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The Warrior's Infinite Opus

459 posts in this topic

Posted

I haven't posted for the last couple of days because of work. Basically my confidence and nofap streak ended. Relapsed like a motherfucker.

Bounce back bro. Relapse happens and the key is to learn from it and get back on track ASAP.

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Posted

Date: Sun 11/12/2016

Journal day: 30

Detox day: 35

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

  1. 100 pushups a day
  2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
  3. Don't wank. Don't Game.
  4. You matter the most.
  5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
  6. Do not give a fuck about unfuckworthy things
  7. 5 German words a day
  8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite :)
  9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less
  10. Be persistent. Progress adds up over time. 

Woke up at:

07:40

Went to bed at:

23:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up at a reasonable time for sunday
  • I spend a lot of time listening to music at my computer desk.
  • Pretty chill day. Blasted some music. Watched a movie.
  • I was talking to my danish friend i met on steam while I was depressed and I hid my emotions a lot even though he is very open with me

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Studying
  • Reading
  • 50 pushups
  • Art

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Food
  • Emo faggot music

What I have learnt from today:

  • I probably feel alone because I am antisocial and don't open up to anyone
  • I didn't use to get this depressed. Now that I have entered this self development phase I am overly critical of myself.
  • I focus on the negative to often
  • I relapsed a while ago and jerked it to porn. But now I have relapsed my resolve to not wank is far stronger.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Don't wank
  • Focus when studying
  • Stay consistent with your goals
  • Running

Notes:

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Posted

Date: Sun 11/12/2016

 

  • I probably feel alone because I am antisocial and don't open up to anyone
  • I didn't use to get this depressed. Now that I have entered this self development phase I am overly critical of myself.
  • I focus on the negative to often
  • I relapsed a while ago and jerked it to porn. But now I have relapsed my resolve to not wank is far stronger.

Important Insights.

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Posted

Date: Sun 13/12/2016

Journal day: 32

Detox day: 37

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

So pretty decent day. Got up very late. I wasn't unhappy at school. Got quite a bit of studying done. A whole class of year 8s decided to try and wind me up. Didn't give a fuck. Good that I am able to rationalise with myself. Went climbing after. I was alone for a lot of today but not sad- just reclusive and quite indifferent. Came home. Didn't get much studying done or do much productive.

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Not giving a fuck
  • Climbing

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Posted

Date: Sun 11/12/2016

 

  • I probably feel alone because I am antisocial and don't open up to anyone
  • I didn't use to get this depressed. Now that I have entered this self development phase I am overly critical of myself.
  • I focus on the negative to often
  • I relapsed a while ago and jerked it to porn. But now I have relapsed my resolve to not wank is far stronger.

Important Insights.

Isolation is deadly. Read this.

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Posted

Date: Sun 14/12/2016

Journal day: 33

Detox day: 38

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 0

Got up late. I was very confident, calm and collected today. Did some running. Did 100 pushups. Came home and managed a bit of studying but I relapsed again on my nofap. It was like a physical itch that needed to be scratched but right after I still felt that itch. Weird. Maybe it wasn't an itch and I misinterpreted it?

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Talking to people I like

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Posted

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

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Posted

Schwing I am making it a goal to read one journal a day.  (that is not mine :) )

Today you are the grand prize winner!  I have read your journal :)

Thank you for the support you give to me Schwing it helps :) 

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Posted

Thank you for taking the time to read my journal.

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Posted

Date: Fri 16/12/2016

Journal day: 35

Detox day: 40

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )1

Woke up at:

07:20

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • I can't be fucked to get up early anymore
  • I want to have proper friends very badly
  • I wish there were other metalheads at my school
  • School holidays starts now.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Project
  • Art

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • School holidays

What I have learnt from today:

  • I've entered this weird phase where I don't care about anything. i relapse on my nofap a lot because of this
  • Sometimes I lack the willpower to not wank. I lose sight of why I shouldn't do it.
  • I don't think I was ever addicted to games. Just I played them instead of having a real life.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Don't wank
  • Focus when studying
  • Stay consistent with your goals
  • Be productive
  • I will look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays

Notes:

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Posted (edited)

@Schwing 

The way I learned about a gratitude list is to try and be thankful for three things each day.  Wow I remember in new sobriety how I would talk to people in newer sobriety that just couldn't think of anything to be grateful for.

There is a book wrote by a Dutch Author (female I think).  It's a story of this family in Holland if I remember correctly.  When I think back on the book I think of canals, tulips and stone buildings.  Anyway, eventually they end up having to go to a concentration camp.  The girl's mother told her to always be grateful for even the bad things.

The prisoners had a few scraps of paper they had wrote the bible out on.  Maybe even parts of the bible I forget.  But they would pass them back and forth among themselves, hiding them under the mattresses of their bunks, in order to gain what small comfort they could from these.

If they were caught with these it would have meant their death.

Their barracks was the only barracks that was not searched.  Their barracks had a horrible problem with fleas.  The prisoners came to understand that the guards did not come in to search their barracks because of the fleas.  So they learned to thank God even for the fleas.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also learned that when depressed one good therapy is to start a gratitude list and keep writing until you feel better.  If you have to fill a whole notebook... keep writing.

I am thankful for the food I have today, I am warm, I have propane, the rain, my computer, I have electricity, gamequitters, and you. :D

 

Edited by dandielionous
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Posted

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

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Posted

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

As a teenager who lives in the middle of nowhere i lack a lot of freedom so I supose i shouldn't underrate internet friends.

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Posted

Date: Fri 18/12/2016

Journal day: 37

Detox day: 42

NoFap day ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )1

Woke up at:

11:30

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late. Pretty chill day. Helped around the house a bit.
  • So I have been on a fap streak lately. I hate porn
  • I overcame the urge to jerk it though.
  • I don't know if I over extend myself with my hobbies. I want to do art, writing, climbing, running, music, reading and on top of that school work. Maybe I should cut down on my ambitions.
  • I hate myself for how miserable and unsociable I am but more so when I see people annoyed at me for it.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Project
  • Moving furniture 
  • Drums

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • School holidays
  • My family and my employers
  • Books
  • Nice food. I want to learn how to cook.

What I have learnt from today:

  •  I am a very ungrateful and unaffectionate person. Maybe I just need to grow up?

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Don't wank
  • Focus when studying
  • Stay consistent with your goals
  • Be productive
  • I will look into going down to my local climbing centre in the holidays
  • I need to buy presents for my family

Notes

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Posted

Thanks cam. I just don't have a lot of likeminded people around me I can relate to.

It's possible to change that, but it has to come from you. For instance, if in-person isn't an option, you could ask people on the forum to have Skype chats and develop your like-minded social circle that way.

As a teenager who lives in the middle of nowhere i lack a lot of freedom so I supose i shouldn't underrate internet friends.

Yep exactly. Your circumstances are what they are, but you can do a lot to change them.

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