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TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life


TheNewMe2.0
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@BooksandTrees I'm doing alright. Thanks for your well wishes.

Positive: I got a 2nd day off this week.

It's been a while since I had two days off in a week. It's been only Sunday for me lately. So much so that this morning I knew I had a day off and I thought it was Sunday even though it's Thursday. I told my mom the other day that I've been feeling like crap ever since I started working six days a week. Perhaps there's some way for me to only work 5 days a week. I don't know. It helps my hours to work six of course but it might not be worth it if I'm feeling so dead all the time. We'll see if I can handle six I guess. The problem is I can't work very much because I sleep 13 hours. Otherwise I could work 8 hours mon thru fri and be good. Darn it.

I ate a hungry man last night and got a bad stomach ache all night. I'll try to cook my own food more often from now on. Also I think healthy choice might not give me the ache. I might give it a try. I don't know. Probably just going to try to cook my own food and if I have to go somewhere eat CAVA or Subway. Chipotle gives me the ache too sometimes.

I smiled at my day off

I accomplished eating banana

I am grateful for thursday, 2nd day off, first time off in forever, new hours, new job, cava, subway, possible new meds, dr, psych.

God bless

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Positive: finishing out my work week.

Yep, almost done with the work week. Just one more day to go tomorrow and that's it. I really enjoyed my day off yesterday. It was good to get to watch tv and not have much to do. I wish I could have more days off in the future but I know that I've got to work six days a week. Well, maybe my meds will fix and I'll be able to sleep less then I could probably work 5 days a week instead of six. My client was a jerk to me last session. We were watching a show that made a star wars reference and I said oh like star wars. And he says "It's from star wars dont you get that" In a tone that said, wow you're so stupid you dont' get it's from star wars. And I obviously understood it I even said 'from star wars'. That really pissed me off. He's always talking to me in a condescending tone about tv shows that he's watched and acts like I'm an idiot when I don't perfectly mirror whatever he has to say about the show. It's so uncomfortable. Blegh. I don't know if I'll continue to visit him after we've discontinued services. But anyways I'm on my way to see him shortly. Wish me luck.

I smiled at my cross necklace

I accomplished eating banana

I am grateful for necklace, banana, tv, work meeting, sleep, meds, new medS?, shows, star wars, services,

God bless

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1 hour ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

He's always talking to me in a condescending tone about tv shows that he's watched and acts like I'm an idiot when I don't perfectly mirror whatever he has to say about the show.

What a piece of shit. In reality he probably has no way to voice his frustrations in life and you're a safe person to release on because he gets bullied by others all day.

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@BooksandTrees Yeah I think there might be some insecurity about his place in life. So it makes him feel good to look down on others. Which isn't chill. I dunno I probably won't have to work with him much longer. I keep thinking he's not that bad, and sometimes he'll go a while without being a douche and then he does it and I'm like, ugh. Maybe I could talk with him Idk if it's worth it.

Positive: I'm chewing gum

It's supposedly good for your teeth and brain to chew gum. So I bought a sugar free bag and I'm chewing it. The flavor goes away after like three chews but I guess it's alright. I'm kind of used to it now. I've been eating low sugar ice cream to try and lose weight. I think it's actually working too. I weighed 184 this morning instead of 187. But I think I might've just not eaten much yesterday. Today my client wants to go to Sonic. Which is fine if it's a close enough drive. But I will try not to get anything there because it causes me high cholesterol to eat at those fast food places. When you run the heater at 68 downstairs in my house it goes up to 85 in my room upstairs. Not a very efficient system, but it's okay. It's kind of funny for some reason. I do enjoy watching my few shows on Netflix. I wonder if I'll be able to watch them for the rest of my life and not get too bored with them. My media disorder is pretty limiting on doing things that most people do to enjoy their lives. Hopefully it all works out.

I smiled at things working out

I accomplished not getting mad over the heater

I am grateful for working out, staying calm, weighing less, gum, chewing, clients, sonic, food, shows, small workarounds and holes in Media Disorder.

God bless

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Positive: The house didn't burn down.

My mom has left things on the stove twice now and forgotten about them. Today it burned up really bad and set off the smoke alarm. I'm grateful the house didn't burn down. It smells funny now. I've been humping my mattress. So maybe it's time to reset the masturbation counter. I can't seem to stop masturbating via humping my mattress. Hm. Yep I think I'm gonna reset it. Maybe the accountability will help me stop humping. Who knew masturbation was so difficult to quit? Today's my day off and also my first day of onboarding at the new job. I hope all goes well and I'm working new job hours in no time.

Yep.

