Yan Posted January 4 Author Posted January 4 Entry 3.1 (Written on 4.1) Day 825: No Useless Videos Day 823: Sticking to Food schedule Day 426: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 129: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Writing three goals to acquaintance in social media -Calling parking owner -Contacting potential mastermind person 1 Thing I could do better -Brush teeth and floss right after finishing dinner
Yan Posted January 5 Author Posted January 5 Entry 4.1 (Written on 5.1) Day 826: No Useless Videos Day 824: Sticking to Food schedule Day 427: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 130: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Out of home at 09 03 to maintain my word to my apartment mate that I'll be working out at 09 00 ( 3 minutes late though ) -cleaning kitchen (window + stove) -Eating fruit as i prepare food, thus finishing the meal earlier 1 Thing I could do better -Try starting evening routine right after I finish dinner and see how I feel, cause sleepiness takes 30 minutes or so to kick in...
Yan Posted January 5 Author Posted January 5 Entry 5.1 Day 827: No Useless Videos Day 825: Sticking to Food schedule Day 428: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 131: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Entered shower at 19 00 right after food as planned -When legs started to hurt as result of digestion, blood leaving legs + cold, taken heating device as I've long been planning and writing about here, even though I'm super afraid of "comfort" and this is a "change in identity" for me. -Writing 3 daily goals to a friend 1 Thing I could do better -Wake up earlier so that i start eating earlier and reduce the load of the food on my digestion system by spreading the meals and not stuffing them all together
Yan Posted January 6 Author Posted January 6 Entry 6.1 Day 828: No Useless Videos Day 826: Sticking to Food schedule Day 429: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 132: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Outof bed at 06 12 or so -entered shower right after food once again -Writing 3 daily goals to a friend once again 1 Thing I could do better -I spent about 2.5 hours looking through games. The urge to play is ginormous. The game that is most calling is samp. Although I've looked at other games including dwar, heroeswm, izrasodiers, Minecraft, rf online. That's even though I've managed to wake up early and got into shower second day in a row. What am I lacking? -A sense of progress? -Challenge? -Social? -Escape? I mean I haven't earned a dime the last 4.5 months. And it seems like I'm extremely slow in my progress on content. I did start writing daily goals to an old (gaming) friend, though he doesn'tplay long ago as far as I'm aware. I have been escaping into news reading for a while now.. And challenge is the one thing i guess i wasn't lacking ever. Because i do daily workouts, cold showers, i do a weekly 40+ hour fast, i stick to a very strict diet for years. I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm not making money, or that I'm losing belief in my yearly goal of staying in pain to produce me 2000Eur monthly, could it be? I really do not know, I just know that the urge is strong. If i give in it's basically throwing all my dreams away, even one moment, because this kryptonite will take over my life in seconds. Perhaps I should go to Murcia to further look into garage investments.... To feel a bit more progress on something.... Cause even though all the things i described above are somewhat challenging, I've mostly been doing them over and over again, not stretching my limits, and I guess I need some activity to stretch my limits? I don't know.... Anyway I'm approaching the 23:15 deadline of sleeping, so I'm going to stop this entry now. I don't know what i have to do, but something must be done soon. I think this something is learning duolingo for now instead of looking at gamingwesites and content when i feel the urge.
