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About BornAgain40

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  1. I wish I knew that earlier. It seemed so innocent but it was all I needed to slowly get seduced to playing. Not that I ended up playing a lot, but it's still playing. The worst part is when you combine it with social media and you mindlessly ending up scrolling Reddit chasing karma and kittens.
  2. Update: I relapsed. I installed Windows, Steam and all. Here's the kicker, however: I can't play more than 20 to 30 minutes. It's almost like I'm genuinely bored of them but I have to play out of sheer habit. As if I'm deeply dissatisfied but I can only tell that I am after about 10-20 minutes of playing. If that doesn't scream "gamerholic" nothing else does. Oh well, I'll be trying to jump back to Linux tomorrow but I want to finish a programming book first, I don't want to get back in the procrastination loop of jumping through distributions ever again.
  3. Good idea on the exercise part. Even if it's super light, it's better than nothing.
  4. Likewise. I broke my "no porn" streak today, gonna use that. But I also dig the way @TheNewMe2.0 lists the "things to be grateful for". I think it'll recalibrate my outlook since I'm pessimistic.
  5. Day 10 (I'm thinking about just stop counting past 30 days): I reinstalled Windows. I installed Steam, emulators etc. and then nothing. I was scrolling my Steam library half-depressed. I didn't like anything. Not even browsing through retro games on a certain site I won't mention. You know the moment when you're quitting smoking and all of a sudden you smell the smoke and you think "oof, is this the kind of thing I was inhaling like a maniac to feel good? what the hell was I thinking"? Because that's exactly what happened with me and video games. Things I did: I started reading
  6. Day 9: I've spent most of my day customizing my new Linux desktop. I had plans to meditate, couldn't bother. I had plans to study, got carried away. I'm cutting myself a lot of slack because I recognize how hard it is to keep clean for the first days. I almost relapsed but held back. I grabbed the controller and almost plugged it in but paused and counted to 20 before taking it back to the cupboard. I had no installed games anyways. Now I'm reinstalling linux. I think the core idea works but it wastes a lot of time: Install Linux so that when the urge comes I have to wait until
  7. It took me at least 8 attempts to quit smoking, and as for gaming there have been some failed attempts so far. I keep trying.
  8. Day 8: Today I had the urge to play again. I installed Linux to avoid the temptation, and to focus on my learning (programming). The urge was big enough for me to download a Windows 10 ISO and install Windows again. But here's the funniest thing: The feeling to play was gone by the time I installed them. So I haven't played yet, I haven't even bothered with installing a game. Maybe I'll go back to Linux and try not to take my urges literally next time. I also watched Star Wars with my mother. It wasn't the best SW movie but we both enjoyed it. I'm going to make dinner and probably in
  9. @dirac Is your signature a Yami quote? I ❤️ Black Clover.
  10. I've decided to update my personal story, with a more fleshed out description on how I ended up like that. How my career goals turned into a distant dream. My twenties became my thirties. My thirties are now a 40. And while I still want to get into a career change and I'm trying to study programming on my own, my inner struggle remains. I'm unemployed for 4 years, missing teeth, hair, weight, friends, sexual life, mental health. It all began with watching anime. And since the number 40 on my username is my age, you know we're talking about some very old anime. The characters were using co
  11. It took me 8 maybe 9 attempts to quit smoking. I'm now 11 years clean. Imagine if I took my sixth attempt as my "one more time and I'm done trying".
  12. Welcome! First, you're not too weak and the fact that you took the first step to post here is my evidence. Second, I know the feeling of not wanting to disappoint your father, but honestly you should be having the same standards for yourself on your own. It reads like your reasons to quit are external and not internal, same goes with studying. Have you ever tried to make them something you want to do instead of something that you're doing to please your father? I'm not trying to dissuade you but I find that it's more probable to stick to something for the right reasons. Quit for your own
  13. Welcome Nicky. Glad to see more people here. I'm looking forward to read more about your story.