I smiled at GQ post

I accomplished preventing house burning

I am grateful for pot, stove, warmth, quiet space heater, mom, accountability, abstinence, onboarding, bed and new job.

God bless

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Positive: we're showing the house

So unfortunately we're showing the house (I'd rather no one live with us but whatever). We're trying to get people to allow me to come into their space and lift weights. Which is kind of ridiculous, but my mom seems to think it's fine and someone will want to rent the space and let me come in there and workout while they're in there. It's not complete privacy. I might have to go to a gym and not workout down there unfortunately. We'll see what happens. Hm.

I smiled at the clouds

I accomplished sleeping with my new space heater

I am grateful for my mom who is trying to keep my home gym alive, clouds, new space heater, new tenant?, privacy, backpack, laptop, accordian folder, tv stand, and money.

God bless

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Positive: The new job has started.

I'm kind of wondering if the new job will like. When will they give me hours and train me on how to do my treatment plans/progress notes. The whole process has been kind of laggy so I'm really hoping they get it together and get me fully onboarded already. On the upside though I'm now earning hours towards licensure and I get 4 hours a week of supervision. So I'll probably be done and licensed in about two years or maybe even less if I manage to count a lot of hours doing assessments and intakes. So things are looking up at work. Even if this is an awkward transitionary period in time right now. My Saturdays have opened up a bit. Now I work 11-2 on Saturday and that's it. No extra hour with a client like I have been doing. It'll be nice to get off at two and have the rest of the day to rest. I really need my down time at this job. My supervisor said 25 hours is about all you want to be doing as a therapist otherwise you're burning yourself out.

I smiled at the clouds

I accomplished putting on extra layers

I am grateful for jacket, sweater, clouds, layers, new job, supervisor, licensure, transition, old job, hours,

God bless

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Positive: even if the new job takes a while I still have my hours from my current job and they're counting towards licensure finally.

So yeah. My hours are counting towards licensure finally after 1.5 years of working without knowing how to get supervision. So that's good. It took forever, but it's finally happening. I'm chewing sugar free gum and suspect it might be bad for my stomach. They said it can cause stomach upset sometimes. The low sugar ice cream seems to be okay though. I've switched to allowing one sugary thing MWF and the other days I eat low sugar ice cream to cope.

Man this week has been really tough. I've gotten angry and upset with my clients starting on Monday. So everyday has been a struggle. I really hope today is chill for once. I'm probably going to try to get a haircut because I need to post a profile on psychologytoday to try to drum up clients for my new job. My new supervisor is not responding to my emails which is not good. She's kind of very low interaction level. But she's very lax about my work which is good. I don't have anyone breathing down my neck over every little detail of the job. We'll get it together. I just hope it happens sooner rather than later. I need her to send me my office number and setup my email account to put on my profile. Also I need her license number and exp date to set up an open path profile. I hope this works. I could use the new job. It pays a lot more btw. Like a 45% pay increase. But therapists only work 25 hours a week to prevent burnout so I won't be making all that much even with a higher hourly salary.

I smiled at my mom

I accomplished keeping warm (it's a task)

I am grateful for mom, warmth, blanket, giant jacket, low sugar ice cream, regular ice cream, supervised hours, chill days, god, and the holy spirit.

God bless

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Positive: I get the day off thank God.

I managed to take the day off because I've been feeling really stressed lately. Seems it came just in time as I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I get stressed and feel worn out sometimes. It's kind of regular unfortunately. I usually come out the other side okay though and am able to keep working through it. So that much is good. I'm really trying to chill all day today and take it as easy as possible. I have some stuff to do for work though. I've got to make my profile for advertising my services. My tv got moved around today as my mom's trying to sell the rug underneath it. I like this rug though. It helps keep my feet warm while I'm watching tv. So I'd rather her not sell it. Hopefully no one tries to buy it for a reasonable price and I get to keep it. Readjusting my tv is a bit of a process as I've got some mild OCD with it. I need it to be just right in the center perfectly as much as possible for me to be happy with it. It's gotten better recently, but I still want the tv dead center as best it can be.

Thanks everyone for being here and reading my posts. Hope you have a great day.