Yan Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 Entry 7-8.1 (Written on 9.1) Day 0: No Useless Videos Day 826: Sticking to Food schedule Day 429: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 0: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Go to bed at 17 before apartment mate arrives at 18 to avoid any further conversations and catch up on long needed sleep -Ocasionally drinking water -Morning jog 1 Thing I could do better -I need to sit and write for an hour to set my mind straight Explanation for the "day 0's" will be given after evening routine
Yan Posted January 10 Author Posted January 10 Entry 9-10.1 (Written on 10.1) Day 0: No Useless Videos Day 827: Sticking to Food schedule Day 430: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 0: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Morning run 75% effort -6 pomodoros -Deleting the game I downloaded and played for 21 hours straight yesterday resulting in 35 hours without sleep Then playing it today for 3 hours, then a short break and 13 more hours. My legs are very bulky I don't know why, possibly because during sleep some materials get distributed from the legs to the body. This happened yesterday too and i remember it happening in my last gaming "fall" Also at some point i felt a pain in the back which i know is a result of my heart working like crazy. I had it yesterday and i have it now. I see that I've already done a lot of damage, whether physical-wise or mental-wise. I gave back the 5ish dollar donation code that some player donated for me. And removed the game because I want to remember this feeling. I am also not going to try to moderate since i see that it is the second day in a row where i get carried away like that. It is far enough. I would better focus on what I really am for here. It is work, yes. We were born to work. The only reason i was playing it is because it gave me instant gratification from achieving a boatload of goals. Which is our mechanism to help us work for our goals. Without these games it will be harder to reach these dopamine surges, but i can make my goals Approach these small increments. I need to see how when i do each goal I'm increasing my influence and hierarchy, I need to see some results, I want to get involved with more people to feel more satisfied which is what i was looking for in the game. Funny how in the army it didn't happen cause i was always busy with tasks that people gave me, also with deliveries, also with sales I just think i need to find a way to make me feel more accomplishment when working on my long term tasks. (With feedback from others) (I also think that our power as a society lies in working with others, that's why we always get tasks from other npc'ss in games.) Whereas just patting myself on my own back is seemingly not enough (social - as cam states it) Yes, I think I'm gonna give up my long time goal of being a leader in a gang. I do think it might have some sort of small merit. generally speaking there is much to learn from it. but, I see how it affects me for two days in a row and I'm not going for a third. I am going to set a new goal to stay clean of video games for 21 days now, and do not be mistaken this will be difficult. I still haven't checked all the games i was looking into.. What I am gonna replace it with is SPI membership videos which I must make a part of my routine, not as a condition of 16 pomodoros. I must find the things that were lacking to begin with which caused me to escape to this resort, and that will be a good start, I don't know how well it will work, but that is one thing I'm going to try. I'd like to start with a minimum of half hour a day. It doesn't have to be a "pomodoro" I can just go viewing/applying for half an hour 1 Thing I could do better -Having followed what i wrote down in the schedule without holding a minute of deviation and retiring to bed at 23:15 Yep I'm just gonna post it like it is, unfiltered. Now is my time to go to sleep ( today 30 hours without sleep straight after yesterday's 10 hours of sleep or so ) The plan is to wake up at 15 00 dress, do a 30 minute jog, do a cold shower, and eat all that's needed until 19 After that finish the morning routine which i skip to manage those two foundational activities of working out and eating , as soon as i have a small break in between eating if any, complete the morning routine. Anyway I'll just have to see what I do when i complete those. That's a mess. But there's a reason for everything that happens. Now that I've deleted the game I'm gonna have a bigger barrier from entering the game Good night 1
Yan Posted January 10 Author Posted January 10 Entry 10.1 Day 0: No Useless Videos Day 828: Sticking to Food schedule Day 431: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 0: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -half worokut to manageto eat before 19 -skipped "lunch" -Wrote goals for the short hor and a half that was left 1 Thing I could do better -begin with pomodoros, not visualisation, to reduce risk of falling asleep?
Yan Posted January 11 Author Posted January 11 Entry 11.1 Day 1: No Useless Videos Day 829: Sticking to Food schedule Day 432: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 1: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Workout (Legs Chest Shoulders + double cooldown to recover some omitted parts from earlier) -Set very small goals for pomodoros, to help me feel engaged -Stuck to schedule within a 12 minute deviation 1 Thing I could do better -Even though the apartment conversation didn't go as planned go to shower right after, without staring into space
