuff. Was looking at industry placements in particular.
  • Did some art. Drawing up a comic. It's very sketchy right now. but as I get more confident I'll make the panels more elaborate.

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: rowing
  • Mental: studying, art, uni research
  • Spiritual: cold shower, bioenergetics

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • No fap record is approaching. Gotta hold out tonight and I beat it by a day
  • Keeping up with drawing. I am getting better!
  • Bad weather
  • Black trenchcoats. Haha I love that thing. Doesn't make me look like a school shooter at all.

What I have learnt from today:

  • Just because I'm going to beat my nofap record; doesn't mean I get to PMO. Fuck that

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to.

Goal for tomorrow:

Hand in coursework

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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  • Came home worked out. Tried to lift 10kg each on dumbbells! Fuck my life. never trying that again.

 

What kind of movement are you doing that the 10kg dumbbells are giving you trouble with? I feel like you should be able to handle the squat, stiff legged deads, lying press, and bent over rows with that weight.

Lying flies, overhead press, lateral raise, bicep curls, lying tricep extensions, and the abdominal crunches are going to be killer at that weight. I've trained for years on and off and still really only use 5kg for flies, raises, and extensions.   You can work the overhead press and curls up, but some of those other movements just have too much physics working against you. =p

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  • Came home worked out. Tried to lift 10kg each on dumbbells! Fuck my life. never trying that again.

 

What kind of movement are you doing that the 10kg dumbbells are giving you trouble with? I feel like you should be able to handle the squat, stiff legged deads, lying press, and bent over rows with that weight.

Lying flies, overhead press, lateral raise, bicep curls, lying tricep extensions, and the abdominal crunches are going to be killer at that weight. I've trained for years on and off and still really only use 5kg for flies, raises, and extensions.   You can work the overhead press and curls up, but some of those other movements just have too much physics working against you. =p

I tried a squat but I couldn't support the weights with my hands properly and they curled inwards. Maybe bad positioning? I'll try again tonight and let you know.

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130 days

Days porn free: 13

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 1 person I don't usually talk to

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

No I actually have quite a bit of stuff I need to do still

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • My late wake up streak is growing.
  • Ordinary school day. Nothing special.
  • Came home. Slayed the work out! I tried squatting with the dumbbells by my sides instead of being raised above my shoulders. I did 10kg on lunges, deadlifts and squats
  • This album is fucking dope. So is the art. (Nofap trigger warning- naked woman inside)
  • Studied
  • Shit. it looks like I did nothing today but it felt like a lot haha.

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: workout
  • Mental: studying
  • Spiritual: 

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • No fap record broken.
  • I can flex my pecs now.
  • manga and coffee
  • @Simms for workout advice.

What I have learnt from today:

  • No fap. It's all in the resolve. I formally swore and oath to everyone to not watch porn. I have a strong emotional attachment to this oath and very little can phase it. I had urges today and I destroyed them with remembering my oath and the countless times I have fallen to porn.
  • Need to get back into the swing of things.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to.

Goal for tomorrow:

Get up early and do the thing

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

Edited by Schwing
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I have been thinking a lot about life recently. Rethinking the things I have rethunk several times before. I think I am resolved. It feels like it at least. They say a man spends his whole life learning.

Previously all my ideas of career choice have been doing something that I 'believe in'. A dream so to speak. A star glimmering over a pitch black horizon so that I may sail on course. But what even is a dream? A desire; something you must obtain? A simple provision of means to an end that will not unfold; a reason to struggle?

Struggle. We live for it. We can't live without a sense of purpose for sure. But do I take my idea of purpose too far? Do I fancy myself a lion amongst sheep? Do I fancy myself neo in the matrix? It's this fancy I find misleading. I'm just a kid. I'm not that special. Just because I've eaten the red pill doesn't mean I can stop bullets.

I am not invincible and the world will fuck me. One thing mount and blade warband taught me other than any other game was this: You will get fucked over eventually. You will lose your shit. But the problem was the game wasn't realistic enough. You were the centre of the universe and you could easily start again. And once you beat the game you could push a little button to complete it. Then you would start again or most likely get bored and play another game. In real life, I was worried about the system fucking me and becoming a cog in the machine. This was half foolish of me. Half foolish because on the other side of the coin was my fanciful dream of doing something great. Time to toss this little coin in the wishing well (minus the wishing).

The reason my grand dream won't work (even if it does work) is that it means nothing and if not less than nothing. It means sacrifice for the sake of attainment. If I'm not willing to sacrifice I die. Look what happened to griffith in berserk. He sacrificed his own comrades for what? To be a god? Well look at him now. He's a void. Bends for nothing but his dream. A cog for his own machine. And when your dreams come true they become your worst nightmares. You are faced by nothing. Struggle is nowhere to be found and the nihilism kicks in. There isn't any happy ending. I don't give a shit about building robots. I don't care about making wind turbines. I couldn't even give one about making amps for guitars and shit. Sure I might find the process fun. But revolving around your path in life as some form of divine and noble pursuit is in vain. Soon you will forget your dream. Or if you're really stubborn you will forget everything other than your dream.

Life isn't about dreams. It's about the little detours. Just enjoying yourself while you can. It's about serving yourself and not submitting to the machine. As people we are perpetually a baby and society is our mother. You can't escape from the breast; you'll die. But when she tells you to shut up and stop crying and keep sucking- don't fucking stop crying. And when you're done: grab it and suck it dry. Then start crying again.

I like drawing. I like making robots and shit. That's it. I don't need a dream. I'm just a kid. I just need to keep on my toes. Do what I like. Say "fuck you" to stuff I don't like.

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132 days

Days porn free: 15

Today I left my comfort zone by:

  • Meditating in the forest
  • Running barefoot

Routine:

  • Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)
  • Bioenergetics
  • Cold shower
  • Meditation
  • 50 exp duolingo
  • Physical activity
  • Study or read 1 hour
  • Art 1 hour

Goal from yesterday done?:

None set.

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • No journal post yesterday. I was working late.
  • I almost relapsed twice this past few days on nofap! The past me would have buckled and submitted. But I called upon my resolve and battled through! Thank you to everyone who supports me on nofap!
  • Ordinary crappy school day.
  • It was really nice and sunny today. So I threw on my converge shirt and went for a run through the countryside. I came upon a small forested stream at the bottom of this little valley thing. So I sat down and meditated there. On my way back I ran barefoot on the grass for a bit. Then I lay around in the sun
  • When I got home I slayed my workout and blasted converge simultaneously
  • I talked to my mum about how I didn't know where I wanted to go. She knows her shit. I am sorted now.
  • I mucked about a bit after that. Looking at metal merch and shit. Found some pretty dope stuff.
  • I tried to get some work done but I just got bored.

 Tasks and achievements:

  • Physical: workout, run
  • Mental: cv, thinking about life
  • Spiritual: meditation

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Two weeks nofap holy shit!
  • My mum for really helping me set things straight
  • converge

What I have learnt from today:

  • No matter what I do the system is going to be there. The system is like an angry rabid dog. You don't turn tails and run otherwise it will get your ankles and floor you. You back down slowly and fuck off or throw something at it. But you'll still find it there the next day. In art I will be still fucked by the system. In engineering I will be still fucked by the system. Just gotta serve myself! Stay smart and play the game.
  • barefoot running doesn't hurt that much.

Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:

  • Getting up early and doing ALL the homework

Goal for tomorrow:

Get up early and do the thing. DO IT.

Goal for the month:

Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap

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