I smiled at the flash

I accomplished eating moms waffle

I am grateful for flash, waffle, mom, relationships, price, rug, day off, centered tv, tv, ocd improving,

God bless

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Positive: I do love my tv

I've been looking to upgrade from a 40" to a 65". But my mom is totally against the idea. She wants me out of the living room not increasing my presence here. So I think it's probably for the best that I keep it at 40". My problem is that my neck hurts when I try to share the screen with someone. So I thought maybe I could share using a bigger tv and not get neck pain. I guess I'll just have to watch at my friends houses on their tv's instead of trying for my own setup here. That's okay I suppose. I would have liked to try out at 65" and see if I could share it without neck pain though. Then I'd have a setup that could accommodate one or two more friends with me. Alas it is perhaps not in the cards. But I do love the tv I have. It's gotten me through so many shows and continues to do so. A small hiccup in the programming happened yesterday. There was a musical episode on the The Flash. I have since gotten very uncomfortable with music. So hearing songs gets them uncomfortably stuck in my head. Which is happening now that I watched the musical yesterday. So I guess when I rewatch my shows I'm going to have to skip the musical episodes. This is very sad for me because I want to say that I completed the entire series 50 times or whatever. Not I completed it 50 times minus the musical episodes. But oh well, I've got to work with my disorder. If I keep pushing myself to listen to music I'll probably go nuts. So I've got to do without the musical episodes.

I smiled at my power strip

I accomplished chewing gum?

I am grateful for power, strip, gum, tv, bigger tv, mom, living room, nuts, complete a show 50x, no neck pain.

God bless

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@ceponatia I appreciate the suggestion. But no, that hasn't worked for me though I've tried it. The song would just get stuck deeper.

Positive: I bought sparkling water

Yes orange flavored sparkling water no less. I bought it with my client on our last session together. Driving to his house was proving too much wear and tear on me so I stopped going to sessions with him. It was just too inconvenient. That's cool. My supervisor who I actually liked just put in her two weeks notice. So I'm probably going to get stuck with a mean grumpy supervisor in two weeks to replace her. That sucks big wind. So I'm going to try to put in my two weeks ASAP. I'll get my psych today profile public today. Hopefully we get a good picture of me to put on there. I think I've got to put up a 15 second video of me too. So we'll see how that goes. I've just got to get the ball rolling with this new job asap and start making my transition out of my old job. I don't want to stick around long enough to get a new supervisor and get treated badly like I was before my nice supervisor took over.

I smiled at the possibilities

I accomplished working on my profiles

I am grateful for possibilities, profiles, open path, psych today, conveniences, short drives, work hours, 15, second, video.

God bless

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Positive: Still posting

Posting on here daily has been paramount to my success in staying off the games. I can feel the difference if I miss a day. I'm just much more able to stay away from games if I check in here in the mornings like I've been doing. So I hope to keep doing it. 11 months have gone by on this site. I'm much more focused on my work and money. I've watched so much tv. It's nice to watch a lot of tv. I know it's not the perfect hobby, but it's something that gets me through the days and I enjoy it.

Today's my day off. Finally I get one day off after working six. Starting next week I'm going to reclaim my weekends and try for a full weekend off. That will be amazing. Can't wait. Anyways I thought about watching star wars or my hero academia, but I figured why mess with a good thing and just do a marathon watching the The Flash. I'm on season four now. Maybe after I finish season six I'll go watch hero acc and star wars. Star Wars is expensive to watch. It requires buying the dvd's and getting a blue ray player. So that can sit on the back burner indefinitely. I don't much like to spend money unless it's on going out to eat at a nice place. Even then it's kind of suspect. I kind of like to save money more. Maybe go out like once a week or twice a month.

I smiled at my charger

I accomplished having a day off phew

I am grateful for charger, day off, new job, phone, wallet, keys, meds, gum, ice cream, walmart, bread.

God bless

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Positive: I still have two jobs

My new job still hasn't procured any hours. So I'm at zero hours of work per week at my new job. Crap psych today is having some issues with me. I tried to delete a profile with them but their customer support never got back to me gonna call them now.

I smiled at psych today progress

I accomplished eggs

I am grateful for psych, today, eggs, new job, supervision hours, ancillary hours, possible new hours, customer, support, and me.

God bless

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Positive: recommitting to not masturbating today

So I masturbated and broke my streak yesterday. It was kind of coming. I kept masturbating using the mattress so I guess it's time to reset the streak. I think I felt like I just didn't know why I was refraining from doing this thing. It was so difficult to do as whenever I got warm in bed I would get erect. So I guess my reasons now are: It's better for mental health to stop, it makes me less pervy and it's less work to not masturbate. So those are my three reasons for now. At least I made it like 6 months without masturbating. That was a pretty good streak. Hopefully this next one goes well and lasts forever. Yeah. Makes me worry about my gaming streak. Don't want that one to have to reset too.

I smiled at the cross

I accomplished setting up weights in my garage

I am grateful for the cross, weights, garage, ac, ac workers, insulation, refrain from masturabtion, streaks, blanket and doll.