Yan Posted January 12 Author Posted January 12 Entry 12.1 Day 0: No Useless Videos Day 829: Sticking to Food schedule Day 432: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 2: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Usual morning run -4 pomodoros -Limited the game to two hours, which is a strong contrast in comparison to the previous 2 days 1 Thing I could do better -Use those two hours for duolingo
wheatbiscuit Posted January 13 Posted January 13 (edited) Hey Yan, sorry that I just assumed that at least you would be plowing on, without really checking. I'm in a way glad it was only 3 days ago. Most of the time I spend deliberating on what I want out of a certain period, I keep on coming back to "balance": go-time, or at least consistent effort in the gym/on shift/socialising, and rest & relaxation. I could understand that not everyone needs to/has the luxury of balance between possible extremes of the two, but - even though gaming is still a mental exercise, in my opinion most of us are smart enough to "relax" with it in some way. Basically, I haven't binged longer than regular waking hours (16 at the very most and worst, I believe) since I was given medical treatment almost 10 years ago now. Even then, I had chores and work to do/in my mind - not to mention relationships. My point is that maybe there's a passion you haven't exploited that you might be extremely efficient at, thereby reducing time spent in achieving satisfaction. Ikar told me sometime that my age (29 or 30) was 'no age' in being set in my habits. One of the small moves I've taken is having bought some fair-priced colouring pencils. I'm now on the lookout for an extensive empty picture book. It's music and truly harmless concentration that I'm looking for. Keep searching! - I didn't enjoy the idea of you dominating a game too much (as you surely did!), but the humanness that crept into your posts as you potentially watched several of us 'drop off' was heartening, as I often find in these things. ___________ As an update, I 'creamed' several in-game tasks as well during my break, at much cost to my mental state a few times. It starts with my morning cup of tea, and the search for something that: 1) Takes 30/45/maybe 60 minutes, 2) Sets me up for the day's to-do list without making me down-and-out about it, and 3) Improves relationship perspectives, generally. Someone from one of my groups also passed away, which was unexpected and saddening but not truly unbelievable - I will say that it is still a bit unreal and unfair to me though, ultimately wrong or right I don't know. I'm not counting my chickens, but there is still a lot of hope for this year in my book. Support to everyone and this beast of a journal. - Matt (wheat biscuits still have worked well at all hours). Edited January 13 by wheatbiscuit grammar and punctuation 2
Yan Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 Entry 13.1 (Written on 13.1, posted on 14.1 because of tech issues) Day 0: No Useless Videos Day 830: Sticking to Food schedule Day 433: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 3: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -recovered lacking workout -5 pomodoros -retiring to bed within specified time 1 Thing I could do better -do more duolingo
Yan Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 22 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said: Hey Yan, sorry that I just assumed that at least you would be plowing on, without really checking. I'm in a way glad it was only 3 days ago. Most of the time I spend deliberating on what I want out of a certain period, I keep on coming back to "balance": go-time, or at least consistent effort in the gym/on shift/socialising, and rest & relaxation. I could understand that not everyone needs to/has the luxury of balance between possible extremes of the two, but - even though gaming is still a mental exercise, in my opinion most of us are smart enough to "relax" with it in some way. Basically, I haven't binged longer than regular waking hours (16 at the very most and worst, I believe) since I was given medical treatment almost 10 years ago now. Even then, I had chores and work to do/in my mind - not to mention relationships. My point is that maybe there's a passion you haven't exploited that you might be extremely efficient at, thereby reducing time spent in achieving satisfaction. Ikar told me sometime that my age (29 or 30) was 'no age' in being set in my habits. One of the small moves I've taken is having bought some fair-priced colouring pencils. I'm now on the lookout for an extensive empty picture book. It's music and truly harmless concentration that I'm looking for. Keep searching! - I didn't enjoy the idea of you dominating a game too much (as you surely did!), but the humanness that crept into your posts as you potentially watched several of us 'drop off' was heartening, as I often find in these things. ___________ As an update, I 'creamed' several in-game tasks as well during my break, at much cost to my mental state a few times. It starts with my morning cup of tea, and the search for something that: 1) Takes 30/45/maybe 60 minutes, 2) Sets me up for the day's to-do list without making me down-and-out about it, and 3) Improves relationship perspectives, generally. Someone from one of my groups also passed away, which was unexpected and saddening but not truly unbelievable - I will say that it is still a bit unreal and unfair to me though, ultimately wrong or right I don't know. I'm not counting my chickens, but there is still a lot of hope for this year in my book. Support to everyone and this beast of a journal. - Matt (wheat biscuits still have worked well at all hours). Thank you for posting Matt. Will reply more elaborately hopefully in the next few days or today. Really appreciate it!
Amphibian220 Posted January 14 Posted January 14 (edited) @YanIn your posts, the day counts look very attractive. Your journal displays perfection which may also guide you to the reason for the relapse. This attraction to counters distinguishes gamers because video games of all sorts communicate their successes to the player in this way. I have this thinking for men who have taken the path to recovery in general: they have to start doing things they habitually outright avoid and deny. It can be difficult due to lack of knowledge. many do not have safe people with whom they can share so that they can become more aware, many do not address areas of chronic neglect. Asking someone close and trustworthy for help is a major step in healing. Edited January 14 by Amphibian220 1
Yan Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 On 1/13/2025 at 6:21 AM, wheatbiscuit said: Hey Yan, sorry that I just assumed that at least you would be plowing on, without really checking. I'm in a way glad it was only 3 days ago. Most of the time I spend deliberating on what I want out of a certain period, I keep on coming back to "balance": go-time, or at least consistent effort in the gym/on shift/socialising, and rest & relaxation. I could understand that not everyone needs to/has the luxury of balance between possible extremes of the two, but - even though gaming is still a mental exercise, in my opinion most of us are smart enough to "relax" with it in some way. Basically, I haven't binged longer than regular waking hours (16 at the very most and worst, I believe) since I was given medical treatment almost 10 years ago now. Even then, I had chores and work to do/in my mind - not to mention relationships. My point is that maybe there's a passion you haven't exploited that you might be extremely efficient at, thereby reducing time spent in achieving satisfaction. Ikar told me sometime that my age (29 or 30) was 'no age' in being set in my habits. One of the small moves I've taken is having bought some fair-priced colouring pencils. I'm now on the lookout for an extensive empty picture book. It's music and truly harmless concentration that I'm looking for. Keep searching! - I didn't enjoy the idea of you dominating a game too much (as you surely did!), but the humanness that crept into your posts as you potentially watched several of us 'drop off' was heartening, as I often find in these things. ___________ As an update, I 'creamed' several in-game tasks as well during my break, at much cost to my mental state a few times. It starts with my morning cup of tea, and the search for something that: 1) Takes 30/45/maybe 60 minutes, 2) Sets me up for the day's to-do list without making me down-and-out about it, and 3) Improves relationship perspectives, generally. Someone from one of my groups also passed away, which was unexpected and saddening but not truly unbelievable - I will say that it is still a bit unreal and unfair to me though, ultimately wrong or right I don't know. I'm not counting my chickens, but there is still a lot of hope for this year in my book. Support to everyone and this beast of a journal. - Matt (wheat biscuits still have worked well at all hours). If i understand correctly, the gist of the first paragraph, is suggesting a ¨balance¨ between ¨rest¨ and work. I do not buy that gaming needs to fit in our rest time. It's effect is too addictive, it is very close to being a drug and indeed affects our brain by releasing dopamine. I have been doing that for years which means that i already have those habit hormone loops firing up really quickly. It's basically like telling a previous alcoholic to drink jut once a week. I think this "alcoholic" decides to give up all control at the moment he takes his first drink. To clean myself of its effects and reduce the need for willpower to fight gaming, there's one solution I'm aware of, and that is to not touch it completely fo a certain period which makes my identity as a "non-gamer" stronger, and makes me find substitutions for the hormone rushes it provides, and not even think of it, because that's not something i do on a day to day basis. Regarding the other paragraphs As you say you haven't binged over 16 hours. I have. Already two days out of the 4 i gamed, and in my previous relapse it was often happening too, with frequent 20 hours of gaming and 4 of sleep. I do agree, there might be some haabit change needed, since i most definitely was lacking something if i started playing, although I'm not yet sure which , but i have some things in mind which I'm already trying out and we see how it works out I think you should re-consider the "balancing thoughts yourself too, and i think its your "soft brain" talking excuses. Don't give it any place and take the path of self fulfillment and life, and not regret and avoiding the challenges of growth by tricking your brain's hormones. Thank you very much for jumping n and giving your thoughts in any case. Appreciate it. Let me know what you think 2
wheatbiscuit Posted January 15 Posted January 15 (edited) 6 hours ago, Yan said: If i understand correctly, the gist of the first paragraph, is suggesting a ¨balance¨ between ¨rest¨ and work. I do not buy that gaming needs to fit in our rest time. It's effect is too addictive, it is very close to being a drug and indeed affects our brain by releasing dopamine. I have been doing that for years which means that i already have those habit hormone loops firing up really quickly. It's basically like telling a previous alcoholic to drink jut once a week. I think this "alcoholic" decides to give up all control at the moment he takes his first drink. To clean myself of its effects and reduce the need for willpower to fight gaming, there's one solution I'm aware of, and that is to not touch it completely fo a certain period which makes my identity as a "non-gamer" stronger, and makes me find substitutions for the hormone rushes it provides, and not even think of it, because that's not something i do on a day to day basis. Regarding the other paragraphs As you say you haven't binged over 16 hours. I have. Already two