God bless

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4 hours ago, Lampshade said:

I like how you frame recommitting to goals as a positive, rather than beating yourself up over doing something that you decided you didn't want to do.

Likewise. I broke my "no porn" streak today, gonna use that.

But I also dig the way @TheNewMe2.0 lists the "things to be grateful for". I think it'll recalibrate my outlook since I'm pessimistic.

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@LampshadeThank you, I like how you phrased it as something I decided I didn't want to do. It makes me feel more in control.

@BornAgain40 Thanks. @Cam Adairsaid to list 10 things you're grateful for each day in a video so I started doing it.

Positive: half day today

Yay. It's a half day. I'm gonna come home early, watch tv, eat chicken and lift weights. I've been missing weight training lately because I have been working so much I didn't have much time or energy to do it. But now my schedule is more open for the time being. Eventually though it's going to be like. I only have 1.5 hours to workout and eat dinner and shower each night so. It's gonna be really difficult to find all the time I need to get my workouts in. Still I'm gonna do my best becuase exercise is very important to me. It makes me feel much better and healthier when I do it.

I smiled at my charger

I accomplisehd eating avocado

I am grateful for charger, avocado, banana, chicken, tv, weight, training, energy, work, new work incoming hopefully, nails.

God bless

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Positive: Still fighting to finally count hours towards licensure

So my job basically told me I'm screwed and they aren't going to count any of my hours towards licensure. So . . . I think I'm going to try to start a new job. I had an offer I turned down before but sort of left open if I changed my mind. So I guess I'll try emailing them and seeing if they want to hire me still. Things are looking pretty bleak for me right now. I'm still trying to get my hours counted. Well...I hope they take me back. I blew up and yelled at my boss over email telling her to hurry up and get me licensed hours already and she got pissed and wrote something back. Whatever. They screwed me over.

I smiled at opportunity

I accomplished not dying from the stress of this crap

I am grateful for opportunity, survival, new job, money, life, mom, me, flash doll, blanket, new sup?, rug

God bless

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Positive: I got a job interview on Saturday

They sounded like they're interviewing a lot of people so I don't know if I'll get it but I have an interview. The idea is to get a third job and hopefully job 2 will grow over time and I can get rid of job 1 for job 3 in the meantime. Hopefully accruing hours towards licensure becuase job 1 isn't giving me any hours because they're being jerks to me. Yep. How can I put that professionally. Job 1 isn't giving me an opportunity to earn licensure hours. There.

My mom was mean to me and got on my case in a mean way to get a new job. Which is okay advice but the way she did it was wrong. So I'm punishing her by not talking to her for a day. Yep. Spare the rod spoil the child. He who loveth his son chasteneth him betimes.

I smiled at reproof

I accomplished chastening

I am grateful for money, reproof, chastening, love, betimes, food, water, milk, 1% milk, licensure, licensed hours.

God bless

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Positive : I have a to do list

Okay so finding a new job isn't exactly a walk in the park. I have one interview coming up in december 12th. So that's at least something in the right direction. I'm trying to let go of my past failings and focus on getting a new job that will help me get hours. My to do list is make a contract, renew RIC and get QMHP app in. I'm hoping to get all this done soon. I have until late Feb to get the RIC renewed. Can't believe they make you renew it yearly that's a mission. We gotta do 3 continuing education units so I'm trying to figure out where I can get those done. It was a pretty dark few days there with my mom yelling at me to get a new job and whatnot. But I'm starting to come out of it. Plus for once in a long time I have both Saturday and Sunday off work. This is awesome. Yay. Gonna watch so much tv, drink lots of water and eat food. It's gonna be great. Phew. Yeah. Hopefully things work out with mom I didn't like having to cut her off for a day but I didn't know how else to try to get through to her that it's not okay for her to be that mean to me regarless of what she has to say.

I smiled at my post

I accomplished memorizing yolanda montez name from star girl

I am grateful for my post, yolanda, montez, mom, QMHP, RIC, contract, getting things done, backpack, table, other table,

God bless

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Positive: I'm chillin

After a whole day off with around 6-7 hours of tv yesterday and knowing I have a full day off today too has got me chilling. I'm not that worried about anything and I'm just hanging out doing whatever. It's really nice to get two days off in a row like this. I know I'll get back on my work on Monday and hopefully make some good progress on it next week. But for today I'm totally chilling. I think I'll go buy some sunblock and go for a hike by myself because my mom can't really hang on the hikes due to her osteoporosis. She  wants to come sometimes but she just walks very slowly for a short time and then tells me to go ahead and walk as much as I want and she'll wait for me at the car. So it's not an ideal setting for team hiking. But, I guess if she wants to do it I can still go with her.