days out of the 4 i gamed, and in my previous relapse it was often happening too, with frequent 20 hours of gaming and 4 of sleep. I do agree, there might be some haabit change needed, since i most definitely was lacking something if i started playing, although I'm not yet sure which , but i have some things in mind which I'm already trying out and we see how it works out I think you should re-consider the "balancing thoughts yourself too, and i think its your "soft brain" talking excuses. Don't give it any place and take the path of self fulfillment and life, and not regret and avoiding the challenges of growth by tricking your brain's hormones. Thank you very much for jumping n and giving your thoughts in any case. Appreciate it. Let me know what you think Honestly, I think I've typed too much alongside sessions over the years to make much progress with myself that way. That said, I also think I outlined other significant problems here in the past that led to extensive hours played in my case - and maybe why I ever looked forward to them in the first place. All it has taken today to entice me here to go off and think were made up of glances. I actually came to check-in here after nearing the end of listening to a sincere video interview about poverty, in the hope of something similar taking place. Should I have dared? 😄 To take an overview, no, I don't think any of us should need to rack up experience points; pre-agreed points of discussion perhaps, yes. One excuse could be a sensitive or indeed soft need that I once worded and was to the effect of 'seeing ripples in a pond I recently touched' - that is what I understand most video games to be like. But is it not better to have practiced responses in the offline world - to 'click' and 'examine'? I don't for one moment think that I could get by again reacting as I once did as a child, pre-games. That is only me. One friend of mine expresses reluctance to 'overshare' at all, which is something I admire. The friend who contributed the lion's share to my journey here told me (after my detox!) that I still wasn't coherent enough for him. That is one of my more major concerns. If you hadn't already seen, I am largely soft by nature, and warming up is a very necessary process. Through abstinence I did achieve, but not much personally in that sphere. To conclude and re-state, 'should need' has yet to become 'does/do need'. Forum direct messages are always welcome, as I've typed what I would have typed to anyone, almost anywhere. If it helps anyone, I would encourage not to immediately view posts through the lenses of either addicts or fierce abstainers. I admit, it's hard to see many updates as a whole myself too, generally. Edited January 15 by wheatbiscuit grammar 3
Yan Posted January 15 Author Posted January 15 Entry 14-15.1 (Written on 15.1) Day 1: No Useless Videos (already 0 as I'm writing this) Day 831: Sticking to Food schedule Day 434: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 4: Being in bed before 23:15 ) guess it still counts, even though i woke up at 00:30 and went on to play 3 Things I did well no matter how small -75% effort run -Sticking to 10 minute deviation from schedule -holding the day without gaming even though i woke up at 00:30 and started playing 1 Thing I could do better -Had GTA removed yet again from the last time i entered Gaming count since relapse Gaming (Slavery, Regret) - 5 Yan (Life, individuality, freedom, purpose, self fulfillment) - 2 1
Ikar Posted January 15 Posted January 15 On 1/13/2025 at 6:21 AM, wheatbiscuit said: Basically, I haven't binged longer than regular waking hours (16 at the very most and worst, I believe) since I was given medical treatment almost 10 years ago now. Even then, I had chores and work to do/in my mind - not to mention relationships. My point is that maybe there's a passion you haven't exploited that you might be extremely efficient at, thereby reducing time spent in achieving satisfaction. Ikar told me sometime that my age (29 or 30) was 'no age' in being set in my habits. One of the small moves I've taken is having bought some fair-priced colouring pencils. I'm now on the lookout for an extensive empty picture book. It's music and truly harmless concentration that I'm looking for. Keep searching! - I didn't enjoy the idea of you dominating a game too much (as you surely did!), but the humanness that crept into your posts as you potentially watched several of us 'drop off' was heartening, as I often find in these things. ___________ As an update, I 'creamed' several in-game tasks as well during my break, at much cost to my mental state a few times. It starts with my morning cup of tea, and the search for something that: 1) Takes 30/45/maybe 60 minutes, 2) Sets me up for the day's to-do list without making me down-and-out about it, and 3) Improves relationship perspectives, generally. Someone from one of my groups also passed away, which was unexpected and saddening but not truly unbelievable - I will say that it is still a bit unreal and unfair to me though, ultimately wrong or right I don't know. I'm not counting my chickens, but there is still a lot of hope for this year in my book. Support to everyone and this beast of a journal. - Matt (wheat biscuits still have worked well at all hours). I share that "16 hours most/worst" experience, eating and sleeping relatively normally. I'm now actually in the process of writing down habits that I want to establish work on this year. I still seem to do a lot of things randomly and haphazardly, but I'm trying to work on it. I don't think I need too many habits either. Ultimately, there's no time to do everything either and I want to have some fun or do something different at times. On 1/14/2025 at 8:51 AM, Amphibian220 said: @YanIn your posts, the day counts look very attractive. Your journal displays perfection which may also guide you to the reason for the relapse. This attraction to counters distinguishes gamers because video games of all sorts communicate their successes to the player in this way. I have this thinking for men who have taken the path to recovery in general: they have to start doing things they habitually outright avoid and deny. It can be difficult due to lack of knowledge. many do not have safe people with whom they can share so that they can become more aware, many do not address areas of chronic neglect. Asking someone close and trustworthy for help is a major step in healing. I also eventually ditched the "day counter", as there was no need to track progress in this way anymore. 15 hours ago, Yan said: To clean myself of its effects and reduce the need for willpower to fight gaming, there's one solution I'm aware of, and that is to not touch it completely fo a certain period which makes my identity as a "non-gamer" stronger, and makes me find substitutions for the hormone rushes it provides, and not even think of it, because that's not something i do on a day to day basis. Regarding the other paragraphs As you say you haven't binged over 16 hours. I have. Already two days out of the 4 i gamed, and in my previous relapse it was often happening too, with frequent 20 hours of gaming and 4 of sleep. I do agree, there might be some haabit change needed, since i most definitely was lacking something if i started playing, although I'm not yet sure which , but i have some things in mind which I'm already trying out and we see how it works out I think you should re-consider the "balancing thoughts yourself too, and i think its your "soft brain" talking excuses. Don't give it any place and take the path of self fulfillment and life, and not regret and avoiding the challenges of growth by tricking your brain's hormones. Thank you very much for jumping n and giving your thoughts in any case. Appreciate it. Let me know what you think I think labeling yourself as a "non-gamer" is helpful for the initial recovery phase (avoiding gaming), but it's not really an identity to have forever. I remember to this day I had the idea that I would present my then-students of English (back in 2019) what change came into my life by quitting games. In the end, I think the lesson got canceled, so I didn't have this presentation. I also remember having lessons with a former alcoholic and sharing our stories in early 2020. I can't imagine running lessons on that today in 2025 though 😄 I even played a TV-computer game with my friends in one room last year in autumn and I've just remembered it for the first time, even though at I was initially reluctant for obvious reasons. If anything, it's good to know how you work and how you can operate. If going strictly down the path you set out for yourself, day in and day out, it's great. I've had a similar experience to @wheatbiscuit 's; I could game all day long, stopping just to eat and sleep, but my sleep schedule has always been remarkably consistent. Good luck exploring new activities and habits to help you not game 🙂 9 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said: One friend of mine expresses reluctance to 'overshare' at all, which is something I admire. The friend who contributed the lion's share to my journey here told me (after my detox!) that I still wasn't coherent enough for him. That is one of my more major concerns. If you hadn't already seen, I am largely soft by nature, and warming up is a very necessary process. Through abstinence I did achieve, but not much personally in that sphere. To conclude and re-state, 'should need' has yet to become 'does/do need'. Forum direct messages are always welcome, as I've typed what I would have typed to anyone, almost anywhere. If it helps anyone, I would encourage not to immediately view posts through the lenses of either addicts or fierce abstainers. I admit, it's hard to see many updates as a whole myself too, generally. Don't worry, I think you got a bit more coherent from the last time I checked 😄 I get the message about should need/do need, it's a good point to mention. 2
Yan Posted January 15 Author Posted January 15 On 1/14/2025 at 8:51 AM, Amphibian220 said: @YanIn your posts, the day counts look very attractive. Your journal displays perfection which may also guide you to the reason for the relapse. This attraction to counters distinguishes gamers because video games of all sorts communicate their successes to the player in this way. I have this thinking for men who have taken the path to recovery in general: they have to start doing things they habitually outright avoid and deny. It can be difficult due to lack of knowledge. many do not have safe people with whom they can share so that they can become more aware, many do not address areas of chronic neglect. Asking someone close and trustworthy for help is a major step in healing. So what you're saying is there are some areas I'm neglecting and I should probably look what they are? I guess I know that, but the thing is exactly how to fulfill those areas... (As Cam puts it those are the needs for:Social, temporary escape, challenge and constant measurable growth) Perhaps you may give me examples from your own life? 1
Yan Posted January 15 Author Posted January 15 Entry 15.1 Day 0: No Useless Videos (already 0 as I'm writing this) Day 832: Sticking to Food schedule Day 435: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 5: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Evening workout -2 pomodoros -5 minutes extrain the shower 1 Thing I could do better -Get out of bed when alarm went off at 16 30. Not laying around for more than an hour Gaming count since relapse ( It's the same since the 14-15 entry and 15 entry are essentially stopping at the same day Gaming (Slavery, Regret) - 5 Yan (Life, individuality, freedom, purpose, self fulfillment) - 2