So yeah I watched like 9 episodes of The Flash yesterday. I'm through season four and onto season 5 with Cicada. It's pretty awesome. My neck and head just get a little tired from sitting and watching all day. I think ideally I would break up the watching with a hike or errands running in between to give the head a break. Overall it was a pretty good day even though I didn't talk to anyone else because my mom was out all day too. I hope she's not avoiding me after I refused to talk to her for a day. Probably not. She says she went to a parade with more than a million people.

I smiled at my spatula

I accomplished eating eggs runny

I am grateful for spatula, eggs, runny style, mom, parade, jesus, blanket, couch, new tenant, basement, weights,

God bless

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Positive: Still game free coming up on a year

In ten days I'll be 1 year game free if I make it there. I've been craving and thinking about playing diablo II. I just have to remember that I felt really bad when I played the game. It's like it was eroding my self esteem every minute I played. It made me feel bad about myself. I didn't like that part of it. I'm really struggling to not play. I hope I don't give in. Thankfully I created a barrier to playing by having my mom take my laptop. So if I wanted to play she would know pretty soon that I was gaming again because it'd be on her computer. Gotta remember that it's not worth it to game. Oh I reset my masturbation again darn. I haven't checked my email yet but I've got to write back to a job interview. Hopefully that goes well. Still got my old job which pays me something even though I'm not like earning hours. At least it's something for now to pay the bills. Yeah I don't mind the work I do too much, it's just the management staff is jerks to me now since they all got replaced by jerks so that sucks. Otherwise it's a chill job. Meh. Gotta leave it for the hours though anyways.

I smiled at my alerts

I accomplished meditating

I am grateful for alerts, meditation, game free, clean time, abstinence, nofap, earning hours in the future hopefully, fun, chilling, and me.

God bless

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Positive: It's a five day work week.

The weeks are kind of long. But I'm glad they're down to five days now. I'm already looking forward to the weekend even though it's only Tuesday. I'm trying to figure out a new route home from a client because the route gmaps sends me on is all covered in speed humps. And those hurt my back to go over so I want to avoid them. Blah I probably won't and will just try to go slow over them even if cars follow me and it's bothersome having tailgaters. I started getting used to buying lunch at 711. By the way if you load money onto the 711 app it may not work because it didn't for me or my client and we're stuck asking for cust service. I almost forgot to try to bring lunch, but I remembered today. I don't have much time to post MWF but I can kind of make up for it TThSS. Yesterday I came to the conclusion that if not for my tv shows I would definitely relapse on video games. I just don't have anything to do with my free time other than watch those shows. If not for them I'd be totally screwed and playing games again. Which would suck because then I'd fall apart at work and in my exercise routine as well. Doing the bare minimum if that to get by. I'm still in the process of applying for my QMHP and RIC renewal. It's a mission as everything with the VA DHP board is. They don't even let you email them your documents and pay online with a credit card. They make you snail mail your documents and write them a check. It's a super old out dated system. I can't believe I can't even make a payment online. It's nuts. I hope I get it done though. I'm getting more used to mailing checks and forms then emailing to check if they got processed a week later. I'm gonna try my best to endure my clients. My MWF one is a handful lately. He's just kind of antagonizing me or something. It's just not a chill vibe between us lately. Or ever perhaps. We just seem to piss eachother off and bother eachother very consistently. So I dunno we can only bear with eachother so well. At least we get along over some shows.

I smiled at some CL lady

I accomplished bringing lunch

I am grateful for CL Lady, lunch, mwf clients, clients, 711, mom, me, flash doll, laptop table, space heater, fireplace, light switches, fireplace switch,

God bless

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Positive: I get a half day today

So it's nice to get a half day. Although today's a weird day because I'm taking my clients mom to the hospital for her carpeltunel surgery. That'll be interesting. Hopefully no fireworks go off. My client is a real handful and you kind of can't take him anywhere without him doing something that pisses people off. Like we went hiking and he started beating a metal sign with a stick and almost hit me with the stick too then refused to leave unless I played tic tac toe with him which I didn't want to do so I refused. And he tells people what change to give him back when he buys things from them. My main concern is he'll talk at the laptop while we watch it in the waiting room together and disturb other people at the hospital. Yeah that's probably going to happen and I don't think I can make him stop. He won't stop when I tell him to he just keeps talking at the TV while it runs. Maybe I could tell him we're not watching unless he's quietly watching.

I smiled at the day

I accomplished fixing the fire alarm

I am grateful for the day, fire alarm, new battery, mom, ttt, fireworks, people, car, cold weather, calm,

God bless

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