Amphibian220 Posted January 16 Posted January 16 (edited) Looking at your green text, I think over the things members missed in their life as an obstacle to healing. I have seen many return after an insatiable obstinate internet or game session. If I use words like surrender pride, accept mistakes, let go of pain and recover with the help of a kind man, I somewhat near the answer. The issue is, the green text in your post does not address that, because the language has become very ambiguous and inaccurate. A single word now conveys many different associations inside a person’s head. You may have meant the things I listed with the green text, but words are so diluted these days. Then, unhealthy environments and our defensive reactions to these environments we are in, can and do create recurring cycles of struggling to heal, experiencing temporary improvement (or not) and then sliding back into old ways. How can you change the environment. Advice commonly given : “change yourself first and everything else will change”. I think what has kept me in the same shell for years is that I either tried to change myself or the environment around me, but changing the interaction with the people around me, the thing that is in between the two, was the hardest. Have I overcome these barriers? Some time ago yes, and then I experienced hope. What helped me were people with kind and brave hearts. A leader/mentor was important to have, but I could not find one for years. The environment was conducive to fear, disagreements, misunderstandings and grudges to which I was party. This downward spiral was facilitated in part by centralized mass communications platforms whose models people act out for lack of other examples. When I directly went to ask for help, I got the reply to the effect: “we dont know how to solve your issue”. And then I encountered a person who sat down and talked to me. He listened and smiled and the smile didn't cause fear which was something out of the ordinary. Over the next year, I was able to care about myself in ways I didn't deem possible at that point. Edited January 16 by Amphibian220 1
Yan Posted January 16 Author Posted January 16 On 1/2/2025 at 2:37 PM, Yan said: Food schedule update 01-15.01 (not including 15) Everything remainsthe same, apart for: 1. tomatoes which may be eaten up to two a day 2. Orange only one at either thursday or tuesday 3. black sesame 8g, white 25g Food schedule update 16.01 - 30.01 (not including 30.01) The first two days i am to omit chia seeds, afterwards reverse it with flax seeds (omitting flax seeds and keeping chia) since I've been having very high omega 3 in my diet, i want t see if it helps with eczema, if not i am allowed to review in a week from now and make some more changes to experiment. All the rest remains the same
Yan Posted January 17 Author Posted January 17 Entry 16.1 (Written on 17.1) Day 1: No Useless Videos (already 0 as I'm writing this) Day 833: Sticking to Food schedule Day 436: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 6: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Morning run -4 pomodoros -despite dozing off for 40 minutes waking up for a one to many coaching call of a membership I'm in with an alarm clock 1 Thing I could do better -Be more concentrating during food preparation, set a goal of sticking to schedule within delay of 10 minutes (Today's goals are already set though, so if god allows, this goal will be set tomorrow) Gaming count since relapse Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 3 @Amphibian220@wheatbiscuit@Ikar Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, appreciate it a lot, though I would like to reply with some thoroughness, so it will take me a little while, hopefully in the next few days. Thanks in advance for your understanding. 1
Yan Posted January 17 Author Posted January 17 On 1/15/2025 at 5:08 AM, wheatbiscuit said: Honestly, I think I've typed too much alongside sessions over the years to make much progress with myself that way. That said, I also think I outlined other significant problems here in the past that led to extensive hours played in my case - and maybe why I ever looked forward to them in the first place. All it has taken today to entice me here to go off and think were made up of glances. I actually came to check-in here after nearing the end of listening to a sincere video interview about poverty, in the hope of something similar taking place. Should I have dared? 😄 To take an overview, no, I don't think any of us should need to rack up experience points; pre-agreed points of discussion perhaps, yes. One excuse could be a sensitive or indeed soft need that I once worded and was to the effect of 'seeing ripples in a pond I recently touched' - that is what I understand most video games to be like. But is it not better to have practiced responses in the offline world - to 'click' and 'examine'? I don't for one moment think that I could get by again reacting as I once did as a child, pre-games. That is only me. One friend of mine expresses reluctance to 'overshare' at all, which is something I admire. The friend who contributed the lion's share to my journey here told me (after my detox!) that I still wasn't coherent enough for him. That is one of my more major concerns. If you hadn't already seen, I am largely soft by nature, and warming up is a very necessary process. Through abstinence I did achieve, but not much personally in that sphere. To conclude and re-state, 'should need' has yet to become 'does/do need'. Forum direct messages are always welcome, as I've typed what I would have typed to anyone, almost anywhere. If it helps anyone, I would encourage not to immediately view posts through the lenses of either addicts or fierce abstainers. I admit, it's hard to see many updates as a whole myself too, generally. If i understand correctly in the first paragraph you're saying you came to the forum this day as a result of glancing onÑ video games? Do not know what you mean when you say "Something similar taking place". The second paragraph, you reference "click and examine" in an offline world. I have no clue what you mean, also do you mean you would react otherwise than as a child to this process, meaning you would be more under control? The third paragraph, are you saying you achieved more through "moderate" gaming than abstinence? fourth paragraph should need to game moderately you mean, does not have to be so for everyone? fifth paragraph You mean it's hard to start looking at yourself as either one opposite or the other and start seeing something in the middle?
Yan Posted January 17 Author Posted January 17 (edited) On 1/15/2025 at 3:39 PM, Ikar said: I share that "16 hours most/worst" experience, eating and sleeping relatively normally. I'm now actually in the process of writing down habits that I want to establish work on this year. I still seem to do a lot of things randomly and haphazardly, but I'm trying to work on it. I don't think I need too many habits either. Ultimately, there's no time to do everything either and I want to have some fun or do something different at times. What do you mean by things you do randomly and haphazardly? On 1/15/2025 at 3:39 PM, Ikar said: also eventually ditched the "day counter", as there was no need to track progress in this way anymore. I actually think that what Amphibian is saying in other words is "We shouldn't count the days because it sets the bar too high" "Better not set such a high bar to avoid failing" which in my book is the equivalent, of "Better not start, because then you may fail and have your expectations shattered". I might be misinterpreting though. I counter to that. Life is a fight and it will remain so, no matter what we tell ourselves. Again, the best way i found to reduce the need for willpower is when i continuously perform an activity and make it a part of my identity, which means, no slips here and there. Because once I do it brings up all the strong hormones and urges to play like an alcoholic. Which overpower us. I said that previously but it's worth repeating. On 1/15/2025 at 3:39 PM, Ikar said: I think labeling yourself as a "non-gamer" is helpful for the initial recovery phase (avoiding gaming), but it's not really an identity to have forever. @Cam Adair recently posted a video on YouTube "I Survived 5,364 Days Without Video Games... Here's What Happened." Why is it not an identity to keep forever? Because it's "too hard"? To be honest it seems a little like you fell and started giving yourself excuses why it's okay to stay down. I agree that if you've stacked up 1000's of days of non-gaming, and slipped for gaming binge for a few days, it doesn't mean you will go back for a very long period. But that is largely due to the vast time you've been going without it. And every one day you play still increases the chance of another one, because most of us also have a significant amount of days we did play, which set some hormone triggers in our brains. And even if not, games are built to make us tap into them. For the above stated reasons, i strongly believe we shouldn't touch games On 1/15/2025 at 3:39 PM, Ikar said: Don't worry, I think you got a bit more coherent from the last time I checked 😄 I get the message about should need/do need, it's a good point to mention. I still didn't get the message 😉 One message before this one I'm trying to encrypt the message. you're welcome to help me with that if Matt doesn't do so first 😄 Edited Saturday at 07:37 PM by Yan Tagged Cam instead of just mentioning him 1
Yan Posted January 17 Author Posted January 17 On 1/16/2025 at 8:31 AM, Amphibian220 said: Looking at your green text, I think over the things members missed in their life as an obstacle to healing. I have seen many return after an insatiable obstinate internet or game session. If I use words like surrender pride, accept mistakes, let go of pain and recover with the help of a kind man, I somewhat near the answer. The issue is, the green text in your post does not address that, because the language has become very ambiguous and inaccurate. A single word now conveys many different associations inside a person’s head. You may have meant the things I listed with the green text, but words are so diluted these days. Iwill break your post bit by bit, i find it more manageable this way (so i may comment to something you clarify later in the post so bare with me 🙂 Anyway here's what i mean with the green text Life - The opposite of death - Setting a long term goal and working to accomplish it, one which is not in a world made by someone else, controlled by someone else and is largely for the purpose of them gaining advantage from your time and also money. Individuality - basically the same as above. You separate yourself from the pack by working towards your goals, alone, in your spare time, whereas most people enslave themselves every "free" minute from their job which they do for money. They call it "free time" and go on to indulge in all kinds of escapism activities that provide short term satisfaction. By that preventing their goals(long term) from coming true and remaining no-bodys Freedom - To pursue what you choose in life, not what someone else chooses from you. Both are painful, but when you do it for long term gain it is pain that you indure for your goals, and not someone else's, the pain that may make you feel self-fulfilled which is the highest feeling we may want to achieve from this life in my opinion. Which brings me to self-fulfillment. (To be continued as my sleep deadline came..)
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